Enjoy!

Pairing: N/A (will change)
Genre: Humor, Parody
Rating: T (for swearing, no smut)
Word Count: 3, 278

Chapter 2 - The Great Escape

It had taken an eternity before everyone calmed down, to the point when they no longer tried to break things or themselves. Yet still, any spirit could see the obvious shaking and the haunted eyes shifting back and forward. Jack was the first one to speak, and even then, he whispered with his voice shaking.

''Somehow, someway''-the realization was nearly too unbearable to say out loud-''we had switched powers.''

''No shit, Sherlock!'' Pitch yelled, his iridescent wings flapping against each other in a flurry of movement, but not working as they should. And to add to emphasis, Pitch stared at them like they came from another planet. Well, they probably did, Jack didn't quite remember the story Tooth told him of her origin. If she had told him at all.

The Guardians didn't hold back their silent gasps when they heard Jack's statement. I mean, they knew. After all, Tooth looked like a cream puff, Bunny a snow rodent, North a furry rodent, Pitch a tutu fairy and Jack... they couldn't even think about their youngest member's appearance, looking like a badass fearling of Pitch's. And hearing the statement, which they all knew, out loud was another thing, coming from the mouth of the Guardian of Fun himself. They took a full minute to let this realization sink in.

Pitch's crest ruffled without control while all the Guardians tried to think clearly, and he clapped both his hands over it to stop. But the main white feather kept popping back up, while the others went in different directions. It was more than frustrating for the Boogeyman.

Then the Guardians simply dropped flat on their behinds, out of frustration that they came to this kind of situation without even knowing so. Unlike Pitch... who slammed his head into the nearby wall. His feathers never stopped their wild dance.

''How did this happen?'' he asked the Guardians in front of him, with a low dangerous voice. He lifted his eyes to them, freaking the Guardians out by the anger on his face. None of them would ever admit that they looked around the cave to see if they could preform a quick escape.

After not getting any answers, Pitch bent down and picked up a rock. He swung his arm and threw the rock at them, purely out of a childish tantrum.

The rock hit Sandy in the head, and he fell on his back from the impact. The Guardian of Dreams found himself fuming with rage and was about to get up to teach Pitch a very violent lesson... when he realized he couldn't.

He rolled and rolled on the floor, tried to jump up, tried to push himself up by his hands, he even tried to climb using the wall, but - he still couldn't. He didn't have his dream sand and now he couldn't get up.

Great, the dream weaver thought miserably, laying on his back on the floor.

The Guardians exchanged glances, somehow ignoring what Pitch had just done, then all their eyes settled upon Jack.

''What? You think I did this?'' Jack asked with offense, pointing to himself, still hid in the shadows. Everyone had their eyes adjusted to the dark already though, and the circle of light they were in illuminated Jack a bit more, despite his hiding place. The Guardians yet again exchanged glances, nodding more vigorously this time at the winter sprite.

''Okay, fine... I did it.''

The Guardians gasped.

''Seriously?'' Jack asked incredulously.

*smack*

''Owwiiiee!'' Jack exclaimed, hands reaching out to hold his head which started to throb in pain. Above him stood a very annoyed fairy with a palm extended for another hit.

''Okay, okay,'' Tooth said, instantly getting between the two bitter enemies, ''No need to get physical.''

''Watch me,'' Pitch said.

''Jack, how did you do it?'' Tooth asked before Pitch could hit him again.

''Do what?'' Jack dumbly asked.

*smack* *punch* *hit*

''Tooth!'' Pitch grabbed the furious woman of sand, and yelled, ''We need him alive!'' All the while Jack sat on the ground and tried to somehow squirm away from the raging Guardian of Dreams.

''Give me back my feathers!'' Tooth angrily screeched at Jack, who stared at her in horror, thinking; What is happening!?

''Umm, Tooth,'' Bunny tried to say, stuttering a bit.

Tooth stopped her unexpected attack, and looked at Bunny in puzzlement.

''Yeah?'' she said, normally enough.

''Are you okay?'' he asked her, looking to his fellow Guardians to point out Tooth's behavior.

''What do you mean 'am I okay'?'' she asked in offense, slumping in Boogeyman's arms and crossing her own over her chest.

