Chapter 2 – Fun with Jake

Carlisle:

After Emmett settled down with the owl hooting, Jake and Seth were sitting around the campfire with us. Seth was beginning to yawn and so was Jake. Jake was still uncomfortable so he was either kneeling or lying on his side.

"I think it's time for you two to turn in for the night," I said to them.

"Aw, come on Dad, let us stay up later," Seth asked.

"Yeah, we want to see if we can stay up all night with you guys," Jake added. "Besides, how am I going to sleep with my butt itching?"

"Better than having your butt burning from Pops hand," Emmett teased.

"I hope an owl shits on your head," Jake said to Em.

"Jacob! Watch that language young man," I scolded.

"Come on, we're on a camping trip with just us guys! Geez, give us a break old man," Jake said to me.

"Who are you calling an old man," I asked him.

"You, you're officially my old man now," Jake came back.

"Let me introduce you to my old hand," I said holding it up to him.

"Yeah, I've met him before, several times. He's a hard, ornery old cuss!" Jake said.

"He remembers you fondly also," I said to him. "How about you two get reacquainted."

"Naw, he rubs me the wrong way," Jake said laughing.

"You're treading on thin ice, mister," I warned him.

After a while, Jake and Seth both began yawning, feeling the effects of a day outdoors in the fresh air. I envied them being in the cool fall weather and tiring from it.

"Boys, time to hit the sleeping bags," I said to them.

"How am I going to sleep with my itchy butt?" Jake pondered.

"Yeah, what are you going to do, Pinky?" Edward asked.

"Phase into a wolf and sleep that way," Jazz suggested.

"Hey, that might be easier," Jake said. "I think I will try that, excuse me, Dad, Ed, Jazz, Seth and Hooty while I go make myself into that handsome specimen of a wolf," Jake said running toward the woods.

"Hey, you guys," Edward said to his brothers coming up with some sort of scheme.

"Oh man, this is going to be great," Seth said excitedly.

"Ha ha ha ha ha, get Jake Wolf back for some of his remarks and tricks," Jazz laughed.

"Good one, Eddie boy," Em said chucking Edward on the arm.

"Hey, not so hard, Emmett," Edward said to him.

"What are you boys up to," I asked them.

"Aw Pops, we want you to be surprised. Don't worry, its nothing bad," Emmett said to me.

"Yeah Dad, Pinky won't know what's happening until its already done," Edward laughed.

"Good luck, guys, but you know Jacob, he will be out to get you, all of you," I warned them.

It wasn't long and Jake came prancing back as a wolf and was strutting his stuff around the campfire. He went into the tent and laid down on the sleeping bag. He seemed satisfied and came out looking smug at his comfy sleeping arrangements.

"What a stuck-up wolf," Jasper said to him. Jake quickly turned toward Jazz and showed his teeth at him.

"You don't scare us Pinky, we know your all bark and no bite," Emmett laughed.

Seth then walked up to Jake and was standing in front of Jake's tent. He began engaging Jake in conversation. I was watching with curiosity, as I knew this must be the prelude to whatever prank they had in mind. I decided to sit back and enjoy the show.

"Hey Jake, is your sleeping bag big enough for you to lay on in wolf form?" Seth asked Jake. Jake turned his attention to Seth and nodded yes with his massive head. That's when the fun began. I noticed Jazz taking his phone out of his pocket and getting into position where he would capture Jake, Seth and Emmett. I was wondering what that was all about. I didn't have long to find out.

Emmett began walking up nonchalantly next to Jake as if he was looking for something. When he got next to Jake's backend and tail he looked back toward Jazz and Edward. Edward gave him the thumbs up sign. Emmett nodded discreetly. Jazz put his camera up to capture a picture. Emmett then inched over closer to Jake and as Seth was keeping Jake engaged in conversation, Emmett quickly reached over and lifted Jake's tail up exposing his "pink" wolf butt dabbed with the calamine lotion. Jake quickly twisted his body around until his face and snout was even with his tail and growled and bared his teeth with a silly surprised wolf look on his face, to which Jasper quickly snapped a picture. Jake noticing the flash went after Emmett who quickly let go of his tail and ran to the side. Edward, Jazz, Seth and I were laughing. Seth almost fell into the tent he was laughing so hard.

Jake, not to be outdone, turned and strutted over to the campfire, turned his rump toward the fire, lifted his tail and let fly one of his lethal farts into the flames which flared up as high as the tree tops, scaring an owl who took off in flight but was knocked down by the heat of the fire. The owl fell on Emmett and was flapping its wings and clawing him with his talons trying to escape. Emmett was shrieking madly.

"AAAAHHHHH! Help, help! It's huge; it's as big as a man. Get it off me…Pops…help me…it's trying to carry me off…AAAAHHHHH, it can't end like this!" Emmett shrieked.

