Episode 2 — Shear Madness
…
After seeing Anderson off, Mycroft returns to the B & B to address the remaining contestants, who are gathered in the sitting room. "I realise that the first quiz caught most of you off guard. If you wish to remain in the game, you will need to be better prepared for the next one."
Mycroft brings out a set of black journals, each with a green thumbprint and a numeral from 1 to 9 embossed on the front. He distributes them to the players.
"These journals will be the only place in which you are permitted to record any information about the game or the other players. Use them wisely.
"Now, I believe that a room has just opened up. I'm going to go check in."
With that, Mycroft sweeps from the room.
"Let's get to know each other, so we have something to go on when we take the next quiz," Molly suggests.
Sherlock glances at each of the other players in turn. "I've already deduced everything I need to know about you all, so I think I'll turn in early."
"But we've barely met, dear," Mrs. Hudson says.
Sherlock replies, "I know that you are a widow, and that you were relieved when your husband was killed."
He turns to Lestrade. "I know that you work as a Detective Inspector for Scotland Yard, but you should really be investigating your wife's string of lovers."
"Oi!" Lestrade exclaims.
Sherlock ignores him.
To Irene, he says, "I know that you make your living as a dominatrix, working with both men and women, although you prefer women in your free time."
Irene smiles slyly and tips her head to him.
Sherlock turns to Donovan. "I know that you are a police constable, frustrated by your inability to rise through the ranks. I also know that you are disappointed that Anderson was sent packing, since you had planned to spend the night in his room."
"You made that last bit up!" Donovan snaps. "And you didn't deduce any of the rest of it. You were fed that information by the producers, since you're obviously the mole."
"I never told the producers how I felt about my husband," Mrs. Hudson says.
"Well, they must have figured it out," Donovan insists. "Don't you all find it suspicious that Sherlock's last name is the same as our host's?"
"Holmes is a very common family name," Sherlock says.
"Really?" Donovan asks skeptically.
"Yes. If no one with that name has been born or died today, there are currently 75,423 Holmeses in the UK. It's the 87th most common surname in Great Britain."
John grins at him. "You just happened to have that statistic memorised? Amazing."
Donovan rolls her eyes.
"I'm sorry to say it, but I think you're all bor-ing," Moriarty singsongs. "Oh, wait — I'm not sorry, but you should be."
He flounces from the room, leaving shocked silence behind him.
…
In the morning, Mycroft joins the contestants at a large dining table, where they are served a full English breakfast. As they eat, he fills them in on the next stage of the game.
"Today, you will need to divide yourselves into three groups. The first group should consist of three players who enjoy the thrill of the chase; the second, three players who can spin a good yarn; and the third, three who are willing to sell their souls."
"You might not guess it by looking at my cane, but I enjoy the thrill of the chase," John says.
Sherlock immediately jumps in. "So do I!"
"Yeah, me too," says Lestrade.
"I'd sell my soul, if I had one," Moriarty says.
The other players stare at him uncomfortably, not sure whether or not he is joking.
"I can spin a good yarn," Mrs. Hudson, Molly, and Donovan say, almost simultaneously. It is obvious to everyone that they don't want to be in the same group as Moriarty.
Mary turns to Irene. "I guess that means that you and I will be selling our souls."
Irene smiles. "Oh, the devil is a naughty boy, and I know exactly how to handle naughty boys. He'll be begging to pay me twice."
"Now that that's settled," Mycroft says, with a slight moue of distaste, "it's time to head to our next destination. Each group will take a separate car. This time, you'll be driving Ford Fiestas. Not as luxurious as the Lincolns, but at least the GPS systems are fully functional.
"We'll be meeting back up at Sodom Hall Alpacas, just outside the hamlet of Sodom, in Denbighshire, Wales. It's a four hour drive, but you don't need to arrive until 2:00, so feel free to stop for lunch along the way."
The group disperses to their rooms to pack, and then reassembles in front of the B & B.
Sherlock hops behind the wheel of a little silver hatchback. John starts to get into the rear seat, but Sherlock stops him. "No, John, you need to ride up front, because of your leg."
John begins to protest that he's fine, but Sherlock cuts him off. "Lestrade can ride in the back. Right, Lestrade?"
John looks embarrassed, but Lestrade claps him on the shoulder. "No worries, mate."
