AN: SORRY about the late update, but please believe me when I say that I've been sufficiently busy. I actually really like this chapter - it's got many events in it that are crucial for later in the story.

I hope you enjoy it!

- HarryPotterForever1997

Danger lies with those who know you best:

Remus woke up in the hospital wing, his eyes protesting at the harsh white sheets, walls, and curtains, blinding his sharpened vision. He closed his eyes again, slowly trying to turn over and groaning as his body resisted movement painfully. He settled back on his back, trying to focus on the cool feel of the bedsheets instead of the throbbing pains in his body. He felt weak, powerless, drained of energy. He didn't think that he had the strength to get up if he tried. He didn't want to try. At least it wasn't a weekday. He wouldn't have a whole mound of work to look forward to once he was done 'visiting his mother'. Surprisingly, this was the worst part of being a werewolf for Remus. Not the pain of transformation or the habitual estrangement, but the time after each full moon, when his exploits the night before caught up to his human body and left him feeling like he'd just been through a war.

It'd been worse earlier - he used to tie himself up every night, and wait for the transformation to begin, every second bringing his dreaded time closer. He'd never find any food, so he used to scratch and bite himself instead, waking up with several lacerations, that he'd had to create several stories to explain. The villagers always believed that the Shrieking shack was haunted because of him, blaming the screams they heard on paranormal beings rather than a wounded werewolf's exclamations of pain. And then his friends had found out.

It'd been such a simple thing - they'd followed him out to the Hogwarts grounds one night and seen him freeze the Whomping Willow. They'd waited outside for a while, and had almost given up and gone back - until they heard the screams. They'd rushed in, and witnessed a wolf scratching and biting himself, struggling to break free of the ropes that bound him. They'd stood transfixed in horror for a few minutes, Peter shaking and whining in terror, and Sirius and James standing with faces that could have been carved out of stone. So they'd sat down, and waited for the night to end, watching Remus go through cycles of pain and struggle, his body convulsing as he screamed in pain. At one particularly quiet moment, James had walked to Remus, and reached out to him. He'd been shaking with the finest of tremors, trying to contain himself at seeing his best friend in so much pain. For a moment, it'd seemed as though Remus - their friend, Remus Lupin - had stared back at them from the wolf's blank eyes, but then it'd growled, and swiped at James, sending him flying almost to the other side of the room. James still had the scar, a thick line of puckered, discoloured skin, running diagonally from his left hip bone to the right side of his chest.

Remus had almost internally collapsed with guilt when he'd seen it the next morning, but whenever he tried to apologise for it, James would always just say one thing: "Seeing you in so much pain - tied up and screaming, biting and scratching yourself, struggling constantly...it hurt much more than any punch that you could ever throw at me." Remus smiled to himself. If he had anything to be grateful for, it was his friends. They'd accepted him, helped him - even became unregistered animagi for him. Now, the full moon wasn't quite so terrifying for Remus (it still scared him to death, but less so than before). Because he knew that if things ever did get out of control, he'd have at least three friends who'd help him out. And that meant everything.

o-O-o

James woke up in his bed in the Gryffindor dormitory. It was more peaceful than his usual way of waking up. He just opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling calmly, thinking about the night before. It'd been just like any other full moon - they'd all had fun running around in the moonlight with Moony, keeping him under control so he hadn't accidentally hurt anyone. Except this time, James (or Prongs?) hadn't been his usual self. He'd been distracted, and agitated. Even while he'd been bounding around the Hogwarts grounds with Moony, he hadn't been able to stop his thoughts from straying back to the note that he'd found, and what had happened after that...just like he couldn't stop now. James shook himself mentally. He couldn't think about this any more. He thought that the full moon ritual would help him take his mind off things, but it hadn't. He sat up, his hand searching for his glasses on his bedside table.

"Hey Prongs." Sirius said lazily. James looked up, and saw Sirius leaning on the side of his bedpost, looking down at him.

"Hi." James said, as he found his glasses and put them on.

"Did you sleep well?" Sirius asked, his gaze flicking to the bed.

