OMG! I'm so excited that I have reviews! And they're fantastic! Thank you! =D I got a much better response than I thought I would get from the get-go =) Thank you so much!
Not only are reviews a great way for me to know people are enjoying this (as are the notices I get in my e-mail saying that people have favorited me or this story ^-^ /SQUEEE!) but they can be helpful with some inspiration, which I never expected, truthfully =) So, thank you for that too! It helps when I get stuck, which happens more than I'd like to admit XD;
I apologize for the overly inserted emoticons and excessive 'thank you's, but I'm tickled pink and positively thrilled for any attention my humble fic has received. ^-^ I also apologize for any formatting that doesn't seem to work out, I'm trying to catch it before I post anything, but if it's bad enough to where someone thinks it should be fixed, please let me know.
Down to business: This chapter has touches of lemon in a couple bits, but nothing too intense. I didn't want to get your hopes up, but there will be some hotter and heavier stuff soon enough =)
Now to insert the Disclaimer, I added a small part to it and fixed something I thought needed to be cleared/de-confused. (XD; I confuse easily a lot of the time, so I try to imagine things sometimes as if I'm the one reading it for the first time.) It's nothing major, but I figured I'd toss it in, for more disclaimerness... So you can go ahead and skip the block of text if you wish. XD
The majority of the characters, settings, and the like involved in the fic's plot (as well as some of the dialogue) are property of Bioware/EA Games. I claim no ownership over them, but this story was written by me, and inspired by and based on the Dragon Age Universe, and it's story lines. I have no intention of make absolutely any profit from this. Many of my references come from in-game videos posted on Youtube, the postings Dragon Age Wiki, and whatever resources I find on the internet associated with the game and it's fandom. If anyone wishes for direct links to my references, feel free to message me and I'd be happy to send them your way. (If I can remember where I found them exactly, I apologize if I don't find it right away)
Thank you.
Thank the Maker for my Beta! She cleans up the mess that my fail!grammar leaves behind and makes it all better ^-^ And I'm sure my repetition has been noticed by now, if not, then my Beta has done an amazing job! =D
Thank you again for reading! I hope to keep up with the standards the reviews say I've set for this fic (and my writing in general, but this one's the one that counts right now lol) Enjoy ^-^
Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
After they said goodnight to Janath, Hawke and Bethany headed for the Chantry. Varric and Aveline were supposed to meet them there, as well as Anders. The Hawke sisters climbed the Chantry steps in silence. Kaiya felt her stomach start to knot itself in a bundle of nerves and anxiousness. Bethany took her sister's hand, sensing her uncertainty. She gave Kaiya's hand a tight squeeze, letting her know she was here for her.
"It will be alright, Kai," Bethany whispered with steel reassurance, smiling at her. Kaiya gave her a slight smile as they continued their trek up the everlasting stairs.
"Slow down!" Anders laughed at her. She must have taken a total of five shots now – almost one right after the other. Anders had requested some bread to help with the amount of alcohol Kaiya had taken into her system. It might not help much, but it was better than pouring nothing but shots down her throat all night. Poor girl would be passed out before hour's end, otherwise.
"Why? I have a plan for tonight!" She declared, grabbing at the bottle. She missed before Anders picked it up instead and held it out of her reach. Kaiya gave Anders a pout lip before leaning back onto her stool with her hands in her lap. "Tease..." Anders laughed, placing the bottle on the other side of him.
"Oh? I'll show you a tease." He joked, handing a slice of dried, crusty bread to Kaiya. "Now eat. I'll not be held responsible if you find yourself passed out in some trough with not so much as your smalls on," Anders mock-lectured, "You might startle the poor livestock." Kaiya pouted more before snatching the slice of bread and taking a huge bite of it. She choked it down as Anders watched her with those beautiful eyes of his.
"You say you have a plan for tonight?" Anders asked finally, "And what would this grand scheme of yours be?"
"Ah, Shehr Mage," Kaiya said, sounding very proud of herself, despite her mouthful of bread. Was it really the bread or the alcohol effecting her speech so? "Am goin t'get m'self in such uh state, that I'll loose awl inhubishuns, and let s'me slob 'ave their way wif me!" Anders stared at Kaiya with wide eyes. He wasn't sure if he heard her correctly.
"I'm sorry; could you repeat that without a mouthful of bread?" He asked. Kaiya swallowed hard before saying with a bright smile.
"I said, I'm here to get drunk, then get laid by whoever's able and willing!" All Anders could was blink at her and her master plan.
"Really?" He asked, sounding bewildered and amused at the same time.
"Uh-huh!" Kaiya said after popping the last bite of her bread in her mouth. She swallowed it without chewing before holding out her shot glass, with an ever-present beacon-bright smile. "More please!"
Anders eyed the glass wearily before taking it and placing it next to the bottle. He leaned in closer to her. He decided speaking a little quieter about her plan was best, considering her declaration had caught a few people's attention already.
