Chapter 2:
"So, Thor…" Odin begins as they sit round the dinner table that night. "Are you excited about football season starting in a couple weeks?"
Thor looks up from his plate to his father, nodding enthusiastically.
"Yeah! I can't wait!" He answers. "I think the teams shaping up to be pretty good this year too."
Odin nods, seeming pleased.
"I think you'll do even better this year than last. For sure you'll make state champions." He says.
And again, Thor nods.
The conversation about the team continues between father and son for the next few minutes, and Frigga glances over at Loki, noticing him with his eyes fixed to his plate, pushing his food around with his fork.
He looks sullen, and hasn't spoken a word since they gathered.
She feels her chest constrict, a sudden pang of worry working its way up from the pit of her stomach.
"Loki, honey, are you feeling okay?" She interjects in the conversation, moving it to her youngest. "You've barely touched your food."
Thor and Odin stop in their exchange, both glancing to the young boy.
Loki glances up at his Mother, blinking, for a moment seeming confused.
And then he shrugs, looking back to his food.
"I'm alright." He answers softly, voice almost too quiet to hear.
A momentary silence falls over the room then, stretching.
"Did you…" Odin starts, as though just remembering his youngest, and that he should show some interest. "learn anything of particular note today in school?"
The curiosity sounds forced, but if Loki notices, he doesn't give any indication.
Instead, his eyes for a moment seem to light brightly as he looks up at his Father.
"We were learning about perspective in art class today!" He begins, sounding genuinely excited for the first time that night. "And how to gauge and depict proportion properly when looking at an object. There are all sorts of factors which come in, angle and shadow and light and…"
His voice trails off as he sees Odin's eye lose focus and slide away. He continues to nod, but he isn't listening.
"And some kid during gym class called me a fag and shoved me to the floor." He says suddenly, voice hard and angry.
"That's wonderful son." Odin says absently, even as both Thor's and Frigga's eyes go wide in shock and dismay.
Loki's face twists in a pained scowl, his entire frame going rigid.
His gaze drops back to his plate, and he goes silent.
"Odin!" Frigga chastises. "Did you not hear what your son just said?"
Odin looks to her, seeming for a moment lost.
"It's okay Mom." Loki says quietly, picking his fork back up and stabbing absently at his food.
"It's not alright." Frigga counters. "Odin, your son just told you he was bullied in school today, and you told him that was great! You're not even listening to him!"
For an instant, Odin actually looks shocked, and then his lips curl into a frown, and he looks back to Loki, starts saying…
"Loki, what…"
Abruptly, Loki pushes back from the table, standing.
He doesn't look up as he says…
"I'm feeling tired. I think I'm going to go to bed now, if you'll excuse me…"
And without another word, he turns, striding quickly from the dining room.
A moment later, they hear his bedroom door slam.
Frigga holds her face in her hands, shaking her head, as Odin stares dumbfounded after Loki, Thor fidgeting uncomfortably with his napkin.
"… I'll go check on him." The elder sibling finally mutters, sounding ashamed, though what for, Frigga can't figure. It wasn't Thor's fault.
As he exits the room to go check on his brother, Frigga finally lifts her face and glares at her husband.
"Odin, for the love of God, I can't believe you!" She hisses, not even bothering to hide her fury.
"What?!" Odin shoots back defensively. "It was a simple mistake. I've had a lot on my mind lately. The firms been overrun with work this last month, and…"
"Odin, stop. Do you not remember what his doctor said?!" She gestures angrily in the direction of Loki's room. "It's important we pay him attention and show him that we care! You know how easily he gets discouraged!"
"I know!" Odin shoots, frustrated and angry.
"Odin, just…" Frigga trails off, voice losing its edge, growing heavy and thick with worry. "We can't lose him."
She looks down, her hands folding tight together in her lap.
"If he hurts himself again…"
"He won't." Odin says pointedly. Only he sounds more like he's trying to convince himself than her.
"If he does," Frigga looks up at him, eyes shining wet. "I'll never forgive us. Because it will be our fault Odin. Do you understand? We're supposed to protect him."
"… I know." Odin replies, voice quiet now, having lost it's power.
For a moment, silence falls between them.
"… I just don't understand him sometimes." Odin murmurs finally. "He confounds me, that boy."
"Loki is a complicated child." Frigga answers. "That's what you get with gifted children like him. We always knew it wasn't going to be easy."
"That makes it no less difficult to deal with." Odin says back.
Frigga nods.
"But we have to try. For Loki, we have to try Odin."
"I am trying." He says.
"Not hard enough." She shoots in return quickly. "You know how sensitive Loki is. It's so easy to hurt him Odin. And he already feels so out of place. I fear what will happen if he should…"
"He won't." Odin cuts off her thought. "… He won't."
/
Thor stands outside Loki's bedroom door a long, few seconds.
Just waiting.
He feels a reluctance he wishes he didn't.
A fear.
It wasn't so long ago, he was standing in this same spot, knocking softly on the door, waiting for a reply.
Receiving none.
Making his way in and finding…
His eyes close against the memory, vivid and sharp.
So much red, pooling everywhere.
And Loki, lying limp and still and deathly pale…
His own voice, hoarse with screaming so loud, crying for help as he cradled the unresponsive form of his little brother in his arms, so small and fragile and helpless…
He pushes the memory away, clenching his fists.