"Yeah, I guess." James said. "So, what's our plan for this fine Sunday morning?" Sirius looked at him, notably amused.

"Our plan-" He said, sitting down beside him on the bed. "-is for you to tell me what was written on that note that you saw yesterday. And then we can have some fun." James sighed.

"I told you-" He began to say, but Sirius cut him off.

"Come on Prongs, you know I won't buy that 'nothing' bullshit." He said, smiling wryly. "It messed up your whole night too - you couldn't stop thinking about it, I know you couldn't."

"Nice to know you pay so much attention to me." James said, smiling a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Something you want to tell me Padfoot?" Sirius chuckled.

"You know that if either one of us is desirable enough to turn the other gay, it's me." Sirius said. "But enough about my superiority in dating appeal. What was on that piece of paper?" James sighed, and gritted his teeth.

"Right." He said in a tightly controlled voice. "The note." Sirius' watchful gaze seemed to be probing into his face. He looked away, exasperated, and then said: "Look, it was nothing, okay? It just - it proved how much Evans hates me, that's all.

"What exactly did it say?" Sirius asked calmly. James looked back at him, and he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he recited the words that he'd committed to memory, not out of his own volition.

"It said: 'James Potter is an arrogant prick, and I honestly do not think that I have met anyone I so desperately wished I didn't know. He's a deluded, egoistic, pathetic asshole, and I honestly don't know how he can constantly try to ask me out when I have done my best to make it blatantly obvious that I'm not interested. Stupid prat. The only reason he's even interested is because I'm not.' Happy now?" He demanded when he was done. "You know what it was about, now forget about it. It doesn't matter."

"Mate, look-" Sirius began to say.

"No, it's fine! Seriously, you were right. I don't need to bother with her. She obviously doesn't feel the same way - and she must have only been pretending to tolerate my presence these few years." James paused for a fraction of a second, as if he meant to say something else. "It's all right - my mistake, I should have known." Sirius looked as if he was about to say something, but instead just put a hand on James' shoulder.

"It'll be all right." He said. "There's probably some other explanation for this." James laughed, a harsh bark without humour.

"If there is, I'd like to know what it is." He said. Sirius patted James on the shoulder once, purposefully, and then left him to his thoughts. James sat still for a few seconds, his jaw clenched, then he got up, got his clothes, and headed to the showers.

o-O-o

"I love you Lily." James said, looking at her deeply. Lily's heart jumped in her chest, and a warm feeling began to spread through her. She could feel herself smiling brightly, and a great feeling of joy overtook her body, giving her a delightful weightless feeling as though everything in the world was okay again. But then James' smile disappeared, and his eyes grew hard and cold, like golden chips of marble. "But you can't love me back. Not after everything that you've done."

As soon as James said that, the world seemed to explode, everything shattering into pieces around her. And then Lily was falling, a dizzy sense of vertigo overcoming her. Images of James' face every time she'd rejected him swam around her, and her ears were filled with the sounds of all of the times that she'd shunned him, demeaned him, insulted him, repeating themselves in echoes:

"Piss off Potter!" "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last person on Earth." "Why won't you just get it? I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU!" "I don't need YOUR help, you're just as bad as him." "Arrogant toerag." "Stupid prat." "Stupid bully." "I swear, your head could not get any bigger." And of course, all of those things that she'd written in her diary all those years ago..."James Potter is an egoistic asshole...I wish I'd never met him...the only reason he's even interested is because I'm not." Lily tried to close her eyes to everything, but it didn't work. The images kept on swimming around her, the echoes repeating themselves, now hearing all of those times that James had asked her out...

Suddenly, a new voice broke out of the darkness in Lily's head. "Lily!" She strained her ears to hear more of it, not sure whether it was a real voice or another figment of her imagination.

"LILY!" Lily woke up with a gasp, sitting up suddenly, and looking around her as if she was dazed.

The concerned faces of Mary Macdonald, Marlene McKinnon, and Alice Griffiths filled her vision. They were all looking at her as if she'd killed someone.

"What?" She exclaimed, still trying to get the horrible sense of the dream out of her head, trying to stop it from continuing to impede her real life.

