A/N: Okay, in our last chapter, a Sue had come to Redwall with a quest to comfort an angsting Martin over the loss of his true love, Laterose of Noonvale, only to find that Martinw as already being comforted by another Sue. Let's see what happens, shall we?

Polysaccharose, or Polly, as the author shall call her for the sake of keeping his sanity rather than strain himself in trying to remember how to spell such a name, couldn't believe her clear large soft warm kind beautiful wonderfully blue eyes!

Here she was, in all her perfect wondrous awe-inspiring beauty with her golden fur and her rosy-pink delicate nose and shell-like ears and slim, perfectly sculpted body, and Martin was with another mousemaid!

How could he? He was destined to be Polly's, not some swamp-eyed mouse-wench with fur the color of icky mud!

But of course. It wasn't Martin's fault. Oh no. Martin was perfect. Or at least, almost perfect. He was almost as perfect as Polly.

It was her!

That mouse-wench!

That mouse-wench had cast a spell on her Martin, and it was up to Polly to save his life!

Martin the Warrior was desperately trying to escape Mareah's grip, but the beautiful mousemaid had a death grip on his burly arms.

"Listen," he groaned, his head almost turned all the way around as he was trying not to be kissed by the Sue. "I'm not sad about Rose's death anymore, I've gotten over it, I've moved on-"

"No you haven't," the mousemaid murmured, her perfect lips desperately seeking his, her emerald turqoise eyes with their diamond-like shine glittering with a thousand stars from underneath her long sooty black lashes. "I know you haven't. You say that only to be brave. But I know what is in your fragile, broken heart. You yearn to be in Rose's arms again. You wish that you may lay your head down in her lap and cry, you wish that you may kiss her again, but you don't have to go on wishing! I'm here! Rose is here! She is here inside me! I am the wonderful incarnation of your true love, Martin, and you and I-"

WHUMP!

Mareah got no further, for at that moment a golden-furred fist came swinging out of nowhere and thudded into her perfect wonderful cheek, knocking her ten feet away from Martin.

Relieved beyound what he could say, the warrior turned with a grateful smile to his rescuer-

-only to have his eyes widen in terror.

He desperately tried to run away, only to be gripped again in the deathlock of another Sue, only this time one with golden fur and blue eyes.

"It's alright, Martin," Polly murmured in her beloved's ear before her lips sought his.

Martin squeaked and squirmed and wriggled, desperately trying to escape. "No! Nonononononononononono NO! NO!"

Polly was at first surprised, and even a little hurt by her soul mate's actions, but she almost instantly figured it had to do with him being in denial over his feelings for Rose, or he was in shock over that mouse-wench trying to kiss him - the nerve of somebeasts!

"Shh," Polly whispered, holding Martin's arms with one paw as she turned his face towards hers' with the other. "It's alright. You don't have to go on with pangs in your heart for Rose any longer. Your real true love is he-"

WHUMP!

This time Polly went flying, coming to a skidding halt in the dirt. She sprang up instantly, not covered in any dirt whatsoever (she was a Sue, after all, Sues are incapable of becoming dirty), a righteous fire in her glowing blue orbs.

"Like, who are you?!" the other mousemaid demanded, her emerald eyes blazing with a righteous fury that matched Polly's.

Polly wasn't afraid of her in the least bit, being the strong, fearless, selfless creature that she was. She stood erect and looked down her perfect delicate nose at the other, and proclaimed, "I am Polysaccharose, Warriormaid of the Flowerjewel clan! I have come here seeking to heal the heart-wounds of my true love and soul mate, Martin the Warrior," she added in a dreamy voice as she turned her gaze lovingly at where Martin lay on the ground, his gray eyes switching nervously from one Sue to the other.

"And just who are you?" Polly demanded, looking at the other mousemaid in disgust.

The other mousemaid drew herself up with just as much poise and grace and dignity and beauty as Polly, and proclaimed herself just as theatrically, "I am Mareah Sucrose, daughter of Wilkar the Warrior, who was slain by Drakar Vasken the stoat, brother of Badrang the Tyrant! Drakar enslaved me and forced me into Redwall as a spy, but I have betrayed him now that I have my true love and soul mate, Martin the Warrior," she added in a dreamy voice as she turned her gaze lovingly at Martin. Her gaze and voice hardened when she looked at Polly again. "I was just telling him that I have left Drakar to be with him when you showed up. Who do you think you are?"

"I think I'm the love of Martin's life, that's who!" Polly screeched, her blue eyes glowing furiously.

"Well, I don't think, I know I'm the real love of Martin's life!" Mareah retorted, giving her long chocolate brown headfur a beautiful toss.

"Hmph!" came Polly's reply as she too gave her miraculous headfur a graceful toss onto her perfect slender shoulders. "You are wrong. I am the real true love of Martin the Warrior!"

"You're not! I am!" Mareah screamed, giving Polly a shove.

"No I am!" Polly squealed, shoving back.

"No I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"No I am!"

SLAP!

"Augh!"

SLAP!

"Gasp!"

Suddenly both mousemaids drew their swords and began hacking away at each other - with Martin right in between them.

All the while Gonff had been watching the scene, leaning up against the abbey building with his arms folded, shaking his head.

Columbine walked up.

"Why aren't you helping him?!" the pretty mousewife demanded.

"What can I do?" Gonff asked, looking at his wife. It was true, though. There wasn't much that Gonff could do.

However, there was something that Columbine could do. . . .

"Yes, and that is?" Columbine asked after a few minutes.

"Oh, sorry, I thought you already knew," said the author.

"Well, I didn't," Columbine replied matter of factly.

"Whatever," said the author.

Now, what Columbine can do is. . . . (whisper whisper whisper)

A/N: And just WHAT is it that Columbine can do?! Find out in the next chapter!

Columbine: But they can't find out in the next chapter. You haven't posted it yet. (glances at Kelaiah's files) Hey, you don't even have the next chapter! You're just making this up as you go along!

Kel: Um, uh . . . SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Don't tell anyone that!

Columbine: They already know, idiot.

Kel: Hey, do you want those Sues to be Canon fodder or not?!

Columbine: Alright, fine, fine.

Kel: Alright. Ahem, yes, folks, just stay tuned for the next chapter!