Disclaimer:Bleach and its characters belong to Kubo Tite. I am just a small writer borrowing his characters for entertainment purposes.

2. Confusion

The thing is…. there is something missing from his life. He does not know exactly what yet and he has been so prone in doing his duty that he did not mind the feeling at the beginning.

The thing is Kuchiki Byakuya has been so used to his routine that he has completely forgotten about his personal needs. The war with Aizen has somehow disrupted that routine, but Byakuya has been almost too keen to go back to it after the end of the war. His life as the Kuchiki heir is somehow so boring that Renji said once that he would rather write tons of reports and then take out his eyes rather than do the same things over and over again. Of course, his captain does not know about this particular opinion of his, because he would bankai his ass and then make him do lots and lots of paper work, which Renji hates. Terribly.

Byakuya looks out of his study into the beautiful garden and he feels a little empty. He frowns more and he forgets about the paper in front of him. It is strange that he has not registered this feeling before. Is it Rukia? Does he miss his sister more than usual? It is true he has not seen her much since she has become a lieutenant. Of course, he worries a lot about her and hates it when she has to go in missions all by herself. But he tends not to interrupt her way of life now and he is glad when she comes and visits him, spending the night at the manor and talking about the problems into her division or what her friends are doing to annoy her.

Byakuya feels more relaxed than ever when he listens to her patiently and smiles his little smile, which is reserved only to her. A smile promises brotherly love and loyalty that were not there before. He likes to see her commanding because in spite of her height, his sister demands high respect and the people around her have started to give her more and more.

Could it be the council of the elders that has become troublesome? Yes, it is true that lately they have tried to tell him with subtlety that he soon will have to pick someone as a partner and together adopt another person who will become the Kuchiki heir. He knows that soon they are going to turn more vocal and he hates the fact that he will have to start looking for someone. The good thing is that the Kuchikis do not care about the sex of his partner as long as he or she is worthy of the name. They do not even care about the origins anymore, especially since after Hisana, their ruler has turned into a cold block of ice and that promises little future for the most prestigious family. The bad thing is that very few people rise to their standards, and usually those people are either disliked by Byakuya, or they simply leave him indifferent, which is even worse. Therefore, of course, the problem of marriage will arise again and he will have to agree with them. He has a duty to perform and as per his duty, he will have to get married.

This perspective leaves him quite cold and he frowns even more. Shouldn't he be more preoccupied by the perspective? After all, it is his life. However, he has not felt like that for a very long time now. Ever since Hisana had died, he was sure that his heart probably died with her because she has been the only person to make him feel alive. Well, her and that annoying….

His wonderful grey eyes grow wider because that train of thought makes him suddenly feel fear. He does not like that direction and he is glad when all of the sudden a servant announces the visit of his lieutenant. He is so glad for an excuse of not following that train of thought that he smiles gently when Renji gets in. A smile, which, of course, makes his lieutenant freeze on the spot and think that the end of the world is coming, or you know, Aizen might come back to life, which is very possible now.

"What is it, Renji?" He asks calmly his lieutenant.

"Huh?" Renji can't be blamed for this reaction. Seriously, he can't, because for crying out loud his captain has just you know, smiled, like actually smiled. Well, of course, it did not reach his eyes but that twitch of lips definitely can be called a smile. Wow, miracles do happen!

"I said what is it?" Of course, Byakuya schools his features in becoming cold and impenetrable again because that is who he is and Renji musses on the fact that the only time in his life when he does not look like a walking and breathing statue is when Ichigo is around. The orange bastard is the only one who gets a reaction from his captain, and seriously, statues are nice and everything, but only when admired from a distance. No matter how much he respects the man and cares for him, Renji thinks it must be a hell to live with such an icy man and he does not wish that on anyone.

"Excuse me, captain, for disturbing you at home, but I forgot to ask for your permission to visit the real world for two days."

"The real world? Whatever for?"

Now, Renji gets uncomfortable because his damn captain sees right through him. Even though he would like to lie and hide the truth, he knows that there is no use and he just says with half a voice.