No, enough of that.
Enough.
He raises his hand, knocking gently.
"Loki?" He calls.
There's no answer, and he waits only a moment more, forcing the sick feeling threatening in his stomach down before reaching out and grasping the doors knob, twisting and pushing it open.
There's an awful and nauseating tension which sticks in his chest for those brief instants as his eyes scan over the room, his mind treacherously expecting the worst.
It dissipates almost immediately as it finds Loki, sitting on the floor on the other side of his bed, leaned up against the frame, only the back of his head visible.
Thor waits a moment before, quietly, he steps into the room, closing the door softly behind him and making his way to where his little brother sits.
Coming around the mattress, he looks down at him.
Loki is sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped round and chin rested on top.
Thor waits a second more before lowering himself down beside him, his own back to the beds frame, knees up like his brothers.
He sits there, still a moment, before gently he nudges Loki's side with his elbow.
"Hey." He says.
Loki doesn't say anything for a long, few seconds.
"… Hey." He finally returns, almost soundlessly.
"… You okay?" Thor asks, glancing over at him.
Loki turns his face slightly away.
"… I'm okay." He says.
Thor knows he isn't.
A beat.
"… You want to talk about it?" Thor continues.
"No." Loki answers quickly, still looking away.
"Okay." Thor replies.
He waits.
And finally,
"He doesn't even care about me." Loki's voice cracks only just, and that's enough for Thor to know he's in trouble.
His heart crumples, and without even thinking, he reaches over and puts an arm around Loki's bony shoulders, pulling him against him.
"Loki, you know that isn't true. Father loves you."
"No he doesn't." Loki says. And he's fighting to keep his voice steady now. "He doesn't even know I'm there. He doesn't care. He doesn't care about me."
A long moment passes, and Loki turns, pressing his face into his arm, as though trying to hide.
"No one does." He says, and his voice is broken thick with tears.
"Loki," Thor says, staring down at him in dismay. "No. We care. All of us. We all love you so much."
Loki shakes his head, face still hidden against himself.
He's breathing hard, trying to keep himself from crying.
"Then why does everybody hate me?" He asks. His voice is thin and weak, and Thor almost doesn't understand him. "Why…"
He pauses, inhaling sharply and loudly.
Suddenly he looks up and turns to Thor, his eyes red, rimmed wet.
"Why doesn't he pay any attention to me?" He asks, almost pleading. "I try." He says. "I… I want him to Thor. I want him to notice."
Abruptly he looks away again, frame going rigid with tension.
"I know I'm not the best at anything like you. I know I'm not strong or tough or, or, or… or brave, but I'm trying as hard as I can, and it doesn't matter! Nothing I do is good enough. It's never good enough!"
"Loki," Thor says again, squeezing his shoulder. "that's not true. Don't say that."
"It would be better if I just didn't exist." Loki goes on as though he hasn't even heard his older brother. "It would be better if I was dead."
And Thor feels his heart drop down into the pit of his stomach, a consuming dread taking vicious hold of him and squeezing.
"Loki, no." He says sternly.
He moves, crawling around to face Loki, reaching out and taking hold of his shoulders.
"Look at me Loki." He says.
Loki keeps his face away.
"Loki, look at me." He repeats, giving him a rough shake.
And finally the younger boy does, glancing at him. He keeps his eyes on Thor only a moment before they flit down, swallowing thickly.
"You don't ever say that Loki." Thor says, leaning down slightly to try and catch his brother's eye. "Do you understand? Don't ever say anything like that again. Okay?"
Loki nods weakly, still staring away.
"Look at me and tell me okay Loki." Thor demands, again shaking him gently. "Look at me and say it."
Long seconds pass before, at last, Loki lifts his face, staring hesitantly at Thor, and he nods again.
"Okay." He says.
And Thor doesn't wait another instant, reaching around and pulling his brother into a hug, holding him against his chest.
He bends down, kissing the crown of Loki's head, lips pressed against soft, black hair.
"I love you Loki." He says.
Loki leans against him a moment, unmoving, before at last, his own, thin arms come around Thor's broad shoulders, and he breaths out quietly, voice trembling barely…
"I love you too Thor."
They sit like that for a long time, still.
Until eventually, Thor hears the deep and even breaths of his brother, his arms growing slack and falling away, limp at his sides.
And Thor scoops him up, standing with him, leaning down and pulling the covers from the bed, lying Loki across the sheets carefully.
He makes sure to remove Loki's shoes and socks before he bends down, kissing him softly along his temple. Loki doesn't stir, and Thor takes hold of the comforter, pulling it back up to the smaller boys shoulder.
For a moment more, Thor watches him, making sure he's okay, until finally he steps away, reaching out and switching off the rooms light before pulling the door open and stepping through, closing it soundless behind him.
All he can hear is Loki's voice, the words he said.
He feels sick, coming down the stairs, because he knows he has to tell Mother and Father.
He knows what will happen if he does.
He knows Loki will hate him for it.
He knows this. All of this.
He finds Frigga and Odin anyway.
And he tells them.
/
AN: A HUGE thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the first chapter. I'm super glad you all seem to like it thus far. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well, and I'd love to keep hearing from all of you and your thoughts.
More will obviously be revealed as the story progresses. And I'll do my best to respond to all of your reviews.