Lestrade climbs into the back, and John takes the seat next to Sherlock, who smiles at him and starts the engine. The pre-programmed GPS instructs them to take the M6, but Sherlock insists that the M5 will be better, since they can avoid traffic, construction zones, and tolls. Lestrade wants to follow the GPS, but he is overruled, and they head for the M5.
The second car, driven by Donovan, with Mrs. Hudson beside her and Molly in the back, heads in the opposite direction, following their GPS.
There is a bit of an argument taking place outside the third car. Moriarty wants to drive, but Mary and Irene, who were both subjected to his recklessness on the previous day, refuse to let him. It looks as though their altercation may become physical, as the three all try to dive into the car at once.
There is a brief scuffle, and when it ends, it's Irene, surprisingly, who is in the driver's seat. Mary climbs into the back with good grace, but Moriarty stands on the pavement, sulking.
Irene gives him a no-nonsense look. "I will count to three," she says. "And then I will drive this car to Sodom, whether you are in it or not. One… Two…"
Moriarty hops into the car as Irene says "Three," and puts it in gear.
…
By 2:00, all of the players have arrived at Sodom Hall. They are greeted by Mycroft, who introduces them to a pleasant-looking middle-aged couple.
"I'd like you to meet Celia and Michael, the owners of Sodom Hall Alpacas. They'll explain what your roles will be while you are their guests."
Celia steps forward. "Welcome. You've arrived just in time to help with our annual shearing. Once the alpacas are shorn, their fleece is woven into yarn in our Mini Mill, and used to make a variety of luxury garments, which we then sell."
Mycroft says, "Greg, John, and Sherlock, since you all claimed to enjoy the thrill of the chase, you will be catching and shearing alpacas today. Tomorrow, the group who can spin a good yarn will be working in the Mini Mill, and the following day those of you who were willing to sell your souls will instead be selling hand-made alpaca clothing."
"Follow me," Michael says, and leads the way to a large pasture in which several dozen alpacas are grazing. He introduces his three assistants, and they demonstrate how to catch and shear an alpaca.
Mycroft addresses Sherlock, John, and Lestrade. "Your task is to shear as many alpacas as possible in the next three hours. For each animal you shear successfully, £5,000 will be added to the group's kitty. However, you must be very careful, because if you accidentally nick an alpaca with the clippers or cause any other injury, £5,000 will be deducted from the kitty. Michael and Celia will be overseeing your work, and if they observe any cruelty to their animals, you will be asked to leave their property immediately, and will forfeit all money from this challenge. The clock starts now."
The players who are not participating in this challenge watch in amusement as Sherlock, John, and Lestrade dash around the field, being kicked at and spit upon by the unruly alpacas, who are disinclined to allow themselves to be caught, let alone shorn.
"How did those guys make this look so easy?" Lestrade demands.
"The one they demonstrated on was probably drugged," John says angrily, limping in pursuit of an alpaca that can clearly run much faster than he can.
"No it wasn't," Sherlock says. "It was calm because they were calm. We have to stop chasing them."
"What, and just wait for them to wander over and shear themselves?" John asks.
Sherlock grabs John's shoulders. "Be still."
John huffs. "I'm never going to catch one. They're probably afraid of this bloody cane."
"Your limp is psychosomatic, you know."
"If you know that, then why did you insist that I ride in the front seat on account of my leg?"
"Because I wanted you next to me."
Lestrade comes up to join them. "Sorry if I'm interrupting. Only, I thought we were in the middle of a challenge."
Sherlock drops his hands from John's shoulders. "Well, now that you've stopped frightening them, I'll go catch one."
John and Lestrade gape at him as he saunters casually over to the alpacas, places a head collar on one, and leads it back to them. He hands the rope to Lestrade.
"Lestrade, you hold it down, and John, you do the shearing. By the time you're done, I'll have another one waiting for you."
John and Lestrade gawk at him for a moment before getting to work. It takes Lestrade awhile to figure out how best to restrain the alpacas, and John is very slow in shearing the first few, for fear of hurting them, but eventually they get the hang of it.
After an hour and a half, John says, "My hand is starting to shake from the constant vibration of these clippers. Will you take a turn?"
He and Lestrade swap roles, with disastrous consequences. Whether it's because John doesn't have a tight enough grip to hold the alpaca still, or because Lestrade doesn't know how to use the clippers properly, is unclear. Somehow, though, the alpaca ends up getting nicked by the blades. It screams, and so does Lestrade.
