As I watched the piece versions of us go to sleep, the screen went dark, and even played that little "Inn jingle" you see in RPGs.

Some of this was getting a little hard to take seriously.

"Well, it's not like we're going to sit here and watch you all sleep."

You know, I'm kind of glad piece me doesn't know about you two, he probably wouldn't be able to sleep at all.

U-um. Here you go, Bernkastel-san, Lambdadelta-san."

Timidly, Asahina-san offered both witches cups of tea. My heart tensed for a second and I was ready to leap to her defense, but they accepted her gracious effort with refinement and dignity. It occurred to me that at some point, Asahina-san has switched to her maid costume. When did that happen? Huh.

"Hmm, not bad. Although the libraries of witches are far greater, even tea made by mortals can be a worthwhile experience every once in awhile."

I think you're confusing that with "Tea made by a goddess", but I'll forgive your blasphemy just this once.

"Let's get down to business, shall we? Before we raise the curtain on the start of the game, it might help to clarify the rules a bit. Lambdadelta, would you do the honors!"

"Gladly!"

"[Red] This is the Red Truth! It can only be used to tell the truth! [Red]"

Huh. She… actually spoke in red. That's a little hard for my brain to process, but I somehow get the effect either way.

"Excuse me, but what guarantees we have that what the red truth says is really the truth?"

Koizumi interrupted, looking skeptical. Good point, what reason do we have to trust anything these two say, no matter what color it's in?

"[Red] The Red Truth tells the truth! [Red] Sorry, but those are the rules of the game. You have to accept that if you want to play the game, and I think we already established that that we're not giving you a choice in the matter."

Great. So you're saying this is rigged from the start. What does speaking true words have to do with anything anyways?

"I'm getting to that! You're not entirely powerless. We're so generous; we'll let you use the blue truth right away! The blue truth can be used to make up your own theories and interpretations, which can then be cut to pieces by the red! Bern, show them how it's done!"

"[Blue] The culprit was Colonel Mustard, in the Library, using the Candlestick. [Blue]"

"Wrong! [Red] The candlestick never left Professor Plum's study! [Red]"

Huh. That was certainly… colorful. Apparently this truth also involved something of a light show, as a lance of blue energy shot from Bernkastel's fingers, only to be blocked by a shield of red. So by using this "Blue truth" we're supposed to solve the mystery, without it being denied by the red truth.

Not what I was expecting. Koizumi definitely looked intrigued – Hey, you're the mystery buff here, right? Do they do something like this in normal mystery novels?

"I can't say I've ever seen it before. But it's possible it exists in a book I haven't read yet. Maybe you could compare it to a statement from the author, like "This is the truth.""

"Blah blah blah. Don't think too hard about it, you'll just get a headache, okay? Just take everything at face value and we can skip to the part where you beg and cry for mercy!"

Maybe it would be better if I just started assuming the opposite of whatever they said was true. Of course, if I do that, and they realize that, it'd be pretty easy to manipulate me using reverse psychology.

…

Haruhi had an odd look on her face, like she was trying to puzzle it all out. Hey, I get it, I'm confused too. We have plenty of time to figure this all out. She turned to me, opened her mouth, and said—

"[Red] Kyon and I have never killed anyone. [Red]"

What the hell? You can use the red truth too? If we can do it, than what's the point? Wait, even Bernkastel and Lambdadelta look surprised right now, what's going on?

"That's it… I used the red truth back then, didn't I? But how is that even possible? Back when you were getting beaten up by Eva, I just sort of shouted that out, and she stopped, and everyone stopped, and nobody would acknowledge what happened. You just blew me off."

Did… that actually happen? I tried to think back, remember what had happened. Just thinking about it was like jabbing hot needles into my brain, damnit!

"The red truth isn't supposed to be understood by humans on the game board. It's an incomprehensible message from a higher power. But I don't see why you were able to use it either, little girl. Perhaps something broke; I did neglect this board for a very long time after all."

"That doesn't seem right Bern. I mean, look!"

Lambdadelta waved her hands around, and the image on the screen switched to the scene of me getting my ass kicked. Weird how I get beaten up by a middle aged mom but then somehow win against a thousand year old demon. Not that I really would've fought back against Eva.