He was so panicked, when reaching to try to throw the owl off of him; he instead pushed one of its talon's into his shoulder gauging a hole in him. Venom began pouring out.

"Pops! Pops! It's a vampire owl! It's trying to turn me into an owl! Help me…Pops! AAAHHH!"

I immediately flashed over to him and grabbed the owl and got it off of him. I checked the owl over, it was okay, just shook up. I let it go and it took off and flew out the campsite faster then we can flash. I then looked over at Emmett who was still carrying on.

"Oh thanks Pops, you saved my life…did you see it, it was huge, the size of man. Must be some freak of nature. It wrapped its mighty wings around me and tried to carry me off. When it couldn't lift me, it started clawing me trying to shred me in pieces. It was horrible I tell you, horrible. I looked into its face. It had huge yellow eyes mocking me. It screeched at me right in my face and it had bad breath too. Must have just ate a horse," Emmett said getting up. "Look what it did! Pops, it clawed me and I'm bleeding venom, help!" Emmett said jumping up and showing me.

"Aww, did the big bad owl give Emmy an ouchie," Edward asked taunting him.

"Hey, it was huge," Emmett said.

"It was only a foot high," Jasper said.

"No it wasn't, it was huge. Pops tell them how you had to wrestle it off me," Emmett said.

"Em, it was only a foot high," I hated to break it to him. "Let me see that wound," I said to him.

"No it wasn't, it was as big as me," Emmett said again. "Pinky, look what you did to me," Emmett said to Jake. Jake was rolling on the floor carrying on in wolf-speak.

"It got your hand too, I will have to clean it out and bandage it until the venom heals it. It might take a day or two because the cuts are deep," I said to him. I began cleansing the wounds and Emmett began protesting.

"Ouch, ow Pops, that hurts," Emmett complained.

"What a baby, want a blood pop to suck on," Edward asked laughing.

"Yeah, you just wait, Ed bro," Emmett said to him.

"Look at this," Jazz said showing his phone to Edward. Edward began laughing.

"Let me see it," Seth said grabbing the phone. He immediately joined his siblings in laughing. "Looks as pink as Pepto-Bismol," Seth said.

"Let me see, Jazzy," Emmett said. Jazz quickly showed Emmett the picture. He began bellowing with laughter.

"Oh, Emmett! That was right in my ear! Don't be so loud, you want to scare all the animals out of the forest," I said to him. "Hold still while I bandage your hand."

Then he showed me the picture. I couldn't help but laugh also. It was hilarious. Jake in a "U" shape with his gums pulled back in a snarl and teeth bared with a silly wolf look on his face and Emmett's hand lifting his tail up to reveal his pink rump. I have to say it was quite a shot. Jake, seeing us all laugh, came over by me and nudged me hard. I still laughed.

"Send the picture to Alice so the girls can see it," Edward said to Jazz.

Jazz promptly emailed the picture as Jake ran and knocked Jazz down but it was too late, the picture had been sent. Jake dropped his head down in disgust and sauntered back to his tent and roughly laid down on his sleeping bag and pouted. I guess he was down for the night.

The Next Morning:

Seth:

The next morning we woke up and stumbled out of our camp. Dad had made us breakfast and had it covered in a skillet that was pulled out of the heat but kept warm. Jake ran off and phased back into human form. Dad had left a note saying he and the others left for an early morning hunt. We quickly gobbled the delicious breakfast down and then sat there thinking of what to do for the day.

"Hey, lets go cliff diving off those cliffs we found when we went exploring," I said to Jake.

"I can't. Dad said not to get my butt wet because it will wash the lotion off my poison," Jake said.

"Well, take the lotion along and put some on afterwards," I suggested.

"No, I can't reach it all," Jake replied. "Besides, Dad will lay into us good if he knows we went cliff diving and how will I explain being wet when he told me not to do that," Jake asked.

"We can always say we fell in the water," I said. "He doesn't have to know we went diving. Come on Jake, I miss cliff diving," I begged him.

"Me too, but Dad will kill us if he finds out," Jake reminded me.

"Well, let's not tell him," I said.

"Come on, the guy is practically psychic, he always finds out. I don't want a sore and poison butt," Jake said.

"He won't spank you with poison," I said hoping this would convince him.

"Hey, that's right. Okay, lets go now before they get back," Jake said as they raced off to the cliffs. "Take your swim trunks."

We went on a hike through the woods to the cliffs we can dive off of. They are not as high as the ones by La Push beach, but they are pretty close. We were careful and tried to be quiet since we didn't know where Dad and the bros went hunting. After a short trek, we came to the cliffs.

"Hurry up Jake, change into your trunks and let's start diving so we can do it a bunch of times before we have to head back," I said practically jumping into my trunks.

"Hey, how are we going to dry off?" Jake asked.

