Alright the second installment is here :D

Though, I feel kind of sceptcal with ending both chapters in a letter, and I need you the reders to help me. Review and tell me what you think. Like it? Love it? Hated it? Let me know if I should re-do the letter placment. but I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, they belong to Valve and the song belongs to Tim Mcgraw. But I do own my Ideas, and that's what counts.

Nick, If you're readin' this...: Part 2/3: The other letter

No tears fell onto the page.

He knew he was one in a million.

Just one in a million of people who had received a letter like this, be it past or present, it didn't matter, their lives had been ruined anyway.

Everyone who had their lives changed had cried. He knew.

Those people who had received this "letter of pity" had or is bawling their eyes out, crying over loved ones lost in the heart of this cruel war between the human and infected.

Nothing could change that fact. Nothing. Not even if he prayed.

This letter, that lay in his hands ever so weightlessly weighed heavily down on his heart and soul like nothing he had ever felt before.

For this letter was not that of sympathy, but that of information.

It disgusted him.

These people did not care if one or even thousands that were under their command died. They didn't care. They were just like the obsolete CEDA agents. They didn't care how many they lost or will lose, they just didn't care. They only cared for one thing and that was results.

Nick stood there staring down at the piece of paper that told him everything, yet somehow, told him nothing.

He just couldn't believe it.

Ellis couldn't be dead. He was invincible, like Keith. He was strong. Nick remembered when they were in the Vannah and the mechanic just HAD to hit the stupid crying bitchy one with a base ball bat. And he just HAD to get too close. And she just HAD to attack.

But long story short, he survived, and more incredible than that, he suffered through it all with a smile plastered on his torn up face.

That stupid smile that always somehow reassured Nick that everything would be ok. And somehow or another it always had worked out. He didn't know if it was the fact that he had always hoped that he would see that smile again some day or that it had not come from Ellis himself, but he just couldn't believe it.

Ellis couldn't be dead.

Nick stared down at the letter as he read it over and over again, and with each time he scanned his eyes over the emotionless printed words it started to sink in more and more that he was really gone.

He was really and truly gone.

And that he was alone, now.

Nick eyes started to tear up but he refused to let them fall.

He couldn't break down, he just was too proud. But what else could he do when his world and all his dreams had just been shattered with one measly piece of paper with printed writing on it.

What else could he do?

Nick felt his knees give under his weight and he fell to the carpeted floor with a dull thump.

"Damn-it Ellis..." He whipped away more tears that were painfully stinging his eyes. "Just damn you... you stupid hick..."

Holding himself, he remembered. He remembered everything. The two had done so much together yet somehow it wasn't enough. After all, they had both thought that they had their whole lives to do all the things they had so joyously planned.

Like going to see the world together, settling down, becoming parents, watching their kids grow up, them going off to start a life on their own, becoming grandparents, growing old together, and so on and so forth. Nick had let himself dream, and that was his mistake.

Ellis was dead, and somehow he had to accept that but in the far reaches of his mind he knew he could never accept it. Never...

But as he sat there rocking himself Nick recalled that he somehow KNEW that the hick would not be coming home. Call it a sixth sense, but somehow he knew, and it killed him inside to just let him get on that train anyway. Leaving behind everything that he once held dear.

He shouldn't have.

It should have been him going, but Savannah was one of the worst places that the disease had hit, and Ellis was oh so willing to go. And truth be told, so was Nick. He wanted to go just as bad, just to make sure that his southerner was safe, but of course, with his criminal record, they refused to take him.

Nick remembered pleading with Ellis not to go. He screamed at him and yelled until he was blue in the face. But the mechanic took this outburst with surprisingly calm understanding and the ex-conman looked at his in astonishment, after all, Ellis, though unbeknownst to him, had grown quite wise over their time together.

Instead of always finding something that would most likely put his life in danger he, instead, just took to watching a movie with his husband on the couch to watched other people throw their lives on the line for something stupid. And his fancy in cars grew with the opening of his and Keith's Otto shop, leaving him with more work than time could permit, not that he minded though. But his life, other than an occasional surprise, had become dull and boring.

But Ellis had changed, in the time of their survival, he had grown up and maybe that is why, even though Nick had told him that he was not going to come back, maybe that was why he went. To find the adventure in this world.

He had reassured the ex-gambler that he would be back, someday.

But now someday was nearly here, and there was no sign that he would ever be coming home.

Nick scanned the room through unclear eyes. Green irises wandered aimlessly around the familiar yet alienated surrounding, and finally, his sorrow filled eyes found the letter on the table.

Oh yeah, he had forgotten about that letter. What could it be? What had the man said? Oh...right, a letter...the last...

From Ellis.

He felt himself tense up.

He didn't know why but everything just suddenly felt distant. Like the world didn't matter. The background seemed to fade into nothing. He could hear no sound but the beating of his own heart as the letter seamed to radiate an ominous glow.

It was a trick of the light, he knew it had to be. But still it enticed him, and using all his force he managed to push his ragged limp body off the floor and clumsily walk over to the table. He stared down at it, taking in forced uneven breaths as he reached out to allow his fingers to glide sorrowfully onto the white material. His fingers seemed to have a mind of its own, wanting to memorize ever crease and every wrinkle that was indented in the envelope.

