A/n: Hey! Sorry I haven't been writing! I'm, like, really deep in my book rn (fourth draft rip me) but I've been talking to a lovely reader on Tumblr and decided to post another! Not sure they're okay with me posting their URL here, but they'll know who they are! Thanks so much, love!

So, without further ado, here's probably (in my opinion), the strangest one I've written for some reason. I had no plans for this one so it just kinda... yeah, it's a thing alright. Wrote it in about an hour lol. It's 5am and I can't sleep.

I appreciate you guys reading this, man. I don't proofread these and just post them when I finish, so y'all the read MVPs.

Hope you enjoy!

*AO3 is being mean and won't let me post there. Rude. So you're getting this first.

Sasuke is… not happy.

You see, his maternity leave was over now, and he just has to bring his babies with him! He can't leave them all alone! But the school, oh the school, the bastards, the sheer audacity, told him he can bring one, one snake! Out of, like…

Sasuke thinks for a moment. How many snakes did he have now? He wasn't certain.

…but the main thing? He can only bring one! How is he going to explain to Hubert, Huberta, Rhosemarie, Rosemary, Rosemarie, Rohsmaree, and… the others, that he had to choose one? It's sheer madness!

So, he brought Rohsmaree, since Naruto insisted when they talked about it. Naruto claims it's because Rhosmaree is the smallest, but Sasuke knows Naruto is partial. How dare he choose Sasuke's least favour- no, no, he doesn't have a least favorite, but if he did, it would be Rhosemaree, without a doubt.

"…are you okay?"

Sasuke shakes his head.

"…aight."

The students are unusually silent, mostly due to the fact that their teacher has been staring at the wall for the past half hour. Concern for his well being isn't always the best thing to have, since he isn't well to begin with, but this is unsettling, to say the least.

"I can't believe they made me choose."

The students share glances.

"If you had maybe quite possibly 50 children-"

"50?"

"-how would you explain to the other 49 that you can only bring one to Disney World, and that that one is obviously your favorite?"

The students glance at the snake enclosure. Ah, it's about the snake.

"You have 50 snakes?"

"Quite possibly. I don't know how many I have now."

"…so, is this your favorite?"

"God, no! I don't do favorites, but Rhosemaree wouldn't make the top 49." Sasuke crosses his arms.

"What's so bad about Rosemary?"

"It's Rhosemaree." A glare.

"That's what I said, Rosemarie."

"Rhosemaree. Your spelling's off, and in English class, too."

"The – the spelling?" The student sputters. "What spelling?"

"Rhosemaree isn't spelled the same way as Rosemarie."

"Where's the spelling?" Another student asks.

"There."

With no indication of where this "spelling" was, the students quiet down again. They have a feeling that, with the way the instruction this school year was going, they weren't going to pass the final exams. They collectively pray for their GPAs.

"Hey babe." Naruto leans on Sasuke's desk. "What's cookin' good lookin'?"

"Why did you choose Rhosemaree?" Sasuke asks ominously, staring at the snake enclosure.

"Well," Naruto straightens himself up, "she's the smallest of the bunch, Sas. I thought it would be easier to transport her."

"Is it not because you picked her out?" Sasuke glares at Naruto. "The only one you picked out?"

"Not at all, Sas."

Naruto sweats. That was most definitely the reason.

"Oh, so you admit it."

"Admit what?" Naruto's face takes on a look of concern.

"That you told me to bring Rhosemaree because you picked her out!"

"I didn't say anything!"

"I can read, Naruto."

Naruto blinks rapidly.

"Read what?"

"That."

Without any indication of where the text he is reading is, Naruto sighs.

"Sasuke, I think you're losing it."

"I always have. But now, now I can see things as they really are."

Naruto looks down.

"Uh, Sas, you okay?"

"Never once, in my life, have I been okay."

Naruto looks back at Sasuke.

"I can finally understand everything that is going on, and you're asking me if I'm losing it. If anything, I am finding it, and I'm finding it pretty fast."

Naruto gulps. A trip to the psychiatrist might be great, albeit a little-

"Overdue."

Naruto jumps. "What?"

"A trip to the psychiatrist is overdue? How dare you!"

"I didn't say anything –"

"I can read, Naruto!"

"You keep saying that, I have no idea what you mean by it!"

"Naruto, why did you pick Rhosemaree out."

Naruto glances at the enclosure.

"She's small and cute." He shrugs. "Why else?"

"Naruto… tell me why."

"I just told you why."

"Think why, then!"

"What does that mean?!" Dear God, Sasuke can read minds.

"I can read, period." Sasuke crosses his arms.

"Sasuke, please don't murder me or something, because I'm getting murder vibes off of you."

"I won't murder you, I promise."

Yeah, psychiatrist it is.

"How you feeling, Sas?" Naruto asks his husband, who's currently lounged across the couch, face down.

"A lot."

Naruto frowns. "You feeling a lot?"

"Yeah."

Naruto sighs as he sits on the floor beside Sasuke.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Naruto leans his head lightly on Sasuke's side.

"You're my husband."

"I am, yes." Naruto is a little worried with how this is going.

"I love you."

"Thank you!"

"I wasn't finished."

Naruto stills his breathing. Uh oh.

"I married you based on love and mutual trust, or so I thought."

Naruto gulps.

"And yet, here we are, here you are, and I feel the utter betrayal."

Here it comes.

"What's wrong, Sas-"

"You know very well what's wrong!"

Naruto remains quiet.

Sasuke lifts his head.

"How long were you going to wait to tell me Rhosemaree is a stuffed toy?"

"I'm surprised you noticed, honestly."

If looks could kill, everyone within a 100-mile radius would've felt that one.

A/n: I'm like, 99.9% sure GPAs are affected by exams but I've been out of high school for a while and I cannot remember.