My thanks to Boris Yeltsin, Sentinel103, Love Robin, Classic Cowboy, Mr. Wizard, campy, JCS1966, CajunBear73, daywalkr82, Shrike176, Eddy13, Quathis, Katsumara, EdStargazer, Acaykath, Danny-171984, Joe Stoppinghem, Comet Moon, JAKT, whitem, , princessvmig, screaming phoenix, Ezbok58a, bigherb81, Molloy, Reader101w, TheRedKommie, Slipgate, and Yamal for reviewing and to everyone for reading.
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Special thanks to campy for proofreading.
KP © Disney; original characters © the author.
I.
"What's the sitch, Wade?" Kim asked as Ron peered over her shoulder.
"We just got a hit from the New York Public Library."
"I returned that book!" Ron protested. "I swear!"
Kim shot him a questioning look.
"Sophomore year. Or maybe it was junior. You were fighting Shego and I saw this book about wrestling and cheese and, well … Uh, they can't send me to jail if I didn't return it, can they?"
Kim groaned.
"Actually, they weren't calling to throw the book at you, Ron," quipped Wade, obviously pleased with his joke.
Kim groaned again. Seeing his attempt at humor had fallen flat, Wade sighed and got down to business. "There's been a robbery." An image of the entrance to the library appeared on the screen in Wade's place. Kim immediately noticed something missing.
"The lions," she said.
"Sleep tonight?" Ron asked as Rufus chimed in with a melodious, if high pitched, "a weemah way", earning very sour looks from his girlfriend. "What?" Ron asked as Rufus tried, but failed to look innocent.
"Ron, focus. There are – or were – two lion sculptures in front of the library."
"So, we've got a cat burglar on our hands!"
Kim cocked an eyebrow.
"Aw, c'mon, KP. That was a good one!"
Kim relented. "Okay, I'll give you your props."
Ron grinned. "Ah-booyah."
Smiling, Kim shook her head. Then she focused on Wade. "Tell them we're on our way," she said with her accustomed determination as she got up and headed for the garage.
"Uh, KP …" Ron said.
"Evil doesn't wait for breakfast, Ron," she said as she rose from her chair. "You can finish your pancakes in the Sloth."
"Yeah, about that," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "You know I'm all about the snackage while on the road, but, uh, well …"
Kim grimaced. "You need a car in which to snack. And I crash-landed mine on the Enterprise last week, nearly killing us."
"Aw gee, Kimbo, don't be so hard on yourself. Any crash you can walk away from is a good one."
She dropped down in the seat next to him, and activated the Kimmunicator. "Hi Wade," she sighed, "we're going to need a ride."
"Already on it," he replied with a knowing expression. "Bernice should be there within 30 minutes."
A grateful Kim smiled. "As always, you rock."
II.
"Thanks for the lift, Bernice!" Kim called out from the jump bay.
"Think nothing of it, Kim," the avuncular woman replied. "This is just like old times. You know, I've missed giving you rides."
"Really?"
"Sure, it's nice helping you help other people. Any time you need a lift, you let me know."
"Will do!" Kim said as she beamed at the pilot. Then she turned to Ron. "You ready?"
"If by ready you mean am I ready to scream my head off as I plummet to the earth wondering why we couldn't let Bernice land at one of the area's three ginormous airports and then take a cab back into town, yeah, I am."
"Spankin'," she said as she took his hand and jumped from the aircraft.
III.
As was her wont, Kim made a perfect landing, right in the center of Bryant Park, directly behind the library. And as was their wont, the New Yorkers who'd seen it all simply avoided making eye contact with her as they continued going about their business while the easily engaged tourists snapped photos. "See, that wasn't so bad was it?" she asked her boyfriend as she removed her helmet and shook out her hair.
"A little help, here!" Ron replied. Kim turned to find him in his boxers, desperately trying to retrieve his cargo pants from a tree while Rufus lay rolling on the ground, laughing. She tried to stifle a snort, not wholly successfully, then went to his assistance.
After Ron put his pants back on, they headed over to 40th Street and walked towards Fifth Avenue, where they made a left turn and approached the front entrance of the imposing edifice.
"Man, that's a lot of books!" Ron said as they ascended the steps. "Hey, maybe we can check out Martin Smarty's autobiography!"
"Ron, you've read that book three times."
"And it gets better with each reading," he said enthusiastically. "The part where Mr. Smarty has the brain storm about the brain storm—"
Kim laid her finger on Ron's lips. "I get it. We'll check out Mr. Smarty's book. But not until after we check out the bad guy sitch."
"Gotcha, KP," Ron said as they entered the building.
As they looked around the grand lobby, a distinguished-looking gentleman approached. "Kim Possible?"
"And BFP!" Ron said, earning quizzical looks from both the man and Kim.
"BFP?" she asked.
"Boyfriend partner," Ron answered. "Monique's not the only one who can come up with the awesome acronyms."
"I wasn't sure you knew what an acronym was," Kim said, impressed.
"Sometimes the Ronman is a regular So-crates," he said smugly.
Kim snorted. "I think you mean Soc-ra-tes."
