How do you take one's life and write it out on paper? How can you convey all of the experiences, changes and emotions that one has undergone in mere words? To tell the truth, I think it is impossible. But in this tale I am about to tell, I will try my best. I'm not even sure as to why I am writing this down. I suppose I am inspired to because I feel that this needs to be heard.
This is the story of two of the most feared Hitokiri during the revolution; the real story. Most don't know it because, well, this is the first time it will have been told.
This is about a time and a place, about triumph and defeat, trust and betrayal. But, above all the rest, this is about love. A love that, to this day, is alive and strong in me. But alas, this love was not to be realized. Our dreams were crushed and stolen from us.
Now, all that is left of me, Kamiya Kaoru, is the shell of what I once was. When he went away, I felt as if my soul was cleaved in two, never to be whole again.
All my days with Takeda Kanryu, I thought I had been that way. A shell of a person.
It wasn't until I met him that I realized I was so much more, and that I had so much worth living for. Not having him in my life has taken its toll on me…but though I realize these things, I must live on…for that is one valuable lesson that I have learned throughout my years.
Fate can be cruel, but I accept it willingly, knowing that this is the least I can do to repent for all of the lives that I stole during the bakumatsu.
The Meiji Restoration…such a bleak time for many of us. But we all fought for what we believed in, and some of us fought because we were forced to, our very lives depending upon it. If it hadn't taken place, maybe I would be happier because I would have been free to love back then. However, if it hadn't taken place, I would not be sitting here listening to the happy sounds of my nieces playing, or to the sounds of Yahiko, my first student, practicing. I would not be who I am today.
Everything happens for a reason. It is whether or not we have the strength to endure our pain and hardship, for without those things, one can never truly know happiness…
"To the left, girl! Are you stupid! That's it! Keep going!"
Kamiya Kaoru gave her instructor a dry look. 'Ugh! He is so stupid!' She thought inwardly of the man who stood before her, sword raised.
He was tall, probably about 6'2 or so, with a well toned build. The problem was, you couldn't tell due to the bandages that covered his entire body. His face and head were wrapped with the white cloths as well, revealing only his nose, mouth and beady red eyes.
Kaoru's eyes narrowed as she said flatly," It would be nice if you knew what you were talking about, Shishio, like for instance, telling me to my left."
He snorted. "You had better watch your mouth Kamiya, if you want to live to see your eighteenth birthday in two days!"
In a flash, Kaoru was upon him; grabbing him by the wrist and twisting it back hard, so she was now behind him with his arm pinned. Shishio let out a painful yowl.
Kaoru smirked. "What was that about living on, master?"
Shishio scowled as he tried to maintain his stability, his knees shaking slightly.
"Don't forget who I am Shishio. You should eat those words quickly. I may be young, but I am still a Hitokiri."
Scowling even deeper, Shishio made a move to elbow the girl in the ribs. Grabbing onto his arm, she twisted that one behind him as well, bringing the bandaged man to his knees, tears begging to prick his red eyes.
"I swear, you and Takeda Kanryu will regret it one day that you ever trained me to be an assassin. I have utterly surpassed you in strength and speed."
"That may be, my pretty pet, but never forget just who is in charge here. Unfortunately for you, I have control of all of your family assets, and not to mention, you little sister…" Takeda Kanryu drawled through puffs of smoke.
Kaoru looked up from behind her raven locks of hair to stare at him.
"My my, such hatred in those eyes…pity, you're such a pretty young thing…" His arm snaked out towards her. She was off of Shishio in an instant and he fell forward, his hands to the cold ground of the courtyard they were in.
The smooth sliding of steel was heard as Kaoru swiftly drew her katana, and fear flashed in Kanryu's eyes. Then it was gone, replaced by his cocky attitude once again.
"You know, I could have you killed right now. But I still need you Kaoru-chan"
She cringed at the familiarity associated with the name.
His eyes darkened dramatically. "You WILL do as I say, or I will have Tsubame killed. And you know I will do it. I had no second thoughts about slicing through your father's throat, or your mother's, once I was done with her, that is."