When it reached the part where I was about to receive the finishing blow, Haruhi really did shout out, and I could see the red this time. It happened like she said – Everyone sort of froze, including me, then Haruhi ran around, trying to get everyone's attention, and eventually led me to the couch. Bizarre. Even seeing this right in front of me, trying to actually remember it happening just resulted in a splitting headache, blurry vision, and nausea. I decided to turn away from the screen for my own sake, and contemplate Asahina-san's dress in detail. Luckily, she was too absorbed in what was going on to notice.

Silence followed, and I eventually managed to steady my nerves and stomach. I turned back around to find everyone staring at each other coldly. The two witches had on uncharacteristically serious expressions. Was there something about this that bothered them?

"…"

A minute passed, maybe two. There wasn't a clock in this room, and it was pretty much impossible to tell the passage of time. I idly reached my hand into my pocket for my cell phone, but then remembered I had lost it during that midnight-storm excursion. It already feels like that had taken place an eternity ago. Just what was up with that, anyways? It doesn't quite fit into everything else that's happened.

The silence continued on. This tension is getting to be unbearable, somebody say or do something! As if on cue, Lambdadelta's face twisted into a sickening grin.

"BOO!"

Her voice boomed out impossibly loud, causing everyone cover their ears in shock and pain as the entire building rattled around us. Unsurprisingly, Asahina-san yelped, fell to the ground, and the tea set shattered as she dropped it.

"Bwahahaha! Sometimes the simplest pranks really are the best! Hey Bern, maybe we should've modified the board to include some old school slapstick."

I got up to go help her out, but Nagato was already there, unaffected by the sonic assault and helping a slightly bewildered Asahina-san to her feet. She turned and gave me a look which seemed to say "I've got this, get back to the fight."

Right.

"Yeah, you two sure are hilarious. Why don't you pursue a career in standup comedy instead of this bullshit? You could probably pull off a pretty good Straight man / Wise guy routine."

"I wish! There's a great Open Mic night every Thursday over in Pandemonium, but I can never get Bern to go! She's so antisocial sometimes; I have to yank out all her teeth with pliers just to get her out in public for a little bit! Why just the other day – Ow!"

Without changing her expression or even turning to face her, Bernkastel smacked Lambdadelta over the head with a paper fan. (Which, incidentally, appeared out of nowhere and immediately disappeared.)

That… wasn't quite the reaction I was expecting to my smart ass comment. Good grief. I let my head rest in my palm for quite a bit. Seriously, what's with the cutesy little girl thing? I think we would've been better off with a more traditional antagonist, something with a giant sword and plate mail covered in spikes and skulls.

"Fine fine! I get it. Look, we've explained the rules to you, and there's no complaints right? GOOD! No complaining! Time to once again throw open the curtain on the terrible tragedy of Rokkenjima! I sure hope you like comedy, because what Bernkastel and I have cooked up for you is absolutely hilarious!"

Lambdadelta skipped over to the screen, and after dramatically gesturing during her speech, mimed the action of tearing a sheet from the display.

I think I slept better than I had in months. It almost felt unnatural, considering everything that was going on right now. Even though I was lying awake for quite some time last night, worried about the following morning. There's probably already been 6 murders, by now, after all. It would be so much better if I could just stay in bed and let everything blow over.

I could hear Haruhi's soft snores from nearby on my bed – There wasn't enough couch / chair combos for everyone, so Haruhi had just opted to share the bed with me. The bed was massive, and she slept sideways down near my feet. I had told her it made her look like a dog, and she had told me to shut up. Heh.

Just like the last time, we had locked, bolted; chain locked, and barricaded the doors. It was simple getting everyone else to agree with it really. We just told a bunch of scary stories to get them in the mood. Haruhi and I even got to cheat, sharing more modern horror stories that hadn't been invented yet.

…

Just five more minutes? Please?

I let out a loud, long lawn, and began to stretch. Haruhi began to stir at my feet, but as I shifted around, I felt the weight of something move next to me. Shuffling in my blankets for a bit, I managed to get a hold of whatever it was. It was somewhat long, somewhat heavy, and floppy. What is this some kind of joke? As I pulled it up above my head to get a better look at whatever it was, a droplet of something fell off and hit me directly in the eye. Ow, damnit!