"Now, what exactly did you have in mind when you said 'let some slob have their way with me'?" Anders said in a low voice, repeating what he thought she said the first time. Kaiya gave a small hiccup before grabbing another slice of bread, completely oblivious to how close Anders was to her.
"Exactly what I said!" Kaiya said simply, "Gonna get drunk, and get laid. Like everyone else, naturally! Simple as that! Or do you need a diagram?" Kaiya giggled at the thought of scribbling out a crude doodle that included two stick figures in a few positions she'd heard the tarts back home talk about. Kaiya had never been very good at art, but surprisingly enough, Carver was a very talented artist. He'd threatened to break her arm if she ever told anyone. That didn't stop her from letting it 'slip' a few times, though. Lo and behold, Carver had a few more admirers after that who asked him to paint them like one of those Orlesian girls.
Anders weighed his options carefully as he leaned back again. He looked to the girl's flushed cheeks and wide smile. She was clearly good and drunk now, her slightly unfocused eyes gave away that much, if her red face didn't do so. So, that part was taken care of in her plan, but that wasn't what worried him. It was the next step that had his attention.
Anders glanced around the room. He was sure this young woman could have her way with any of these men – or women, if she so wished it – and that didn't include the ones you would have to pay for. Some were even staring at her now. But that wasn't his issue; she didn't seem to care who, how, or where, and that could end very badly for such a pretty young thing. He wasn't sure how he would feel about leaving someone as defenseless as her alone to some fate of drunken mishaps, and that was put lightly.
Anders gave a small sigh. Nothing like taking one for the greater good, especially when it couldn't really end unfavorably for him. Anders shook his head, forcing away his small smirk before he looked back up at Kaiya. He leaned toward the girl again as she was about to take a bite of her piece of bread. He took the bread from her hand and set it down.
"Hey! Didn't you tell me to eat?" She protested loudly before looking to see Anders was leaning toward her. She froze as she felt his lips press gently against her's. Her eyes were wide as Anders traced her jaw with his fingertips. He laid other hand on her thigh, massaging it gently as he tried to get the girl to relax. Kaiya relaxed with a sigh before she slipped a hand into his hair, loosening it a little. He pulled away slowly as he pressed his hand to her cheek. Her eyes were closed as he stroked her cheekbone with his thumb. Her face went a little redder under his touch before she opened her eyes again. Kaiya's drunken eyes were focused on him and how close he was. She placed a hand over his own on her thigh and squeezed it.
Anders smiled at her before pressing kisses to her cheek, and down her jaw. He heard her breath begin to hitch as she slid her hand up his arm to his shoulder. She gripped it tightly as he nibbled on her ear lobe.
"Care to join me tonight, sweetheart?" He asked softly. He felt Kaiya nod into his hand with a small moan. The bread and the alcohol on the bar were forgotten as Anders took Kaiya by the hand, and led her toward the rooms for rent.
Anders was pulled from his thoughts as he heard someone coming up the steps. Varric and Aveline had arrived a few minutes after he did, and were talking amongst themselves.
"Sunshine, so glad you could join us," Varric said. The dwarf smiled at Hawke and her sister as they came into view over the top step.
"Hullo Varric, Hullo Aveline." Bethany said smiling. She froze for a second, blinking at Anders as he turned around. She put on a smile before he could notice her reaction and walked toward him. "Anders, is it?" She held out her hand to him, smiling still. "I'm Bethany." Anders shook Bethany's hand, putting on a smile. Bethany could tell it was forced, for the sake of being polite.
"Nice to meet you," he said curtly.
"My sister didn't tell me how handsome you are." Bethany's comment was more to tease Hawke. A job well done, Hawke was now a lovely shade of red. Anders smiled to himself, remembering her just as red, Bethany's remark forgotten.
"I saw Karl walk in a little bit ago." He said, back to business. Bethany returned to her sister's side. "No Templars so far."
"Now I see where Janath gets his eyes!" Bethany whispered in quiet amazement to Hawke, fanning herself. Hawke's eyes went wide before she went to hit her sister. Bethany dodged it with a giggle.
"And his hair! It's just like his! See! He's got his nose too! See?" Bethany whispered excitedly as they followed Anders through the Chantry. "Maker! We'll have to chase the girls away from Janath with a stick! Not that I didn't think so before, but this only proves it."
"Bethany, I swear," Hawke threatened through grit teeth, "Not one more word." Bethany gave another giggle.
"This is so exciting!" She said cheerfully. Hawke groaned in annoyance, walking faster to keep up with Varric and Aveline.
"She's right, you know." Aveline said quietly, with a nod of agreement.
"Not you, too!" Hawke hushed with a whine. Anders looked over his shoulder at the group. Hawke gave a nervous smile before he turned back around. "If you weren't wearing that armor, I'd hit you!" Hawke threatened. Aveline gave the smallest of smiles, one that Hawke recognized as her version of a smug grin.
"There he is," Anders said softly as they walked up the stairs. The man could just be seen around the corner. He seemed to be looking at a wardrobe in front of him. "Just let me talk to him," Anders continued in hushed tones.
