Thank you all for the reviews! This will be updated every Friday.
Given the long night and lack of sleep, Kensi was still surprised with herself when she managed to stagger into OSP just before nine in the morning and with almost no attention drawn in her direction as she plopped into her desk chair and dropped her bag down beside her. Her stomach gave a very unladylike growl that earned her a wary look from both Sam and Callen who were working away silently for now. Fighting a long sigh, she silently hoped her partner would bring her food of some kind. She'd eat anything about now and coffee. She could mainline the brown stuff of Gods. Her computer was just booting up when she heard old familiar whistle and shuffle of her partner as he made his presence known.
"Goooooooood morning everyone," Deeks drawled, dropping a bag of powdered donuts onto her own desk.
She managed to chirp out some kind of response before diving into the bag and inhaling the two donuts in the bag without breathing. When she glanced up from in front of her, the entire team was staring at her with varying expressions of disbelief.
"Whu?" She asked, mouth still half full of unchewed donut.
"Did you forget to eat yesterday, or something?" Deeks asked with a raised eyebrow. "Oh, and you have powder…" he motioned to his own face and then spread his arms out. "Just everywhere."
Kensi glowered at him before swallowing her last bite and trying to clean herself up. "Don't suppose you brought coffee too?"
"No, but if I did I have this strong inkling that you would've burned your throat and mouth with it," Deeks drawled back as he took his seat and started up his own lap top.
Kensi's shoulders sagged as she realized she'd probably have to wait until lunch or a case to pop up for coffee. In the meantime, she typed in her password and tapped her fingers on the desk to herself awake through the startup time. When she was finally rewarded with her background of the team lined up in seats at a local bar she opened up her most recent report. Maybe some good old fashioned work would distract her mind from last night for just a little bit. Time was blurred as the normal sounds of OSP filled the air around her and she worked steadily.
A sharp whistle broke the steady hum of people before Eric's voice came over head. "Got a case!"
Kensi blinked rapidly before refocusing on her computer screen and her stomach did an awkward flip when she realized she had been googling baby and toddler sites for parents without even realizing it.
"Hey, you okay?" Deeks voice came from behind her and she nearly jumped out of her seat before exiting the internet browser as quickly as possible and shutting her lap top.
"Yeah, fine," she responded almost too quickly.
He gave her that knowing look like he didn't believe her for a second, but she just hoped he hadn't seen her screen before she could exit out. She wasn't ready to bring another opinion into her latest life altering decision. She would make this decision on her own just like she'd be raising these children on her own if she accepted the responsibility.
"I didn't get much sleep last night is all," Kensi mumbled. "Just really tired."
"Mmhmmm," Deeks murmured, eyeing her suspiciously.
"Come on, we got a case to be briefed on," Kensi half shoved him in the direction of the stairs and followed behind.
Much to Kensi's disappointment, the case ended up being a smaller one that involved Callen and Sam getting to leave while she and Deeks would look through scanned LAPD records while at OSP.
"Please bring coffee on the way back," she begged of the two lucky agents who got to leave. "Please?!"
"Yeah, yeah," Sam laughed.
"So long as you don't spill it everywhere like those donuts," Callen added. "I found some powdered sugar on my paper outbox."
"Fine, I promise," Kensi sighed dramatically as she plopped back down at her desk.
"And no more powdered donuts!" Callen called back, giving Deeks the friendly glare.
"Yeah, shoulda seen that one coming," Deeks agreed with a short laugh and took his seat at his own desk. "Hey!"
Kensi had walloped him in the side of the head with her stress ball that Hetty had gotten the team a couple months back.
"Now I'm gonna keep it," Deeks grinned as he dropped the ball into a desk drawer.
"I'll find it later," Kensi grinned before returning to the task at hand.
All through the next few hours her brain was going haywire and exhausting itself even faster for it. One minute she would be thinking about all the freedom she would lose if she took on not one, but three kids. No more girl's nights out with drinking and going home with some random guy for a one night stand. No more late nights at OSP even without having to hire a babysitter and then what kind of parent would she be if she let a babysitter practically raise them because she was barely around.
But then again, these kids needed each other, more than anything and if she didn't step up to the plate and take them in; they probably wouldn't even have each other.
The again, she was a slob and these kids would need some semblance of order. Would there be soccer games? Baseball? Ballet? How could she possibly manage all that by herself and with one of the most dangerous jobs in the country?
She couldn't help but think back to the last time she had seen Maria and Thomas. They had all gone out for breakfast at a pancake place on the other side of town and that was when they had given her the news of their first pregnancy. She was thrilled for them, of course, but at that time she had thought that they were just so young. Maria was 22 and Thomas 23 and they had all just finished college. How could they possibly have been ready? But then she saw the looks on their faces when they shared the news. Thomas was doting and beeming between Kensi and Maria, but staring mostly at Maria as if he couldn't believe his luck. And Maria was glowing all on her own and her smile never fell even the tiniest bit. Kensi had never seen anyone so happy before and that last image of her two friends had stuck with her to this day. How could she leave the kids they were so happy to have conceived with some stranger who couldn't tell them stories of their parents and keep them together?
"Is everything okay over there?" Deeks' voice broke her contemplation.
"Yeah, why?" Kensi asked, finally glancing up at him.
