AN: I changed up some of the timing with Kakashi and Obito. None of my stuff is canon anyway.
Self-Deception Chapter 2
"Kakashi, we need to talk about this," Jiraiya said.
"No we don't. There's nothing to talk about." As he said it, Kakashi's eyes drifted to the rug that covered his tragedy.
"Have it your own way then," Jiraiya said. "I'm staying if you won't at least talk to me."
"Makes no difference," Kakashi said. "Let me think he's on a mission. It helps."
"I don't think it's good for you," Jiraiya said. "You can think whatever you want, but I'm not going to be a part of that fantasy. You'll have his funeral to attend. You can't avoid reality then."
Kakashi bent closer to his reports, ignoring Jiraiya. After spending some time in the house he got tired of hearing nothing but Kakashi's pen as he caught up on papers. Jiraiya went to his own house to get enough clothes for a few days. After that he'd have to see what he wanted to do next.
He could see Kakashi as he entered the house, sitting in the kitchen and staring at the rug again. His defiant look had left, and a sad longing filled his eyes. He didn't even notice Jiraiya.
"Staring at that spot is just going to make you feel worse," Jiraiya said.
Kakashi started. "Huh? When did you get here?"
"A few minutes ago. You're in a funk. Why don't you get some air or something? We could train if you want."
"I don't want to go outside," he said. "I'm sure news has already spread. I don't know which is going to be worse, the people who pity me for losing him, or the people who pity me for having him as a father."
"Sakumo was a good man," Jiraiya said. "Don't judge his entire life by one mistake."
"It was a big mistake," Kakashi said. "A lot of people died because of it." He looked back at the rug.
"I know, but we both loved him. Don't forget that."
"Oji-Jiraiya, I really don't want to talk anymore. I'm very tired."
"Ok, I'll see you in the morning then. Try to get some rest."
Jiraiya thought Kakashi looked worse the next morning. Bags were forming under his eyes. He obviously hadn't slept, but then Jiraiya hadn't slept either.
Kakashi began to clean his father's tanto, using a toothpick to clean out the dried blood from the carvings on the handle.
"I'm making breakfast. What do you want?" Jiraiya asked.
Kakashi didn't look up from the weapon. "I'm not hungry." Jiraiya noticed he was wearing the mask in the house now. He'd never done that before.
"You need to eat," Jiraiya said.
"I'm fine," Kakashi said. There was an edge to his voice.
Jiraiya made two bowls of oatmeal and pushed one in front of Kakashi. "Eat," he said.
"I said I'm not hungry."
"I could see your ribs last night. You have to keep up your energy."
Kakashi simply turned back to the tanto, polishing it carefully.
That's enough of this, Jiraiya thought. He moved so fast Kakashi barely noticed he wasn't in his chair. Jiraiya grabbed one ear and pinched hard.
Kakashi jumped and reached to pull Jiraiya's hand away from his ear. Jiraiya trapped both small hands in his massive paw, and he waited until Kakashi quit struggling.
"Do I have your attention now?" he asked.
"Yes," Kakashi spat.
"Yes what?"
"Yes sir," he said grudgingly.
"I couldn't help your father, but you're still alive, and I intend to keep you that way. Eat, now. I have to go back to the front next week. I don't want to have to worry about you when I'm out there."
"I'm fine," Kakashi said.
"You're not fine. I'd be more worried about you if you were. While I'm here you're going to follow a schedule, and you're going to eat and train like before. Do you understand?"
"Yeah," Kakashi said.
Jiraiya twisted his ear. "What did you say?"
"Yes sir." Jiraiya let his ear go, and Kakashi glared at him while he rubbed it.
Kakashi didn't eat much, but Jiraiya decided not to push the issue. It was enough that he accepted his authority in the house right now. Kakashi needed structure, and Jiraiya knew when he had to leave the kid had better be able to take care of himself. He doubted anyone else gave a shit, except for his Sensei who was too busy planning a major war to be much help right now.
"I have work to do today," Jiraiya said. "I want you to write down the training schedule you usually keep, and stick to it."
He heard a knock on the door and Obito and Rin arguing outside. Thank god, he thought. Part of the benefit of having team members was having them around at times like this.
"I don't want to talk to them," Kakashi said.