"Are you okay, Lily?" Marlene said concernedly, sitting down on Lily's left, her blonde hair slowly swaying in its long plait as she did so.

"Were you having a bad dream?" Mary asked, settling on Lily's right, her light brown hair shining in the sunlight streaming in from the window behind Lily's bed.

"What's wrong?" Alice said simply, sitting down right in front of Lily.

"Nothing," Lily said, now a bit more composed. "I just had a bad dream, that's all."

"Was it about James?" Mary asked. Lily looked at her sharply, her mind beginning to tremble with fear of discovery.

"Why would you ask that?" She asked in as casual a tone as she could manage, trying not to let her shock show on her face.

"Because you kept on saying something like 'Sorry James' while you tossed and turned." Mary said. "So..." Lily sighed internally. It wasn't as bad as she'd thought.

"Um, yeah. I was just feeling a bit guilty about all of those years I spent being such a horrid person to him." Lily said, in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone. Alice raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Why would you be thinking about that NOW? I thought it was all water under the bridge - that you guys were friends now. Why would it suddenly start making you feel guilty?" Alice asked disbelievingly. Lily shrugged.

"I don't know." She said. "I guess my conscience is a strange one."

"Is there something you're not telling us?" Marlene asked. Lily turned to see her friend's green eyes boring into her face, as if she was trying to decipher what Lily was keeping from all of them. Lily looked away quickly.

"No!" She said in as incredulous a tone she could. "Why would I do that? Anyway, I should go and take a shower now." She said, jumping up and heading for the cupboard. "Breakfast can't be far away."

o-O-o

"Do you feel well enough for breakfast?" Madame Pomfrey asked, gazing down at Remus concernedly. Remus shook his head reluctantly. He felt a bit better, but certainly not well enough to go traipsing down to the Great Hall for breakfast. He WANTED to go though. He wanted to see everyone, talk to his friends...and eat. He was starving.

"Well all right then." The Matron said, looking troubled. "I'll get you some breakfast."

"Don't worry about it Poppy." A familiar voice said at the door. Remus turned his head to it quickly, trying to see whether he was right about the unexpected visitor.

"We've got Remus covered." Madam Pomfrey turned around with a stern expression on her face, although a smile teased the corners of her lips.

"James Potter." She said, in a slightly surprised tone. "And Sirius Black of course, and...where's Peter?"

"He went to the kitchens to get more food." Sirius said, standing beside James and, like him, holding a tray full of food in his hands. Madame Pomfrey pursed her lips slightly.

"Well, you really shouldn't be here, you know." She said. "I don't think that Remus is well enough for visitors."

"Oh come on Poppy. Please let us stay. We even got him breakfast!" James said, in his most convincing tone.

"But you might just tire him out even more. He needs rest." The Matron replied, shaking her head slowly. Remus' heart sank. He didn't want them to leave. Somehow, his eyes caught Sirius', and they exchanged glances in communication, his gaze conveying his wishes pleadingly, and Sirius' eyes responding with complacent confidence of their fulfilment.

"Please Madame Pomfrey." He said, in a politer tone than Remus had ever heard him speak in before. James looked at him in surprise. The Matron looked at him, clearly amused. "Please let us stay. We promise we won't tire Remus out or anything. We just really want to see our friend, and make sure he's okay."

"Well, that's really my job." Madame Pomfrey said shortly, but her resolve was wavering. She cast a worried glance at Remus, and then seemed to relax suddenly. "All right." She said. "But I'll just be in the other room, and if I hear any sort of rowdiness, or loud noises, you will have your visitor's privileges revoked." She said sternly. "Is that clear?" She said, looking at James and Sirius hardly.

"Yes Ma'am." James and Sirius both said, looking slightly taken aback. The Matron smiled and walked away.

"How're you doing Moony?" James asked, striding over to Remus and putting his tray down on the bedside table in one languid movement.

"I'm fine." Remus answered, in a voice that sounded much happier than it had a few minutes ago.

"You sure?" Sirius asked, mimicking James' earlier action.

