Haaram Var Attempts to Find a House to Go With his Doorknob.

Homrin sleepily walked up to his laboratory. He yawned as he slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. His eyelids were heavy and his arms seemed to be opposed to any movement at all. Maintaining consciousness was a struggle at this hour of the morning. He unlocked the door and stepped inside, silently cursing himself for volunteering to set up this morning's experiments at the ungodly early hour that they required. He stepped inside the laboratory and shut the door behind him with slightly more force than he had intended. The door slammed shut, causing Homrin to wince slightly. He dragged himself over to a nearby bookshelf and began looking for the proper tome that had instructions for properly setting up a ley beacon.

From behind he heard a low groaning. He turned around to see a large blue figure slowly rise up from behind the main desk in room. The being was wearing pajamas, and rubbed his temples as though attempting to soothe a headache. "Why did you slam the door?" he said groggily.

"Proffessor…Var?"

The professor's eyes shot open as the made eye contact with Homrin. He lowered his stance and immediately began channeling magic through his body, "WHO IN THE NAME OF THE LIGHT ARE YOU AND WHY HAVE YOU INTRUDED INTO MY HOUSE?" he shouted as fire burst from his hands and his eyes glowed hot.

"This isn't your house; this is your laboratory!" The other replied quickly.

"Oh right…

… WHO IN THE NAME OF THE LIGHT ARE YOU AND WHY HAVE YOU INTRUDED INTO MY LABORATORY?"

"I'm one of your students! I work here!" he pleaded.

Var lowered his arms and calmed down, "Oh yeah…

…Hi Homrin."

"Sir…why are you sleeping under your desk?..if I may ask…"

"Bah I've had to do it for years ever since I lost my house that one time."

"I'm sorry?"

"My house, a while ago I forgot to chain it up before I went to work and I came back that evening and it was gone." He shook his head sadly, "Damn shame, I really loved that house…"

"I'm…uh…sorry to hear that sir?"

"Aye, it was a bitter day that was. As you can imagine everything that I kept in that house left with it. I lost a lot that day…my antiques…my wife…my books…In a way I got lucky though." he reached into his pocket and pulled out a brass lump, "I managed to find the doorknob. All I've gotta do is find a new house to go with it and I'll be set for good."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he offered, instantly regretting his words the moment they left his mouth.

Var scratched his chin and thought momentarily, "hmmm…meet me after work today, I know how you can help. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get back to work." He ducked under his desk again and Homrin heard the sounds of a man trying to get comfortable on a hard, unpleasant floor.

"Um…sir…I'd be really appreciative if you would help me set up this experiment…I'm not as experienced as you…"

"NO,"

"'No I'm as experienced as you' or 'no you won't help.'"

"Yes,"

Homrin decided not to push the matter further. He resumed reading the manual, hoping that his intuition wouldn't fail him today.

That day's activities went on as usual. Tests were done, observations were made, raw data was collected and handed out to various lab members for deciphering, and of course, there was lots and lots of writing. As usual Professor Var spent a good deal of time attempting to solve a philosophical problem that didn't actually exist. This time he had debated whether or not a set of elements contained the list of said elements and also the word "snigger." His colleagues and students had, of course, been drawn into the argument, and their complex and useless debates had permeated the laboratory all afternoon. Even at the end of the day they were still hotly debating the issue, even though it didn't actually make any sense.

"No you see any list of things contains the list of things! It's a tautology!" Var argued with a student.

"Yeah but that doesn't at all mean that it would contain the word 'snigger.'"

"Well why not?"

"Because there's no logical reason that a list would contain an additional arbitrary term!" The student was getting exasperated now.

"But what if you were measuring the length of the list to an arbitrarily large estimation? If you round any number less than 5000 off to the ten thousand's place then the answer will always be zero. Thus a set with five terms could very well equal a set with six terms because by this measurement the number five is equal to the number six."

"I don't think It works that way…"

"And why wouldn't it?"

"Because…ugh you know what, fine, you're right, I concede. Are you happy now?"

There was a moment of silence between the two as they stared at each other, "Yes," replied the professor. Var then turned to face Homrin, "Ah good news!. I worked through my lunch break so that we could cut out early enough to take care of my house problem. Would you like to assist me now?"

Homrin agreed, and before he knew what was happening he was dragged out of the office by a beaming Haaram, "Ah-ha! Splendid my good sir!" his professor announced jovially as they exited the premise.

The pair walked for a while, Var seemingly lost in his own world of thought…more than usual anyway. After about ten minutes of seemingly aimless wandering, Homrin decided to ask for an explanation for their present course of action, "So what now?"