As I rubbed my eye with my left hand, the object in my right slipped in my grasp slightly, sliding down to reveal a slightly more recognizable shape. One that did definitely not belong on anything I could hold up so easily.

My eyes snapped open, and I screamed.

"Huh! Kyon, what is it, what's going –"

Acting on some kind of primitive terror reflex, I bolted upright, and flung the object in my hand across the room, which was unmistakably Jessica's severed arm. It bounced off the wall and hit the floor with a wet *thud*.

Haruhi had woken up just enough to see that, and her face twisted a wordless scream of her own. Right now though, I barely even noticed. My brain was on fire, every muscle in my body was shaking uncontrollably. I forced myself to slowly, turn to the right.

The scene was one of absolute carnage. There was blood everywhere. On the floors, on the walls, soaked into the curtains, splashed across the dressers. Even written across the wall in English, was a message "I love you".

If it was just blood, it might've reminded me of the time I put a whole can of cherries into the blender when I was a kid and didn't properly lock the top. Yet there was more. Various body parts were strewn across the room in a macabre fashion, like you might see at some cheap carnival horror house trying to be scary. George's torso sitting on top of a dresser. An arm with its hand clasped around the phone. A pair of shapely legs with the tattoo of a one winged eagle on them poking out from under the bed, drenched in blood.

I promptly leaned over the bed to a clear spot of carpet and threw up.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!"

I'm not really that big on swearing, or prone to violence, or extreme displays of emotion. But right now, I was straining every muscle in my body in a blinding rage, trying to get away from Koizumi as he held me back.

"Ahahahahah! That's it! It's just too perfect! That look on your face is one I'm going to cherish forever! Man, it was so hard keeping a straight face when you were waving that arm around without realizing what it was."

Lambdadelta and Bernkastel were both giggling like mad, which erupted into even louder cackles when Lamba summoned an image of Jessica's arm to her hand, mimicked the scream Piece-Me had let out, and threw it across the room. She was rolling around on the floor now; well, it would be more appropriate to say she was rolling around the room laughing, teleporting randomly as she gasped for air.

I was clenching my teeth so hard I could taste blood. Damnit, get a hold of yourself! They're just trying to provoke you, you're better than this! Take a deep breath, come on. That's good.

I slowly managed to reign in my emotional outburst. It's okay Koizumi, you can let go now. I should feel lucky that I only have to see that from up here. It's easy to be detached from something if you just treat it like a movie or a game, right?

Surprisingly, Haruhi didn't react nearly as strongly as I did. She seemed a bit angry, naturally, but instead merely glared at the two witches with a grim determination. Also unsurprisingly, Asahina-san had fainted from the whole scene. Once again, Nagato was looking after her.

Both witches continued laughing, but suddenly, Haruhi cracked a smile.

"Is that it? I'm kind of disappointed. I've seen way worse in plenty of 3rd rate horror movies on late night cable. Nice touch putting it all in our room, but it's going to take a lot more than that to impress me."

Woah, what the hell? Haruhi, where was this coming from?

"…"

Both witches stopped laughing immediately at Haruhi's casual dismissal. Bernkastel gave her a flat, yet slightly angry stare, while Lambdadelta's expression shifted into more of a pained grimace. With a loud *POP* the pink witch warped across the room to get right in Haruhi's face.

"Well well, I didn't realize we were playing to such a tough crowd. You might regret those words, it's not like these murders are over with. Before you get all high and mighty, maybe you should try explaining that, hmm?"

I followed her finger to see what she was pointing on the screen. The scene shifted slightly to show that both doors were still tightly barricaded and sealed.

…

What the hell? How is that even possible? It's enough of a stretch for the killer to manage to kill everyone else while we were sleeping, but that room should've been impenetrable to anything but a battering ram, right?

"It really seems like we're dealing with a closed room again. This one looks a bit more complicated than the one I set up last summer, don't you think?"

"Well, the witch Beatrice used magic to teleport in, and then summoned demons to dismember and devour everyone. Whenever Piece you gets around to it, he'll find that not every body part is accounted for, after all! Oh, and she cast a sleep spell on you both to ensure you wouldn't wake up from all the noise."

And that's the explanation Bernkastel wants us to believe, huh? Or I suppose I should say we're supposed to use the "Blue Truth" to prove it wrong. Also seriously. Beatrice? She keeps getting mentioned over and over again. Just who the hell is this woman?