"I don't know, we'll air dry," I said to him. "Come on, we're wasting valuable time."

We changed into our trunks and climbed up to the top of the cliffs. Jake was still kind of itchy but as soon as we got to the top of the cliff and looked over at the water below us, he forgot all about his poison ivy. We both stood and readied ourselves.

"Okay, on the count of three we both jump at the same time," Jake said.

"Gotcha! One - Two - Three!" We shouted together as we both jumped off and dove into the water waiting below us. The two of us made quite a splash and we came up and were congratulating ourselves on a perfect dive. We repeated this spectacular feat that was worthy of an Olympic medal, to us at least, over and over. We decided to go again and both dove off at different times one after the other. As we surfaced and were laughing and smacking each other's hand in our awesomeness, we were both jerked under the water. We instantly held our breath and looked down to see what had snagged us. We saw nothing below us so we looked at each other and decided to look behind us.

"MMmmmmm! Mmmmm!" Jake motioned as I looked into the face of our angry father.

Needless to say we were shocked and turned to make for the surface but he caught us by the back of our swim trunks. We managed to reach the surface and so did he. Before he could say anything, we both looked at each other and bolted forward bursting out of our swim trunks and swam as fast as we could to the surface. Dad was taken by surprise and we left him holding our two swim trunks, one in each hand and each torn to shreds at the front. We didn't stay around to see what he was going to do. We both swam as fast as we could, finally making land and began running to put as much distance as we could between our seething father and us.

"Come on, let's get out of here," Jake shouted. I immediately followed.

"Hey, we're naked," I called to Jake.

"Who cares, run for it," Jake shouted to me.

"Jacob and Seth, come back here!" Dad called to us.

We were not going back so we kept going. We began making our way around back to the campsite but I made the mistake of looking behind me. Dad was hot on our tails.

"Jake, Dad is gaining on us," I said to him.

"Phase and break to the right and I'll go left," Jake said.

We both phased into wolves and we broke left and right. Dad followed Jake and soon over took him. He tackled him down on the forest floor. He then grabbed Jake by the ear and made him face him.

"You know better than to run from me, Young Man! You were diving from those cliffs," Dad scolded Jake. Jake bowed and whimpered as Dad had hold of his ear. "You know you are not allowed to dive from the cliffs anymore. You could have gotten hurt," Dad said Jake.

I was still running until I missed a step and crashed into one of the meanest thorny vines I've ever seen. My right back paw came down on a huge thorn sticking up and I was impaled on it. I immediately howled.

Carlisle:

I was chewing Jake out for cliff diving and running from me when I heard my youngest wolf cub yipe and yelp. Jake and I both looked at each other and we darted off to find him. We came upon him and his right rear paw was anchored to a sticker bush and a big thorn had pierced it. It looked nasty and there was blood all over. Seth was panicky.

"Seth, calm down, let me take a look at it," I said trying to calm him. Seth stopped flailing but was still whimpering. It looked bad. I broke the vine off and he just had the thorn in his foot. The best thing to do was get him back to camp.

"Phase back Seth so I can carry you back to camp more easily," I told him.

Seth complied and I flashed with my now naked and bleeding baby boy back to our campsite. Upon arriving the others came to help. They knew something was wrong and saw the blood. Seth was in terrible pain. They helped me put Seth down and I looked at his foot. The thorn was still sticking in his foot and he was hurting bad.

"Dad, get it out…it hurts so bad," Seth howled.

"Hold still now, I have to pull it out and it's going to hurt," I cautioned him.

"Yuk, that looks awful," Edward said. "I'll hold his leg still while you pull it out, Dad," Edward said as he grabbed Seth's leg.

I opened my bag and poured peroxide over the wound. I then got my tweezers out and latched onto the thorn. I gave it one quick yank and it came out. I then thoroughly cleansed the wound and applied an antiseptic on it. I then bandaged it and gave Seth some Tylenol to help with the pain. He calmed down after his foot was all bandaged. I helped him into the tent and helped him dress.

"With the accelerated healing your foot should be healed in a day or two, but you will have to be careful not to hurt it. Try not to make it bleed anymore. Stay off of it as much as you can today," I told him. I carried him out to the campfire with the others.

Jake came over. He had phased back into human form and walked over to Seth scratching his backside. As he looked at Seth I smacked his hands away from scratching.

"Stop scratching," I said to him.

"I can't help it, it itches!" Jake came back. "The lotion is all off of it now."

"Of course it is. You went diving off the cliffs. Not only were you not supposed to dive off the cliffs, but I told you not to get wet because of the poison," I reminded him.

"You two went diving off the cliffs? Ooooooooooo, you two wolf boys are in for it now," Emmett teased. "Pops is going to light your butts up."

"Hey, what were you doing underwater?" Jake asked me.