As they quietly approached Karl, he began to speak. Karl's voice was soft and cold; it gave Hawke the chills.
"Anders, I know you too well. I knew you would never give up." Bethany gripped Hawke's wrist tightly, her hands shaky. Hawke looked to Bethany; her eyes were wide in terror as she stared at the man's back.
"Oh, Maker..." Bethany whispered in a horrified voice.
"Beth, what is it?" Hawke asked.
"Karl, what's wrong? Why are you talking like-"
"I was too rebellious, like you," Karl turned around to face the small group. Bethany gasped, clasping a hand tightly over her mouth as her eyes began to tear. "The Templars knew I had to be made an example of." The man's eyes were all but dead, his voice and features were void of emotion, and on his forehead was a fresh sun-shaped brand. Hawke felt her blood freeze in her veins. This was what a Tranquil looked like. She had never dared approached them in the Gallows before. Anytime she saw one, she was too terrified to go near them. She was always afraid she would see Bethany's face there, or her deceased father's, or even – Maker forbid – Janath's little face.
Hawke felt the room go cold as the weight of the situation began to settle in on them.
"No!" Anders said, stepping back from the man. He shook his head in denial as Karl went on.
"How else will mages ever master themselves? You'll understand, Anders, as soon as the Templars teach you how to control yourselves."
Bethany stepped close to Hawke as the sound of heavy armor and carpeted footsteps approached them. Hawke turned to face the on-coming Templars, standing defensively in front of Bethany. Bethany took hold of her staff, gripping it tightly.
"This is the apostate," Karl's monotonous voice was heard behind her, as indifferent as though he were identifying fish at the docks. Then, Anders' sharp cry made Hawke spin around to face him.
"No!"
Anders had dropped to his knees, clutching his head tightly as his whole body shook. The walls and floor around the group shook with him, harrying dust that had long ago settled. Hawke's eyes darted back and forth between the Templars and Anders. Some seemed hesitant to attack now, but still stood their ground.
Then, Anders's form was engulfed in blue flame and a dark aura. A wave of power shot out, knocking the wind out of Hawke as it flew past them. Anders stood up and looked around the room. His form was crackling with power as his warped voice roared,
"You will never take another as you took him!"
Hawke watched in horror as Anders moved at an inhuman speed toward the Templars, a blaze of magic and terror.
"Hawke!" Aveline called. Hawke turned toward the warrior in time to see a shield about to come down on her head. Bethany grabbed Hawke and forced her to the ground with her, and out of the way of the blow. Hawke swept her legs out as she grabbed one of her daggers from over her shoulder. As soon as the Templar's back hit the ground, Hawke slammed the blade of her dagger into the slit of the their helm. Then Hawke was up, and threw herself into the fray, but it seemed many of the Templar had already been dispatched. Any left were circling Aveline and Varric.
Three ended up with a crossbow bolt in their helms and Aveline's sword came down on another. Hawke slipped into the shadows, fading out of sight. She reappeared just as quickly behind the Templar staggering away from Aveline. In a quick, precise motion, her dagger slipped across the Templar's neck. Hawke stepped away as the lifeless body collapsed to the ground, blood seeping from their throat as they lay motionless.
"I... Anders." Hawke's attention turned quickly onto the man, Karl, as he spoke. Her eyes widened as she absorbed how thoroughly confused and upset he looked. Were Tranquil capable of being upset? "What did you do? It's like you brought a piece of the Fade into this world..." He looked lost as the power that had surrounded Anders faded away. He walked slowly toward Karl as he went on. "I had already forgotten what that feels like." Hawke approached them. She held out an arm in front of Bethany, as if that would protect her.
"I thought Tranquil were cut off from the Fade forever?" Hawke asked wearily, staring Karl up and down. Perhaps this was a trick of some sort from the Templars? The look on Karl's face told Hawke everything she needed to know, and every last bit of it was heartbreaking.
"When you're Tranquil, you never think on your life before," Karl looked back to Anders. "But it's like the Fade is inside Anders. Burning like a sun." Hawke looked to Anders curiously.
"What did you do? Not the Fade part – the angry, glowy bit?" She found herself asking, scraping around for words to describe it. She felt Bethany hit her on the back of the head, making her wince. She didn't mean for it to come out like that; she just didn't know how else to explain it.
"It's like a gateway to the Fade inside you. Glowing like a beacon." Karl said, clearly still in awe. Hawke looked to the man sadly as he spoke. He had such a way with words – the heart of a poet – and the Templars took that away from him. Hawke felt her blood boil in anger at the loss of such a passionate soul.
"I have some... Unique circumstances, yes." Anders admitted slowly, but quickly went on. "But Karl, what happened? How did they get you?" He knew that Karl didn't have much time left. Whatever this was, it wasn't permanent, and everyone knew it.
"The Templars here are far more vigilant than in Fereldan." Karl looked broken with emotion, as if he were ashamed. The look on his face – the anguish in his eyes – made Hawke want to cry. She knew Bethany crying was behind her; Hawke could hear her sniffling as she gripped her shoulder. "They found a letter I was writing you."