"They care about you," Jiraiya said.
"Rin's worried and Obito's crying. I can guarantee it. I don't want to be worried at or cried over."
Jiraiya answered the door. "I'm sorry kids. He's not feeling well. I'll tell him you came by."
Obito wasn't crying. He looked sad though. "My mom said he can stay with us if he wants to," Obito said.
"Tell Kashi-kun I'm thinking of him," Rin said.
He gave Kakashi their messages. "Just what I need," Kakashi said. "A fangirl and the Least Uchia. I don't know why I got stuck on a team with those two."
"They like you," Jiraiya said. "Try to give them a break."
"Obito doesn't like me. We fight all the time. He just forgot because something bad happened and he's too sympathetic for his own good. That's going to hold him back."
"When does your team usually train?"
"About 12. We usually have to wait for Obito though. He's never on time. Sensei usually has one of the Jounins train with us if any are in town. He's usually too busy to be able to train with us."
"Then I want you at that training field at 12," Jiraiya said.
Kakashi opened his mouth to protest.
"You need to get out. I don't want you to stew in here. And eat lunch too."
"Yes sir," Kakashi grumbled.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Kakashi was glad to see his Sensei at the field. Rin was there, but Obito was predictably late. She ran up and grabbed Kakashi in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry Kashi-kun."
Kakashi felt the first surge of an emotion that would plague him for years. Her sentimentality disgusted him. He disentangled himself, and said, "he didn't follow the rules. The mission should always take first priority."
"But…"
"No," Kakashi said. "I don't want to talk about it. I came here to train, once Dead Last gets here."
"Kakashi, that's disrespectful toward your teammate," Minato said.
"Sorry, Sensei."
It was awkward sitting there with the two of them, waiting for Obito. Rin looked miserable, and Minato kept looking at him like he wanted to say something. For the first time Kakashi was relieved when Obito arrived, arranging his goggles.
"You're late, loser," Kakashi said.
"I'm not a loser," Obito yelled. "I couldn't find my goggles, and my eyes get irritated without them."
Kakashi and Obito bickered, and when the team began to train Kakashi focused on Obito completely, earning a few good hits from Rin. "I'm here too, you know," she said.
"Kakashi quit striking out so aggressively. You're not focusing on defense at all," Minato said.
"Hai Sensei."
He tried to follow instructions, but he just wanted to hurt something. When Obito managed to pummel him, Minato called a halt. "That's enough for today. There's a major offensive I have to plan for. I expect you to train diligently on your own."
"Hai Sensei," they all said at once.
"Kakashi, stay afterwards," his Sensei said.
Minato waited until Rin and Obito were gone. "How are you holding up?"
"I'm trying to accept it. I can take missions anytime."
"I'm concerned about you more than your ability to take missions."
"Thank you, but I'm fine. Oji-Jiraiya is staying with me. I really want to get out on the field again."
Minato saw his secretary heading toward the field. "I have to go. Take care of yourself, and you can come talk to me anytime."
Kakashi knew he meant it, but he also knew his Sensei had to struggle to arrange even the occasional practice. He would just have to manage alone after Jiraiya left.
He stuck to his schedule and made sure Jiraiya saw him eat. He didn't want his ear manhandled again. The funeral was hard, but he got past it and went about his life.
He didn't mention it to anyone, but when he could he still pretended his father was on a mission. When he started to feel down he would tell himself, I should clean the house. He'll be coming home tomorrow.
Jiraiya couldn't stay in Konoha forever. He was needed at the front. The day before he left, Jiraiya told Kakashi he had to pick a place to stay.
"I can stay here," Kakashi said. "I've been taking care of myself since I joined ANBU at four."
"It's not up for debate," Jiraiya said. "Minato and I agree. If you don't pick someone, we'll pick for you. The Uchias and the Hyugas have both offered to take you in."
"They probably just want to hook me up with one of their daughters," Kakashi said. "I don't want to play politics."
"Who then?" Jiraiya asked.
"Could I stay with Sensei's family?" he asked.
"I don't see why not. His wife could use some help around the house while Minato is gone. You be respectful though, or I'll put you over my knee."
"You wouldn't!" Kakashi said.
"You'll never get to old for that. If you don't believe me, try it."
Kakashi had a feeling he was serious.