"Oh? That's right, I forgot. Here, you want to meet her?"

With a wave of Bernkastel's hand, there was a swirl of golden butterflies in the center of the room, which coalesced into the form of Beatrice. It was definitely the same as the portrait, same golden hair, and same elegant dress. Her face quickly contorted into something nasty as she gave out an ear splitting cackle. Wow, now that's what I call an evil laugh. Then she stopped, turned to us, and gave a poised smile. Then stopped again, raised a pipe to her lips, and posed.

Something about that wasn't right. Her movements seemed practiced, and forced. It reminded me of a model viewer for a video game, just going through the various animations.

With another sparkle of gold, she vanished into nothingness.

"That's Beatrice. Or at least the image of her we're using for this game. A long time ago, Beatrice was the game master here, as well as a player. But she's dead now."

She was the game master, but she's dead? I guess whatever sort of meta-existence I have right now; it's a little more fragile than I thought.

"Well come on then! Let's get on with this! I mean, we could always save the whole red blue thing till the end, but you guys are new, right? Better to test the waters now, right? Tell us how this crime could've been preformed if not by magic!"

Right. Blue truth. I took another look at the grisly scene below, and took a deep breath. I felt Haruhi put her hand on my shoulder, and she smiled at me. Alright, here goes!

[Blue]"The culprit entered and left through the windows! [Blue]

Huh. Blue text tastes kind of weird. Like pie.

"Bzzt! [Red] All the windows in this room are locked! They cannot be locked from the outside! [Red]"

Damn, just like that? This was going to be harder than I thought.

"[Blue] There's a hidden door somewhere in this room! The culprit used that! [Blue]"

"Oh come on, what kind of mystery do you think this is? [Red] There are no hidden doors in this room! [Red]"

Haruhi stepped up to bat, but was just as quickly as I did was stuck out.

"Hey hold on, exactly what defines a hidden door? I mean, this mansion is huge, right? Is there really no hidden doors like that anywhere?"

"[Red] A hidden door is any entrance or exit that Piece Kyon or Piece Haruhi cannot find! [Red]!"

So what you're saying, is that if there is a secret door somewhere, than one of us is going to stumble on it? Plus one for Narrative causality, I guess."

"It makes sense, don't you think? Wouldn't you feel cheated if you were to read a mystery story and the solution turned out to just be a secret door that wasn't revealed until the end?"

Well, you're the mystery expert here, not me. I'd also feel cheated if the answer was "A witch did it." Maybe you have some brilliant deductions you'd like to share in blue?

"Hmm, let's see. How about, [Blue] The culprit committed murder, than committed suicide. [Blue]

"Whaaat? Come on, don't be ridiculous. They killed themselves by chopping off their own limbs? Next you're going to tell me they were fed small bombs or something! Ahahaha! [Red] All deaths are homicides! [/Red] Come on, is that all you guys have? We don't have to do this now you know, you're new, and I'm the nicest person ever! You have until the end of the game to solve everything, or else its slave town for everyone!"

So this was it, huh? We were expected to solve this insane closed room before time runs out, or we have to spend eternity being drug around different realities by these witches until they get bored. Damnit, there has to be a solution, right? Except these two are exactly the type of people to make a game unwinnable just because they can. I looked to both Koizumi and Haruhi to see if they had any more ideas, but they both shook their heads.

"Hey, Nagato, what about you? Can you see something we can't?"

She looked up, and walked over from where she was tending to the still unconscious Asahina-san.

"I cannot see anything."

Huh? What do you mean?

"I cannot see the game board."

"Sorry! But your little data puppet is too powerful, practically a deus ex machina, you know? So we can't really let her watch. No cheating on your part either!"

What the hell? You're going to exclude Nagato just because of her abilities, while you two fling magic around like its candy?

"If you have a complaint, you're welcome to mail it to the celestial bureaucracy. I'm sure I'll hear about it in a couple millennia. Oh, and could you wake the whiney one up? I'd like some more tea."

Bernkastel was back to being idle and cold, having abstained from the exchange of red and blue so far. Yeah, Asahina-san's hard work is definitely wasted on you.