"It's Ichigo's birthday, sir, and Rukia is throwing him a surprise party. I was invited to attend." He leaves out the fact that in fact Rukia threatened him to cut his balls off if he dares not to show up and then proceeded to show him why he should keep the mentioned balls. Damn, it was the sweetest conviction that anyone has shown to Renji. Of course, he should not be thinking of that in front of his captain, especially since he is going to propose soon and he needs the annoying man's approval but still…

"Ichigo's birthday?" Byakuya repeats. With that one question, Renji is suddenly startled because of two reasons. First being that his captain has never ever mentioned the orange ball of energy using his first name and secondly, the captain looks like he is about to have a stroke or something.

What Renji does not know is the fact that Ichigo's name has hit Byakuya deep within his chords and he feels like he might heave under the power of the blow.

"Yes, Renji, you can have the two days, so make the most of them. I assume you will be accompanied by other people as well?"

"Yes, sir. Ikkaku, Yumichika and Hisagi; and Kira will accompany us briefly."

"I understand. Very well. You are dismissed." Byakuya feels Renji's surprise, even senses the question in his eyes, but his lieutenant does not dare to say anything. He knows better.

"Thank you, sir."

As Renji leaves, Byakuya looks at his trembling hands and it kicks him right in the gut: he misses Ichigo. This is the one piece in his life that it is not here. How come can that annoying young man mean so much to him? How could just hearing his name make him want to go into the real world right then and there and just be next to the young man? He is devastated. He thinks he is the worse and hates the substitute shinigami. He does, he really does and yet, he knows that he has been lying to himself all this time.

Byakuya takes a deep breath. Making the best decision in the case, he almost runs towards the temple and opens the small cabinet looking at her picture. For once in his life, the smile of his late wife does not help him. On the contrary, she seems like she is mocking him and he remembers the many times she has told him that one day he will feel a greater passion than he has ever felt in his one hundred years. He collapses in front of it and feels exhausted. Why has he reached so far? How could he pretend so much that he did not want the kid?

Because he did, so badly, ever since the first time he settled his eyes on him. When those warm chocolate eyes settled on Renji and did not even look at him, Byakuya thought:

I need. I want. I want him. I want to possess him so badly.

He ignored everything else. There was so much passion in those eyes and so much fiery yearning to live that Byakuya felt physically hurt and he almost felt like running away. He wanted to obliterate everything that young man had made coming to life in just a few split seconds. That is why he had tried to kill the substitute shinigami. If he could just ignore everything else, then he would be just fine, but he was not. When he came back to the Soul Society, he kept dreaming of those eyes looking at him so longingly, and when he discovered that he was alive, he was so glad that it shocked him.

He hated Ichigo, yeah, that much was true. He hated him with passion because Ichigo was making him feel. Ichigo was there when he was finally finishing rebuilding his walls and he destroyed those walls in a fleeting second. When they fought together or when they argued, the young man had never looked at him with hate. On the contrary.

But now… now he realized that he has not seen Ichigo in such a long time and he hadn't even noticed. How did he miss that passion or those eyes looking him as if he was someone interesting and worthy of respect? Ichigo has been the only person in his life that has seen deep into his soul and perhaps this is why Byakuya let him in every once in a while, explaining things to him, but generally always telling him hurtful things as well. The last time he has seen the young man, Ichigo had looked at him with sorrowful eyes and Byakuya did not understand why he has not seen him since then.

He gets up and quickly gets outside, letting the night air surrounding him. Maybe it is time to be honest and admit that Kurosaki has never left him indifferent. He sometimes drove him so completely mad that all he wanted to do was kiss those orange words away. Byakuya stills in the night. Kiss? He wanted to kiss him? Byakuya groans and literally, face palms himself. That is just wonderful. Yes, he will go down in the history of the Kuchikis like the corruptor of children, because this is exactly what he dreams of doing.

Partially his hate for Ichigo was due to the young man's ability to make Byakuya see reason, read into his soul, bring his heart at the same time. Perhaps this was Kurosaki's greatest sin: melting the icy heart, destroying the walls, and now leaving Byakuya defenseless. He longs for those chocolate eyes making him almost taste passion so beyond his immortal powers. He longs for passing his fingers through Ichigo's soft spiky, ginger hair, knowing it probably feels like heaven, his finger pads drowning in a sea of orange smoothness. He longs for that lithe body.

