Chapter 2

"…Have you got a cheese knife?"

"Cheese knife? He eats it by the block!"

I groaned as I sluggishly awoke to loud male voices. I was sitting on something soft, an armchair maybe? It took me a moment to realise that the last thing I remembered was falling down the stairs. 'Of course I would fall down the stairs', I thought to myself. That was when I really noticed the voices.

My eyes flew open and I looked around wildly. I had absolutely no idea where I was and my head was spinning. I was in a house that definitely wasn't my own, with what seemed to be a bunch of bearded men around a table in the next room and a dull ache in my head that really didn't help the matter. I stared wide eyed at the men.

There was so many of them! Heaps of men with different coloured beards and rather large noses and ears. They were also wearing what I would say were some of the weirdest clothes I'd ever seen. There was also a flustered looking man with curly brown hair and… pointy ears? Lastly, there was a very tall, very old man dressed in what seemed to be long grey robes and he had a long grey beard too. He was practically a grey giant. I was speechless and stared at them all in bewilderment.

Until dark brown eyes locked with mine.

This man was different to the others. He had no beard, only stubble and his nose and ears seemed to be in normal proportion to his body. He was also very, very good looking. I swear he made all the 'good looking' guys at my university look like monkeys, despite his almost dirty rugged looks.

But the best thing about this guy was his smile. The one that was steadily growing on his face. It was contagious, it had to be, as I felt my own mouth curl up in response. This was a very bad situation, I should not be smiling!

"You're awake!" His voice rang out, starting the others into silence. In less than a second the rest of the men turned towards me in curiosity. My smile disappeared as I looked at them all with unease.

There was a moment of stunned silence before they all started speaking at once.

"Hello there!"

"How are you?"

"What's your name?"

"Do you want some food?"

It was becoming too much. The noise, the confusion, the head ache, it was all too much. My breathing became heavier and before I knew it, everything merged together to form a big ball of hysteria.

"SHUT IT!" I screamed at them, standing up. They were instantly silent. "Where the hell am I? How did I get here? Who are you people? AND WHY IS THERE AN AXE IN YOUR HEAD?" I hadn't planned on saying that last one, but I guess it just came out after seeing the dark haired man with the weapon sticking out of his forehead.

Now the men stared at me in bewilderment. There was more silence. It seemed no one was ready to break it until the grey giant stepped forward.

"You are in the home of Bilbo Baggins of the Shire, my dear," The giant explained. "You are here because I found you unconscious on the road nearby, so I brought you here with me. I am Gandalf the Grey and these are the dwarves Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bombur, Bofur, Oin, Gloin, Fili, Kili, Ori, Dori and Nori. And Bifur here has an axe in his head due to an unfortunate incident that left it there." He explained all this so calmly that I almost began feeling calm myself. Almost. The long list of names only confused me more.

Staring at the 'dwarves', I could only reply to Gandalf's words with a feeble "Ok…" until I froze. Some of those names, they were familiar. Gandalf, Bilbo Baggins, Kili, Fili, I knew them somehow. I stifled a gasp as I realised.

They were fictional characters.

Unfortunately for me, I had never read any of these books or watched the movies. I only knew them because Cassie had been talking about wanting to see The Hobbit for weeks. She had been especially excited to see Kili and Fili, claiming they were the 'hot dwarves'.

This was either a very elaborate prank, or I had gone insane.

Realising Cassie was my only real friend and even she wouldn't do this, I was left with the conclusion that I was insane.

But before I could freak out about that, Gandalf had spoken again. "I think we're all curious to know what a young dwarf woman was doing in the Shire in the first place. Could you please explain?"

"I'm not that short," I mumbled in reply. "Just because you're a giant…"

Now the others were even more confused.

"But you are a dwarf woman!" A dwarf with reddish brown hair and a big beard exclaimed. "We know our own kind, Lassie."

"But I'm not!"

"You're a very strange dwarf woman, though. I've never seen clothes like that before, and you've got no beard, either!" A grey haired dwarf stated.

"Of course I don't have a beard!"

"I think your clothes are a bit too big for you too." Another dwarf said.