Why he was so worked up, even he did not knew. But as the beads of cold sweat rolled down his forehead, and as his breathing deepened and his shacking worsened, he grabbed the letter.

Just holding something that Ellis had touched made the emotions that he tried so hard to contain burst inside him. He thought he was going to vomit, but he held the feeling in and rode out the waves of nausea that gripped him with an iron clad embrace.

Taking in deep breaths, Nick turned the envelope over in his hands.

Should he even read this? Why was he hesitating? Did he even have a right to read it? It was for him alone, but then why was he suddenly so unwilling to read it then?

There was no reason.

And so slowly, as though it might disintegrate at any sudden movement, he slowly opened it, unfolded the two pieces of paper, and he allowed his eyes to scan the hand written cursive on the page.

Nick,

If you're reading this then you are probably alone, in our cozy house that we both bought together. Probably on the couch watching T.V as you scan your beautiful green eyes over the clumsy cursive known as my handwriting. Someone probably had to break the news to you, but if I know you, then you wont believe it unless I tell you.

So here it goes...

Nick, I'm gone. Far from this world, far from the pain that would have cause my sudden death. I'm so sorry Nick, just so sorry. You were right, you knew this would happen and I still went. Please I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but you have to understand, I HAD to do it. I had to protect you.

I loved you.

And I need to tell you something before I get even more into my goodbye.

I knew the infected would be coming for us. I knew they would over run our base camp, yet I couldn't stop it from happening. I failed my platoon, I failed my country, and I failed you.

I had to stop them, no matter what. And that is the reason why I am here writing this to you. I know I am about to die Nick. I know. Yet I know I have to do it. Even if it will leave you heartbroken, even though it will leave you alone, I have to do it. To protect you.

I love you Nick, so much, more than you could ever hope to understand. Please forgive me for being selfish. For what I am about to do will leave you alone, will leave you heartbroken and grieving, but please, don't be sad, just know that I will always love you.

I am doing what needs to be done, to save you and ensure your future.

I don't have any regrets.

Well...

I have one...

That I wasn't able to see you or give you one more kiss or hold you in my arms one last time. All I have dreamt about for the last five years, training in this hell hole, was coming home into your arms. Me getting off that train, spotting you in the crowd of millions, your arms around me, and us beginning a life together. But other than that, none.

Oh Nick, you don't know how I have dreamt of that day and now looking back I can see, now, how stupid I was, to believe a dream like that could actually happen. I feel so stupid now. I really thought that we could be together somehow, but no. They just had to call me back into the apocalypse warfare, away from civilization, away from friends, family... away from you. But one thing that I will never feel is regret for what I did. Never.

So can you tell Keith that I do not regret followed in his shoes. I just guess that I'm not as indestructible as he is. Even when we were kids and we played war, he would always be the one to survive, never me. And I guess that is why he is coming home next week and I, am not.

I am laying down my gun and hanging up my dirty boot, Nick, I know you are reading this, maybe half way across this god forsaken world, just know, I won't be coming back. I wont be back to see you again or to feel your lips on mine or adopt that child that we had always wanted. I won't be able to teach her to fight like you or to fix cars like I loved to do. I'm sorry. I won't be able to do any of that stuff with you. I will not be able to do it period.

I hear the infected now. Their coming, but...

I don't know what else to say... before I go-

No wait, I do.

I wish I could erase that, but pen and all but anyway,

Nick, I'm dead, and there is going to come a day. Maybe in the near future or maybe years from now, but I know that you're going to move on from me and find someone else. Someone who survived the apocalypse AND the war and you are going to fall in love with this person, be it male or female, even more than you did me, I just know it. And that's ok. I want you to be happy. I want you to move on with your life, without me. Because when you read this, I will already be gone, dead to this world, and truly dead. I want you to be happy, and I know the road that will take you there is without me, and that's ok. It's to hard on the heart to remember what you once had, and that Nick, was me.

You can remember me for a while. Remember all the times we made love or held hands, kissed, or maybe, our wedding. Just remember the good times, not the bad. But when time goes on, so must your memories of me. Let them fade into the darkness and never bring them back again, because you will have to move on from me Nick, my love, and release me from your heart so that you may have room for others in this world, ones that will make you happy. And I know that there is someone far better that me who can make you happy Nick.

I love you, but I guess my love wasn't enough...

My funeral will be held in Savannah, where I first met you. Where my life was the happiest. Please, I hope you come see me. One last time, before...

Well, they're going to lay me down in that field where Coach and Ro are lying. That opened area where we both buried them, you must remember, the one out side of town. That is where I wished them to bury me as well. And I hope that someday, and I pray that it is many years away, I will see you again, because I love you Nick and I never will forget you, but you must forget about me. And so Nick...

If you're reading this, don't be sad...

Because my soul is where my mama had always prayed that it would go...

And I'm up here with god, Ro and Coach and we all are watching over you

If you're readin' this...

Nick,

I'm already home.

Goodbye,

Ellis S. Niles

(A.K.A Overalls)

He dropped the letter and the papers gracefully decended to the ground intertwining and passing over one another in a sorrowful dance.

So that was that...

He let the tears fall.

For what else could he do?