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CHAPTER 2

"This had better be good!" Miranda Bailey said as she headed down to the ER after receiving an urgent page just as she was about to leave the hospital. "Well… what is it?" she asked a stressed out Alex who was treating a patient, observed by his interns who watched on, bewildered.

"It's Meredith," Alex said in disbelief.

"What?" Bailey asked. She pushed Alex aside and gasped in shock when she saw Meredith Grey unconscious, lying on her side on a hospital bed. She was connected to an IV which was pushing fluids into her. "What happened?"

"The paramedics said she collapsed in a club. She's been having seizures ever since and hasn't regained consciousness."

"Alright," Bailey said, trying to stay in control. "Don't panic. You need to get a head CT, take a FBC, a-"

"Already done," the nurse assisting Alex spoke up. "As well as a blood alcohol test and drugs screen."

"Don't be ridiculous," Bailey said.

"She smells like tequila, ma' am," the nurse said. "And the drugs screen is routine. You know that." Bailey nodded.

"Was the CT scan clear?" Bailey asked. Alex nodded, still trying to take in that the patient in front of him was Meredith, his friend who he'd always had an unspoken understanding with. Bailey racked her brain to think of what could be wrong with Meredith. "What do you think it is?" she asked Alex.

"If it wasn't Meredith I'd say drugs. We've had so many overdoses lately. There's some nasty stuff floating around."

"Well it aint drugs so try harder!" Bailey shouted at Alex, losing her temper.

"I know that. This is Meredith!" Alex uncharacteristically shouted back. Suddenly Meredith started convulsing again. "Shit!" Alex said.

"Should we call someone?" the nurse asked, trying to diffuse the tension between the two traumatized doctors. "Next of kin?"

"Um…" Bailey racked her brain. She wondered if she should call Derek. She couldn't keep up with the love lives of her residents. She asked Alex who didn't know if they were still together. Bailey thought about who else she could call and realised sadly that Meredith didn't have anybody.

Bailey took the elevator to the surgical ward. This wasn't the kind of news that should be told over the phone. She saw Rose, a scrub nurse, helping Derek out of his theatre gown after their lengthy surgery. They smiled and laughed together.

"Ah hem," Bailey said, loudly clearing her throat. Derek turned around.

"Don't you have a family to get home to?" he asked Bailey with a smile.

"I'll see you later," Rose said, giving Derek a kiss on the cheek and leaving. Derek turned to Bailey, looking embarrassed.

"Did you need to see me about something?" he asked her. Bailey shook her head, figuring that Derek and Meredith weren't together any more.

"No," she said. She turned and walked away, leaving Derek standing there confused.

Bailey arrived back in the ER. Alex looked up at her gravely.

"The blood test results came in," he said quietly. Alex handed the results to Doctor Bailey, knowing that she wouldn't believe them unless she saw them herself. She looked at the results, stunned, and then looked down at Meredith who was still unconscious.

"No… there must be some kind of mistake."

"I double checked," Alex said. "She has GHB in her system. "We've started her on activated charcoal. I just hope that we got to it in time." They looked down at Meredith, knowing that there was nothing more that could be done for the time being. They just had to hope that they had got to her in time and that she responded to the treatment.

"Transfer her to a ward," Alex said to the nurse with a mixture of anger and sadness. He stood back and shook his head as Meredith was taken away.

Bailey knocked on Doctor Richard Webber's door and opened it before he could say anything.

"What?" he asked, knowing immediately that something was very wrong by the look on her face.

"It's Meredith," she announced. "She was bought in after having seizures at a club. They found GHB in her system." the chief didn't respond. "It's a very dangerous-" Bailey started.

"I know what it is," the chief said. "It's a date rape drug."

"It's also a party drug," Bailey added.

"You're saying that she took this voluntarily?" Richard asked surprised.

"I don't know," Bailey replied. "I'm just stating the facts."

"Any evidence of rape?" the chief asked.

"No, Sir," Bailey replied. "Apparently she was dancing right up until she collapsed."

"I need to see her," Richard said, leaving Bailey standing alone in his office.

Meredith awoke in a sterile hospital ward, unsure of where she was. Her head was pounding and she ached all over. She saw the tubes sticking out of her arm and tried to pull them out but was too weak. She tried to sit up but couldn't.

