Requested from the night Nija-
Mrs. Cade finds out her son Is in the hospital and now...now he's dead. She isn't sure how to be.
I had vowed to never let my sweet Johnny get hurt and I let him down so many times. The best I could do is yell at him to get out of the house. Sure I hated scaring my poor boy, but I didn't have much choice at all. My husband hated Johnny from day one.
Johnny cried his eyes out too much according to Him. So I made sure he never wanted to come home. Then he met his friends. Kind boys, hate my guts though. That new Yorker threatens to shoot me I didn't do something to stop my husband from beating on Johnny. Then...then, Johnny didn't come home that one week. I thought it was because he was at the Curtis Home. Honestly that was what I was hoping for.
He'd left for a good month last summer and wound up at the Curtis. How I know you ask? I checked in on him. I had too. I needed to make sure my baby was same. But then that cop showed up. He didn't look happy at all. "Mrs. Cade?" He had asked softly looking rather upset. "May I help you?" I asked him tiredly having just woke up. "Your son Johnny's been in an accident." He said and I felt my heart stop. "What..." "There was a Fire. Church fire infact." "He's at Tuzla general right?" I asked grabbing my purse instantly, "Yes." The Officer saud stepping out of my way as I ran to my car completely forgetting my breakfast on the table and sped my way to the hospital.
I was surprised the officer didn't pull me over at all.
"Yes May I help you?" A nurse asked me softly seeing me look flustered. "I'm looking for Johnny Cade I'm his mother." I said softly and she smiled. "I'll go tell him you're here." She said kindly heading down the hallway.
There was a commotion and then she came back out looking me dead in the eyes. "I'm I'm sorry. He doesn't wanna see you." The nurse said. "Is he alone?" I asked softly not liking the idea of my boy being in some hospital room by himself. "No. He isn't. His friends are in there with him." The nurse said smiling gently. "Good. How bad is he? I wasn't told anything other than there had been an accident." I said sadly.
"Oh a beam from a church fell on his back. He's lucky to be alive." The nurse said simply. "Course he deserves this." "What did you just say." I said lowly stomping over to her. "He killed a boy." "My little boy isn't capable of murder. I would know." I said firmly to the nurse. "Well he did. If he doesn't die from this, he'll get the chair for sure." The nurse said almost too heartlessly.
I sighed some looking down the hallway to see his friends just leaving. "You bitch! Look what's happened to him because of you!" One in a mickey shirt screamed at me loudly. Lucky for me the poorly dyed blond one whisked him back. I snuck into Johnny's room and gasped softly. He was asleep and on his back. "Oh baby boy what's happened to you?" I asked softly wiping a few tears from my eyes.
"What type of mother am I?" I asked softly petting his hair back some like I use to when he was a baby. "I'm so sorry." I said brokenly hearing a faint murmur. I was on my knees and felt a hand on my shoulder. "Mama, your your crying?" Johnny asked softly and I sighed some. "Yeah baby boy. Mama's crying. What's happened to you?" I said then asked looking over his body.
He was silent. "Johnny?" I asked softly and he looked at him brokenly. "You'll hate me mama more than you do now." He said and I felt a stab to my heart. "I can never hate you." I said softly seeing him look rather conflicted. "I got into serious trouble with a friend of mine and we had to go into hiding some." He said. I could feel vile at the back of my throat.
"What did you Johnny?" I asked him point blank. "I….I stabbed a guy. I I didn't know what else to do. Didn't want pony to die." He said. "Pony? One of your friends?" I asked him seeing his eyes lit up some. "Yeah...he's the youngest curtis brother loves sunsets and Robert Frost poems and such." Johnny said smiling more so. "Is that gone with the wind?" I asked seeing him look at me with a smile. "Yeah Pony was reading it to me at the church. It's a nice book." He said fondly.
"Uh mama?" He asked me gently. "I..I can't really write all too good right now and I was wondering, could. Could you write a letter for me. It's. It's for Ponyboy. " he said softly. "I'd be happy to. Just tell me what to write." I said softly grabbing a pen and note of paper from my purse. He starts speaking and every word he writes I copy down. It's the last two that get to me the most. "Stay gold."
"It's in the gone with the wind Book. Okay." I said gently. "Thanks mama." He said yawning some. "Get some rest baby boy. I'll be leaving okay. I'll see you later." I said getting up off the floor.
"Hey Mama." He called out to me as I was at the door. "Thanks." He said making me smile some at him. "Anything for you." I said softly hating how he looked. I backed out of the room and into someone. He wasn't much more than fourteen. "Sorry." I said softly helping him up. He looked mad and then I smiled some. "You're Ponyboy. Johnny's friend." I said simply to him and he looked a bit shocked. "What kinda mother are you?" "A terrible one." I said sadly to him looking back into Johnny's room.