I looked down at my clothes and with a cry of shock, realised he was right. The jeans were lucky they hadn't fallen off and the hoodie was so big it covered my knees.

"That doesn't make sense…" I whispered.

"This is a mystery, indeed." Gandalf commented. Staring at me thoughtfully, he eventually said "Why don't we go somewhere private so we can talk."

After I nodded, the shorter, curly haired man who I realised was Bilbo, led us to another room while the dwarves watched us go. I was glad that I could talk with just Gandalf. He was the big wizard guy, so maybe he would know what was going on.

Sitting on a couple of chairs, Gandalf motioned to me. "Tell me your story, my dear."

And so I did. I told him about sleeping in, about falling down the stairs and about how I was sure I wasn't a dwarf. Gandalf didn't comment throughout my story, only nodded carefully.

"And the worst part is," I gulped. "None of you are supposed to be real. Your story is a book where I come from, a fictional book. So really, the only explanation for this happening is…"

"I assure you, you have not lost your mind," Gandalf asserted. "There must be a reason for your being here and becoming a dwarf, even if we do not see it yet. That is why I believe you should accompany us on our quest."

"What quest?" I asked, apprehensively.

"Myself, the dwarves and hopefully Master Baggins, will be travelling to the Lonely Mountain under the leadership of Thorin Oakenshield to take back the dwarves' kingdom from the dragon Smaug." Gandalf matter-of-factly replied.

"A dragon."

"Yes."

"You want me to come with you to fight a dragon."

"That is correct."

"But how can I help you?" I cried. "I'm useless! I can't do anything that could help you on this thing, I never even read the books!"

"At this point, I don't know how to reply to that. But I believe it was the Valar who brought you here and they would not do something like that lightly. Now, what do you know of dwarves?"

"Absolutely nothing. I have no clue why I would be changed to a dwarf when coming here. I mean, it just doesn't make sense, you know?"

Gandalf hummed in thought. "Maybe some aspects of your personality were closer to that of dwarves than men. Maybe we will find out the reason in time. But for now, you should eat. And if you don't mind me asking, what is your name, my dear?"

Blushing because I completely forgot to tell the poor man my name, I replied "Danielle Evers. But most people call me Dani."

"Well then Miss Evers," Gandalf rose, smiling. "Shall we join the rest of your kin?"

"But what will we tell them? About me?"

"Leave that to me."

I have to admit, Gandalf did handle it all rather well. The dwarves all had many questions, but Gandalf simply told them that yes, I was a female dwarf, yes, I had no beard (thank God!) and that I did not know how I arrived in the Shire. He also told them that I didn't know much about my own kind, much less dwarven customs, which I think was a subtle way of saying 'don't be offended if she says something wrong'.

Which was good, I guess.

After the explanation, the dwarves went back to their food. Which made me pretty happy considering I really wanted some of that food. I had only eaten a few bites of that apple before being transported in a fictional world, so I was pretty hungry by now.

I awkwardly looked around the room for a place to sit. There were so many dwarves in such a small room and they looked close, like a family. It felt weird to just walk in on that. I thought about just grabbing something and standing in the corner, until the reddish brown haired dwarf from earlier looked up and noticed me.

Pulling a chair out of nowhere he moved across and sat it next to him. "Sit down, Lass."

With a small smile, I sat down next to him. On my other side was one of the young dwarves. He had brown hair and a funny looking beard that was braided into two parts. He gave me a shy smile and said "I'm Ori."

"Nice to meet you Ori, I'm Dani." I smiled.

"That's Gloin sitting on your other side." I turned to Gloin and he gave me a grunt in greeting. "Would you like a plate, Lady Dani?" Ori asked politely.

"Yes, thank you and please, lose the 'Lady'. It's just Dani." Ori looked a little surprised, but nodded and handed me a plate. I quickly filled it with what I could grab from the table. Food seemed to disappear very quickly around the dwarves, especially around the big one with the orange hair.

After taking a few bites of the surprisingly delicious food, I tapped Ori on the shoulder and asked quietly, "Could you maybe tell me everyone's names? I'll introduce myself properly later, but for now…"

"Sure Dani!" Ori said happily. "Well on this side of me are my older brothers Dori and Nori." At the sound of their names, the dwarves looked over at me and smiled. "Then we have Oin," A grey haired dwarf that looked a little like Gloin.