Bunny looked to North in hope. North turned his head away and pretended he was sniffing the wall behind him. Bunny then looked to Sandy. But Sandy was pretending to be asleep on the floor.

Bunny gulped.

''Well, you are being held back by Pitch, while trying to attack Jack to somehow take out the feathers out of him alone, so...''

It was all it took for Tooth to realize her behavior too, and she gasped at herself.

''Oh, my god,'' she said, ''I had no idea, I-I didn't mean to and-''

''You just reacted on instinct?'' Pitch asked, letting her go in disgust and brushing his feathers like he touched something filthy. Tooth landed on her two golden feet gracelessly and turned to stare at him in curiosity and apprehension. The Guardians snapped their heads toward the former Boogeyman.

''How do you know that?'' Tooth skeptically asked. Bunny and North got up off the floor, and Jack too left the safety of the shadows, for everyone to gather around Pitch. Even Sandy rolled over to the curios group.

''I had read about this kind of thing,'' Pitch started, while he was still brushing his feathers lively, ''There is a spell called Cassiopeia, like one of the star constellations, and all the things that happened to us match the spell side effects. The disorientation, the power switch, and,'' he pointed to Tooth, ''crazy foreign behavior.''

Tooth merely looked at him in pride hurt - she was not used to being the one whose resolve cracks when things go wrong.

''So, what you're saying is that Jack,'' Bunny pointed to the said Guardian, ''cast a professional spell on us that will last for who knows how long, and with who knows how much side effects?''

Pitch nodded. ''Precisely, though I doubt that he did it, actually. The spell is, like you said, a professional one. So someone must have helped him.'' He turned his head toward Jack.

''And don't you dare say it was me,'' he warned.

Jack sadly shook his head. ''I don't quite remember anything. All I know is that I took a spell book-''

''The one I specifically told you not to touch!'' North interrupted.

''-and I think I read something out of it, and the next thing I know, I am here.''

Sandy shook his head in disappointment at Jack. He thought better of him. He truly thought that he would finally start listening to others, to take his job more seriously. After all, being a Guardian is something you should take pride in, something to take with all the seriousness you could ever muster in your being. Jack should have been more careful with what the Guardians protected throughout their whole existence, and-

Jack looked down, seeing the Sandman, and bent over to help him to his feet.

Oh, thank you, you're the most beautiful and the best Guardian there is!

''Okay, so, here's the plan,'' Bunny started, ''We get out of here, find out what happened, then find Manny and ask him for help.'' Bunny smashed his fluffy paw in his other fluffy paw, determinedly. Everyone nodded in agreement, excluding Pitch who was still brushing his arms in disgust.

''Yeah, just ask the non-talking man who never did us anything good in the past,'' Jack said nonchalantly, starign at a certain rock in the background.

Everything around him went silent once again, only this time, all eyes were pointed at Jack. And to say he was embarrassed would be sugar-coating it.

''What was that for?'' Tooth was the first to speak. Jack moved away his surprised gaze from the rock to the deformed group, realizing that all the Guardians and Pitch were actually listening to him.

''Ugh, change the subject, idiot!''

''Ummmm, hey, Pitch. Nice dress.''

''Excuse me. Tell that to yourself, asshole.''

''... What?'' Jack looked down to his body, and boy was he shocked to see that he was wearing the same thing Pitch used to wear. A black robe!

''Ah, damn!'' was Jack's insane response, before he jumped into the air toward the exit, and fell flat on his behind. Pitch couldn't help but snicker mockingly at him, even with the situation at hand.

''Well, so much for going back to normal.''

''My powers, they are... gone,'' Jack said, eyes closing and opening. He didn't have his staff. He didn't have his powers. He was completely defenseless.

''You know, you should get your ASS up and do something useful! And stop telling us already known facts! Man up, baby,'' Pitch scrutinized, breaking the silence in thousands of pieces. The Guardians didn't even glare at him for his statement.

''It's okay, Jack,'' Tooth said, putting a hand on Jack's shoulder for comfort, and shooting a glare at Pitch. ''We'll figure this out and make things the way they were before.''