"Yes." Remus replied. "I'm fine. You guys didn't have to do this you know. Madame Pomfrey would have gotten me breakfast. You could've stayed and talked to a couple of friends." James made an incredulous noise.

"'Talk to friends'? While one of our best friends is in the hospital wing? We couldn't have done that." James said, sitting down on the edge of Remus' bed.

"Yeah, we're a lot of things, but we're not bad friends." Sirius said, dragging a chair near Remus' bed and sitting down on it backwards. He furrowed his eyebrows suddenly. "I hope."

"No." Remus said, chuckling softly. "You're not."

"Good." James said, picking up the tray and putting it in Remus' lap. "Now eat."

"Fine." Remus said, picking up a piece of pumpkin pie and beginning to eat it slowly. "What's wrong with you?"

James froze, his smile faltering. "What do you mean?"

"I mean-" Remus said, enunciating every word. "-that you don't seem to be yourself. What's wrong?"

Sirius glanced at James quickly and then met Remus' eyes, both of them silently communicating. James looked at them sharply, and they dropped their eyes, sheepish at having been caught (mentally) discussing him in his presence.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Prongs." Remus said gently, sensing that something was holding James back. James sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair.

"Nothing. Just further proof of how pathetic I am to keep chasing after Evans, that's all. Another piece of evidence about her deep hatred for me." James said in a forcibly light tone. Everything about his behaviour conveyed complete insouciance about the situation, but anyone who knew him well enough would have been able to see the cracks in his visage. All his muscles were tensed and his smile carried none of its lazy charm, rather a false strained quality. His eyes were dark and stormy, their normally light hazel now dark copper. Remus opened his mouth as if to say something, but evidently thought better of it. "I suppose you're going to ask me what happened for me to think this way?" Remus shook his head slowly. James looked surprised. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He asked.

"Maybe he wouldn't, but I certainly do." said a familiar voice at the door. James' eyes widened, and Sirius let out an involuntary gasp. Remus just stared at the entrance disbelievingly, unable to register what he saw. James turned around slowly, and saw the last person he wanted to see.
Standing in the doorway, looking incredibly distraught, was Lily Evans.

o-O-o

Lily looked around anxiously for James, her smile faltering when she saw that his usual seat was empty. She plastered a false grin on her face and walked over to her friends, sitting down with them.

"Hey guys!" She said in a falsely cheery tone. She couldn't let them see how distressed she really was. Discovery meant explanation. Explanation meant divulgement. And she couldn't divulge her secrets. Not now, not ever. Marlene barely glanced at her before looking back at her copy of the daily prophet, her bright green eyes quickly skimming the page.

"Anything important?" Alice asked gently. Marlene's family had been attacked by death-eaters about a month ago - everything had been taken care of, but they were still trying to find the guilty party. Marlene snapped the paper shut suddenly, a surly look on her face.

"Nothing." She said gloomily. "Nothing's going on." Alice looked as if she were about to say something, but then turned back to her plate suddenly, keeping her eyes on her food.

"Oh my god." She whispered out of the corner of her mouth. "It's Frank. Hide me." The other three girls smiled between themselves, though Lily's mind was only half-there. A tall broad-shouldered smiling boy with sharp features and green eyes walked to Alice lazily, sliding into the seat next to her. He smiled, looking around at everyone.

"Morning." He said. Everyone nodded in agreement. His gaze finally came to rest on Alice, studiously trying to ignore him. "Hey Al." He said in a soft voice. Alice clenched her fists and looked up at him, her eyes blazing.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed. He looked at her teasingly.

"Whatever do you mean?" He said in the most sarcastic tone possible.

"You know what I mean." Alice said in a tightly controlled voice. "Go away." The girls looked at each other, alarmed. They hadn't known that Alice and Frank had had a fight.

"Al-" Frank began to say, reaching for her hand. Alice pulled her hand away abruptly, and got up. She looked around at her friends.

"I need some air." She said, gathering up her things. "And don't follow me." She said, giving Frank a pointed glare. Then she turned on her heel, and walked away.

