Teenagers
Effing Elves
A.N. - Okay, so this particular fan-songfic thingy revolves around our favorite Potions Master, Severus Snape. (Okay, some of you may prefer Slughorn. Snape haters. Grrr.) I don't own any wizard characters, but I do 'own' my elf, Yanti, that I decided to put in. The song is Teenagers by My Chemical Romance. I was reading a few Remus fics when the idea hit me. (Owwww!) No, the story I was reading did NOT have Severus in it. Haha.
It does get a bit funnier in this chapter, though!
Summary – When Severus needs to pay a little visit to a muggle high-school, as per Dumbledore's orders, he hears a certain song that reminds him awfully of his own life, and he takes it a little too seriously. (Could take place during the books, or before. No DH spoilers.)
-
Severus woke up with a start, having just gotten to the worst part in his nightmare, as usual with nightmares. (He'd never admit that he'd been reliving his life. Trelawny would claim he was going to die if she found out.) He scrambled for a quill, ink, and parchment, scribbling down words as quickly as possible. His eyes were blurred, and his mind was (amazingly) void of all thought, so he had no idea what he was writing down until he'd finished it, and his sight returned properly.
They're gonna clean up your looks
With all the lies in the books
To make a citizen out of you.
Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you son
So they can watch all the thing that you do.
Because the drugs never work,
They're gonna give you a smirk
'Cause they got methods of keeping you clean.
They're gonna rip up your heads,
Your aspirations to shreds,
Another cog on the murder machine.
They said all teenagers scare
The living shit outta me.
They could care less,
As long as someone'll bleed!
So darken your clothes,
And strike a violent pose.
Maybe they'll leave you alone,
But not me!
All the boys and the girls in the clique,
The awful names that they stick,
You're never gonna fit it much, kid.
But if you're troubled and hurt,
What you got under your shirt
Will make them pay for the things that they did!
They said all teenagers scare
The living shit outta me.
They could care less,
As long as someone'll bleed!
So darken your clothes,
And strike a violent pose.
Maybe they'll leave you alone,
But not me!
Ohhhh yeah!
They said all teenagers scare
The living shit outta me.
They could care less,
As long as someone'll bleed!
So darken your clothes,
And strike a violent pose.
Maybe they'll leave you alone,
But not me!
All together now!
Teenagers scare
The living shit outta me.
They could care less,
As long as someone'll bleed!
So darken your clothes,
And strike a violent pose.
Maybe they'll leave you alone,
But not me!
Oh, teenagers scare
The living shit outta me.
They could care less,
As long as someone'll bleed!
So darken your clothes,
And strike a violent pose.
Maybe they'll leave you alone,
But not me!
Inwardly, Severus groaned at this. Why was he writing down muggle songs? Admittedly, the song had definitely shocked him. The first thought he'd had after hearing it was 'Merlin! Who's watching me this time?' when he remembered that muggles couldn't watch him at Hogwarts, unless it was a group of wizards plotting his demise, but he had figured he was being paranoid again. He folded up the piece of parchment, stuck it in a small pocket it his robes, and swooped out of his quarters, just so he could feel comforted by the 'swish' of his cloak again. He really had missed his attire . . . Thankfully it was a Hogsmeade weekend, and nobody was around to witness Severus 'playing', or as close as the man could come to it.
Without realizing it, he'd shuffled his way into the kitchens. A house-elf made it's way fearfully to him, and tugged on the hem off his robes. "Sir? Professor, sir? Why is you- you," it glanced around in terror at the others, who were well away from the potions master, "singing?" The obsidian orbs that belonged to the foul man very nearly popped out of his head. (Not joking. Seriously, you should see it sometime.)
"What?" he growled, rounding on the house-elf, and realized he was, indeed, singing, if one could call it that. Damn muggles. Maybe I should have stuck with that bloody prat Voldemort and helped wipe them off the face of the Earth. He noticed that the house-elf had shrunk back.
"D- did Professor S- Snape down one t- too many f- firewhiskey's last night?" said the elf, attempting to be humorous and smile around Severus at the same time. An impossible task, it seemed.
"No, I didn't have any firewhiskey last night!" Severus snapped, gracefully picking up the small goblet of pumpkin juice that the elf who'd approached him was now offering him. It looked rather hurt, but Severus didn't care. Not that he usually did, but . . .
-
Severus found himself singing (the very word brought horrors of what might happen to his reputation if anyone found out) more and more often, and, according to the house-elves, he was improving, but he highly doubted that. For one, it was near impossible to remember the tune to the song without the music. For another, the words brought back livid memories of his days at Hogwarts, both past and present, so he had to pause every now and again. And on top of it all, he was terrified anyone would find out. Not only would his reputation as the heartless, cold bastard everyone thought he was would come crashing down when he'd so carefully built it up as yet another wall to distance himself from human contact, but he'd have to deal with the humiliation for the rest of his miserable days! However, the bright side was he could run around the halls getting the cursed weight of normality of his chest by singing as loudly as his lungs would allow. He shuddered at the thought, but continued pouring just a little bit more of the powdered beozar to the antidote to basic poisons he was making. It was probably a good idea to have some handy, after all, Severus was becoming more and more paranoid of the students every time he thought of the bloody muggle song he had stuck in his head. I still don't know the name of it. I'd assume it would be Teenagers, as that is most fitting, however muggles are very strange people.
-
"Sir?" said Yanti, a house-elf at Hogwarts, cautiously. Just because the house-elves had a truce with the foul-tempered Potions Master didn't mean he wouldn't snap on her. Well, at least he didn't glare when she said 'sir'. "Sir, you is got visitors! Shhh!" Severus immediately went silent and nodding his thanks to the elf, who beamed. Yanti left to the kitchens with a little 'pop' as Severus opened the door. What he saw did not make him feel any better. In fact, it worsened his mood.
"Albus? Poppy?" Poppy Pomfrey, the medi-witch at Hogwarts, looked horribly distraught whereas Albus Dumbledore looked terribly ancient. Severus took it as a very, very bad sign. "What's wrong?" He could barely keep a concerned tone from his voice. It probably had to do with one of the students, since it was Poppy who was with Albus.
"Poison, Severus. One of the Hufflepuffs on the quidditch team, the keeper, was poisoned just before today's match against Slytherin." Yes, he was right. Idiot children.
Severus sighed, "How ironic. I just brewed a simple poison anti-dote the other day. Won't Sibyll feel threatened?" The other two adults could easily tell the man was irritated, and decided (wisely, as Snape likes to put it) to not say anything. Moments later, Severus reappeared with a small phial of the potion, and followed Poppy and Albus up to the Infirmary.
A.N. - Whee! Chapter two up! God only knows how many more to go. (Hey, I might actually finish this story!) Next chapter, we get to see just how Snape reacts when his students do something wrong. Yay!
And remember, read and review!