Title: Stuck In Neutral

Summary: He was an irrepressible idealist, not a naïve idiot.

Copyrights Disclaimer: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and all characters therein are © Shane Black and Co.

Warnings/Rating: PG-13 for language and implied homosexuality.

Promptfill: Prompt 11) If I was in darkness you would lead me to the light; from the "If You Were…" challenge at the 5_Prompts community at LiveJournal.

Perry was not a fool. He knew Los Angeles was not some conscious entity. It was not cruel, or friendly, dark, or light, or harsh, or hopeful, damning, or redeeming, or even impartial. It was just a city. All the "broken dreams" sob story crap people loved to sigh about was just that: sob story crap. He had lived in Los Angeles for more than half his life, had borne witness to the atmosphere and the people and the reality of the city. It was just a city.

Perry was not a fool. He knew that it was the people who became these things, who allowed themselves to be illusioned or disillusioned or what have you. He was unaffected personally because didn't believe in all that romantic crap. But somehow he'd gotten himself stuck with the biggest romantic sap of all time.

He pretended not to see Harry's disapproving (disappointed) gaze every time he returned in the early morning hours from his latest one night stand; he rarely stayed the whole night at the fag-of-the-week's house. Perry tried not to notice when Harry would peel away from him in the street to go press a ten or a twenty that he really couldn't afford to give away into the hand of some homeless person, and refrained from sniping that the vagrant was probably just going to head straight to a dealer or a liquor store. He ignored the sad puppy eyes that appeared whenever they watched the news, the anchorwoman's face a starkly cold contrast to Harry's as she reported on murders, rapes, kidnappings, assaults.

He let these things go because if he acknowledged them, he would be forced to choose a side. Either he would shoot Harry down, or encourage his forlorn hopes further. Perry couldn't bring himself to do either. He was not a nice man, but he would not let himself become worse. Likewise, he was not the type to turn to blind faith.

But Harry wasn't truly up for blind faith either. He just believed so strongly in love, and in the goodness of people. It wasn't that he didn't realize there was such a thing as evil or darkness. Harry was an irrepressible idealist, not a naïve idiot. What made Harry so special was that he refused to believe that bad things were inevitable, and that made him hopeful where other people were cynical.

That hope was dangerous and fragile and beautiful. Dangerous because it set him up for disappointment at every turn. Fragile because any disappointment could be the one that broke it - and by proxy, broke Harry - for good. Beautiful because Harry knew these things, and still clung to his hope like a life raft, and it made him into this wonderful, powerful creature.

Perry may not have shared that hope, but he certainly shared the glow of it, the sense of peace and light. Harry carried it around like he had it tucked into his wallet, ready to pull out and hand off like the bills he gave to the needy people on the streets.

Sometimes Perry wanted to lock Harry up in their home and not let him leave, for fear that today would be the day that Harry's heart finally broke, and turned into one the dull souls that somehow he hadn't become yet. Perry couldn't quite believe that Harry had made it thirty-seven long fucking years, through New York, Los Angeles, divorce, prison, and still had so much hope for the world.

Sometimes, the sheer strength of that dangerous, fragile, beautiful, powerful thing made him believe it. Sometimes Harry made him hope too.

Perry was not a fool. He knew enough to know giving up Harry would be giving up on life. And that was okay, because he knew Harry wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. And if he did, Perry was almost certain Harry would insist on Perry's company. Perry certainly wouldn't protest.

End

Hmmm…these haven't been particularly positive so far…must rectify this! I'll try to make sure that the next couple will be more cheery. In any case, I hope you enjoy, and please be sure to leave a review letting me know what you think!