Kaoru squeezed her eyes shut. Sheathing her blade, she brought her fists to her sides. Perspiration dripped from her forehead to the ground.
"Are we crying pet? There there, I said I wouldn't hurt her, as long as you and Megumi do my bidding. Isn't that a fair trade?" She didn't look up for several moments.
Her hands relaxed. Lifting her head so she was eye-level with him, she spoke.
"One day, Takeda Kanryu, I will see you dead." She spat venomously.
Taking out another cigarette, he lazily eyed her. "Yeah, yeah, nothing I haven't heard before. But until that day, you will continue to do as I say. Do I make myself clear?"
"Perfectly." She ground out.
With that, he swaggered away. Kaoru defiantly started after him, until he disappeared out of the courtyard.
"Heh, stupid bitch, you'll get yours one day."
Without taking the time to look, Kaoru swiftly brought her fist to Shishio's face. It connected and he once again crumpled to the ground.
"You had that one coming for a long time now." She stalked away to the kitchens, hungry after her long workout.
There she found Megumi, her older sister of three years, preparing dinner.
"You really should watch what you say and do, Tanuki."
"Oh shut up Megumi, what do you know?" Kaoru said in irritation, although her voice held no edge.
The older woman took her attention away from the vegetables she was chopping to give Kaoru a disapproving look. "I know how you feel Kao-chan. It's how we all feel. But we need to think about Tsubame now. At this point, we don't even know where she is, or if she is even alive!"
Kaoru clenched her jaw at this. "I know she still is."
Megumi grabbed her by the shoulders. "How Kao? Have you seen her?"
There was such desperation in her voice that Kaoru couldn't lie about it.
"Yes, just two days ago. Kanryu thought that I needed some reassuring, so that I would continue with his jobs. He blindfolded me and led me to where she was. I didn't recognize it at all. But I saw her, Megumi. She looked terrible. She sounded as if she may be ill. I pleaded with Kanryu for you to have a look at her, but the bastard wouldn't have it."
She looked down at her scarred hands. She couldn't stop the salty tears from falling any longer. They were few at first, but when they fell to her hands and traveled down one of her many scars, she couldn't bear it any longer.
Throwing herself onto Megumi, she cried hard. "Oh Megumi! If only I had been stronger then! If only I was how I am now, I could have protected her! All of us! She was only two years old! She has never known us, or the love that we have for her!" She fisted the back of Megumi's apron, burying her face in her shoulder.
Megumi circled her arms about her body, feeling each sob that wracked it as she soothingly ran her fingers through Kaoru's silky black hair, shushing her. "Shhhh, it's ok, Kao-chan. You did the best that you could. Don't lose hope now, we need you too much. Me, Tsubame, Yahiko, we are all here because of you. If you didn't make the sacrifice to be Kanryu's Hitokiri, then we all would have been as good as dead! You have protected us! And you continue to protect us."
She held Kaoru like that for a while, letting the girl cry her pain onto her shoulder.
'Poor Kao, having to do such horrible things, all to protect us from him…Kami-Sama, how long will it be like this? Forever?' Megumi felt her own tears prick at her chocolate eyes. 'No! I can't cry, I must be strong for her! For us all.'
Kaoru pulled back from her sister's embrace to look her in the face. "Thank you Megumi, I needed that"
"It's ok to cry, Kao. Even the feared Hitokiri Sakura needs someone to listen to her." Kaoru snorted at the name.
Hitokiri Sakura, the public had dubbed her.
She wasn't sure exactly why the name Sakura. It wasn't like it came from a special sword stance or something, like the Hitokiri Battosai. She supposed it was because she was a woman, the first woman to be a Hitokiri, ever, and the name was rather feminine.
"Are you listening Kao-Chan?"
Kaoru immediately snapped out of it to stare at her sister.
"Now, can you manage a smile for me?" Megumi asked gently.
Kaoru lifted the right corner of her mouth. Her smile usually turned out to be more of a smirk, one that she wore many times as a Hitokiri.