"Well, what do you think? We're going to catch a feral home."

"Yeah, but how exactly?"

"Just let me handle the complicated stuff." He said with a wink.

Var stopped in the middle of the a moderately busy plaza in the trade district. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a collapsible fishing pole, which he promptly assembled.

"You've got to be kidding me…" sighed Homrin, rubbing his temples as his companion skewered a slice of rye bread on the hook and cast it into the distance. The bait landed with a thud several feet from a general store.

"And now, we wait…"

"Sir I…"

"Shh! Here he comes…"

A draenei man in business attire was walking in front of the store.

"That man," Var whispered, "Is one of the best realtors on the Exodar. He walked this route at this time every weekday, and he loves rye bread."

"Please tell me you're kidding?"

"No he really does like rye bread. He's a freakin' weirdo I tell you what."

The businessman stopped several feet away from the slice of bread. A look of surprise came across his face as he stared at it momentarily. Looking around, he found that no one else was looking, and bent down to pick up the bread. Var tightened his grip on his fishing pole as the businessman began to eat the bread, hook still sticking through it.

Turning to face Homrin, he held a finger up to his lips, ordering silence. He then held up three fingers, then two, then one.

"Now! Freeze him!" he shouted as he dropped the fishing pole and launched a frost spell over the target. The realtor looked up briefly before the spell hit him and rooted him to the ground. "Gotcha!" shouted Var triumphantly as he ran over to his victim.

The businessman's countenance indicated extreme surprise and mild annoyance at his present circumstance; unsurprisingly his first words were "Why the hell did you do that you dick."

"Why in the hell did you do that you dick!"

"Silence! I need answers!" Var began to slowly pace around his captive as his facial expression began to relax. "Now..." he said with a slow and deliberate voice, "I need to find my house…and I need you to tell me where it is."

The businessman's eyes darted back and forth in confusion before focusing on Var, "Um…sure…" he said.

"Excellent. Now, this house…you've probably seen it many times… It's big… and has at least two windows."

"…Ok…"

"-And!" Var interjected, "It probably went to a place to hide…" he leaned in extremely closely to the businessman and looked him dead in the eyes, "Think you can tell me where it is, tough guy?"

Both stared each other down for several seconds, but finally the prisoner talked, "Yeah sure… it's at…4… Darkwood Street… in Azure Watch."

"Cool, thanks bro." Var replied cheerfully as he cast a low level fire spell at the man's feet, freeing him from his root as he turned around and started walking towards Azure Watch with Homrin following him. He turned to his companion, "That was easier than I thought." He said simply.

When the two arrived at their destination, Var immediately began looking for the supposed location of his house. They scoured the entire city in an attempt to find Darkwood Street; however, it was to no avail. The street in question did not seem to exist, and no amount of searching or questioning of residents seemed to offer any other conclusion.

Homrin sat down on the ground, "Var, I don't think tat we're going to find this house anytime soon."

"Unfortunately…it seems that you're right…" his professor conceded, sighing heavily. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the doorknob. Everything that it represented: his hope, his light, his chance at salvation…was now fading by the minute. Suddenly his eyes widened, "I got it!" he shouted, raising his hand into the air triumphantly.

"What?" asked his companion as Var placed his ear to the ground. Homrin paused slightly as a massive grin emerged onto his professor's face.

"Come with me! Quickly!" Var grabbed Homrin's arms and began dragging him through the town. The two dashed through street and streets, drawing stares from pedestrians nearby. "Var, what the hell?" shouted the exasperated student. The pair soon found themselves leaving the city limits and entering the forest that covered Azuremyst Isle. Var began to slow his pace as they went deeper and deeper into the wild. "For The love of all things holy, at least tell me what you're trying to do!"

Suddenly Haaram ended his sprint, causing Homrin to slam into him and fall to the ground. The student held a hand up to his throbbing forehead and stared up at his professor. Var was seemingly oblivious (or at the very least, completely unconcerned with) his pupil's wellbeing, as he simply fixed his gaze unyieldingly on some object in front of him. Homrin turned his gaze to try and figure out what had stolen the attention of his professor so thoroughly. "Is that…your…?"

"Sadly, no, it isn't, but It's still exactly what I needed. " Var approached the object and question and immediately began to run his hands on the wooden door, perfectly smooth aside from one blemish- a four inch wide hole through which one could see the interior of the structure. "I knew that I could hear it calling to me…" he breathed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his doorknob, his hands trembling. He placed the brass knob into the hole in the door, and watched as it snugly fit. He turned around to his pupil, his eyes wide with excitement, "Mission accomplished!" he said triumphantly.