A/N: Prepare for feelings. Sam wakes up :).
WARNING: Proceed carefully, there are possible triggers in the second half of this chapter. If you are very sensitive, please get your walls up, try to detach yourself from this chapter (mostly it works) or turn around now, no kidding..
Chapter 2: Never let go
The 6'4 gentle giant stirred on the bed beside Dean's. "About time Sammy, I was afraid you'll skip lunch too. How's your head?" His response was a grumbled "Been better." Suddenly, Sam's expression turned from discomfort to surprise, when he remembered a bit of last evening. "Dean! No, nevermind." Dean waited patiently, worried about his baby brother nonetheless. Did his younger brother hit his head too much this time?
Soon he got the answer. "I swear I saw her, Dean. This time it felt different, you know.. You think I imagined that too?" That moment showed so much vulnerability. His eyes were glimmering with hope, so desperate for a counteractive reply. Maybe something good can finally happen to them; it would be about time. Dean wanted nothing more than to reassure his brother about her being back, to hug him until they cried with happiness, but he was saved from the chick flicks as the door of their room opened.
"I've found a decent pizzeria downtown. Took me too long, I know. Which-?" This is how she usually entered the room. In Sam's dreams, Jane always came in with some food, talking about everything that happened to her on the road or Sam's favourite, the time she hugged him in relief when he finally woke up from a horrible injury caused by a werewolf. "J? Tell me it's not a dream, please, tell me you're back." whispered Sam. While his dream Jane would run to him and kiss him with all her love, the real one put the food on the table, smiled and let him envelop her in a bear hug and lift her off the ground, not wanting to ever let her go. Breathing in her unique smell, he buried his nose in her neck. Her hand caressed his hair, rubbed his back, every gesture saying the same thing she said out loud "I'm here, Sam. Shh, I'm here." Sam broke into sobs, his tall figure trembling like a leaf. Not quite believing this. She had the Impala keys, the tiniest possibility for this being real. Too good for them. He would give his soul for her if Dean would let him.
Sam's heart beated a rythm of a marathon runner. He thought he wouldn't survive this time if it's just another false copy of reality. He'd die on the spot as soon as he'd wake up. This felt so real, yet he couldn't put a finger on it.
The monsters and the nightmares used her figure so many times. It hurt, but he cherished every time he had the chance to see her. His whole being and soul prayed and cried to get her back, sadly without avail in the end. He got stabbed, punched, choked, badly injured by her copies and still didn't get the real her back. Until this moment.
They ended up on the floor, both in tears, hugging each other, not wanting to ever let go. Sam still needed to hear it from his brother, his lifeline. "Dee?" Dean flashed him a reassuring smile. "It's really her, Sammy." Sam kissed the top of her head. "Thanks god." There are no words to describe the extent of relief and happiness Sam felt in that moment. Warmth spread through his body, renewing all the hope and will to live he lost with time. If it only was that simple. It's a long way to go. His legs felt like jelly, his eyes almost closing in content of having her in his arms. He ignored his throbbing ankle and the creak of his back. It didn't matter, because she was back. Jane was his sun and he felt he was burning. Some monster or a trap, considering their line of work, could be waiting for them just around the corner to take her away forever. He won't let them.
"I missed you Sam." Sam's vision blurred with the new wave of tears. "Me too, J. So much." As he remembered her confession from two years ago, his whole body shivered and his hands found hers.
"You- you said you loved me.." Sam's voice broke, his throat was constricting. They were close. Not as a couple, but still closer than friends.
Dean teared up at that, he cared for them. Always. He remembers the night she died too well, it hurts him all the same.
"I still do, but this is a liability. We'll end up dead before next year probably.. I don't want to go there again. I- I can't." Jane locked eyes with Dean for a second, who grasped the idea. It was worse then being tortured in hell. Her eyes told everything her words wouldn't. His heart made a secret promise to not let her die in the future, at all costs.
"J, listen to me. We are in this together, okay? I'm not letting you go this time." I prefer to die. were Sam's unspoken words as he tenderly cupped her face, his hazel eyes pleading her to stay.
The sheer thought of leaving them made her nauseus. Completely impossible, her worst idea so far. She could do this, right? She could stay. Her fingers brushed the side her thigh unconsciously, the strange scar was itching again. "I'll stay.
