The following two weeks passed quite quickly. Nothing particularly scandalous happened in 12 but Peeta and I had sex once a day, more often than ever before. I began to find myself thinking about what sex would be like with Gale sometimes even when Peeta and I were doing it. Peetas body was soft now that he could hire someone to carry the flour, and that was what I'd become accomstomed to. But the idea of gales muscled hard abs ignited a new kind of fire in me that brought a kind of passion to sex that had been missing in my relationship with peeta. Fortunately, most of the time Peeta was too tired or too hard to notice anything different about me so when the time came for me to leave he still didn't suspect a thing.
On the morning of my departure Gale called again. Luckily Peeta was still asleep so he wasn't aware of it. The unhidden excitement in Gale's voice seemed to infect me and all throughout the morning I was skittish and clumsy with excitement. I did try to hide it to the best of my ability though, because Peeta seemed genuinely downcast and unhappy at the prospect of my departure. I felt weird and giddy with excitement and tried on countless moments to picture the moment that we met. I hoped that it would be romantic, but it seemed considerably more likely just to be insanely awkward.
Despite my best efforts not to appear overly happy, I could see the suspicion in Haymitch's eyes when I left. Peeta was too unhappy to see it, but I'd grown weaker at hiding my emotions from haymitch as the years went by. He regarded me with a kind of squint that made me feel uneasy. I hoped he couldn't quite read what I was thinking. The train came and as I boarded I saw Peetas plastered smile drop and his shoulders sag and temporarily I felt extraordinarily guilty. What had Peeta done to deserve this? Then again, there was no telling if I would actually shag Gale or not. Part of me did want to, but I was also afraid. What damage I do to my relationship with Peeta might never be repaired, or, if it is, I will be further indebted to him. These thoughts whirle round my head, I debated them, I justified myself, I pulled down my defence and accused myself so harshly I thought I might cry, then I thought what the hell and focused rigorously on the countryside.
sorry this chapter is so bad, I wrote it in the middle of the night x_x