I followed Carlisle indoors swiftly. I looked around me once we had entered. Nice, I thought. Somewhat quaint, but gaudy isn't exactly the greatest look to go with, even for vampires. We moved, almost seeming as one unit, towards a living room.
I saw that there were three living rooms in the house, all within small distances of one another. Who needed three living rooms? Such gaudiness was something I never truly understood, but again none of them had grown up in my time, where such things didn't even exist.
I sighed and took a seat in one of the chairs, in fact this must have been some kind of interrogation room, all the other chairs seemed to be placed closer to each other and facing towards the one I was currently sitting in.
"Isabella, please tell us exactly why you are here." Carlisle asked me.
"To teach you to survive as I do. I know that none of you wish to be blood drinkers. I have nothing better to do, and believe that this cause would help all of you, if you so wish."
I sighed and crossed my legs, smirking slightly when I saw nearly all of them react to the movement.
"To tell you the truth Carlisle, I've grown weary of life. I have nothing to do, nor any reason to be here. I am grasping at straws, looking for things that should be done before I go, and my abilities and ways of life are something I would like to leave behind. I will leave through the fires, if I truly can. I am neither human nor vampire, or anything else of this world. I do not belong here, and I am beginning to grow weary of it."
Carlisle nodded his head, looking confused.
"Are you saying you will be getting rid of yourself, of your life?" he asked me gently.
"There is no life that will be lost if I leave. There will be life lost if I do not help those I can before I go. That is what I am saying. I do not know exactly how I will do this, or how long it takes, but I've got forever, and I am willing to try. I would just like to know if any of you are." I told him.
I looked to each of their faces as I scanned their thoughts I could see on their faces.
Rosalie was glaring suspiciously. She seemed fiercely protective of her family. I respected that.
Emmet just looked confused, yet thoughtful. He truly did not understand anything that was going on, but he was trying to put together the pieces.
Alice was just smiling.She was a perky girl, most definitely in love with life.
Jaspers face seemed to be filled with wonder. Just the idea seemed impossible to him. He was struggling so hard. He was going to have to be the one I started on.
Esme, his loyal loving wife was just smiling at her husband patiently. She trusted him to handle everything as necessary. I had to push the yearning back as it fell on me.
I looked to Edward and was surprised to see him staring intently at me. What was he thinking? He has absolutely no expression on his face, in his posture, or on anything around him. He left me confused and weary.
"We appreciate the thought, I don't know exactly what my family thinks of it, but before they can throw you out, not that they could, I will ask my family to have you around for a few weeks to see if we can all get along amiably. I very much wish not to insult you, but we are very protective of each other." He said calmly.
I saw Jasper and Rosalies postures both tense and Rosalie scoffed. Jasper remained quiet and after a moment relaxed his posture a bit. Soon enough he seemed settled with the idea of letting me stay, though I knew he would watch me very closely.
Rosalie on the other hand was still screaming obscenities at me in her face and posture. She did not want me here. That she would kill probably attempt to kill me if I so much as laid a finger on any of her family. I just stared at her. She was so enraged she didn't even notice my gaze.
"Rosalie." I said evenly.
Her face went blank for a moment, then her eyes snapped to mine.
"I do not care if you want me here or not. I do not care about your husband, I do not care about your family. I will do as I wish, because I can. If you truly would like to kill me I give you all my approval to try and do so. I do not appreciate the way you are staring and scoffing at me. You do not know me, you do not want to know me. I am only made useless to those who do not take advantage of what I have to offer. Your father has allowed me to stay, so be a good daughter and listen to him. He understands so much better than you do what I am offering you." I told her calmly, speaking the truth.
She just stared at me, her face showing shock over my words. She huffed and turned her eyes to the ground. She was quiet. I smiled at her.
"Many before you have tried almost all measures to kill me, and if I do not fall to the fire, many after you will as well. I do not mean to brag, but there is not a single way you could harm a hair on my head if I did not wish you to. Accept it and move on, it will make things so much easier for all of us." I said, turning my attention back to Carlisle.
He was staring at me intensely. Had I been any lesser creature, I probably would have squirmed in my seat.
"Why exactly are you doing this then, Isabella? Especially if you truly do not care for any of us?" He asked in seriousness.
I sighed and looked at all of them, I was about to answer a question many had been asking for a long time.
"As I said before Carlisle, I truly do not wish the last 18,000 years I've spent on this earth to be a waste. 18,000 years is a long time for anyone to live, and I most certainly have grown tired of it. The world holds me no interest."
I heard a few gasps as I said that. It was an awfully long time to them. Even Carlisle, their oldest, wasn't more than a few hundred years old. I must have seemed ancient. Some believed me to be the first vampire, but I had only twice created another of my kind, both of them I had to kill soon after their creation. There was no possibility for me to have created every one's lives.