"Frank-" Lily began to say, but Frank just sighed, exasperated, ran a hand through his dark brown hair and quickly started after Alice. Lily was momentarily stunned, not just because Frank had understood the unspoken 'when-a-girl-tells-you-not-to-follow-her-you-reall y-should' without her help, but because when Frank had run his hand through his hair, the gesture had seemed so familiar and James-like to Lily that she had had to take a moment to centre her feelings.

"Okay...so, as I was saying..." Mary began awkwardly, trying to diffuse the tension. "Where are the marauders?" Lily looked at her sharply - had Mary noticed her searching?

"Well, Remus is in the hospital wing. Maybe the others are visiting him." Marlene said, her voice muffled as she took a bite of a muffin.

"What?" Lily exclaimed.

"Well...yes, I saw him there this morning when I went to get my daily stress draught." Marlene said, and then, in response to Lily and Mary's concerned expressions: "I'm fine guys. Just a bit stressed, that's all. Who wouldn't be, with the exams coming up?" Lily looked at her for a moment longer and then decided not to pursue it.

"Well, Remus wasn't in prefect duty yesterday, but he told me that he was going to be visiting his mother this weekend..." Lily let her voice trail off. "He did look like hell though."

"Maybe he didn't want you to know he was sick." Mary said, licking the icing off her cupcake.

"Why would he want that?" Lily asked, perturbed. Mary shrugged.

"I don't know. To seem tough? You know how guys are about their manhood." Mary said. Marlene rolled her eyes.

"Well going to visit your mother is hardly more manly than being sick." Marlene said.

"Well, I should probably go and visit him then." Lily said, getting up.

"But you haven't had any breakfast yet!" Mary exclaimed. Lily looked down at her abandoned plate.

"I'm not hungry." She said. And then, looking back at Mary and Marlene: "I'll meet you guys back in the dorm later. And take care of Al, could you? I mean, I know that Frank's handling it, but she hasn't been well for some time."

"Neither have you Lily." Marlene said, looking at her strangely. Lily blinked once.

"I'm fine." She said. "See you guys later."

"Bye." Mary and Marlene called out as she walked away.
But she was already gone.

o-O-o

The walk to the hospital wing was a short and quiet one. Lily tried not to think about anything as she made her way through empty hallways because her mind kept on straying back to the reason that she was going. A large part of her was concerned for Remus, and was dreading seeing him, in case he was worse off than she thought. Remus spent a lot of time ill, but Lily could never stop worrying about him when he was. She shared an odd bond with the scruffy hard-working boy whose ability to be kind to everyone despite having a mean side was oddly endearing instead of repelling. She cared about Remus as she would care about a brother - he was one of her dearest friends, and she would have done anything for him. The other part of her was guiltily hoping that James would be there.

Lily stopped walking abruptly, and tried to stop thinking about that smaller part. She couldn't think about that possibility. It should be a reason for her NOT to go if anything, although it would be wrong of her to refrain from visiting Remus just because things with James were awkward. - despite that though, she couldn't let herself feel overwhelmed and even excited about seeing James - she had no right to feel this way, not now, not ever. She'd spent too long denying it. She stepped into the hospital wing purposefully - and then froze. Because diagonally on her left was Remus lying in a hospital bed, James and Sirius either side of him. They appeared to be talking about something and didn't seem to notice her. But it wasn't James' presence in the room that paralysed her, or his voice that seemed to surround her as he spoke, like in her dream. It was what he was saying. About her.

"...more evidence about her hating me."

Lily felt a wave of shock slam into her, leaving her feeling weak and dazed. James thought that she hated him? After all of the time that she'd spent growing closer to the marauders, trying to prove that her previous actions didn't define how she felt about them now...had it all really been for NOTHING? He'd probably found something - but what? Lily hadn't written or said anything about about hating James for the past year. She'd even torn out all of the old pages of her diary, in which she'd insulted James, because she'd been unable to look at them without feeling consumed by guilt, and - a feeling of cold realisation overcame Lily. She knew exactly what had happened now. James had found one of her old diary pages, and thought that the opinion expressed in them was still the one she held now. Well, that was easy enough to explain away - wasn't it?

o-O-o

"Alice." Frank said quietly. "I'm sorry." Alice stared at him. He'd finally caught up to her on her way to Transfiguration, and now they were standing in the empty classroom. He was leaning against the teacher's desk, looking exhausted. She stood by the windows, feeling the same.