"That's not right..." Aveline said under her breath, "That's not what the rite of Tranquility is for."
"You cannot imagine it Anders. All the color, all the music in the world… Gone." Karl lowered his gaze to the floor before going on, "I would gladly give up my magic, but this..." Karl raised his hands and looked at them before clenching them into tight, shaky fists. "I'll never be whole again." He looked up to Anders again, desperation covering his face and deep-seated in his eyes. "Please, kill me before I forget again! I don't know how you brought it back, but it's fading."
"Karl, no..." Anders' voice broke. Hawke wanted to say something, wanted to help, but she couldn't say a thing. No words wanted to come forward. She knew there was no cure for Tranquility. It was a miracle that Karl was as he was before now.
"I would rather die a mage than live as a Templar puppet!" Karl declared. Though sorrow filled his voice, the truth of his words was evident as his eyes began to tear.
Hawke finally stepped forward, standing next to Anders as she tears finally formed in her eyes.
"My sister calls being made Tranquil a fate worse than death." She said tenderly to Anders, struggling to keep her voice from breaking. She found it painfully ironic that she was silently thanking the Maker – in his house – for giving her the strength to help Anders kill his friend. Hawke hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it as he looked back to her. In her other hand was one of her daggers; she extended it to him. With a shaky hand, Anders clasped it, knowing what he had to do. "Give him peace," Hawke reassured, removing her hand and stepping back from Anders. His hand was still shaking as he looked to the dagger.
"I got here too late," He whispered before looking back to Karl. "I'm sorry, Karl." Anders was frozen to the spot. "I'm so sorry."
"Now! It's fading!" Karl cried, closing his eyes tightly as tears began streaming down his face. With a shudder, his demeanor changed as he straightened his stance. Karl slowly raised his head to look at Anders, ignorant of the tear trails on his cheeks. His eyes were empty again, and his face was blank. "Why do you look at me like that?" His voice was void of all emotion once more. Aveline approached Bethany as she began to sob softly. She held the weeping girl as Anders slowly approached Karl, the dagger at his side. Hawke forced herself to watch. She knew this was hard for Anders, she could see it plainly in his face and rigid features; she couldn't let him face this alone.
Anders stood in silence in front of Karl for a moment before saying gravely,
"Goodbye." Hawke heard the distinct sound of steel slicing through flesh and bone, and heard Karl gasp his last breath. Anders stood stock still as Karl fell to the ground. He waited a moment longer, keeping his head straight with his eyes fixed on the wardrobe Karl had been staring at moments before. He turned back around and handed Hawke back her dagger, refusing to meet her gaze.
"We should leave before more Templars come." He said softly, his voice as void of emotion as Karl's had been. The only difference was that Hawke knew why Anders refused to acknowledge the ache he felt. He was doing so to keep his head on straight long enough to get to safety. This wasn't because she knew him well enough to say so, but because it made the most sense.
Hawke followed wordlessly behind Anders. Varric followed Hawke, leaving Aveline and Bethany to bring up the rear. Bethany stared at Karl's body, his empty eyes still open. Even in death, Karl's expression was blank, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. Bethany stepped away from Aveline and walked toward him. She knelt next to him and gently closed his eyes. Still sniffling, she pressed her fingertips to his forehead and closed her own eyes.
"Ashes we were, and ashes we become." She chanted slowly. Bethany's voice carried through the empty Chantry, causing Anders to freeze in his steps. He was shaking as he heard Bethany's voice. Hawke paused as well and closed her eyes. She felt so bad for Anders and for Karl... It reminded her of losing her father and Carver all over again.
"Maker, give this man a place at your side. Let us find comfort in the peace he has found, in eternity." Bethany opened her eyes and leaned toward Karl, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Then she stood up and turned to Aveline. She had tears in her eyes now, a small smile on her face.
"Let's go." Aveline said gently. She led Bethany down the stairs, where everyone else was waiting for her. Hawke and Varric were turned to them, but Anders kept his back to everyone, not daring to look at anybody.
The group quietly slipped out of the chantry, parting ways at the bottom of the steps. Hawke watched silently as Anders left without a word while Bethany wished Aveline and Varric good night.
Hawke wanted to go straight home, take her son, and run; or at least, hug him to her until she was sure he was safe. But she knew he was safe at home, especially with Bethany heading back there. Instead, she decided it was best she went to check on Anders. Before heading to his clinic, she made a quick stop to the Blooming Rose.
Anders heard a knock on his clinic door. He didn't feel up to healing anyone now, but he never liked turning anyone away. He sighed to himself before heading for the door. He unlatched it, ready to ask them if it was an emergency, but his words were silenced. Instead of seeing a patient waiting for him to let them in, Hawke was standing there, holding a bottle and two wooden cups.
"I thought you could use some company." Hawke said softly. Anders could only nod dumbly and step aside. Hawke walked in, and Anders shut and latched the door behind her. She placed the dark bottle and cups on one of the patient tables. Hawke ignored the blood that was on it, and poured some of the alcohol into each cup.
