If Only He Could Read My Mind

Chapter 2: A Few Days Later

Lily and Alice were arguing again, over James Potter's arrogance. To be fair, I had to agree with Alice, James wasn't that bad. But from Lily's point of view, she has a point too; I mean he is forever harassing her.

I kept my head down and continued playing with my breakfast, ignoring their continued fight. I had started thinking about our latest History of Magic homework. The Salem Witch trials were indeed a very interesting subject.

My thoughts however were interrupted by a light tapping on my shoulder. I turned to see Remus looking tired and almost worried.

"Can we talk?" Remus asked sounding regretful.

I nodded, worried by what he might say to me.

I followed him out of the Great Hall and up the stairs to an empty classroom. He shut the door behind us and turned to me.

I could see this haunted look in his eyes. "Brynlee, we have to break up. I'm sorry but I'm not good enough for you."

I felt my heart break. What did he mean he wasn't good enough for me? More like I wasn't good enough for him.

"R..r..Remus, please don't do this. " I begged.

"I'm sorry, it's for the best." He walked out the room, not looking back, and I fell to the floor in tears.

I wasn't good enough for him. That was what he had meant. It was obvious. Anyone could see it. I hated myself for it. I hated that I was so horrible, that I was ugly and stupid.

I ran out the room and up the stairs, my mind only focusing on one thing. Lucky for me, class had started, meaning the halls and my dorm were both empty.

I stopped in front of the fat lady, just enough to say the password. She obviously felt bad because she opened without a word, which was unusual for her.

I passed through the empty common room and ran into my dorm and into the bathroom and locked the door.

My thoughts were crazy. I couldn't focus on anything but finding my razor.

I checked the inside my toiletry bag. I found the razor, and lucky for me, there was a new blade ready to be used.

My wrists were bleeding and extremely messy before I found the will to stop.

I wanted to keep going, to end it, but I found a small part of me that felt regret at what I had done, and that part won over.

I cleaned up my cuts as much as I could, without magic of course, that would be beside the point. I pulled on my bracelets once more, and then waved my wand over the bathroom, cleaning up the mess I'd left behind.

I wiped the remaining tears from my eyes, before I left the room. I picked up my bag, and walked down to Transfiguration, even though the class was already in session, I was afraid to be left alone.

I walked through the door to have everyone stare at me. I muttered a quick apology to Professor McGonagall before I sat down, and pulled out my textbook.

Lily and Alice, who were sitting next to me, were looking at my tear stained eyes. I mouthed a quick "I'll tell you later", before looking back at my textbook.

I felt a few sets of eyes on the back of my head; I couldn't resist checking, so I took a quick look behind me to find the four marauders staring at me. I met Remus' gaze and quickly turned back to my work. The last thing I wanted was for him to realise how much he hurt me.

My wrists, although they were no longer bleeding, still stung. My eyes were tired and dry from crying as much as I had. I looked a mess. I struggled to pay attention during class, but failed miserably, and was thoroughly relived when it was time to go to lunch.

I was the first one out. The second McGonagall had said we could go; I grabbed all my things and swept out the classroom. I walked into the Great Hall and found a place to sit, to wait for my friends.

The marauders walked in and I saw James and Sirius look over me, while they walked along the table. Remus was with them, but he didn't look at me at all. They took a seat not too far from where I was sitting.

Then Lily and Alice walked in, and upon noticing me waiting for them, they immediately walked over to where I was sitting and sat down across from me.

"What happened Bryn?" Lils asked.

"Remus... he broke up with me." I said.

"No way! I will murder him!" Lily started to stand up, but I grabbed her arm.

"Don't Lils, it's his decision." I said.

Lily and Alice just looked at me, and out the corner of my eye, I saw James, Sirius and Remus look at me in disbelief.

None the less, Lily sat back down and I let go of her wrist and picked up a sandwich to at least look like I was eating.

We ate in silence, and once I'd finished my sandwich I excused myself.

I walked into the first floor bathroom and leaned over the toilet and promptly threw up. It was almost natural now, after a few months. I rinsed out my mouth by the sink before leaving the bathroom.

I knew it was unhealthy, I knew it all was, but I didn't care. Cutting took away the pain. Vomiting made me skinnier.

I walked up to my dorm to go and work on some homework during my free block.

I was chilling on my bed, lying on my stomach with music blasting from the wireless us girls had in our room, when there was a tapping on the window.

I looked up, to see nothing more than my parents' pitch black owl. Oh God, this could not be good.

I walked over and let the owl in. She stuck out her leg to let me pull off the letter, before quickly flying off.

I uncurled the letter and read;

Dear Brynlee,

You are in so much trouble when you get home, you lazy little swine. If anyone ever asks you are not our daughter. An E in Transfiguration? Unacceptable. We told you to get an O. Don't expect to be going out anywhere over Christmas break.

Wishing you never existed you silly little girl,

Your Parents

I was shocked; they'd said some mean things, but to wish I was dead?

That's it. I'm done.

They want me dead? That's what they'll get.

Tonight.