"Oh, I guess I should give you guys' one more free piece of red, huh? Otherwise we might get all self angst-y and stuff. It was said earlier, but tenses apply as well, you know? [Red] Kyon has not killed anyone! Haruhi has not killed anyone! [Red]"

Well, that seemed obvious, but even then. I mean, Piece-me isn't technically me, right? Who knows what he's capable of? Still, an answer like that would've been pretty lame.

Speaking of which, the red tells the truth, right? What's stopping you from just saying "The murders were committed by magic?"

"Oh come on. That's cheating; this is a GAME after all. Besides, if I did that, would you accept that?"

I guess not. I mean, this red truth thing is still pretty shaky. So if she says it's magic, and we just refuse to believe it, the game wouldn't progress anywhere. Of course, an admission like that could also be taking to mean that this game CAN be solved, and that it's only magic if we suck too much to reach the answer. Or they're just messing with us. Hmm.

Koizumi pondered our problem for a bit longer before finally speaking up again.

"I think we should withdraw for now. Let's continue the game and see if any new evidence pops up. "

Yeah, that's probably for the best. Right now we're just throwing out random guesses. Nobody solves the mystery at the first murder anyways, right?

"Hurray! Round 1 goes to Lambdadelta! I'd gloat a bit more, but it's like beating an elementary school kid at poker or something. "

I wiped my mouth my sleeve, coughing, the taste of acid burning my throat. I could hear the sound of Haruhi's retching behind me. Was her reaction to everything I was seeing, or maybe a chain thing because I did it first? Damnit. I can't think straight. My mind is wheeling. I could use some water.

I found myself walking towards the bathroom in a daze, no longer looking at anything around me. I stumbled, tripped over something on the ground, but I didn't dare look to see what it was. Just keep walking. The door is right in front of you.

I fumbled a bit with the door handle, before getting it open to the bathroom. There were streaks of blood here too, on the floor, on the shower curtains. Floating with her eyes closed in a bowl of red toilet water, Maria's head had a peaceful expression, like that of a pleasant dream.

Without a word I closed the door, and turned back around. Haruhi was wiping her mouth, and looking at me with a strangely blank look in her eyes. I shook my head. She made some sort of half-motion in the direction of the door. I took her hint, and together we stumbled our way over there, pushing the dresser aside, fumbling with the locks, bolts, and chains, then finally throwing the door open with a small tearing sound, bursting into the hallway, and slamming the door behind us. There wasn't a magic circle waiting for us this time at least.

"Hey."

I'm sorry. That was too much. With the door closed I suddenly felt like what I had just left behind was already miles away. That inch and a half of wood representing both a physical and mental barrier between this world and the nightmare that lay beyond.

"Hey!"

With a rush, the world snapped back into focus. Battler was in front of me, trying to get my attention.

"Hey, come on, are you two alright? You like awful. Here, drink this."

Battler handed me a glass of water which I greedily drunk from, choking a bit, then taking another sip of water which I gargled, then spat onto the floor. Not my carpet, but suddenly I don't care as much anymore. I passed the glass to Haruhi, who followed pretty much the same ritual.

"I heard you guys scream, and rushed over here. Look, its okay. Just take some deep breaths and think about something else for awhile. I'm just going to check inside real quick."

Battler slipped inside the door we had just left, as I pointedly tried to pay attention to something else. Damnit. Wasn't I trying to cheer him up just the other day? Whatever. Deep breaths sound like a good idea, let's do that.

For the next five minutes or so, the two of us just stood in the hallway, occasionally passing the glass of water back and forth until it was empty. Finally, Battler slipped back out the door, looking grim.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. It's almost never this bad. Pretty tasteless and unoriginal, too."

Huh? That last bit almost sounded like he was talking to somebody else.

"I… I think I'm okay now. This isn't over yet, right? There's supposed to be 6 murders for the first twilight isn't there?"

That's a good point, Haruhi. I didn't exactly count or anything, but I'm pretty sure the only dead people in that room were those that had been there from the beginning.

"Yeah, there's probably going to be two more. The bodies haven't been found yet though, if that's what you're asking."

So what now then? We should probably tell the others, right?

"Well, technically we don't have to, but they'll find out sooner or later. Hey, don't worry. I mean it was kind of funny before, but I'll stop Aunt Eva if she tries to kick the crap out of you again, okay?"