"It's not as strong as back then, but it's something," She said, holding out a cup to Anders. He shook head his. Hawke gave Anders a small smirk, still holding the cup out to him. He gave a small, sad smile – admitting defeat – and took the cup from her, nodding his thanks.
Hawke hopped up on the table. Seconds later, Anders sat next to her not saying anything. She took a sip of her drink, and waited a few moments before speaking. She decided it was best not to talk about Karl, so instead she went for the other topic of the evening.
"That wasn't normal magic you did, was it?" She asked gingerly. Anders hadn't taken a drink, only held it before shaking his head.
"I..." He paused, and shook his head again, as if to restart his train of thought. "This is hard to explain... When I was in Amaranthine, I met a spirit of Justice who was trapped outside of the Fade." Anders paused again and looked to his cup. He raised it to his lips and hesitated before taking a sip, then went on. "We became friends. He recognized the injustice the mages of Thedas face every day."
"And that's different than a demon?" Hawke asked, taking another drink. Anders nodded. He still hadn't looked at Hawke, his tone was simple. She imagined it was the tone he used when speaking to a patient. He was still keeping himself in check because of what happened. Hawke didn't want to push him into crying on her shoulder, but she wanted him to react somehow. Maybe talking about this would help?
"Just as demons prey on the deadly sins of mankind, there are good spirits that embody our virtues. Spirits of Compassion, Fortitude, Justice." Anders took another sip. He looked to only be drinking enough to appease Hawke. She pretended not to take notice of it, and let him continue. "They are the Maker's first children, and they have all given up on us."
"This spirit sounds like a useful friend to have." Hawke found herself admitting before she could catch it. She really needed to work on that, now that she was working on gaining solid allies...
"He was far better to me than I have been to him." Anders took another sip. He still hadn't looked at her. "To live outside the Fade, he needed a host. I offered to help him." Anders looked down at the dirt floor now, staring at his feet. His were flat on the floor while Hawke's were dangling; her toes barely reached the floor. "We were going to work together, bring justice to every child ever ripped away from his mother to be sent to the Circle." Hawke felt her heart clench at the thought of Janath being taken away from her. She took bigger drink at the thought, finishing off her cup.
"But... I guess I had too much anger. Once he was inside me, he... Changed." Hawke looked back to Anders. He looked so ashamed of himself, so much so that his face was going red from embarrassment. It was a mistake – a costly one at that – but how could he have known what the outcome would have been?
"This is obviously difficult for you," Hawke observed, looking to her empty cup.
"I thought I was helping a friend," Anders whispered. He was staring at the wall again. "He would have... Died, I guess." Anders shook his head before he raised his cup to his lips. "If that means anything." Hawke gave a small smile, noting that he took a real drink this time. That was a good sign – she didn't want him smashed or anything of the sort, she just wanted him to relax and have a moment to himself. Anders didn't seem as if he did anything for himself anymore.
Hawke's smile faded before he spoke up again.
"And he wanted to help me. He knew what mages have suffered," Anders took a shaky breath and closed his eyes. "But my anger…" He trailed off as he opened his eyes again. "When I see Templars now – things that have always outraged me, but I could never do anything about – He comes out, and he us no longer my friend Justice. He is a force of Vengeance. And he has no grasp of mercy."
Hawke waited before she spoke, letting his words settle in and for the questions to form.
"Can Justice ever be separated from you?" She asked.
"I don't think so." Hawke's heart dropped; Anders answered that a little too quickly, "The only way a spirit has ever been separated from a living host is by its death." Anders closed his eyes again, his voice wavering for the first time in their conversation. "The curse of my own making. All I can do now is hope to control it."
"Can you bring him out at will?" Hawke questioned as she set down her cup.
"No," She felt herself go colder as he spoke, but managed to keep herself visibly calm while her heart began to race. "He comes only out when I've lost all power over myself." Hawke's heart sank a little more for Anders and the bad news his story bore. But her heart also sank for her son. This could mean he would never be able to meet his father; because Anders could be a danger to everyone around him. Who knows how Anders would react to finding out he had a son? The worst jumped to her mind instantly, and made Hawke cringe mentally. But she forced herself to listen as Anders went on "It's a madness, a frenzy. I only find out after what I might have done." Hawke looked down at her hands and closed her eyes before saying gently – though she knew the answer already.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" She slowly looked up at Anders, and was almost startled to see he was finally looking at her.
"You're the first one I've ever told this. Thank you for not running away." Hawke felt her heart racing still as she realized that was all he needed for now, someone to listen to him. She looked at him for a long time, not saying anything. She wanted desperately to hold him – tell him that it would be alright – but she knew better. Anders broke the silence.
"My maps are yours. As am I, if you wish me to join your expedition." Anders looked away finally. He looked to his cup again, and took a drink. "I thought I was done with the Grey Wardens, but if you have any need of me..." Anders didn't finish his sentence at first, seeming unsure what to say. Hawke almost hoped he wouldn't finish his sentence, but how he finished it made her want to melt for him all over again. "I'll be waiting here."
