Chap 2
"Well, this mission is certainly worth my precious time!" Rodney snarked, sitting heavily on the rough-hewn bench outside the main tent.
He had been grumbling continually since they stepped through the gate, but his complaints reached new levels when, purely by mistake, the chieftain of this little Podunk village suggested that he was Sheppard's wife.
That alone would have sent Rodney into a fit, but the look on Sheppard's face… Disgust, revulsion and that sudden step away to put distance between them. Was he really so ugly as a girl that even Casanova Sheppard thought it was a horrendous idea?
Rodney blocked out the thoughts with his own brand of compensation, "Anyone know the word clean around here?" He asked to no one, scrubbing his dust covered hands, thin and almost delicate, across the legs of his equally dust covered pants.
That was another thing, did anyone have any idea how hard it was to find a mission uniform in this size? If it fit his shoulders, his boobs were trying to pop out, but if it fit his boobs the shirt was practically hanging to his knees. He ended up having to tie one of those stupid looking knots at the corner of his shirt. Stupid girl-boobs! And these pants! Did the military design them for men then just shrink them for women?! Good grief, the crotch hung, the butt was too tight, and the legs clung to his calves like Velcro!
McKay crossed his arms and scowled. Couldn't even cross one's arms properly with these stupid oversized boobs! No one was paying any attention to him anyway. Maybe he should walk around a little, get his mind off things, and maybe look for weird energy readings, like there would be any in this hick town.
McKay stood, nodding to Ronon who leaned sleepily against the wall watching Sheppard and Teyla negotiate. Ronon nodded back but otherwise didn't move, absorbing the strong sunlight like a cat in a windowsill.
McKay picked up his scanner, slung the heavy back pack over his shoulders, he was not leaving his precious computer with these Neanderthals, and wandered off towards the shade of the trees in the distance.
It was a little farther to the trees then he thought. By the time he reached the precious shade he was puffing, his face red with exertion and the start of sunburn. "I knew I should have brought my sunscreen, but no, 'it's only going to be a short trip' Sheppard says. Stupid, cotton-picking, football-loving, clown-fearing flyboy."
Rodney huffed, pulling out his scanner. Trees, trees, dirt, stupid little village, weird energy signature… What?! Rodney straitened. There was something there just a second ago. Where did it go? What was it?
Focus glued to the scanner, Rodney stumbled deeper into the trees, unaware that keen eyes watched his every move.
"Sheppard," Rodney said, clicking on his radio, "I just got a strange energy reading here."
"Rodney?" Sheppard asked a moment later, "Where are you?"
"I'm about a Klick north of you, in the trees."
"What?! Why didn't you tell me you were going that far? I told you not to wander off alone!" Sheppard yelled, sounding strained.
Rodney rolled his eyes, "Oh, please, Colonel. Don't treat me like some delicate flower. I didn't touch anything; I just went for a stroll. Did you hear what I said about the energy reading, or are you still 'negotiating' with the Chief's daughter?" Rodney snarked.
Silence.
"Just get back here McKay. Now," Sheppard said, his voice cold.
"I'm coming, but you better tell them to find me something to eat. Power bars just aren't cutting it."
The village had indeed produced a meager meal for them to share, and Sheppard's constant glares persuaded Rodney to keep silent about the quality and quantity of the meal. Though he did keep an internal running monologue about Pegasus galaxy food and possible citrus poisoning.
It was pitch black when they were finally shown to their tent. Sheppard still had not said a word to him.
"Look, Colonel, about that energy signature…"
"Zip it, McKay. I'm tired. Just… go to sleep, okay?" Sheppard said with a sigh, slipping off his boots.
"I'm not tired," Rodney said petulantly, once again attempting to cross his arms. He ended up with one arm flapping uselessly at his side while the other pressed firmly under his breasts. He scowled and started picking through the pockets of his vest, looking for another chocolate power bar.
"Good. Then you can take first watch. Night McKay." Sheppard fell back into the cot, covered his eyes with his arm, and promptly started snoring.
Rodney continued to search through multiple pockets as Teyla and Ronon bedded down for the night.
"Goodnight, Rodney," Teyla said softly. Rodney grunted in acknowledgement before giving up his search and straitening with a yawn. He popped his neck, rubbing out the soreness. So maybe he was a little tired.
Imagining that the cool night air would help wake him up, Rodney shuffled out the entrance, still thinking about the energy signature… and that elusive chocolate power bar.