"So you really are as old as the dawn of civilization." Carlisle said.
"No, but I was pretty close." I chuckled.
"I do not know what to say, Isabella. I truly don't." Carlisle said, shaking his head before running his hand through his hair.
"You can start by calling me Bella. I do not like the name the Vulturi have given me, but do not know what else I should go by. They have been naming me for so long it has just seemed normal for them to change it at their whim." I shrugged.
"Bella then. Will you need a place to stay? We have plenty of rooms and would like to offer you one." He said, standing. I stood as well.
I had found my own place, deciding that it would be easier on them, but wasn't sure if it wouldn't just be better to stay here permanently because I already knew I would be here almost always.
"If there is no objection by your family, I would be glad to." I said, deciding to leave it up to them.
"Yes," said the one called Alice. She smiled at me brightly
"Why the hell not," called Emmet. He still had no idea what was going on. I found it humorous.
"For now," Rosalie said quietly.
"Of course, dear." Esme said aloud.
"Yes." Said Jasper he seemed calm and collected again.
I turned my head to Edward. So far it had been a unanimous vote, but he was the only one who's opinions I had gained no access to.
"Yes." He said finally, not adding to it. There was nothing in his tone suggesting his thoughts on the matter. I was irritated momentarily, but got over it and looked back to Carlisle.
"Well then, I suppose I should go and get my things from my house." I said calmly. Carlisle nodded.
"Edward, go with her and help her with her things." He said.
Edward just stared for a moment but then nodded and headed towards the door.
"I will see you all soon." I said and headed out the door as well.
What an adventure this could be. I followed Edward out the door and headed to my car, pausing when I did not hear his steps do the same. I looked over to him and smiled, he was waiting at his car. He looked at me for a few moments and sighed when I didn't make a move towards him. His hand came up and rubbed the back of his neck.
He walked over muttering a few words like 'of course' and 'seniority'. I smirked at him and slid inside the car. Edward folded himself into the seat, far against the door. I half expected him not to be able to close the door. I huffed in amusement.
I wasn't so bad. My smell caused fear almost as much as my name, but this little youngling surely couldn't understand that. Then again, he had access to the thoughts of thousands of others, he may understand the world just a little better than his age would suggest.
Whatever the state of his mind was, he needed to calm.
"Edward, please calm down, there is no need to fear me." I said in a very soft voice, lying to him. There was always reason to fear me.
Immediately, I saw as his shoulders sag, his body calming down completely. Just as quickly as he relaxed, he was again tense, perhaps even more than before. I sighed and started the car, pulling out of the Cullen's driveway and back into Forks.
"How do you do that?" Edward asked, his voice betraying his posture. It was calm, polite, even.
"Do what?" I asked back. I knew what he was talking about, but when you ask me a question, it must be direct, or I may give you answers you don't want to hear.
"Calm me with you voice that way. It felt like you were almost commanding me, and I had no choice but to obey." He said. I looked over at him, studying his features for a moment before looking back ahead of me.
"Truthfully, I do it because I can. I can go inside someone's head and tear them apart , or build them up. Make them my slave, or set them free from this world. The mind is a funny thing Edward, you of all people should know how complex they are. It is not an unusual thing when you have lived as long as I have. If you wish it, I could show you these things as well. Sometimes you only have to say something correctly to make it so." I told him, pulling up to the home I had discovered. It seems like a waste now.
I would not need it, but may enjoy making it into someone else's dream home instead. It would give me something to do if I ever got bored. I parked in the driveway and waited.
I just sat there in the driver's seat and looked at Edward. So young, probably older than me at his change, but he was still young. I wanted to be that young again. Though I could never truly remember a time where I lived as a young vampire because it was spent in the earth. Down deep where the sun never reaches.
"You can't hear what I'm thinking, can you?" Edward asked suddenly, pulling me out of my reverie.
"Why do you ask?" I asked him. I leaned back in the seat and continued to study his features.
"Because you seemed to know exactly how each of my family members were feeling at all times. You seemed in tune with everything about them." He said simply, watching me as I watched him.
"No, I cannot." I told him.
"Does it frustrate you?" He asked me.
"No. It does not. I know the mind of the world too well to really care; besides all you think is on your face, in your posture. You are like an open book Edward; I find it quite comforting to be able to use my reading skills in such a way. Hearing the thoughts of others would just become troublesome and annoying." I answered him softly.
"Troublesome, I can see that, but it isn't that bad." He said to me.
" I cannot remember a time when I have had silence. It is something I long for, one of the few things on this earth that I long for but will never be given, perhaps that may be why I long for them. Hearing the thoughts of others would just make it that much worse." I smiled.
