Hi everyone! This chapter is really random but I was in a weird mood when I wrote it, so it may not make sense. I'll probably rewrite it at some point. The dream is really weird too but I had the idea when I was watching a horror movie and I thought it would fit quite well.

Anyway, here we are. Enjoy!

There was warm water pouring over my body, waking me up slightly. I moved my head and noticed that Shaundi was washing me. I would have been weirded out if it was under different circumstances.

"Where's Carlos?" Shaundi asked, "We can't get hold of him."

I looked down at myself and noticed the grazes on my knees where I had rushed to Carlos. The night's events came rushing back to me. Carlos with half of his face missing and his beautiful, coffee brown eye missing from its socket... It's all I could think of.

"He's dead." I managed to choke out.

Shaundi gasped and reeled back. "What the hell happened?"

I took a deep breath and turned off the shower; I was sick of its warmth. "The Brotherhood dragged him behind a truck and I had to shoot him. But I don't want to talk about it right now," was all I could manage.

"Boss, please tell me wha-"

"I said I don't want to fucking talk about it." I growled, getting out of the shower myself. I was sick of being this zombie whom everyone had to carry around.

He's dead and you killed him. This is all your fault. He's ever coming back, so get the fuck over it.

I shook my head, trying to get the ugly thoughts out of my mind. This was all my fault, but I would get revenge on Mauro. I would get mine and Carlos' revenge.

"Carlos is dead." Shaundi told Johnny as she walked into the lounge with a pile of wet towels. "She told me that the Brotherhood had chained him to a truck and dragged him down the road. She said she shot him, but she wouldn't tell me anymore."

Johnny blanched; Carlos was dead?

"What the fuck? The Brotherhood did this?"

Shaundi shrugged with a sad expression on her face.

"I'm going to go and talk to her." Johnny said as he stood up and headed for the bedroom that the Boss and Carlos had shared.

"No!" Shaundi yelled, running to step in front of Johnny. "Just leave her alone for a bit. I just got her to sleep."

Johnny pushed Shaundi out of the way and stepped into the bedroom.

The Boss was asleep, holding onto Carlos' pillow, looking peaceful. Johnny stood there for a minute, taking in the sight. He too had held onto Aisha's possessions after she had died. Though he had told no one except for the Boss, he had bottle of her perfume that he used to sniff when he was feeling particularly upset.

Johnny looked around the room and saw how Carlos' things and the Boss' things were intertwined. They had only been together for a year; mere baby steps in comparison to how long he and Aisha had been together.

But they deserved longer. They deserved so much fucking longer. The Boss was only ever happy when Carlos was around and now she was a fucking wreck. He had no idea if she was ever going to be happy again.

Johnny sighed and walked out of the room so the Boss could get some decent sleep. This whole thing was such a fucking mess and he didn't know if he could fix it this time.

My mind was foggy and it was hard to breath. My chest was tight, lungs trying to grasp more oxygen. I felt sick; I could feel the bile rise in my throat. I swallowed, trying not to heave.

Where the fuck was I?

Looking around the room, I realised that I was in the bedroom that I shared with Carlos. Where was he?

"Carlos?" I called out, trying not to pass out and steadying myself on the bed.

The door opened and he stepped in, shuffling slowly.

I sighed with relief, "Uh, there you are. I was so worried."

I was just about to hold my arms out to him when I looked closely at him. He was covered in blood and his chest and face was torn, muscle and bone exposed. I gasped and rushed to him, almost falling over.

"Carlos, what the fuck happened to you?!" I yelled at him.

He groaned and held onto my arms. His skin was so fucking cold; it felt like I was touching a piece of marble. He opened his mouth and gargled. He wasn't making any sense. Why the hell wasn't he speaking to me properly? And who the fuck had done this to him?

Before I knew what he was doing, he was pointing to my stomach and started stroking it. I stepped away; this was feeling weird. Carlos was scaring me now.

"Carlos, stop that." I commanded, but he kept shuffling over to me, putting his hands on my stomach.

"Este es nuestro bebé." He eventually grunted out. You didn't need to be fluent in Spanish to know what that meant.

I looked down at my stomach and noticed it had grown bigger, so big that it was filling the gap between Carlos and I.