"Because you're growling," Deeks pointed out.
"I am not!" Kensi said in indignation.
"You are too, which means you're thinking awfully hard on something," Deeks countered flatly.
"I do not growl while I think," Kensi pouted, trying to go back to ignoring him.
"I suppose you're right, but you do growl when you're frustrated with what you're thinking," Deeks grinned.
"Gah! What does it matter to you?" Kensi snipped, frustrated that he was getting to her. She didn't have time for this. She needed to think long and hard and make the right decision.
"Ms. Blye," Hetty's voice came from nearby. "May I have a word?"
Saved by Hetty, Kensi thought to herself and stuck her tongue out her partner as she followed their boss.
"Real mature!" He called after her.
"Please have a seat," Hetty waved a hand at the seat from across the desk and sat down herself. "First, I want to relay my condolences to you on your loss."
It was like a lightning bolt had gone down her spine and she up straight. Of course Hetty would've found out somehow. Her eyes began to water and she blinked past the tears.
"Thank you," Kensi murmured, trying to force her body to relax.
"If you need any time off, you only have to say," Hetty added, folding her hands on top of her desk.
"I know," Kensi said softly. "I might need a half day to attend the funeral, but I'm not sure when that is yet."
Hetty nodded. "Just let me know so I can make sure the day is clear for you and your partner."
Kensi gave her boss a very curious look and as if she could read her mind she replied.
"You aren't planning on keeping your partner in the dark, are you Ms. Blye?" Hetty asked with only mild skepticism. "I'd think he would be very disappointed if you chose not to confide in him with this and he would want to be there for you."
"I know," Kensi sighed. "If you know about my friends' deaths then you know about their kids and the decision I have. I need to make that decision on my own and without his influence."
"I concur, but I wouldn't leave him out all together," Hetty suggested and Kensi nodded her agreement. She knew how she would feel if he'd kept a close friend's death from her if he was hurting from it and she could help. "Besides, he does look sharp in a suit, but don't tell him I said that."
Kensi almost choked on a laugh and nodded. She definitely couldn't deny that.
DKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDK
Deeks had been distracted by Kensi being distracted for the last four days now and he was ready to throw the towel in and shake some answers out of her. Though they still partook in their usual banter, it lacked some life coming from her. She was always exhausted and sometimes even forgot to eat meals if he wasn't there to provide something or remind her. Case and example, he was bringing by a pizza to her place tonight because they hadn't had much time to eat that day and after catching zoning out so many times he knew he needed to step up and say something soon. They've been lucky enough to avoid shoot outs so far this week, but if this continued on, then they might start having problems if she didn't snap out of whatever funk she was in. Shifting the pizza over to the side where he held Monty's leash, he knocked on her door and waited.
And waited a bit more.
"Kens I know you're in there!" Deeks called through the door after knocking again.
The door then opened to reveal his seen-better-days looking partner.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Deeks was immediately on high alert as he took in the messy hair and tear tracks down her cheeks. He moved past her to set the pizza box down and let Monty off his leash before he confronted her again. "Kens, you're making me worry here."
Kensi shook her head and tried to force the tears to stop. She'd have to tell him something now.
"My college roommate and her husband, who was also my friend, died in an accident earlier this week," Kensi got out, biting her lip so she could control her emotions better.
"Oh man, that's why…" Deeks' voice faded as he thought back to the quiet blandness that his partner had been for the last few days. "I'm so sorry."
He closed the gap between them and held her close, letting her head rest on his chest.
"I wish you would've said something sooner," Deeks said softly into her hair, refusing to let her go just yet. "I could've been there for you."
"You are now," Kensi mumbled into his chest. "Do you think you could come to the funeral with me tomorrow?"
"Of course, princess," Deeks agreed. "Anything you need."
KDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKD
It was a testament to just how distracted Kensi was that she let Deeks drive them to the cemetery where the service would be held. She felt like she had been in some kind of trance when she had dressed that morning in a knee length black dress that had flow to it and short sleeves. She'd barely even acknowledged Deeks when he came to pick her up dressed in a sharp black suit and tie, with his hair even combed.
What snapped her out of her trance was the sight of three young children standing to the side of the furthest casket. The oldest came up just past her hip and had dark brown hair with streaks of auburn that showed only in the sun. Upon closer inspection his eyes were a bright green and shining with unshed tears. His chin was tilted up and his gaze steady as he stared past the scene. He looked like he was trying so hard to stay strong and Kensi wanted nothing more than to hold him and tell him he could cry all he wanted. The middle child came up just past the oldest boy's hip, but he looked much different, favoring his father's features of dark blonde hair that curled. The rest was all Maria though with the dark brown eyes and medium skin tone. This boy openly cried, but did not make a huge scene of it. The tears spilled over his chubby cheeks and she imagined he had to be so confused. The youngest was in the arms of the oldest and remained calm through the whole service. She had dark brown hair like her oldest brother that curled, but the dark eyes of Maria. This little girl would probably grow up to be a carbon copy of her mother and a sob stuck in her throat.
"Kens, I'm right here," Deeks murmured, slipping an arm around her waist as they took a place among the crowd. "I'm not going anywhere."
Kensi nodded but couldn't drag her eyes away from the three children and she knew she would do what it took to adopt them.
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