Battler grinned, and slapped me on the back, subtly pushing forward. For some reason, I didn't share in his mirth.

"Heya! We're going to stop here for a bit, and take a break. Are you okay with that? Of course you are! Bern and I just need to take care of something real quick, we won't be long!"

With a quick wave of goodbye and a flash of light, Lambdadelta and Bernkastel vanished once again, with me barely having time to register that the game even stopped.

Just what is it that these witches would actually have to go do? Evil grocery shopping? Updating a post on their witch-blog?

Whatever. I let out a long sigh of relief, stretched, then relaxed. Being in the same room as those two was like being stuck on the subway next to an insane homeless guy. Their very presence is uncomfortable, and you have absolutely no idea he's capable of doing at any given moment.

"Hey, Haruhi. Are you okay? I mean, watching that was pretty rough."

I don't envy Piece-Me right now. I mean, if it were just a regular horror movie or something, I could blow it off easily. But seeing myself put through all of that had a much greater effect on me. Talk about identifying with the protagonist.

Surprisingly, Haruhi turned to me and raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical and slightly annoyed.

"Don't you get it Kyon? I don't care what or who those witches claim to be, or even how powerful they are! When it comes down to it, they're nothing more than schoolyard bullies! All the two are trying to do is get a rise out of us, because they think it's funny! So we can't just give them what they want. "

Hmm. When you put it like that, I suppose I can see that. But with bullies, if you try to ignore them or snark back, they'll just push harder, won't they? I'm not sure if it's in our best interests to really explore the limits of what these two are capable of.

"What, so we should just give in, roll over to their demands? Cry and beg for mercy like they want? Absolutely not! Look, I mean, you're right. Watching that was rough. But now I'm surer than ever that we absolutely cannot lose!"

If you say so.

"Hey Haruhi, I think Asahina-san is still unconscious, why don't you go check on her? She's not as involved in this as we are, but it's pretty nasty for her too. I'm going to go make some snacks or something."

Haruhi smiled and ran off to the daintily sleeping form of Asahina-san, as I made my way towards the kitchen. It's not that I wouldn't rather be nursing her back to health; it's just that I wanted a chance to talk to Koizumi.

…

Man, I need to get my priorities straightened out.

The kitchen looked like something you could find in pretty much any home, except for the window looking out into that purple maelstrom. This must be my dream home. Lovely house, big TV, and a location overlooking the infinite layers of the abyss. Even Taniguchi would be jealous.

I found the ingredients for what I was planning to make pretty quickly. Yep, back to the PB&J. I never got to eat any of the ones I made last time. After way too long of a wait, Koizumi finally decided to come over and offer to help.

"So. Koizumi. This whole thing, what's your take on it?"

"Well, that's certainly a broad question. Do you think you can narrow it down a bit? After all, I'm not familiar with any of this either."

Fine. Let's start with Haruhi. Do you think she's okay?

"I think Suzumiya-san is a lot tougher than you're giving her credit for. Although I believe she has firmly come to rationalize all of these events as a particularly bad nightmare. Which is great in my opinion – Assuming we make it out of here, we can just use the "It was a dream" excuse and everything will go back to normal."

Perfect, that'll wrap things up nicely. I turned to look over my shoulder towards the others. Asahina-san was just waking up, looking dazed and confused, with Haruhi egging her on to get up faster.

"So, about this whole blue truth / red truth thing? I have to say, I'm totally lost."

"Well, I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. It's definitely an interesting concept for a mystery story. What exactly is it you don't understand?"

For starters, how about that bit where Haruhi used the red truth? What's the point of different colors if we can both use them freely?

"Well, for one, I think Haruhi's use of the red truth last game was entirely unintentional. It was likely a result of her powers interacting with the game board; remember how I said they had nothing to latch on to?"

Well, it's Haruhi I suppose. Always expect the unexpected with her.

"As for now, the difference between us using the red and blue truth isn't that great. Here, watch."

"[Red] My name is Itsuki Koizumi. [Red]"

You're not secretly a witch, are you?

"No, not at all. Although I am still an Esper, it doesn't have anything to do with this. I believe I can use the red truth to say something like that because it's something that is true, and something that I know is true. However, I don't know any of the truth of the game board – Only Bernkastel and Lambdadelta know that, so when it comes to the mystery, the red truth is their weapon alone."