Pitch returned the favor while she motioned toward him. ''And even though you have my feathers, I'm still not ruling out the possibility that-''

''I'm a bird! For heavens sake!''

''Okay, okay, not your fault. I get it.'' She raised her hands in defeat, golden eyebrows knitted in thought. Pitch would never humiliate himself for the sake of revenge. At least not this way, the Guardians concluded.

Jack, Tooth, Sandy, Bunny and North gathered around the sun lit entrance above them, half of them eyeing Pitch warily. He might not have his powers, which they didn't know for sure, but he was still their enemy and possibly dangerous. Pitch returned the favor by staying away from them, even though they were blocking his way out.

''The entrance is too high up,'' the former Guardian of Hope stated, ''And I assume that none of us know how to use our... new-found powers. So, I suggest... umm... uh...'' He couldn't even complete his sentence, since he honestly didn't know how to get up there.

''Well, if only I had Wind to carry me, I could fly up there but-''

''Wait, fly... fly... did you just say fly?''

''Yeah, I did, y-... You thought of something?...'' Bunnymund redirected his gaze to Pitch, quickly motioning toward him with a cock of his head.

''Oooooh!'' The Guardians realized what Bunny meant. All eyes were suddenly on Pitch, who seemed to have himself occupied by examining his nails nonchalantly. After a whole minute, Pitch looked up, seeing the smiling faces of Guardians turned in his direction, except for Bunny and Jack, who seemed septic and uncertain.

''What, you freaks?'' First they attack him for no reason, accuse him of kidnapping, and now they were smiling at him. Smiling at him... Truth be told, Pitch was never more creeped out by their behavior.

''What!?'' he asked a little louder this time, since he was down to one last nerve, and they were playing jump rope with it.

''Pitch, you bloke!'' Bunny angrily started toward Pitch, flailing his arms around for emphasis, only serving to annoy the deformed Boogeyman even more. ''Get your feathered ass over here! Finally we can make some good use of you! Now bend over!'' Bunny finished with his hand going for the Boogeyman's neck.

Pitch looked at him with wide eyes, but not in fear, more in shock and surprise. He took a quick step back, avoiding Bunny's grabbing paw and nearly tumbling over a nearby rock, but still catching himself to continue backing away. Bunny kept approaching him threateningly. He reached out and grabbed a handful of feathers, but Pitch hit him in the face with his fist.

The Guardians looked confused for a second, because of Pitch's silent fear. Pitch wasn't really that easy to scare, as much as they would like to deny that. Their gazes switched between Pitch and Bunny, until it clicked in their heads like two pebbles.

Oh-oh, Bunny could have used some different words.

But Pitch was already on the run, running through the cave like a lightning across a clear sky. Bunny even tried to grab him by his tail feathers, jumping forward, but Pitch was too fast and managed to run away, leaving Bunny to fall flat on his face with a grunt.

''Bunny,'' Tooth gently cut in, walking over to him, with a shaking of her weak legs. Bunny looked up with a face full of tiny rocks stuck to it. ''Ahem, you know, when you explain things to people you need to use more clear words. For an example - Can you carry us up there, Pitch? We could use your wings to get us out of here. Tooth could give you a few tips on how to use your new powers.'' She was now standing in front of Bunny, her expression changing to accusation.

''And not; get undressed and let us gang rape you!''

''What!? I didn' say t-'' Bunny abruptly stopped, going over his words in his head...

''Damn.''

Some time later

''He still asleep, yes?''

''Aha. He kinda looks cute, doesn't he?''

''What?''

''I mean; we should wake him and get some answers. We're losing daylight.''

Weird voices buzzed around Pitch's head. Not that that was surprising, since he always heard weird voices in his head, and not in that crazy kind of way.

It was weird because one minute, he had been running from Bunny who kinda got the idea to rape him, and the next he was laying down on something. Something soft. Maybe fur?

Pitch made his eyes open. And the first thing he saw was another pair of golden eyes staring back at him. Tooth? Only it looked like Tooth, but she seemed to be walking upside down from a grassy ceiling. When did she start getting so creepy?

''Oh, he's awake,'' she noted.

It took Pitch only a few seconds to realize four things.