"Never? You've never has silence? How far can you hear?" He asked me.
"Edward, I can hear almost everyone in the whole northern region of this state. As you age your hearing and sight grows exponentially. It is a tumultuous chatter at the back of my mind, like a river I can dip my head into when I want."
"Everyone, all the time." He said softly, awed.
"It is not a pleasant gift, but one that has come to my advantage many times." I said to him.
"It sounds completely awful. I don't enjoy the limited range on mine, let alone one such as yours. It could only be worse if you were hearing creatures on other planets." He said with a soft laugh.
I just stared at him.
"What if I did hear creatures on other planets?" I said solemnly. He just looked at me. We both stared at each other for a few moments. Then we both laughed quietly.
"Alright Isabella, we have been sitting here for nearly three hours t I believe my family may be worrying about us. We should get your things and head back." He said, opening the car door.
"I don't think we should return to the house for some time, they are all…" I paused, "relieving some stress, and I do not think you would wish to be privy to it." I told him. His expression turned sour.
"Of course, the moment they get me away from the house." He shook his head and sighed.
"Do not worry Edward, it is something all couples do, and something you will do when you find your other half." I told him.
I stood from the car and headed inside the house I would never live in.
"I do not need another half, I have mine right here." He pointed to himself.
I laughed.
"You are not complete by yourself, no one is. You will find your other half. Your soul mate, if you will. Human's and Vampire's alike have them, and need them. Humans just don't have the luxury of living long enough to find their other half most times." I went in the front doors and looked around.
Completely untouched, completely the same as I had left it. Even some of the dust motes had not moved.
"If so, then where is yours?" He asked sounding truly interested.
I froze for a moment. Where was mine? I sighed.
"I am neither vampire nor human, I have none. Only living things with souls could have a mate. I do not have a soul, so I cannot have a mate." I told him calmly.
I had been telling myself, and others, this for so long I almost believed it. But he, the one who waited, could never be torn from my mind. Was he my mate, or my end? I had wondered for so long.
"Vampires do not have souls, I have no soul, and how could we have mates?" He stated and asked.
"You have a soul, vampires have souls, humans have souls, animals have souls, and even the bugs that populate this earth have souls. Whether you want to believe me or not is your choice, but in my long years I have found this to be true."
He said nothing. I sat at the kitchen table and looked over to him. He stood in the front door and looked about him, paying attention to every detail. The house looked unlived in, and I knew it.
"You just arrived this morning, not long before school started."
"Yes, though even if I had arrived last week I doubt it would look any different." I told him truthfully.
I didn't tend to leave any traces of myself behind; there was nothing for me to leave. What do you do when you can do anything?
"Do you not have any hobbies?" he asked me seriously. I just stared at him.
"There is nothing that I have ever found to hold my interest. I try, believe me, I have tried so hard, but there is nothing that seems to hold me. I just seemed to lose interest in everything at some point. Blood, company, hobbies, anything that had before held my interest just died inside of me. I used to paint splendid pictures, but now I cannot seem to find interest in even mixing colors. The world has turned gray to me Edward, and I don't believe I will ever see colors in it." I told him quietly.
"I wonder when the world will lose all of its color for me as well; it has already faded at the edges." He told me.
"I hope it never does, it may fade, but someone or something will bring the world back to clarity for you, I am quite sure. There is nothing left when there are no colors." I said to him.
He only shrugged his shoulders.
"Let us go now, get your things. I don't care what they are doing, I am going to my home." He stood and went back outside.
I grabbed my things quickly before joining him next to the car. I smiled softly to him over the car before taking my seat behind the wheel. It would be a difficult time. A broken family trying so hard to be whole.
What a sad sight.
We returned to the Cullen home to find that everyone had already returned to other activities. All of them stopped what they were doing and went back to the living room when we arrived though.
"Your family is very attentive." I said to Edward.
"We are very afraid as well. We have a good life here, we do not wish it to be destroyed." He told me quietly.
"I do not wish to destroy it, but to merely make it better. I promise you that."
"Sometimes it's difficult to believe in promises." Edward answered me.
"Sometimes it's harder not to believe them." I told him.
We watched each other for a few moments longer. Edward looked away after a few moments and got out of the car. I just sat and watched as he walked inside. What was I doing here? I was not welcome, I was not even truly wanted.
I don't know what my intentions are, nor what I was going to do when I left this place. I knew I was just grasping at straws, trying to find my last hope. I was trying, so hard, to have a reason to live. As I stared out at this new home of mine, I could only hope that I would be able to find it, or at least the peace and solace to truly leave this world, once and for all