"Frank, it's okay-" Alice began.

"No, it isn't." He interrupted, his green eyes shining with self-loathing. "You have every right to be angry, and don't say you overreacted. You didn't. I can't tell you how bad I feel." He looked down at his shoes, as though his thoughts were made of lead.

"Frank." Alice said abruptly. His head snapped up and he looked at her intensely. "I just STORMED OUT of breakfast, because I was angry at you for being sexist when you were high on butterbeer - in a world where sexism is normality, I really don't see how this is any of your fault. I mean, yes, I can be annoyed, maybe even a little angry, but certainly not furious. I'm sorry."

"Shut up!" Frank exclaimed, exasperated. Alice felt the yell like she would've felt a slap. She saw a flash of regret in Frank's eyes. "Come here." He said, his expression softening.

Alice walked briskly to him almost without her own volition, stepping into his arms. One of his hands rubbed slow circles on the small of her back, while the other teased the back of her neck with its fingertips. Immediately, Alice felt herself relaxing. It was like all that she needed for all of the tension to disappear was to be in close proximity of Frank.

"Listen to me." He said calmly. "You're not wrong. In ANY way. I'm at fault here, and you need to see that. I'm not saying that to make you feel better, but because I genuinely believe it. Alice, 'living in a sexist world' isn't an excuse for anything. I know that people are used to the jokes, but that doesn't make it okay. Besides, what I said..." Frank trailed off, shaking his head. "I was a pig. And I'm sorry. The only thing that you did was treat me as you should have treated me, okay?" He lightly chucked her chin. "And the butterbeer doesn't excuse anything either. I should have a higher tolerance." Alice smiled, and giggled happily. Frank smiled at the sound of her chuckle, an amused expression on his face. "What?" He asked.

"If you were any other guy, we'd be having a completely different conversation. I was prepared to swallow my anger, and move on, but you-" She lightly poked his nose. "-know what the right thing to do is. You know what the right thing is, period. So...thank you." Frank raised his eyebrows.

"To what do I owe this gratitude?" He asked, bemused.

"Thank you for not being a male chauvinist pig." Alice said. Frank began shaking his head again, looking slightly saddened. "What?"

"You don't need to thank me for being a decent human being, Al." Frank said. "Just because everyone else doesn't believe that sexism is unacceptable doesn't mean that I do. And it doesn't MAKE it acceptable either - well, okay, maybe for now, but it doesn't make it RIGHT. And I know that you've grown up with believing it does -we all have - but that isn't true, okay? Please understand that." Alice started laughing uncontrollably, her hair falling into her face. Frank pushed back a strand of hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear. "What?" He asked when she finally stopped.

"Nothing." She said. "I just never thought I'd meet a male feminist, that's all."

"Well, we're a dying race." Frank said, smiling. "Like the left-handers - such as you and I."

"And how do you propose we survive?" Alice asked.

"We stick together. And don't let anyone hurt the other. Does that sound all right to you?" Alice grinned.

"That sounds perfect." She said.

o-O-o

"Continue!" Lily said in a depressed voice. "Why do you think I hate you?" James didn't look sad now. He just looked angry.

"Don't act like you don't know." He said, moving towards her.

"I assure you, I don't." Lily said, taking a step closer to him. Her green eyes were full of innocence, like she wasn't being deceptive - maybe she was truely clueless? James heart lept for a second, but then he shook himself. He couldn't trust himself to interpret her expression. He'd probably been reading it wrongly for years.

"I completely believe you." James said sarcastically, and then turned away. Lily came around and stood directly in front of him. Now she had her back to Remus and Sirius, both of whom were watching James with wide eyes.

"Tell me why you think I hate you." She said with determination, although her eyes had dark circles beneath them, and her small frame was shaking with the finest of tremors. Despite himself, James pointed to the edge of Remus' bed.