If we can't use it to our advantage, it doesn't really do us much good, does it? Any other enlightening truths you'd like to share?

"Hmm, let's see. [Red] The shirt I'm wearing is blue. [Red]

[Red] This is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. [Red]

[Red] Even if they won't admit it, both Kyon and Haruhi are actually deeply in l-[Red] Gyuk!"

Koizumi's final red truth was cut off with a choking sound, and he clutched at his throat, gasping for air.

It probably had something to do with the fact that I had just punched him in the throat.

It's not like I meant to do it. I was trying to clasp my hand over his mouth, but swung too hard, and missed. So, I'm sorry.

Still, there are some things that should really never be said, especially with magical truth words.

"*Cough* That… was a cheap shot, Kyon."

Yeah yeah, I know. I'm sorry, alright? Look, I'll make it up to you sometime. When we get out of this, I'll let you have a free shot at me, how's that sound?

Koizumi went to the sink, poured himself a glass of water and drank the whole thing, before clearing his throat a few more times and turning back to me.

"I might just take you up on that offer. However, you may end up regretting that promise; I can throw a mean right hook."

And just like that, the mask was back on.

"So, I trust we don't need any more demonstrations of our relationship to the red truth?"

Yeah, I think that's pretty much covered. What about the game itself?

"Well, I've been a bit skeptical since the beginning, but just because the red truth is the truth, it doesn't mean it's the truth. You know?"

Nope.

"Hmm. Let's try this."

Koizumi rummaged through the drawers until he found what he was looking for; notepad and a pencil. He turned away from me and began drawing. Great, I was hoping I could get through this without a diagram. I tried to focus on making the sandwiches, but I heard that wonderfully cute whimpering sounds of Asahina-san. I turned around and didn't see her, but noticed some of her clothes lying discarded nearby, and the sounds were coming from behind a stack of bookshelves.

After a few more minutes, Koizumi finished his drawing, and presented it to me.

"What does this look like to you?"

That's a pipe, isn't it? The kind used for smoking, that is. Not a bad drawing by the way, for a few minutes of effort.

"That's a good observation, but I'm afraid you're wrong."

Huh?

"[Red] This is not a pipe! [Red]"
…

What? What the hell is that supposed to mean? What exactly is it supposed to be, and how should I take this red truth seriously if you can use it like that?

"Oh come on. I thought it was quite obvious. This is just a piece of paper, with some graphite on it."

Yeah, you've lost me. Is there a point to this? I didn't really take you for the snobby artist type.

"The point I'm trying to make, is that even if what the red truth says is true, it can be used to mislead or deceive us, and we should pay very close attention to how everything is worded.

Ah, you could've just said that first. I've been suspecting from the beginning that this whole red truth thing was a load of bull.

"Most likely. We haven't been given a lot of red to examine yet, but let's try this one.

[Red] There are no hidden doors in this room! [Red]

Is there any sort of misdirection you can see there?"

Misdirection? Well, it's a small one, but it'd be easy to infer that it means "There's no hidden doors", but really it only refers to hidden doors in that bedroom.

"Perfect, that's it exactly. Let's try another one."

Koizumi handed me the sandwich he had been working on. This is starting to sound like you're tutoring me or something. Just when did you become such an expert on supernatural methods of detection?

"I think it's less that I'm explaining things to you, and more like I'm putting my theories to the test. Now, use the red to tell me what it is you're holding."

This is probably some kind of trick, right? Whatever; might as well give it a shot.

"[Red] This is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. [Red]"

That was easier than I thought. Also it kind of leaves an aftertaste of bananas.

"Perfect, just what I was expecting. Now, go ahead and open that sandwich and check what's inside.

What, should I expect mouse trap, or a needle? Does it like, cause you physical pain if you're not as roundabout as possible when explaining something?

Inside the sandwich, along with the peanut butter and jelly, was a single piece of lettuce.

"Do you see? The addition of that piece of lettuce does not stop the sandwich from being a PB&J, but simply calling it PB&J doesn't tell us everything we need to know about the sandwich."

Good grief.

I took the piece of lettuce off the sandwich and dumped it into the trash. Can we stop will all the food metaphor's now? You're starting to make me lose my appetite.

"Yoohoo! Oh boys!"