For now." Jane didn't dare to be happy, not after being brought back by an unknown being. She plastered on a fake smile, shrugging Sam's hands off. If only she didn't stand up so quickly, because her muscles of her back wouldn't scream in pain, her head wouldn't take her for a spin. A whimper escaped her mouth. She was getting reckless.
"Hey, easy. You're safe, no need to run." It was Dean who stopped her body from crashing on the side of the bed frame. They knew better than to push her into talking. She was like a deer sometimes. "You okay?" asked Sam, hazel eyes clouded with worry as he watched her sit down.
"I need a moment.." Her head was bowed, resting on her hands. "There's pie and salad in the car.. I'll get it-" she rose up carefully, only to be met with Sam's panicked gaze. "Stay down. Please. I don't want you to fall." After her nod, they both sat on the bed, their shoulders touching. Meanwhile, Dean volunteered to collect the food. They needed to eat, because knowing Jane, she barely ate these days. At breakfast she ate like a birdie, after Dean went out to get it. He was more than aware of her eating habits. Poor, which is the reason he promised himself to step up and let her lean on him when she needed it. Even straight talking about it if there was no improvement.
Sam wasn't blind, he knew she was in pain, but he was too afraid to lose her to risk her health by giving her aspirin on an empty stomach. Honestly put, Sam didn't want her out of his sight, even less outside in the parking lot. No way. He wasn't taking any chances, especially after surviving the Mystery spot. He learned one of the lessons. For now, he slowly put his arms around her. Her face instantly leaned on his chest, Sam's heartbeat attempting to ground her. Little he knew about the state of her body.
Jane started to tremble, her breathing was irregular. Her world was crumbling, the same story played on repeat. Hunger seemed to increase the pain in her head. "I'm starving." Her words sounded empty, like her stomach. She'd stay, hunt, mess everything up, die in attempting to stop the next big bad from ruining the world, everything because she had the misfortune to stumble right into it.
/ I'm not enough for you. / I love you Sam./ The confession slipped out on November 5th, the day she died. Another vertigo rocked her head. She had no one out there besides the Winchesters. Not knowing what to do with her life, she either worked like crazy or hunted ghosts as an avenge for her past.
When they sat on the floor, she barely avoided Sam's kiss on her lips. She saw it coming. It was better this way. Not too close, not too far. Definitely staying far from close, what a lie. These emotions were weakening her even more, robbing her of the will to fight for air; that's when she fell limply onto Sam's lap.
Dean was preparing the table with a ton of food, whistling a happy tune in the small kitchenette. Almost done, he thought. His brother's panicked calls made him froze, switching into rescue mode as he ran to them.
"J? Don't do this, baby. Breathe, come on.." No response, no movement of her chest. "Dean!" Sam called one more time, voice full of emotion, his face ashen. "I thought she fell asleep at first. Oh God.." How could he be so blind? Sam laid her on the center of the bed. "I'll do the compressions, you give her air, Sammy. She's strong, don't worry." interviened Dean, ready to use the adrenaline running through him, making him forget about his shoulder.
They were amazing when it came to teamwork. Not giving up on her any soon. "One more time, Sammy. Talk to her, it might help." Dean was scared of losing people he cared about. There weren't many ways to frighten him. Death was one of it.
"Come back, J. I need you, baby." He gave her another breath of air, a single tear slided down his cheek. "Don't leave me. Wake up. Please." His voice cracked at the last word. His brother continued with the chest massage. "Air Sammy! Now!" Sam froze, but thankfully not for long. Another breath of air filled her lungs in time. He caressed her cheek, now even more scared and shocked than he thought he was. Dean wouldn't give up, but he had to stop when she finally moved.
"Aaah.." Jane's chest jerked up, her lungs hungryly gulping air. The boys helped her sit up as she grabbed for support.
"It's okay, sweetheart. In and out, there you go." Dean coached her to normalize her breathing pattern, while Sam rubbed her back. She calmed after 10 minutes or something. The younger Wichester was still speechless. He didn't dare to speak, because his voice would betray him. It would crack like thin ice. He didn't want to show her that. There was no way to control it though. The colour around his eyes gave him out. Offically on the verge of sobbing, but he didn't even tried to hide it in the end. Dean, Bobby and Jane were his everything. He would die for them in a second.