"Sit down. You look like you're about to collapse." Lily looked at him for a moment longer, and then sat down, a look of gratitude passing over her face. She didn't take her eyes off James.

"Tell me." She said again.

"I found a bit of parchment in the common room." He said, and then, in response to her blank expression: "It had your handwriting on it." Lily's eyes widened.

"It couldn't have been mine. Besides, how could a bit of parchment have made you think that I hate you?" James looked at her sadly.

"Because of what it said." He said. So for the second time that day, James launched into a repetition of the note's words: "'James Potter is an arrogant prick, and I honestly do not think that I have met anyone I so desperately wished I didn't know. He's a deluded, egoistic, pathetic asshole, and I honestly don't know how he can constantly try to ask me out when I have done my best-" He stopped when Lily cut him off.

"-my best to make it blatantly obvious that I'm not interested. Stupid prat. The only reason he's even interested is because I'm not.'" Lily finished in a ghost of a whisper, her eyes looking as though they didn't want to see. James was stunned momentarily. He would never have admitted it, but there was always a part of him that had hoped that Lily hadn't actually written the note, that he hadn't been right to assume she had. He knew it was impossible - what could he blame it on? A forgery charm? Did those even exist? - but he hadn't been able to stop himself from believing. Until now. A cold feeling overtook him, turning him numb, and he could feel his expression turning to ice.

o-O-o

"So you did write it." Sirius said in a harsh tone, his voice carrying notes of both surprise and hatred. Lily looked dejected.

"Yes." She said. "But-"

"I think you should go Lily." Remus said coldly, cutting her off. Remus, the one who was always gentle, always kind, was ordering her out with pure hatred and disappointment in his eyes. It was all she could do not to cry.

"Let me explain." She said, looking around at them with wide eyes.

"Please." James said sarcastically.

"I did write the note..." Lily began slowly. "...but not any time in the recent past." James let out a harsh bark of laughter, his expression completely skeptical.
"Yes, that's why it was in the common room yesterday morning." He said.

"I left it there after ripping it out." Lily said, praying that they'd believe her. She could feel her voice getting steadily shakier by the second. She was getting closer to breaking point. "I've been...guilty recently, about how I treated you all in our first few years at Hogwarts. So I decided to destroy the evidence. I mean, no point in holding on to those times. I've moved on."

"Evidently." James said, obviously still doubtful.

"I swear, I am telling the truth!" Lily exclaimed. She felt a dampness on her cheeks, and put her hand to her face, surprised to feel it come away wet. She was crying. Lily giggled inwardly.

She was crying! It was over! She'd broken! It felt like a cosmic joke. After all of the weeks she'd spent keeping the tears down, doing her best to swallow her emotions, trying her best to deny her feelings, controlling her thoughts so that the guilt didn't suffocate her, she'd been inching closer and closer to the edge of a black abyss - like the one that James had saved her from the night before. Lily had always thought that falling into the black abyss would've meant losing everything - complete confession would've ripped away her protection, and left her completely bare against the brunt of her guilt. But now she was here - she was crying - and it didn't feel anything like falling into a black abyss. More like glorious freedom, gained after so long. Remus and Sirius glanced at each other in surprise, and James unfolded his arms suddenly, and took a small step towards her. Lily stopped sobbing, wiping her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She said. "That was uncalled for. I'm just being a drama queen." She stood up, smoothing down her robes. "Get well soon Remus. And Potter - I don't hate you. I haven't for a long time, and I'm sorry that I gave you reason to believe that I did." And with that, Lily turned around and walked away. The three boys stared after her retreating figure, turning to look at each other when she was gone.

o-O-o

"So that's good news right?" Remus asked, looking at James eagerly. "She doesn't hate you! Of course, that doesn't mean she likes you either, but you know; baby steps..." James smiled and lightly punched Remus' stomach - very lightly, he barely felt it himself.

"Yes, it's good news that Evans doesn't hate me." He said, his eyes shining with a bright light that had been absent for the past 24 hours. The light went out suddenly, his expression changing into something much more grim. "But there's something wrong with her." He said worriedly.