Megumi smiled widely, saying, "That's more like it. Now, I just realized that I forgot some tofu at the store. Would you mind running and getting me some?"
The younger girl sighed. "No, I suppose I could use a break and get away for a few moments." She said as she grabbed the wooden bucket used for the tofu.
"Thanks a lot." Megumi said and Kaoru began to turn away towards the door.
Megumi stepped forward, saying, "Oh, and Kaoru? I love you. Don't ever forget that."
Kaoru blinked in surprise for a moment. Megumi expressing her love for her in words? That was rare… it was rare for any love to be shown to any of them in the Takeda mansion.
She flashed Megumi a brilliant, genuine smile." I love you too, Nee-chan." And then she was gone.
"The beautiful are ugly, the ugly are beautiful.
The clean are dirty, the dirty are clean.
The good are bad and the bad are good…"
Kaoru sang softly to herself as she walked the old dirt path to the town of Kyoto.
'Why am I remembering this song now? Okaasan used to sing it. It's actually a pretty hypocritical song if you ask me. How can the clean be dirty and the dirty be clean? You are either one or the other, right? Okaasan used to say that what it meant was everyone had the choice to be what he or she wanted to be. You see, a person could be dirty one moment, and then change their path for good and become clean again. Humph.'
She snorted. Someone like Takeda Kanryu could ever be clean again.
'But then, what about you? Could you ever be clean again?'
No, perhaps not. But that didn't matter. All that mattered to her was getting her family and friends away from the despicable man.
Her eyes darkened at the thought of him. It seemed like yesterday that everything happened, when in reality it had been ten years. Ten terrible years since that man had come into their lives, shattering them. They had been happy once, so very happy.
Kaoru allowed herself to become engrossed in her memories, unaware of the dust she was kicking up onto her kimono.
"Okaasan! Where are you? Answer me! Megumi! Tsubame! Otoosan!"
A frantic eight-year-old Kaoru ran through the hallways of her spacious house, coughing heavily from the thick black smoke that threatened to envelope her at any moment.
Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, stinging as they trailed in rivulets down her dirt smudged face.
Her house was on fire.
It started so suddenly in the night that she was still trying to shake off her sleep. A scream pierced the air, shaking her to her very core.
"Okaasan…"
She put on more speed toward the horrifying sound and burst through the double doors to the family's large dining room. She was not prepared for the sight that met her innocent eyes. There, at the dining table was her father, sitting in his usual spot.
His head was missing.
Instead, it was on the floor, just inches from where she was standing. She paled, eyes wide, and a wave of nausea threatened to make her wretch.
"Kaoru!"
She snapped out of it and looked up to find her mother held fast in the arms of Takeda Kanryu, her father's business partner. Her beautiful mother had a knife to her once porcelain throat, her clothing ripped and tattered in various places, her shining black hair now matted with sweat and dirt to her face.
"Kaoru! Find you sisters and run from this place!" She begged. "Run!"
But Kaoru couldn't run. She couldn't move a muscle, frozen to the spot where she stood.
She still didn't comprehend what happened next, or what drove her to do it. Maybe the thought of loosing her mother, maybe her father's sightless eyes staring at her from the floor.
Something in her snapped.
She grabbed the knife from the table and with an animalistic scream, she charged Kanryu.
"Let her go!"
Fully preparing to kill the man, she charged forward without fear.
For a brief moment, Kanryu paled, but soon smirked when the knife was snatched from her hand. A heavy blow to the side of her head dropped her. She fell to the floor with a heavy thud, her eyes swimming. Looking up through her hazy vision, she saw a man, obviously one of Kanryu's lackeys, staring down at her with a cruel smile.
"Now where do you think you're going little girl? To save you mother? Why, she's already a dead woman anyway, so why bother?" He laughed evilly as her eyes shot open and she sat up with a start.
"Okaasan!"
"Oh, she's not dead yet, but she will be."
