"God damn it Shinji, stop destroying the school every time we send you out in Unit 01!"

"What do you expect to happen when you give a teenager a giant mech? Not to destroy the school?"

"This is worse then the time you slept with all your fan girls!"

"Hey! I'm a boy with a giant robot. They're girls who like boys with giant robots. Shit happens!"

For those of us just tuning in, Shinji Ikari had just destroyed the school using Eva Unit 01, again, and was now being bitched at by Misato? Why? Hell if I know. I just narrate this piece of shit.

SMASH!

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKES STOP SMASHING RANDOM BUILDINGS!"

"What are you gonna do about it? I don't see you with a giant robot."

"....You know, he has a point. All we have are puny pistols that couldn't hurt a fly while he has a 20 story tall mech of death. There's no way to stop him ma'am."

"....Fuck."

Now, you're wondering why Shinji Ikari aka the world's biggest bitch, is acting so out of character right? Well, it all started when his father left him. Shinji was suppose to stay with some random teacher, person, dude, what ever, when his uncle Koji (from his mother's side, thank god) and his aunt Ranko (you really don't want to know. It involves another time loop and even more booze) appeared and took him in. Now after years of surviving everything from crazy wannabe swordsmen to the kitchen sink coming to life and trying to take over the world using soap (not to mention discovering that, yes, God is indeed a huge prick with the world's biggest stick shoved up his ass.) Shinji has become what scientists call: a badass. (Sometimes with the bad removed.)

"hmm...you think I pissed off Misato too much?"

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! CHOP YOU INTO TINY PIECES. BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE, FUCK YOU AND KILL YOU AGAIN!"

"....I heard Canada is nice this time of year, and with Eva I can finally kick that space bear's ass!"

...And that's why people take drugs.

Meanwhile, back at the bat cave, I mean Nerv....

Asuka was ranting about being the greatest thing ever since sliced bread...or something about Barney. Rei was being all emoish as always. was smoking some REALLY good weed that she had just invented. Gendo was still at the Hospital. Why? You try not being sent to the Hospital after being stepped on by a pissed off mother trapped inside a fucking big ass robot of badassness. Yeah, it seems Yui wasn't as unaware as Gendo thought. (bitch deserved it anyway.) Kaji was pretending to be James Bond, again, and failing at it, again.

The cats were in an epic war with the dogs after they claimed the corner with the litter box as Country Dogica (Don't ask how or why they are at war. It'll save you precious brain cells.)

Oh and the random workers were having a big ass Mortal Kombat tournament. Winner takes all!

Just another random day in Tokyo-3 (Whatever happened to Tokyo-2?)