Any need of you...? She almost asked, but bit her tongue and poured herself another cup from the dark bottle.
Instead, Hawke set the bottle back down, and they sat in silence again. Hawke found herself smirking a moment later as she went to take another drink.
"So, that explains your whole sexy tortured look." She said innocently.
It seemed Anders had chosen that moment to take a drink as well, because it went spraying out his mouth, and he coughed. Hawke saw him stare at her in astonishment out of the corner of her eye as she continued to look innocent.
"Perhaps I should check a looking glass more often." Anders stated. This nearly made Hawke spit out her drink as she looked at him with wide eyes. His eyes were still as wide.
He really had been changed by this. She remembered him being confident in his looks, his charms, everything about him. This was now a man who had truly changed who he was because of the clear and present danger he posed to the people around him.
Hawke gave Anders a small, reassuring smile before leaning toward him and nudging him with her shoulder. He gave a small smile and nudged back with his elbow before taking another drink. Then he set down his empty cup and stood up from the table.
"Thank you." He said, "For your help, and for checking up on me – though it wasn't necessary." Hawke smiled at Anders again. She downed the rest of her drink and stood up as well.
"You're welcome. And of course it was necessary." She insisted. Anders gave a grateful smile, and then his smile shifted to a playful smirk
"By the way," He began slowly in a tone that was meant to tease. This made Hawke a little nervous for some reason. "Do you think I could know your name? Or would you rather I called you Blue, still?" Hawke gave a small laugh, mostly one of relief.
"Still a stickler for names, I see?" She said, "Alright then, Serah Anders. My name is Kaiya Hawke." Anders looked to be processing this new information before nodding. "Everyone calls me Hawke, though."
"What would you prefer I called you, now that I have a plethora of names to choose from?" He asked, smiling again. Hawke felt awash with relief, seeing him smile. After everything he had been through, it was so nice to see a shred of happiness on his face.
"Out in public, Hawke, please. When we're with friends, you can call me Kaiya or Kai." Kaiya popped the cork back into the bottle, and stacked the cups on the table. "And on that note, it's time for me to get home." She said, then added quickly as Anders gave her an odd look, "My mother worries." Anders nodded.
"Maybe we can chat again sometime?" Kaiya offered. "It would be nice to talk to someone my own age that isn't family or about strictly business."
"I'd like that." Anders agreed. Kaiya smiled at Anders before kissing him on the cheek. She lingered there longer than she had planned, but then she felt Anders slowly slip an arm around her waist. She relaxed against him as she wrapped her arms around the back of his neck. She hesitantly pulled away from his cheek, but didn't want to step out of his embrace just yet. He stared into her eyes, her own uncertainty reflected in his.
She wasn't sure who made the first move, but his lips were as soft and warm as she remembered.
Before Kaiya knew it, Anders was kissing her again, pressing her against a wall. She wasn't sure what she was doing, trying to mimic how he was moving his lips against hers. She had only snogged a few boys in her day, and most of them were trying to eat her lips or shove their tongue down her throat. But Anders was a natural at this; that put her even more at ease, and made her wonder what else he was good at.
Kaiya felt him slide a hand down to her hip, then down to take hold of her skirt and slip the fabric up her leg. She jumped when his warm hand touched her bare thigh. Kaiya gasped at the contact, opening her mouth for his tongue to slip in and brush against hers. She moaned as Anders deepened the kiss. With her's arms loosely wrapped around the back of his neck, Anders began working on the laces at the front of her bodice while caressing her thigh and hip with his other hand. Her heart began to race as she felt him slip the bodice loose. Then, he placed a hand on one of her arms, and gently removed it from his shoulder to slip her sleeve down her arm. After putting her arm back on his shoulder, he repeated the process with the other. Kaiya pulled out of the kiss, her chest heaving as Anders began to nibble at her jaw and kiss his way down her neck. He took his hand from her thigh, and took hold of the top of her dress and began to pull it down over her hips. Now that the bodice was loosened, it slipped to the floor with no problem, and pooled at Kaiya's feet
Kaiya could scarcely believe this was finally happening. And she was already down to her smalls. Anders pressed his lips to hers again, his kisses frenzied now. She never knew it was possible to get lost in something as simple as kissing someone before, and she reveled in it.
Kaiya knew in order for this to work better, they both needed to be naked, and it wasn't fair that he was still fully clothed. She began pawing and pulling at the front of his robes, unsure of where to unbutton or untie or unclasp them. She heard Anders chuckle as he pulled away. In the dark room, Kaiya could barely make out Anders's figure, but soon enough he returned to her.
She gasped, feeling his skin against hers.
Maker, this was blissful. She moaned; and she wasn't even completely naked yet!
Kaiya gasped again, feeling Anders pinch one of her nipples through her breast bind. She whimpered – she didn't even know she could make that sound! – at the warring pain and pleasure that shot through her.