One; his hands and legs were tied up with a rope, including his mouth. Two; he was slung upside down on one of North's shoulders. Three; the stupid Guardians somehow found another way to get out of the cave, and into the jungle-like surrounding they were in now. The fourth thing; Sandy was eying him with a dangerous look of revenge upon his face.

That didn't look very promising.

''So, we gonna go to my Warre-'' Bunny started.

''-I do not know how to use your... transportation,'' North interrupted.

''We can go to the Workshop th-''

''-No sleigh. Nor can we get through the snow on foot,'' Tooth interrupted.

''Fine, geesh, we could go to Punjam Hy Loo, maybe?''

''Can't fly, and neither can Pitch tied up like this.'' She motioned toward Pitch, whose crest was ruffling in annoyance again. ''Was the gag really necessary?'' Tooth asked. She hadn't liked the idea of tying him up in the first place. He wasn't an animal.

Well, not completely now, anyway.

''I can't listen to the annoying show pony, and you know how he gets sassy and snarky in situations like this,'' Bunny said matter-of-factly with a hint of mocking.

''Still, I think we shouldn't treat him like-''

''An animal.''

The Guardians stopped, only half of them in annoyance at the voice. Bunny took a few steps back and walked behind North.

''How did you get the gag off, you-''

''I have many talents,'' The Boogeyman proudly said, smugly nodding his head at Bunny. He ran a hand -two tied up hands- over his crest, picking out a very small pebble that was stuck to the side of his head. He carefree flicked it at Bunny.

''No sense in neglecting my hygiene,'' Pitch said, Bunny crunching his nose in anger and his eyes flashing with rage.

Bunny took a step closer to him and grabbed his chin roughly. He moved his head dangerously close to his eyes. Pitch could feel his freezing cold breath against his face. He definitely did not like the little distance Bunny put between them.

''Now, you listen, you rag. If I hear so much as a single insult coming from you, you will regret it. So shut yer trap and-''

But all Bunny saw was a twitch and a white flash, and he was sent tumbling back. His hands were clutching the now painful spot on his long forehead.

''Ah! The creep hit me!'' A red soar, of something long and thin, started appearing where he was holding his hands, Bunny could feel the warmth it radiated. And when he moved to a nearby puddle to look at it, he could make out an outline of a feather.

''Well, couldn't have been me,'' Pitch nonchalantly said, his hands raised to show his ties. Bunny slowly lifted his silent, furious look from the puddle. ''Must have been your impotence.''

''Ahhhhh!'' Bunny charged at Pitch, the bruise forgotten and the pain ignored. Pitch instinctively prepared himself for the blow.

Until another idea came to the front of his mind. Setting his plan into action, Pitch swung his legs for dear life, and hit North as hard as he could, conveniently in the crotch. And North, having already getting hit at that spot again, dropped Pitch almost immediately.

''Owww! Ah!'' In favor of hopping around to hysterically howl and repeat 'ouch, ouch'.

Bunny accidentally slammed into him, and lost his balance. North fell on top of the violently squirming Bunny, and Pitch jumped a few steps backward from the fallen duo. Just in time to see Bunny push North away and come at him again. Now or never, the Boogeyman thought.

Pitch turned around and flapped his wings for dear life. Only he didn't fly away.

The wind picked up around Bunny, blowing and getting stronger. Bunny was mere inches away from Pitch when the wind suddenly started pushing him back. And no matter how much Bunny tried, he was suddenly suspended in the air.

''Ooey crikey!'' Bunny was tossed, flipped and hit by the nearby branches filled with mossy leaves and free canopy. ''Jack! How do you use this! Uh-oh, W-wind! I command ya to stop!''

''Bunny, you don't control it, it's an elemental!'' Jack yelled to the terrified Bunny, his hands cupped around his mouth for the former spirit of Hope to hear him.

But Bunny wasn't listening, since the air was too noisy and his heart was beating way too fast.

''This really can't get any worse,'' Tooth breathed out. A nearly unnoticeable halo of sand formed over her head, and disappeared almost instantly.

''Hey,'' North interrupted his friends, already recovering from the painful crotch hit, although he gripped his accidental-kilt while doubled over. He looked around the trees.

''Where is Pitch?''