"Bifur," The one with the axe in his head.

"Balin," The oldest looking dwarf with white hair.

"Bombur," The big one with the orange hair and long braided beard.

"Fili and Kili," The blonde with the braided moustache was Fili and the good looking one with the dark hair and stubble was Kili.

"Bofur," A dark haired dwarf with a funny looking hat.

"And the last one is Dwalin". Dwalin was a very big dwarf with a bald head and dark beard.

"And who's Thorin?" I asked.

"Thorin is our king," Nori said leaning across his younger brother. "He has not arrived yet, but he will be here soon."

Trying as best as I could to commit the names and faces to memory, I smiled and thanked both Ori and Nori. Taking another bite of a bread roll, I just looked around and watched the dwarves interact. They really were like a family and that wasn't counting all the pairs and three's of brothers. They just interacted with each other easily, like they were born to do it. And the thing is, I wanted to be a part of it. I was an only child, I didn't have a big family. But at this moment, I wished I had.

After eating (and a burping contest which Ori won), Bilbo approached and asked if I wanted to borrow some clothes, considering I couldn't exactly keep wearing mine. Thanking him, I followed to another room where he had a pair of brown pants and a black shirt laid out. Thanking him a second time, he left me alone so I could get dressed.

Once I was done, I realised that my shoes were still too big. After a quick scan of the room, I realised that Bilbo didn't have any shoes at all. 'What kind of person doesn't have shoes?' I wondered.

Leaving the room, I was going to head back to the dining room when I noticed Ori approach Bilbo and ask what to do with his plate. Silently agreeing with him, I was going to grab my plate when a white shape flew past my face. With a shriek, I jumped back, only to trip over my own feet and fall on my butt.

There were a couple of laughs, so I looked up to see the young dwarves, Kili and Fili, throwing plates around. Kili looked over at me and grinned like he had just seen something very amusing. Realising he and his brother were laughing at my fall, I huffed and got up, moving over to the armchair I had been in at the beginning of the night.

I soon forgot my embarrassment as I watched the dwarves spontaneously burst into song. It was impressive that they all knew the words to a song they had seemingly made up, but still, bursting into song? Isn't that a bit too Glee for dwarves?

Nonetheless, I laughed as I listened to the song.

Blunt the knives and bent the forks!
Smash the bottles and burn the corks!
Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates-

Cut the cloth and tread on the fat!
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!
Pour the milk on the pantry floor!
Splash the wine on every door!

Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl;
Pound them up with a thumping pole;
And when you've finished, if any are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!

That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

Plates, cups, bowls, all sorts of things were flying around the room as the dwarves threw them to each other. I couldn't believe nothing was broken! Cups were being bounced off shoulders and elbows, plates were being thrown at people's backs, yet I never heard anything break! Some dwarves caught things without even looking!

And throughout all of this, Bombur stayed seated, continuing to eat. Balin also stayed seated, but still joined in, hitting tableware to Fili behind him. There was even an instrumental part to them song, with Bofur playing a flute he had pulled out of thin air, Oin blowing into a teapot and Dori hitting the table like a bongo drum.

It was pure chaos. And it was hilarious.

My stomach was hurting from laughing so much, but I just couldn't stop. It was probably the most crazy and chaotic thing I have ever seen. Poor Bilbo was just about having a fit, but I was laughing too much to feel too sympathetic for him.

Wiping tears from my eyes, I looked up after the song was over to find that all the tableware was clean and stacked up in the middle of the table. My eyebrows were raised and I had to admit, I was very impressed. Bilbo just seemed to be incredibly relieved.

An loud banging noise stopped the theatrics almost immediately. All the dwarves turned to the front door in anticipation, so I followed suit.

"He's here." Gandalf stated before heading to the door.

Sorry for leaving it there! No Thorin until the next chapter!

Wow! Thank you guys so much for the reviews/alerts/favourites! I was so excited every time I got an email telling me! I'm not sure about this chapter, so let me know what you think! I'm going away in a few days, so hopefully I can have the next chapter done before then.