"No... No, this can't be real. This is some fucking stupid dream." I told myself out loud.

Before I knew what was happening, there was a sharp pain and an arm was dangling out of the wound in my stomach. I screamed and held onto my abdomen, trying to stop the pain. The arm suddenly started to rip my stomach to shreds, trying to get out.

"Carlos, help me!" I yelled, but he only smiled slightly.

"Nuestro bebé," Was all he said.

I kept screaming until the darkness fell around me.

I woke up with sweat pouring down my face, soaking the sheets. I gasped and tried to fill my lungs with oxygen; I was feeling so light-headed now. Shaundi had given me some sort of tranquilizer (without my permission, I might add) so my body was still trying to get over that.

Sniffing, I looked around the room. It was like nothing had happened. It was like Carlos was still alive. In all honesty, it felt like nothing had happened last night, and for one stupid minute, I thought maybe it hadn't.

"Hey there..."

I jumped when I realised Johnny was sitting in the chair adjacent to the bed. Trying to calm my heart, I frowned slightly at him. "What are you doing here?"

Johnny shrugged his shoulders with a look of sadness. "I needed to keep an eye on you. You woke up last night and insisted we get you up to take you to the doctor. Said you had an arm ripping through your stomach or some shit."

I blushed when I realised that I had vocalised my dream. Shit and damn... I had always the annoying habit of talking in my sleep and a drug in your system really doesn't make matters better.

Johnny opened his mouth then closed it. He sat there for a minute, trying to think of what to say. I could see in his face that he was really struggling. "Look, I'm really sorry about Carlos. Especially because, you know... You had to do it yourself."The look on his face after that said he thought he had phrased that quite well.

I sighed and sunk back into the bed, pulling the covers over me and resumed hugging Carlos' pillow. It smelt like peppermint and coffee. A strange mixture that you think wouldn't work, but it does. He never used cologne; he just always smelt like that heavenly scent.

"I don't want to talk about Carlos," I replied, "At least not yet."

Johnny sighed and walked over to the bed. He crawled onto the bed and lay next to me, "It's going to be fucking tough, ya know," Johnny said, "You're going to feel guilty, then sadness and eventually you'll get over it. Even if it does take some time, you'll get there."

I knew he was referring to his experience with Aisha and the trouble he had had. But he didn't kill Aisha, the Ronin did. I killed Carlos, pulled the trigger and ended his life. I should have been the one to have been dragged behind the truck. Guilt seeped into me as I realised that Carlos should be sitting here, and I should be the one with the fucking bullet hole between my eyes.

"Johnny, I appreciate your advice, I really do. But I still don't want to talk about it."

He nodded with a look on his face that said he could wait until later. I rolled over and stared at the wall of the room. There was a picture of Carlos and I after we had been to a party, hanging on the wall. We were both looking at each other and you could see the happiness in our eyes; you could tell we belonged together.

Before I knew it, the tears were flowing freely again. A sob hitched in my chest and I buried my face in Carlos' pillow, trying to absorb his scent. I just wanted him back. I wanted him to be next to me, not Johnny.

Johnny rolled me over and hugged me to his chest. It felt comforting and familiar, as I remembered that I fell asleep every night in Carlos' arms, in this exact position. I looked up at Johnny and I felt like it was wrong. Hugging Johnny was wrong, and I didn't like it.

"I'm, um, going to get something to eat," I said to Johnny, getting up slowly from the bed.

Johnny quickly got off the bed and rushed around to help me out of bed. I growled quietly and frowned at him. "Johnny, I'm not an invalid. I'm sure I can get up by myself."

Johnny sneered at me and let go of my arm. I suddenly dropped to the floor with a thud. He laughed at the look on my face with a sneer. "So you don't need help you say?"

I looked up at him and growled. "Fine, do what you damn well please. Help me up; you can even carry me if you like."

I regretted saying that when he picked me up and carried me to the kitchen, plopping me down on one of the bar stools that were next to the kitchen. I looked outside and noticed it was bright and sunny. It was disgusting weather for such a sad day. "Hey, what's the time?"

