Disclaimer: I don't own Glee
No one had noticed when I had stopped wearing the short skirts.
I had liked them, yes, however you can only stand being shut down again and again so many times before you die a little bit inside.
I know that sounds really dramatic.
Rachel Berry, dying a inside because people teased her about her clothes.
How stupid is that.
What people don't realize is that I hear everything they say about me. I don't brush it away. It isn't meaningless.
Man-hands.
I got a manicure the next day and started a moisturising routine on my hands that would rival Kurt's.
However the short skirts were also put away for a different reason. They were too risky. All I needed was one windy day and the evidence would be shown.
I walked down the corridor of McKinley. The slushys that the Glee club had dreaded were gone now.
After much consideration the faculty had removed the machines. The Glee club hardly ever got picked on now actually. After Karofsky had left much of the bullying had abated.
I wish it was the same for me.
The Glee club in itself was probably more vicious then a slushy could ever be. With the cold treat it was bam, and you were done. You just had to clean yourself up afterwards. However with the hurtful words they lasted days, weeks, months, and years.
I walked to my first class, English. It had always been my favourite class. The words were solid. It was also a great that we learned about Shakespeare and the great playwrights. The perfect way to practise.
That's what I told myself anyway.
But in the end it was the tragedies that appealed to me. Romeo and Juliet committing suicide because there love was to strong for them to be apart.
The love part was neither here nor there, however the suicide...
What would it be like to slip into nothingness, and be nothing?
I think that was the only thing that was stopping me from doing it.
I would want to see my own funereal. See the people mourning me. Although I don't really think there would be many. My Fathers would be, if they could squeeze a hour or so out of their schedules. That was iffy at best. I had no cousins or aunts or uncles. Dad had been disowned by his family when he had told them he was gay. Daddy had been an only child like me, however his parents had died before I was born.
I didn't think anyone from the glee club would come. Maybe just to laugh at me.
I still don't know what I did to make them hate me so much.
The bell rang to interrupt me from my musing.
I walked to my class mechanically. After a couple more subjects it was lunch already. I walked to the library.
When I had first realised it was diabolical going to the cafeteria for lunch I had packed my lunch and eaten it the toilets or outside. However there were problems with those locations. In the toilets it was unsanitary, however I bypassed that at first, however what I hadn't counted on were other girls tormenting me as much if not worse than in the cafeteria. When I started going outside I found out that it was far to open and I was an easy target.
So I had stopped packing lunch and went to the library. I knew I could probably have sneaked food in there, however I was scared that my last hiding place would be taken from me if I were to get caught.
I had the same spot everyday. There were chairs scattered around the library in little cubbyholes for people who wanted to read somewhere quiet. I hadn't seen one other person in one of the spots.
My spot was the best though. It was right at the very back of the library, behind all these dusty bibles. When I first found the area I thought that all the chastity club members would be there lots.
I hadn't seen one yet.
The other reason my spot was so great is because it was right under the air conditioner. So no matter whether it was hot or cold I was always at a comfy temperature.
The final reason was the chair. When they had done an overhaul of the library they had replaced all the chair with modern plastic ones. Which basically meant they were the most uncomfortable things known to mankind.
However they had forgotten to throw mine away. It was a old faded red arm chair. It must have been at least twenty years old, but it was still comfy and I could curl up in it and just forget about the world. A couple of times I had even gone to sleep in it, missing half of my classes.
Like usual I said hi to the librarian, her name was Linda and we had chats about new books she should get in, and went to the chair. I decided not to grab a book today and grabbed my journal out and decided to write some poetry. By saying decided to write poetry, I mean had to write poetry. If I went out and consciously tried to write, it wouldn't work. The words would flow out of my pen if they were meant to, not if I decided they were going to.
Sardonic smile
Closed up eyes
Letting the cries of the heart
Go quiet form the incessant dread
Pleading eyes look on silently
At the ones with the power
Unnoticed fades into shadows
Creme and crimson
Letting the emptiness
Seep into the quiet cold world
Warmth
For just a moment
Then settling back into the blizzard
Nothing comes closer
Smiles and absent eyes
Grow to real
Just with the thought...
I didn't really even know if it was real poetry. It was just what I felt. I think I almost made it as clues. Like I wanted someone to find these notes. However on the other hand I guarded the book with my life.
I decided to continue this story, please review if you would like to read more. Thank you to I'd Rather Live In Books for reviewing.
Also the 'poetry' is mine, I hope you like it...