"Not so hard, please." She found herself begging.
"Mmmm, so you prefer this?" Anders asked. She shivered; his voice seemed deeper. Then, she felt his thumb brush over her pebbled nipple.
"Ah! Uh-huh!" She cried out softly.
"How about this?" He purred. He pulled her breast bind down, letting it slide down to rest at her hips. Kaiya cried out louder as she felt Anders tongue flick at her nipple. He slid a hand to the small of her back and pulled her closer, taking her nipple into his mouth.
"Maker, that feels... Delicious." Anders chuckled against Kaiya's breast.
"I thought you'd like that." He teased as he pulled her away from the wall. He took her hand, leading her toward the bed. Anders sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled Kaiya down to him, making her straddle his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tight to him, and took her other nipple in his mouth. Kaiya moaned, tipping her head back as she felt Anders moving underneath her. He shifted their positions, and Kaiya's back hit the bed . Anders began to work her smalls down her hips, and removed her breast bind. She was completely naked now, and Anders parted her legs before settling between them.
Kaiya's eyes shot open as Anders began kissing his way up her neck. She felt herself sober very quickly as she realized what was happening. She was about to lose her virginity to a stranger. She heard it was supposed to be painful a girls' first time.
"A-Anders..." She said slowly, her breath starting to hitch in panic. "St-stop for a minute." Anders paused at her throat before leaning back to look down at her in what little lighting there was.
"What's the matter?" He asked.
"I – Anders. I need to tell you something before we go any further." Kaiya said. Anders gave a small smile before leaning into kiss her neck gently.
"What is it, sweetheart?" He asked, trying to get her to relax again. Kaiya shivered at his tone, and rolled over her and melted her like butter.
"Anders, I - " She swallowed nervously. She was trying to focus on anything but the feel of Anders's skin against her's, and how good it felt to have him settled between her legs. She moaned before finally admitting. "I – I'm a virgin." Anders froze. He stiffened against Kaiya before slowly pulling away from her and lying next to her with his arm draped over her waist.
"What?" Kaiya bit her lip and slowly repeated.
"I'm a virgin..." Anders stared at her, unsure how to react. But before he could do anything, Kaiya sat up, and swung her feet over the edge of the bed. Anders sat up quickly and took hold of her arm.
"Where are you going?" He asked her, sliding closer, but not touching her.
"I'm getting dressed and heading back to where I'm staying," She said, her tone was distant. "I can see you don't have any interest in going any further."
"Blue, I didn't say that." Anders said. He scooted next to her and placed a hand on her thigh. "It's just – wow. I didn't expect that." Anders shook his head. "I mean – because you're a virgin, we'll just have to... Go slow." He said cautiously. He leaned in, and pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder, squeezing her thigh like he did at the bar. Kaiya took a deep breath, and exhaled as she relaxed. He kissed and nibbled up her shoulder as he moved behind her. He caressed her arms, and up her shoulders to her back as he kissed the back of her neck. His hands reached Kaiya's braid, and gently pulled out the tie holding it together at the end. He continued kissing Kaiya's shoulders and neck as he slowly unbraided her hair. He listened to her breath hitch in anticipation as her hair came loose. It was past her shoulder blades once he ran his fingers through it.
Anders pressed one more kiss to her shoulder before he pulled away, but took a hold of Kaiya hand. He kissed it gently before guiding her back to the middle of the bed with him. He dotted her collarbone and neck with kisses before he reached her lips. As he kissed her, he leaned her back into the mattress to try again.
"Besides," He murmured against her lips, "You must be a mage too, to have me so enthralled."
Kaiya wove her fingers into Anders' hair at the base of his neck as he kept his arms wrapped loosely around her waist. Anders moaned as he felt Kaiya massaging his scalp. But then he quickly pulled away, and before Kaiya could do anything else, he stepped back. He didn't look at her. She studied him as he kept his eyes fixed on the ground. She reached for him, but he pulled away. She didn't care if they were to go any further than kissing – she didn't care if they kissed at all anymore – she just didn't like seeing him like this.
"Anders."
"You – you should go." He said, turning away from her.
"Please, wait." Kaiya begged softly. He paused. She walked around Anders to look at him. "Are you going to be alright?" Anders gave a small, swift nod. He was avoiding looking at her again, instead looking to the ground. She placed a hand on his cheek, brushing her thumb along his cheekbone gently.
"Tell me you'll be alright, and I'll go." She promised. Anders lifted his gaze to look at her. She knew he wouldn't be alright, not just tonight, but not for a long time – if ever again. She slowly pulled Anders to her again. This time, she simply hugged him. He remained stiff in her arms, but she didn't let go of him. She held him tighter when he didn't move, and rested her head against his shoulder. She felt him shudder, and release a shaky breath. His arms slowly raised to hug her as his head rested against hers.
Nothing else needed to be said, and nothing else needed to be done. Kaiya simple held on to Anders, and let him hold on to her. She sighed in relief and closed her eyes. It was then that she realized that maybe she needed this too. So, she found an unexpected comfort in his arms, when she was hoping to comfort him.
