I know that this one is relatively short, and may not be quite as funny. That's because it consists of the rest of the tutorial, and was supposed to go with the first chapter, but the first chapter threatened to be too long if I included this, and this one is a touch too short as a result. Ideally, I would have included the first day of Destiny Islands in this chapter, it's certainly short enough to fit it, but jumping straight into it looked somewhat disjointed, so it was moved to the next one.
On the Next Platform
Sora is walking around the edge of the platform, unaware that he has to proceed to the middle to continue. He's been here since the ending of the last chapter, so he's probably close to dead by now, but his suffering isn't over yet. Eventually in his boredom, and/or starvation-induced delirium, he stumbles to the middle of the platform. When he arrives in the middle, his muscles seize up. This tells Sora that there will probably be more voices soon. Or it could just be the dehydration. The voices are still pretty busy back there, watch.
Back at the Treehouse Thing
"It's black and blue! Like you're going to be if you don't shut up!"
See? We had better get back to Sora, though. There might be something attacking him right now, and we don't want to miss that.
Back on the Platform with Sora
The last of some text boxes are disappearing. You didn't get to see them because the author doesn't remember what they said. With the text boxes now gone, more of the small, black creatures appear from the ground, and Sora's shield once again appears in the air, and once again, falls on his head. He picks it up, and resumes combat against the creatures, bludgeoning them repeatedly with it until they all disappear.
Once the creatures are all gone, a light appears from some point up in the sky, and shines down onto the platform, creating a circle on the ground. Sora walks toward the circle and steps into it to find that all of his injuries are healed. Great! Now he's ready for more tests of fortitude. More text boxes appear saying something about saving, then the light pulls away from the circle and goes to the edge of the platform. As it reaches the edge it disappears and a series of small glass platforms begin appearing in that direction.
Sora approaches the platforms, reasonably wary since everything else thus far has tried to kill him. These glass rectangles, seemingly held in place by nothing, are far from the safest thing he's encountered in what is, by now, most certainly a nightmare. Seeing nowhere else to go Sora eventually relents and walks toward the platform. After tentatively placing a foot on it and determining that it isn't going to fall out from underneath him like so many other platforms in this place Sora steps onto the first one. He steps slowly, the trip seeming to take forever until he looks back and notices that the steps he had already walked on weren't there anymore. Upon seeing this, Sora speeds up a bit and begins looking back every so often. He could swear that the remaining steps behind him were steadily decreasing, and by the end of it he was in a blind sprint. He arrived at the middle of the next platform just as the last step disappeared.
"The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes," says one of the voices. Oh, they must be done fighting.
"That's not supposed to bend that way," another voice says, pitifully.
Upon hearing the comment about the light Sora looked back at his shadow, projected by said light, and saw that it was quite long and moving independently of him. He immediately began moving away from the light, and by the time the shadow rose out of the ground, it was three inches tall. Sora was about to step on the small humanoid creature, but the light quickly moved to where he was, making it large again.
"That's not fair," Sora told the light, but the light isn't sentient and even if it was it wouldn't care.
The shadowy creature stood about eighteen feet tall, and didn't appear to have a heart. It had a heart-shaped hole in its chest, where the heart would be on a human. I bet this is one of those Nobodies.
It loomed over Sora, looking ominously impassive.
"But don't be afraid," the voices said. Evidently, they're not paying attention to what's going on.
"And don't forget…" they said, but in a bid for irony, forgot what they were going to say.
In response to the creature's appearance, and because of the rule of three, the shield appeared above Sora, and fell on his head, yet again.
It bent low to the ground with a closed fist, and the fist began glowing. It sat there for an impractical amount of time, before Sora realized that he could attack it. As he ran toward the fist to hit it with the shield, though, the creature pulled the fist away, then promptly slammed it down right where Sora stood. The impact knocked Sora away, and when he looked to where the fist had hit, Sora noticed another pool of black from which more of the small, proto-human monstrosities began emerging.
In an attempt to stop the creature, Sora runs at it, and strikes the fist with his shield. The creature is apparently rather slow, since it still hasn't removed its fist from the ground, and it's around this time that Sora realizes that he can climb up the arm to attack the head. He does so, and after hitting it a few times, the creature rises up, forcing Sora back to the ground, and into the waiting claws of the small creatures that he forgot to dispatch.
The creature moved to drive its arm into the ground again, but this time instead of just punching the ground it stuck the arm all the way into said ground like it was searching for something lost in a couch. Maybe this thing is just looking for its keys or something? Regardless, it's head now more exposed than ever, Sora continues the assault on it until it rises again, then deals with the smaller creatures.
The fight goes on in this vein for some time, until suddenly, the shield disappears and the creature aims another punch at the ground, this time with both arms. Sora jumps back, narrowly avoiding it's fists, and loses his balance, falling over. The creature's arms, now sunk into the ground, begin producing more pools of the black stuff.
"But don't be afraid," says one of the voices, as a pool forms underneath Sora, and entraps him.
Are they even paying attention anymore?
"You hold the mightiest weapon of all," it continues, as he desperately struggles to get away.
Sora attempts to say something, but the black stuff is in his mouth as well. He spits it out, then turns on his stomach and crawls away, actually managing to break free of the pool of black attempting to pull him in.
"So don't forget," said a voice.
He reaches the edge of the platform, and is about to jump off it, when some sort of hovercraft comes speeding upward out of the abyss. It barely grazes him, but the force is enough to knock him back into the pool. The black stuff wraps around his leg, and holds him fast.
Sora casts one last glance toward the hovercraft that condemned him to this fate before his face is covered and everything fades to black.
"You are the one who will open the hoagie," an exasperated sigh is the last thing Sora hears.
Destiny Islands
When Sora next opens his eyes, he sees a blue sky, with a sun shining brightly overhead. All is placid. He leans up, stretches and yawns, then proceeds to lay back down, until he sees someone hovering over him,
"Boo!" she says, and Sora shoots upward, his heart racing so fast that it's almost like he has two.
Destiny Islands was a good level for the beginning of the game. It introduces the player to concepts that they will use throughout the entirety of the game, and allows people who have never tried an action game before to adapt to playing, by being a low-stakes environment. If you lose one of the fights against the islands' residents, it doesn't leave any permanent records, unless it's Riku that you lose to, and even that doesn't really mean anything. In that sense, the world is good, but it's not really all that great for parody. Compared to the other worlds, it somewhat lacks material, so I doubt I'll be able to squeeze much funny out of it without relying on cheap gags, which I most assuredly will. That means that your expectations for this world should not be too high, or you'll risk disappointment.