"9:47," Johnny answered as he started to pull pans out of the cupboards. He heated up the pans and started to cook bacon and scrambled eggs.

I smiled at him and asked, "Since when can you cook?"

He smiled back, "Since my mother made me look after my younger siblings and forced me to learn how to cook. Rotten old cow..."

I smiled internally; Johnny loved his mother more than anything in the world. I suddenly stopped smiling when I remembered...

"Carlos used to cook me bacon and eggs all the time," I smiled a little bit, "He said I needed to fatten up."

Johnny laughed a small, awkward laugh. "He was right; you're practically skin and bone."

I glared at him, "You know I have a fast metabolism and can't gain weight easily." It had always been a sore spot with me. It wasn't fair that I was stuck with this gangly, skinny body while Shaundi had perfect curves.

Johnny just laughed as he started to plate up the food. I notice with relief that he made food for himself. He started to dig in, but I could only pick at my food, the smell of the bacon starting to make me feel sick.

When Johnny had finished, he cleared his throat. "I know you don't want to talk about him Boss, but I gotta ask... What the fuck happened?"

I sighed dejectedly and I knew that I had to tell him. He would get it out of me sooner or later.

"Ok... Well, Jessica was pissed that we messed with Maero's ink and that we had ruined his 'handsome face'," I quoted with disgust, "Anyway, I got a call from her, saying that because I had ruined her man's face, she was going to ruin my man's face. She kidnapped Carlos, and..."

I breathed deeply, trying to continue with the story, trying not to think of Carlos' face with his torn skin and missing eye. Johnny urged me on, "She had him chained to the back of a truck, face down, and some Brotherhood members drove through the docks with him. I chased them, shot the Brotherhood assholes and tried to free Carlos."

Johnny put a hand on my shoulder and I realised that I was sobbing, struggling for breath, "But I couldn't get the chain free, and he had lost a lot of blood. He wanted me to kill him, Johnny. He looked at my fucking gun and pleaded with me to shoot him. So I did."

I finished the story in a hurry, trying not to think of the night's events that were still stamped freshly in my mind. Johnny let out a deep breath and gave me an awkward, one armed hug.

"I know how it feels Boss," He said, trying to comfort me, "But Carlos would want you to move on and be happy. He wouldn't want you to walk around like a zombie."

I reeled away from the words like I had been slapped. Johnny looked at me with concern and I had to fight the urge to both throw up, and slap him around the face.

"How the fuck would you know what this is like?" I spat at him, "You didn't have to fucking kill Aisha! I had to sit there next to the man that I loved and I had to SHOOT HIM IN THE FUCKING HEAD!" I screamed, now getting hysterical.

"Whoa, Boss. Chill out, you know I didn't mean it like that," He said as he put his hands up in the air.

"And how would you know what Carlos would want? You didn't even like him!" I retaliated.

Johnny reeled back and looked at me with horror, "How the fuck could you say that? Of course I liked him!"

I stood up and started walking to my room. I looked over my shoulder and yelled, "You always hated Carlos because I chose him over you. You never thought he was good enough for me! Well, you know what?" I asked, "He was the best thing to ever happen to me. Even better than the cocky Mr. Johnny Gat..."

Slamming the door, I ran over to my bed and crawled in, trying not to throw up. The world was spinning, making me dizzy and confused. Everything was crumbling around me and Carlos wasn't there to help me. Not this time, and never again.

I can't fucking do this... I don't know what I'm going to do.

My phone started to ring, interrupting my thoughts. I sighed and pulled it out of my phone and answered straight away when I looked at the caller I.D.

"Hey Luke, what's up?" I mumbled to my brother.

I could hear him sighing on the other end of the phone, "I should be asking you the same thing. How are you feeling?"

"Sick... I feel like I'm about to throw up every 5 seconds."

Luke grunted, "Sis, I mean... How are you feeling about Carlos?"

A wave of sickness flooded over me. I wish everyone would stop asking me about him; I wanted to grieve in peace.

"Considering that I had to shoot him the head, yeah, I'm fine." I answered, sarcasm dripping in my voice.

"I'm coming over right now. We need to talk about this... We need to arrange some things."

Before I could stop him, Luke had hung up.

Fuck.