Kaiya came into the little hovel quietly, knowing everyone was bound to be asleep. It was late enough, and she took longer than expected to leave Anders at his clinic. She wanted to make he would be okay for the night. She promised to check in tomorrow, though he said it wouldn't be necessary.
"It's late," Kaiya jumped, hearing her mother's voice. "It's about time you showed up." She was sitting at the fire place. "Janath was asking for you when Bethany came home. He woke up looking for you."
"I'm sorry, mother." Kaiya apologized abashedly as she approached the fireplace. She took a seat on the floor next to Leandra's chair. Her mother sighed, placing a hand on Kaiya's head. Kaiya rested her head on her mother's knee and sighed. She felt her mother take her hair out of her stubby ponytail at the back of her head, and comb her fingers through her hair, like she used to when she was a little girl.
"Bethany told me," Her mother began slowly, "About the healer." Kaiya stiffened, but let her mother continue. "She was stunned at how Janath looks like him."
"She wasn't supposed to say anything..." Kaiya said quietly. She fought back the anger that threatened to seep into her voice.
"Kaiya, darling." Leandra paused in her strokes. "This is your decision, between you and the healer. But he should know."
"I know mother, I just-" Kaiya sighed.
"Is that where you were? With the healer? Anders?" Kaiya nodded against her mother's knee, not daring to look at her mother. She expected disappointment on her face. But her tone as she went on told her she wasn't mad at her – not even in the slightest. "Bethany told me what happened to his friend too. That poor man..." Her mother said softly as she continued to stare into the fire. She began combing her fingers through Kaiya's hair again and Kaiya relaxed once more. "I think... it was right of you to go see him. I'm sure you didn't tell him about Janath, but I can't imagine what he must be going through."
"There's so much more troubling him, mother." Kaiya said slowly, her tone expressing her loss for words at the situation she found herself in. "I'm not sure if it would be safe for Janath to be around him."
"Like I said, that's for you to decide. When the time comes for you to tell him about Janath, you'll know. But make sure you don't wait too long, or else it could end very badly. And poor Janath will be in the middle of it. He's such a sweet little boy," Leandra said softly, as if the last part was more of an afterthought she meant to keep to herself. But Kaiya didn't need her to say it, she knew what her mother was thinking. Janath is barely five years old, and he's already been through more hardship than most adults see in their lives. Kaiya couldn't help but feel there had to be something else she should have done to protect him. "He'll be a fine young man, Kaiya." Her mother's voice pulled her from her despairing thoughts. "Your father would be proud of you, as he would have been of him."
"Thank you." Kaiya meekly spoke, feeling tears in her eyes. "I'm going to bed now, alright?" She said, lifting her head. Leandra nodded, a small smile on her face. Kaiya stood up. Leandra handed Kaiya back her hair tie before Kaiya kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. "Good night, Mother."
"Goodnight, dear," Her mother said, hugging her back tightly. Kaiya headed to the side room and changed out of her armor. She pulled on a thin shift and a pair of old breeches before quietly slipping into the bedroll in between Bethany and Janath. Kaiya's eyes fell on her son's sleeping face, she simply watched him as he slept before reaching out and tenderly stroking his hair. She smiled when she heard him mutter something unintelligible in his sleep. He rolled over to face her and slowly opened his eyes, just enough to see.
"Momma?" He said quietly, "Yer home." Kaiya nodded before she sat up, and scooted her bedroll closer to Janath's as slowly sat up. He crawled into his mother's lap and curled up against her. Kaiya smiled, hugging him to her. She kissed the top of his head before he spoke again.
"Auntie Beth said yer friend had uh very bad day, an' tha's why you weren' home. Iz 'e okay?" Janath asked sleepily. Kaiya bit her lip and closed her eyes, feeling the tears well in them again.
"For now, he is." She said softly. She stroked his hair lovingly. "I did what I could for him to help him before I came home to you, sweetheart."
"Tha's good. I'm glad yer frien's okay fer now, Momma." Janath murmured with a yawn. Soon, his breathing slowed, and he was back to sleep. Kaiya took a shaky breath, and hugged her son tighter to her. She shuddered as a quiet sob escaped. She rocked his sleeping form back and forth as she cried quietly.
And there's Chapter two. What I would like to try and do is put out a chapter about a week apart. Does that mean it'll happen, not likely ^^;;;; I apologize in advance for that. (Goodness, I'm throwing apologizes and 'thank you's all over the place! The thing is, I really do mean them - especially the 'thank you's)
While I probably shouldn't mention this so soon, I've already told one reviewer, so I might as well tell anyone else who's keeping tabs on my little project. I'm planning on making this a trilogy – a fic written for each act. I'm very excited to see where this goes, and I hope you guys are too!
Thanks again to my beta, you silly person! Lol
And thank you again for reading! =) And thanks in advance for anyone who reviews! I'll try to keep up with any reviews and answer them before I post the following chapter.