"I was coming back to the campsite and I heard you two splashing in the water and laughing. I was going to surprise you and jump in the water with you. Imagine my surprise when I walked up and saw the two of you jumping off the cliffs. I decided I would slip in the water when you went to climb up the cliff again and be waiting for you when you jumped in. You didn't notice me since you were too busy slapping each others hands so I decided to teach you a lesson and yank you both under," I explained.

"Some lesson! Freaked me out, Dad," Jake complained.

"Serves you right! You know you were not supposed to dive off the cliffs or get wet. Then you ran from me," I pointed out to him.

"Well, you scared us! How would you like it if someone yanked you underwater and you came face to face with your Dad standing there like…like…King Neptune or something!" Jake said.

"Ha ha ha! Hey Pops, did you have a triton in your hands like Neptune?" Emmett asked.

"No, he had our swim trunks in each hand," Seth said.

"Swim trunks? What was he doing with your swim trunks?" Jazz asked.

"He grabbed on to our swim trunks when we turned to swim from him so we bolted and ripped our swim trunks as we swam away from him. We weren't sticking around," Seth added.

"Oh boy, you shouldn't have done that," Edward warned.

"If you wouldn't have run from me, Seth would not have stepped on that thorn," I pointed out to him. "Come over here Pinky and drop your pants and bend over."

"What? Come on Dad, not here in front of everyone," Jake whined.

"Right here, young man," I called to him pointing to the spot in front of me as I sat down on a tree stump. Jake reluctantly came over and did as I said. I then applied the Calamine lotion to his poison.

"Oooooo! Dad! What kind of spanking is that?" Jake shrieked and jumped up.

"Bend back over, I'm not done yet," I said to him.

"It's cold! I thought I was going to get it. Da-ad, that's cold, stop it…ooooo…ah…Dad…it's freezing cold!" Jake whined.

"Hush up. You washed it all off in the water so I have to put more on. Hold still, Jacob! Seth had a huge thorn in his foot and was bleeding and you can't hold still to get lotion applied to help your poison," I chided him.

"Man Pinky, you want a little toy to hold until Daddy gets done coating your butt," Emmett teased him.

"Shut up, owl boy!" Jake shouted at Emmett.

"Hey, that owl was gigantic," Emmett came back.

"It was only a foot tall," we all said together to him.

"All right, stop it all of you. Jacob! Hold still or I'm going to smack you, poison or not," I warned him. "Just this one spot yet."

"Hurry up, Dad, this is humiliating," Jake whined some more.

"Serves you right, you naughty wolf boys," I scolded them.

"Better than being over Papa's knee," Jazz said to them.

"Oh I'm sure he's not done with us," Jake said.

"That's the first thing you got right all day! You're both in trouble for disobeying me and running from me," I informed them. "Your punishment will have to wait until Seth is healed and your poison is gone." I told them.

"Oh no, you mean we have to wait for our "discussion" as you like to call it," Jake asked.

"Yes, that will be also be part of your punishment, having to wait for it," I explained.

"Oh no, Dad. Give it to me now, I can take it," Seth spoke up. "I don't want to wait for it."

"No, you're both a mess. Look at all of you, Jake's got poison ivy, Emmett gauged himself with an owl, only Emmett, and now Seth stepped on a thorn. What's the matter with all of you," I asked them.

"I guess we're not the outdoor type," Seth said.

"You and Jake are Native Americans! What'd ya mean, you're not outdoor the outdoor type," Jazz teased them.

"You should talk, Texas Calvary man," Jake came back. "You too, Emmett, you're from Tennessee," Jake pointed out. "Didn't you guys work the land?"

"Hey, listen Pink ass…" Emmett started.

"All right! That's enough. Lets try and enjoy the rest of our camping trip. Just don't anyone else get hurt," I cautioned them. "I knew I should've worn a suit," I said aloud. They all laughed. It got quiet as we just sat there looking at the fire.

"Kum-by-aye my Lord…," Jake starting singing.

"SHUT UP!" We all yelled at him as Emmett threw small stick at him.

"Dad, Emmett threw a stick at me," Jake tattled.

"Tattletale," Emmett yelled back.

"Uh oh, what's that sticking out on your neck, Emmett?" Jake asked.

"Where?" Emmett asked touching his neck.

"Oh no, it looks like…like…it can't be…" Jake went on.

"Like what? What is it?" Emmett asked slapping at his neck.

"It looks like owl feathers forming," Jake said grinning. The others were laughing.

"AAHHH! Pops, I knew that was some kind of vampire owl. Pops, help me," Emmett said sticking his head toward me.

"Oh no, his eyes are getting real round and his nose is turning into a beak," Jake teased. The others were dying.

"Daddy, help me," Emmett whined.

"Jacob, so help me…" I scolded him…

To be Continued…

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