"I wouldn't be going anywhere if I were you," a familiar voice said. Meredith turned her head and saw Richard sitting in a chair near her bed.

"What happened?" she asked weakly.

"I don't know," he answered. "Why don't you tell me?" Meredith laid back and closed her eyes. It all started to come back to her; the drinking, the dancing, Seth… "Well you're not denying it," Richard said. Meredith stared at the ceiling, not knowing where to look. Richard was filled with anger. "I can't believe that you deliberately took GHB knowing exactly what it could do to you!" he yelled, standing up. "And with alcohol?! I wont even repeat what your blood alcohol level was and-" Meredith wanted to fall through the floor.

"Get out," she said with quit anger, physically feeling worse by the second and feeling her eyes welling with tears, something she didn't want the Chief to see.

"Excuse me?" Richard replied, astonished.

"I'm a patient. I have rights," she locked eyes with Richard. "Don't play father figure with me." Meredith rolled onto her side, away from Richard so that he couldn't see the tears starting to roll down her face.

When Richard was gone Meredith allowed herself to cry. Her frail body wracked with sobs as she cursed herself for getting herself into this position. She always screwed up, she told herself. Life had never seemed to be on her side and when she thought that it couldn't get any worse she always had a way of hurting herself even more. She replayed the events of the night over and over in her head, trying to make sense of what had happened. When she went to the club all she wanted to do was escape the crap in her life for just a few hours. Getting drunk at home had worked for awhile but as her tolerance to alcohol built up the emotions that she always tried desperately to lock out always found a way of creeping in. When Seth offered her the drug, all she could see was a means of escape. The pain that she carried around every day, made worse by what she had just discovered about Derek, had overwhelmed her in that moment and she had made a wrong choice. Meredith would never admit it but she felt more free in those drug induced moments than she had felt in years and it terrified her. In that moment she had never let it enter her mind that she could end up at the hospital where she worked being treated by her colleagues. Suddenly Meredith felt like she was going to vomit. She managed to reach for the bowl beside her bed in time and threw up in it.

Derek Shepherd had finally finished up with some paperwork at the nurses station and was on his way home when he heard the sound of a patient vomiting from inside one of the rooms. Normally he would have called for a nurse and continued on his way but ever since he had met Rose he had been feeling guilty for not noticing and appreciating the work of the nurses. He knocked on the door.

"Hello," he said, opening it slightly. "I'm a doctor." Derek stepped into the room and was stunned to see Meredith lying there in front of him, her face tear streaked, holding a vomit bowl and trembling with tubes connected to her arms. "What happened?" he asked, concerned. Meredith was so shocked to see him that she couldn't reply. Derek picked up her patient chart.

"Don't!" Meredith managed to utter, but it was too late. Derek looked up at her, completely shocked.

"Why…" he started but couldn't continue. "Why would you…" he managed to say. "I need to sit down," he said, grabbing a chair. Meredith waited for him to yell at her but he didn't. Instead he looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "You took it deliberately?" he asked, already knowing the answer. He knew that Meredith was more troubled than a lot of people realised. Meredith nodded, looking away. "You need help Mer," Derek said gently. "I know that you didn't do this because of me. If you had dealt with the other stuff; the family stuff than maybe my revelation wouldn't have…" his voice trailed off as Meredith started to cry. He understood her like no body else did. "I won't see Rose anymore," he added.

"No," Meredith said, still crying, shaking her head. "I want you to want to be with me, Derek, not to do this out of sympathy. I didn't do this for attention, alright? I wasn't supposed to end up here and you weren't supposed to ever know about it. I just needed to block everything out for a while." Derek didn't reply. "It would be so much easier if you were angry at me," she said.

"I'm not angry at you," Derek replied. He stood up and walked over to her bed. He took the sick bowl and placed it on her bedside table. Then he took Meredith in his strong arms and held her close to him. She kept crying as if all of the hurt that had been building up over time, mostly due to her parents, could finally be released. She hated how safe he made her feel. She started to pull away, like she always did when it felt good. Derek sighed.

"I can't keep saving you, Meredith," he said honestly. "I don't know what to do anymore. You need help."

"Please just leave me alone," Meredith begged. Derek looked down at her sadly and sighed. He took the sick bowl and left Meredith alone in the room, realising that she had hit rock bottom.