"Prongs..." Sirius began seriously "I know that you find it hard to believe that Evans doesn't despise you when your best mates can barely stand you, but I assure you - there is nothing wrong with Lily. She genuinely doesn't hate you." He said, clapping a hand on James' soldier and looking at him with a completely composed expression. The only thing that betrayed his lack of sobriety was the mischievous look in his eyes. James shrugged off Sirius' hand, smiling slightly.

"No." He said, shaking his head. "It isn't that. There's just something else going on with her. Has been for a few weeks, but it isn't just normal drama - I can see that now. She wouldn't have broken down like that otherwise." He looked at Remus and Sirius expectantly - they stared back with blank expressions.

"I don't understand you." Sirius said shortly. "You must be psychoanalysing." James rolled his eyes.

"I am NOT psychoanalysing." James said. "I just know her better than the two of you, that's all." Remus and Sirius exchanged glances. Remus raised his eyebrows.

"Oh REALLY?" He said.

"Yes." James replied in an almost bored tone.

"Well, I guess we'd better not doubt the Evans expert, huh Remy?" Sirius said in a mocking tone. Remus' growing expression of mischief gave way to annoyance at the word 'Remy'.

"I have told you not to call me that." He said pointedly, glaring at Sirius.

"Oh but it suits you so well..." James began, joining in the teasing now that he wasn't the subject.

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does." Sirius said.

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does." James repeated.

o-O-o

Lily smiled at the sound of the boys' voices as they argued, amused despite her dark mood. Lily had dropped her wand as she'd exited the ward, and it was inside the room now. She'd tried an 'Accio' charm, but all that it did was make it slam into the door. She hadn't wanted to walk in immediately, when they'd been talking about James' happiness and his suspicions about her. She was just waiting for the right time in the conversation, so that she could dash in without seeming like she'd been eavesdropping, and retrieve her wand without any awkwardness. She supposed that she should do it now - they weren't discussing anything related to her. But she was too afraid to face James. She was afraid he'd figure out what was 'wrong with her'.

James knew Lily better than she knew herself - it was true, all of those times that he'd said it HADN'T been lies. Over the past year Lily had realised just how well James knew her, and now she knew that it was so well that it scared her. Lily was scared that James would find out what was going on with her if her tried - and that was something that she could NEVER let happen, no matter how difficult it was to deceive him. If James found out that Lily had romantic feelings for him, after all of those years of false hatred...she didn't know what he would do. But she didn't want to find out. She guessed she'd just have to avoid James as best as she could. Taking a deep breath, Lily stepped forward and pushed the door open.

The door opened suddenly, and all three boys stopped laughing to look at the entrance. For the second time that day, Lily stood there looking at them for a few seconds. And then she bent down and picked up a long black piece of willow that was on the ground.

"Dropped my wand earlier." She said, already turning to go away. James felt a flash of panic and called after her quickly.

"Lily, wait!" He called. She stopped abruptly and turned around, her face looking...fearful? But why would Lily be scared of him? James shook the thought from his mind. It was just one of the many things that was off about Lily nowadays - and he had to find out why. For some reason, James just couldn't let it go this time - his mind possessed a sense of complete urgency when faced with the task of finding out what had caused Lily to be this way, almost as if the answer was important and somehow relevant to him. James took a deep breath. He'd always told himself that Lily Evans was a soul that he knew just as well - perhaps even better - than his own. Now was the time to put that theory to the test.

"Can I speak to you please?" He asked as politely as he could. His whole body seemed to be buzzing with excitement and anxiety. He didn't know why, but finding the reason behind Lily's behaviour seemed to be fundamental to continue with life normally. With a seemingly scared and fragile look in her eyes, Lily nodded slowly.

Despite herself, Lily had a sinking feeling in her chest. She couldn't help thinking "It's over".

AN: I just love cliffhanger endings too much to let this one end normally. =P I'm not really sure how to set out what's going to happen next, but Chapter 3 will be up as soon as possible. =) PLEASE review - this is my first fanfiction, so I would really appreciate it!