Then I headed off letting Johnny be with his friends.
I got home to my lousy husband drunk on the sofa and from the looks of things got into a fight with someone. I didn't ask who at all, I just kept silent and made myself comfortable in my room.
Then came the call and I don't know what I'd expected at all. I was too hopeful for my boy to come home that I didn't want to see just how bad it really was. "I'm so sorry. But your son passed." A nurse said softly to me. I hung the phone up not sure what to ever do. I just sat in my room sobbing for the night through. Come Morning I stopped by the store and heard word of a funeral being held later for my boy and some boy named Dallas Winston.
I hated myself for this, but I'd sneak my way out to the funeral service. Pay my respects to my boy that I'd wronged far too many times.
I stayed in the far back and let his friends say their goodbyes first. Then as the last one got into the truck I made my way over to his simple grave. They'd chosen a nice peaceful spot that I'm sure my boy will love. I got down on my knees and placed a simple white rose on the grass above his grave. "Baby boy I'm so sorry." I said sadly feeling myself come undone.
"Mrs. Cade." I heard from behind me and it was the one boy from before. The one with the mickey shirt. I thought they had all left. Guess I was wrong. Beings they all filed out of the car and walked there way over.
"Yes?" I asked softly sounding more broken than I needed to. "I'm sorry. Bout how I reacted in the hospital to ya." He said honestly. "Don't be." I said sincerally. "I wasn't the best mother to him. Always yelling at him to get out of the house." I said softly. "Why did you yell at him all the time." The eldest one asked me folding his arms over reminded me a lot of Mr. Curtis. I could only assume this was Darrel Jr. "To protect him. His father wasn't right in the head by any means . Always took his anger out on Johnny. So I had to yell at him to take off. To not stay put." I said honestly.
"Your yelling scared him something bad ya know." Another added in I wasn't so sure who it was. "Yeah. I know. It's all I could do to get him to go elsewhere. I hated seeing my boy hurt. Honestly did. But I'm glad he met you and your buddies there." I said honestly standing up. "Why?" The mickey shirt one asked sounding genually confused. "Because you gave him something I never could. No matter how hard I tried to. " I said wiping my eyes some. "What's that?" The yongest Ponyboy I believe asked lighting up a smoke. "A home. You boys gave him a home and I'll be enterally grateful for that. So thank you. Thank you for showing him that are still good people in the word, when I couldn't." I said softly seeing him smile slightly.
"I have one last question though." He said. "What's that?"I asked softly. "How'd Johnny write the note?" "He didn't. But I did. Wrote what he wanted me to." I said softly seeing Ponyboy look at me sadly. I turned on my heels to leave and just before I left I heard Ponyboy shout out to me. "Mrs. Cade..."
"Yes?" I asked softly turning to face Ponyboy. I was a little startled to feel arms wrap around me. I sighed some and hugged him back. He let me go and watched them all leave. The mother in me staying put to make sure they got in the car safe. "Sure ya don't wanna lift?" "A small walk won't kill me. It'll do me some good." I said waving them off.
Then I made my way home and I wasn't sure what to do now. My boy was dead and still had my husband to deal with. I sighed some leaning back against the counter my face in my hands. Before I knew it, I was sobbing and I didn't bother stopping myself. Not this time.
"You crying over that dam son of ours." My husband said lowly grabbing a beer. "He was my baby boy and look what happened to him!" I screamed angrily at him and he just stared at me blankly. "He's dead and there ain't shit you can do about it!" He snapped at me shoving me into the counter. He'd done it so many times before but now. Now it was different.
"Our son died because he was scared. Because of you! You put the fear in him!" I screamed throwing whatever was nearest me on the counter and throwing it at him.
"And your mother of the year?! Always yelling at him to get out of the house!" He screamed angrily. "To protect him. From YOU!" I snapped back storming over to him. "YOU have been nothing but a selfish inconsiderate bastard!" I said clenching my fists. "Oh really! Miss marry me for the money!" "I married you so my papa could live dammit! Never out of love!" I screamed feeling tears down my cheeks. "Now look at me...my papa's been dead for years and now , now I've had to bury my boy. I shouldn't have had to have done that." I said brokenly.
"Big deal. Bastard's dead now. Not much else we can do but move on." "He was no bastard. You're the bastard. I don't know why I stayed with you all these years." I commented storming back to my room and then slamming the door shut. I laid face first on my bed and just screamed into my
Pillows. On my nightstand was a photo of Johnny when he was two years old. Under his left eye was a faint bruise forming from his father having hit him over spilt milk.
I grabbed the photo in both hands and kissed it gently. "I'll always miss you and love you my sweet baby boy. Just know that mama is so sorry for everything you went through. And hope that one day. When we meet again, you can find it in your big heart to forgive me." I said softly holding the photo frame close to my chest and then lying back on my bed.