In fact, he is more upset than the alpaca, who just has a tiny cut, which it quickly forgets about. Not so Lestrade, who is visibly shaken. He switches off the clippers, tosses them aside, and rushes over to Sherlock, spooking the alpaca he was about to catch.
"You have to take a turn shearing," Lestrade says. "John's hands are shaking, and I'm just going to butcher the poor beasts."
"Who's going to catch them, then?" Sherlock asks, looking at the alpacas, who have fled in alarm to the far side of the pasture.
"I'll do my best," Lestrade says, taking the head collar and lead from Sherlock.
Sherlock walks over to John, who is examining a small cut on the side of the partially shorn alpaca.
"Is it serious?" Sherlock asks.
"No, just a graze. You wouldn't think a Detective Inspector would freak out at the sight of a tiny bit of blood like that."
"He doesn't mind the blood; he minds being the cause of it."
"Right. Okay. So, are you going to shear now?"
"I guess I'll have to."
Sherlock has no trouble with the shearing, but Lestrade cannot catch an alpaca, no matter how hard he tries. All of John's attempts to catch one are likewise futile, since it appears that he was correct about them being afraid of his cane. Sherlock is left to do both the catching and the shearing, which slows down the operation considerably.
By the time their three hours are up, they have only shorn 9 of the alpacas. At £5,000 each, minus £5,000 for the one that Lestrade accidentally nicked, they have succeeded in adding £40,000 to the group's kitty.
…
The next day's challenge is not quite so exciting. Molly, Donovan, and Mrs. Hudson are given the fleece from the shorn alpacas, and instructed on how to card and spin it into yarn using the Sodom Hall Mini Mill. For each kilogram of yarn they produce that meets the owners' quality control standards, they will earn £5000 for the group.
Celia explains that the 27 kilograms of fleece provided by John, Sherlock, and Lestrade should yield about 18 kilograms of yarn. She reminds them that the reputation of her family's business depends on the high quality of their products, makes sure they understand how to use the machines, and then leaves them to their work.
It is soon apparent that the process of turning raw fleece into yarn is not as simple as it looks. After a couple of lumpy batches, and some frantic scrambling worthy of an old episode of I Love Lucy, though, Molly, Donovan, and Mrs. Hudson get into a groove, and manage to work together quite well.
Once all of the fleece has been processed, Celia inspects their work, and declares that they have produced 14 kilograms of yarn that is good enough to be used for clothing. Mycroft congratulates them on adding £70,000 to the kitty.
…
The following day, the final group is sent by van an hour away to an open air market in Liverpool, where they must attempt to sell hand-knitted alpaca clothing made with the equivalent of the 14 kilograms of yarn produced by the other players. For each garment they sell at its list price, they will earn £5,000 for the group.
The other contestants remain at Sodom Hall, relaxing, so they don't learn about the events in Liverpool until Mary, Irene, and Moriarty return that evening. Mycroft gathers them all together and says, dryly, "I have been informed that there were some irregularities in this afternoon's challenge."
"The police have no sense of humour," Moriarty complains.
"Indeed," Mycroft says mildly. "They fail to find any amusement in disorderly conduct," he looks at Mary, "indecent exposure," he looks at Irene, "or extortion," he looks at Moriarty. "Please bear that in mind in future. As it is, I have been able to keep the three of you from being charged, but you will not be contributing any money to the group's kitty from this afternoon's debacle."
There are groans from the rest of the players.
"And on that note," Mycroft says, "I believe it is time for you to take your next quiz on the identity of the mole."
…
Once all of the contestants have completed the quiz, Mycroft types their names into his laptop one by one to see who will be eliminated. The players watch anxiously, wondering who is the mole, and who will be the mole's next victim.
"John," Mycroft says. A green thumbprint appears on the screen, signaling that John is safe, at least for now.
"Mary." Another green thumbprint.
"Sherlock." Green.
"Martha." Green.
"Jim." Green.
"Sally." Red.
Donovan glares at everyone except for Molly and Mrs. Hudson. "It's impossible to figure out who the mole is, because each one of you is worse than the next. I'm glad to be leaving this madhouse. You'll be lucky if you make it out alive."
…
End Notes: From now until the series finale, I will be broadcasting new episodes every other Saturday, alternating weeks with my other WIP, Our Divinest Senses. Like The Mole, Our Divinest Senses has a bit of mystery, a bit of humor, and a bit of romance. However, unlike this show, it is too explicit for prime time…
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