"You say Soc-ra-tes, I say So-crates …"
The man coughed discretely, just loudly enough to catch the attention of the two teens.
"Our bad," Kim said sheepishly, though she quickly regained her poise. "I'm Kim Possible and this is Ron Stoppable."
"I'm Buck Report, assistant director of the library," he said. "Thank you for coming all the way from Middleton to help."
"It's no big," Kim said. "Helping people is what we do, Mr. Report. So, what's the 411 on your missing lions?"
"They disappeared sometime overnight," he explained. "I can't imagine what somebody would want with them or how they could even move them."
"You'd be surprised by how creative villains can be," Kim said.
"Yeah," Ron chimed in. "Anti-gravity rays, dark magic, molecular shrink ray thingies. They've got it all. And if they don't, there's always Henchco."
"Ron's right," Kim said. "Still, this whole sitch is odd. What would anybody do with two marble lions?"
"I bet those bad boys would bring in some serious Claude on eBid," Ron suggested.
"Somehow, I doubt they were stolen just to be peddled on an on-line auction site," Report said dismissively.
"Have you checked?" Ron asked.
"Well, no …"
"Ah ha! So you don't know that they're not being hawked to the highest bidder."
"Ron, I have to agreed with Mr. Report. It's ferociously unlikely that the library's lions are being sold on eBid."
"But still possible," Ron said, his arms crossed defiantly.
Kim sighed. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"
"Just because I haven't been accepted by some fancy-pants college doesn't mean my theory isn't good," he said petulantly.
Fearing they were approaching dangerous waters, Kim quickly activated her Kimmunicator.
"What up, Kim?"
"I need you to log onto eBid and see if they're auctioning any larger-than-life marble lions."
"You want me to log onto eBid to see if they're selling what?"
"You heard my lady," Ron chimed in.
"I'll let you know what I find," Wade replied.
"You rock," Kim said gratefully.
No sooner had the call ended than the Kimmunicator beeped.
"Wade?"
"I found your lions. And even better, I think I know who's selling them!"
Ron sat back in his chair, his hands clasped behind his head, and a huge, satisfied grin on his face. "Ah boo and a yah."
"And the villain du jour is?" a mildly tweaked Kim asked.
"I'm pretty sure it's Junior," Wade said. "The asking price is a brazillion jillion dollars."
Kim rolled her eyes. "That's so Junior."
"I don't get it. He's already got a brazillion jillion dollars," Ron said. "Or at least his dad does."
"Have you ever seen Bonnie with unlimited credit?" Kim asked.
"Bad?"
"Do you remember when I earned Employee of the Month last March?"
"Yeah."
"That was after she came in to do some 'last minute shopping' with Junior. Thanks to her, I made the entire store's sales quota for the quarter."
"So, you think she's already burned through his fundage?"
"I don't know. But I wouldn't put it past her. Wade, can you get us a ride to Senior Island?"
"I'm on it," the boy genius replied.
Kim and Ron rose to leave. "We'll get your lions back for you, Mr. Report." Kim said with the confidence of one who always completed her missions.
"Thanks. Oh, and one more thing."
"Yes?"
"Our records show that Mr. Stoppable checked out a book called The Wonderful World of Wensleydale and Wrestling in 2004 …"
"Uh oh," Rufus offered as he popped out of Ron's pocket. "Library fines!"
Ron groaned while Kim scowled. "You don't have a statue of limitations do you?" he asked Report hopefully.
"Alas, no. While the Library has many generous supporters, reductions in Federal and State aid require us to assess fines from the day the book was due, no matter how long ago that was. I'm sure you understand …"
Ron slumped in his seat. "Okay, I'm a man," he said, straightening up. "Hit me."
"You owe the library $237.75 …"
Ron sighed in relief. "Okay, I can handle that.
"… In late overdue fines and $952.34 to cover the replacement of the book; it was quite rare."
"$1,190.09!"
Kim blinked. "Since when can you do math on the fly like that?"
"This isn't math, KP. This is money!"
"If you don't have the cash," Report said, "you could always work it out by affixing labels to books and shelving volumes in the stacks."
"You so don't want to do that," Kim said with a shudder as she recalled her time in Library Lockup under the supervision of Miss Hatchet. "Trust me."
"Well, it looks like no more Bueno Nacho for us for a while, little buddy," he gravely informed Rufus, who wailed in sorrow. "Sorry, but the Ronster's Smarty Mart paycheck's been spoken for for the foreseeable future. At least KP and I can use coupons for our dates …"
Kim twitched. Then she made a decision. "You know what? Working off your fees so won't be the drama."
"What?" a confused Ron asked. "But you just said …"
Kim fixed Ron with a steely gaze that froze him. "I am so not going back to ordering off the kids menu," she said as she rose from her chair. "Rufus, you're with me."
Ron's jaw dropped. "You're going after Junior without me?"
"No. Rufus and I are going to take in a show while you work off your fine."
"Broadway!" the naked mole rat chirped happily as he jumped out of Ron's pocket and clambered onto Kim's shoulder.
"B-b-b …" Ron stammered as Kim and Rufus strolled out of the office.
"I think I'll contact our circulation librarian now," Report said with a satisfied smile.
To Be Continued …