Byakuya has never let himself do anything for his person. He knows that if he does this, there is no turning back because the young Kurosaki has never mentioned any interest in Byakuya's person other than to annoy him or make him question everything in which he has believed so far. Yes, Ichigo's effect on him is devastating, hurricane-like, and that is enough for him to act upon it. Time and time again, he has done his duty for Soul Society and for his clan. He will just go into the real world and….

And stop. Just stop! He should think this through. He can't act solely on his emotions, or maybe he does. He will miss an important event in Ichigo's life but he will make up for it later. He will have to find out what the young man thinks of him and if there is a small chance that the man might feel something for him. It is a long shot. Byakuya knows he is the type of man that does not encourage such feelings… any romantic feelings for that matter but still. He hopes that it will be enough.

He spends the following days preparing everything. He asks for the permission from the Soutaichou to spend a little more time in the real world. The Soutaichou smirks at him and just mumbles a little "finally", which leaves Byakuya wondering what he really meant. For a second, he thinks that he might get the courage to ask the older captain about that but he thinks better of it. He prepares everything to be left in Renji's care, who returns from the party two days later with a blessed out smile on his face and not even the incredible amount of paperwork awaiting him can erase that grin. In fact, his lieutenant does not say anything when he is left with the responsibilities of a captain. When Byakuya announces him, he has received an important mission in Karakura town, mission "conquer Ichigo" as Byakuya secretly calls it, Renji gets a little serious and demands to cover his captain's back. No offense to Renji, but this is something that Byakuya does not want him to cover, so he just tells his lieutenant to stick to his duty, and that is it. Renji has no problem doing so because he is an awesome lieutenant like that in his humble opinion, and because Byakuya's leaving also means more time with Rukia.

One morning Byakuya arrives in Karakura and he is surprised by the gorgeous day. The sun shines brightly in the sky and he feels strangely excited by the whole day. His careful planning will make everything easier and he is sure he will realize in a split second what Ichigo wants from him, that is if Ichigo wants indeed something from him. Urahara has prepared a gigai for him and has it waiting on him, but first he will make an appearance to Ichigo's apartment to see if he is at home.

Byakuya, simply dressed in his shinigami's uniform with no white robe, kenseikan, scarf, or gloves, and just Senbonzakura with him, feels oddly nice about the attire. He flash-steps towards the apartment and gets there almost instantly, but freezes looking on the window because such stunning beauty leaves him breathless.

Ichigo is sprawled on the couch surrounded by books, reading with a perfect Kurosaki scowl on his face. He holds a book in one hand while the other is folded under his head. He is wearing some blue faded jeans and his white shirt shows his perfect muscles, clinging in all the right places, and his bare feet resting on the arm of the couch. Byakuya feels like a stuttering boy, because Ichigo looks beyond his imagination, looks welcoming, alive, and full of energy. He feels like he should be doing something but he does not know what exactly. He rests on the window ledge for a while, taking in the beauty of the young man and his orange locks, which call for Byakuya's elegant fingers. He barely contains himself before finally letting a small sign of his reiatsu push through the window, as he watches Ichigo's eyes widen in wonder and tension.

Byakuya appears in the room with his royal elegance as usual. Seeing the sudden surprise on Ichigo's face, the older man thinks that maybe he was wrong in coming here, but he stills himself and says softly, "Kurosaki."

The young man gets up in a second and the utter surprise leaves Byakuya breathless. There is that longing look again and something darker in Ichigo's eyes, something that Byakuya does not understand yet.

"Byakuya? What the hell are you doing in here?"

Byakuya just takes in the sight in front of him, those beautiful, wonderful orange locks, those lips slightly humid, that elegant neck.

And just like that, Byakuya's careful planning goes to pieces as he just grabs the young man by the nape and kisses the life out of Ichigo. The explosion of wantneedmore conquers all his senses until there is nothing else than Ichigo.