And with that, Takeda Kanryu brought the knife he was holding across Kamiya Izayoi's throat. Blood spurted from the gash, spraying Kaoru in the face slightly. Kaoru stared, unable to cry out. She watched as her mother struggled in vain in Kanryu's grasp, horrible gurgling sounds coming from her as she tried to speak. She looked at Kaoru one last time and with all of the love and affection that one dying could musters, she smiled at her daughter before going limp in Kanryu's arms. The man dropped her cruelly, and she landed next to Kaoru with an ominous thud.
Kaoru was in shock.
All time stopped as she stared at her mother on the floor.
"Hey, what should we do with the girl? Kill her too?" She vaguely heard a voice in the background. All sounds had become muffled, her breathing labored, as panic welled within her little frame.
"Oh, no. I have big plans for these girls. All three of them. Find the other two and bring them to my house." The other man bowed to Kanryu, and swiftly headed to do his bidding, leaving Kaoru with him alone.
"What am I to do with you now, little bird? Put you in a cage? Yes, that sounds ideal. I could see it in your eyes. You hold great potential, if properly trained. Yes, I know just what to do with you…"
Kanryu's words echoed in her mind. She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she failed to notice the stranger before her. She stepped another step and then crashed right into him.
"What the hell?" The words escaped her mouth as she began her descent to the ground.
'I didn't even realize that there was someone in front of me…'
Instinctively, she shut her eyes, bracing herself for the fall. But it never came. Instead, she found herself wrapped in the arms of someone. A man.
She looked up swiftly, regained her footing and stepped away from him. Her eyes scrutinized him rapidly, taking in his appearance.
He wasn't that much taller then herself, maybe 5'11, 6 foot. He wore a traditional Haori of navy blue, and a hakama of white. But the things that stood out to her the most were his hair and the sword strapped to his waist. He was obviously not an ordinary man.
'Red hair? Unusual for you to see around here…' She thought before locking eyes with him. She felt an involuntary shiver run down her spine as she viewed his amber orbs.
He raised an eyebrow and Kaoru felt herself flush as she looked down, saying,"I… I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going, I guess."
"I can see that. I was just standing here minding my own business, and here you come charging like a boar out of nowhere!" The man said in a playful manner and her cheeks reddened more.
"Well, excuse me! If you had seen me coming, why didn't you move out of the way?"
He blinked his tawny eyes, saying, "I really didn't think you would hit me, I mean, I'm the only person standing here. I thought you would have at least felt my presence a little…"
Her blush deepened and she found herself becoming more flustered by the moment.
"I told you, I'm sorry, I was deep in thought, ok?"
"What about?"
She looked at him incredulously. "I've only just met you and you think I'm going to tell you this? I don't even know your name!"
He smiled, chuckling as he responded, "I suppose not. It's Kenshin. Himura Kenshin." He extended his hand to her.
She regarded him coolly, refusing his hand. "Well, it's nice to me you, uh, Himura-san, but I really must be going." She sidestepped him.
"You won't even give me your name?" He asked to her retreating form.
Stopping for a brief second, she turned to look at him, her eyes guarded. "I don't get involved with strangers. It's bad for business." She continued on her way.
'Yeah, I know what you mean…' He thought to himself before he started down the trail.
Meanwhile, Kaoru walked slowly as she contemplated her strange meeting.
'I can't get so lost in thought. Hitokiris need to be more aware than that if they are to survive…'
She slapped her hand to her forehead. "What am I thinking? It's not like I'm on the job right now. I'm just a normal girl right now, and he's a normal guy. I didn't have to be so rude…"
'Normal, huh? You will never be normal again, and you know it.'
She shook her head, smiling." No time for those thoughts, girl, let's get that tofu before Megumi gets worried for me." She sighed as she reached town.
'But still…those eyes of his. He seemed friendly enough, but something about them shook me up a little…' She thought as she made her way through the crowded streets to the tofu stand.
Little did I know that that day, the wheels of fate would begin their movements once again, hurdling me towards a future that I was powerless to stop. Those eyes, Kenshin's eyes, pierced my very being in a way that I couldn't explain, and to this day, I still see them in my dreams…"