Haruhi shouted enthusiastically at us from behind. I turned around to see—"

"Introducing: Battle Princess Mikuru!"

Wowza. She was dressed in some sort of fantasy leather armor – Sleeveless, form fitting, and with one of those pleated leather skirts, like a roman legionnaire or something. The ensemble even included a fake sword and shield, which she carried with absolutely no confidence whatsoever.

The outfit would've provided pretty much no protection whatsoever in an actual fight, but I'll be damned it didn't look great.

"Wow. If I must say, that looks absolutely stunning on you, Asahina-san."

Yeah, stunning. That's one way to put it. Where the hell did you get an outfit like that anyways?

"I know, isn't it great? I just found this in one of the dressers over there; I figured it'd be totally perfect for Mikuru-chan."

It is, but; what's the point of playing dress up at a time like this?

"Come on, we're fighting the bad guys here! Mikuru-chan has to do her part too! She might not be much help in solving this mystery, but she can at least take on the roll of warrior who inspires her teammates to victory with her courage and valor!"

That's…

Just what the hell are you trying to do here, Haruhi?

"Huh? Kyon…"

Did you forget where we are? Did you forget what we're up against? How the hell is cosplay at a time like this going to accomplish anything! Asahina-san shouldn't even be here in the first place. This is beyond stupid.

Haruhi was momentarily taken aback by my outburst, but was looking pretty angry by the time I was done. Growling, she grabbed me by the shoulders roughly and started pushing me out of the kitchen, until we were out of earshot of the others.

"Kyon you idiot! Can't you see Mikuru-chan is absolutely terrified of all of this? And not just her, but Yuki and Koizumi-kun too. And you're not acting like yourself, and even I'm… I mean, I had to watch you… Nobody is having fun here, Kyon!"

Haruhi admonished me with a harsh whisper. I could feel my own anger still growing, and I snapped back.

"So what? You think we can just smile, and pretend everything is okay? Laugh, and play dress up like this is a normal day at the club? You think that'll make everything alright!"

"Yes!"

Haruhi's shouted, one word answer left an empty silence in the air between us, which held for several seconds.

…

What the hell am I doing?

Dejected, I slumped down on to the ground, and buried my face in my hands. Damnit. My momentarily flash of anger had drained away, leaving me simply feeling like an idiot. I'm sorry, alright? I guess I'm just… a little on edge here.

Haruhi gave out a long sigh, before looking down at me with a weak smile and extending her hand.

"You idiot. Come on, I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

I let her help me to my feet, and we both made our way back to the others. Koizumi was looking grim, but Asahina-san looked on the verge of tears. She probably blamed herself for this, too.

"Hey, I'm really sorry. You look great, okay?"

"Wha-? Ah, Kyon-kun, it's no big deal, really…"

"Mikuru-chan! Come on, isn't there something you wanted to tell him?"

Haruhi ran up and pounced on her from behind, giggling and then pushing her forward slightly as she let out a yelp of surprise.

"Huh? Am I? Um… ah, Suzumiya-san was right earlier, I can't really help you at all… I'm sorry."

I balked slightly, wanting to offer some words of comfort or something to our poor, beautiful mascot, but she managed her own outburst before I could.

"B-but I'm really positive you guys can find a way out of this and I believe in you!"

An embarrassing thing to say, but it was clear she meant every word with all of her heart.

"You see! With a declaration like that, there's no way we could lose!"

I found myself smiling for real, this time. Even if this is all kind of forced, it's better than just sitting around getting angry and mope-y, right?

We all grabbed a sandwich and some juice from the nearby fridge and went back to sit and eat. Looks like those witches still aren't back.

Everyone was chatting happily and enjoying themselves, but my mood fell again when I happened to glance back at the screen, the scene of the game still frozen in time.

Even if we were able to take a break up here and enjoy ourselves, the me down there is still stuck in a living nightmare. Damnit, now I feel guilty. Especially since I was somewhat dreading when this moment would end, and I have to go back to playing and watching myself suffer.

I guess that means that it's not just our lives on the line here, but we have to someone save Piece-Me, Piece-Haruhi, and Piece-Battler as well. Whether they're really sentient or not, I don't care anymore. It has to be stopped.

But hey. We should have this.I think Haruhi said it earlier, but the bad guys always lose in the end.

Right?