Dean took the glass of water from the nightstand to get at least the minimum of the fluids her body needed. "Sip some water." He knew not to rush or the consequences would be fatal. "Good girl." He said it on purpose, to see her response rate and awareness. Jane shot him a glare; she felt weak, but not out of date. "What day is it? Do you know where we are?" continued Sam. "Wednesday, October 7th 2014. Daisy motel, somewhere in Wisconsin. We are out of gas, the leaves are falling and your eyes look green in this light." Jane was pretty satisfied with her answer. She'd chuckle if her back didn't hurt so much all of a sudden.
"We missed you so frigging much." Dean ruffled her hair and nudged his brother. "She'll be alright Sammy, see? But you'll get that frown stuck on your forehead if you keep that up." Dean was trying to lift the mood, but Sam knows something better, a secret, his ace in the sleeve. "Sure Dean, like you say." Sam's fingers found a soft spot on Dean's ribs, making him burst into laughing. The tension in the room more or less forgotten for some time.
Sam thanked Dean for saving her. A small nod and a tiny smile made his brother know the gratitude he felt. Lying on the bed, Jane felt extremely tired, so while she was still awake, she took the opportunity to hug them both. "Thank you, guys. The reaper was this close to take me." spoke Jane, who didn't feel like telling them what the message was just yet. No verbal filter, she realized after a moment, when the brothers paled like sheets. Talking out loud sucked, damn it! Welcome to the world once more.
Awkward. "What?!" asked the brothers simultaneously. "Reapers. Never a good sign, right?" she stifled a whimper as she sat up to lean better on the pillows. "Fuck!" Sam stood up, hands on his head. This was the last thing they needed. Torreen was on their tail for too long now, the damn thing was stuck on their feet like a gum mixed with super glue.
"Bunker?" asked the taller brother. "Hell yeah, I hope we get there in one piece. If we stay a few more days it will be safer. What do you say?"
"You're right. We'll wait then.." nodded Sam in agreement. Jane was more than curious about this bunker. "What's that? An house in the ground like the nuraghi?" Jane was definitely a keeper. Sam laughed at his brother's puzzled face and explained before he even asked. "The nuraghi are ancient megalithic edificies, like round houses made of stone. All the "rooms" are deep underground. They are typical for the island Sardinia in Italy." Dean looked satisfied with the reply. "So, people lived underground and no hurricane or tsunami could get them killed." Jane nodded.
"Well, the bunker is more like a big structure, basically the safest place on Earth. Oh, it was built in 1935. We live there, you'll love it." continued Sam. "Sounds great." Jane smiled, but her smile fell almost instantly, because she felt the need to relieve herself.
She wasn't used to other people helping her, not even Sam and Dean. With her head bowed in .. shame? weakness? she said "Um..I need the bathroom. Some help please.." There was no way to stand up for her without falling down like spaghetti.
She hissed when her back hurt like being set on fire, as Sam swooped her up and carried her, bridal style, to the bathroom.
"Shit. Sorry.. Where are you hurt?" panicked Sam, when he sat her on the lid. "My back. Can you, um, turn around or something?" Jane's cheeks turned red a little. She wasn't alone in that, Sam zoned out for a second standing there like a statue, it's not like she would let him stay there. "Sorry. I'll be right outside the door." He closed the door and found Dean fidgeting with the zipper of his duffel. "Freaking finally!" The duffel fell open, enabling Dean to do whatever he was doing.
"I'm done!" called Jane. The 6'4 gentleness returned, carrying her like she was made of glass. When his hands left her shoulders she asked "Do we still have that muscle relaxant cream?" Sam thought for a second. "Yeah. In the trunk somewhere.." He exited the room. In that time, Dean felt he owed her an explanation. There goes nothing. He needed to let it out. Clearing his throat he began "We wanted to burn you at first, you know, but then.. Sam just couldn't. The kid almost lost his heart at your grave."
"Dean, why are you saying this? He has you, it's better this way." she shook her head and folded her arms in disagreement. "Damn you, Jane. Are you really that stubborn?" She just shrugged. Same goes for you, big bro.
The door opened, Sam walked in with aloe vera and another cream she didn't recognize. "Alright.. Turn around, lay down. I'll help you lift your shirt."
Suddenly she was in the mood for joking. "Sure, my doctor. Ouch." She complied though. Dean was watching them from the other bed like a hawk.
"How did this happen?" Sam flinched at seeing her back. "I crawled out of my grave.. duh." Oh, his hands were so tender, Jane felt like in heaven. "You're lying. Please tell how did your back got these?" begged Sam. He could clearly see some bruises there. "All done. You can turn around now." He patted her shoulder.
Dean saved her ass, well, he ruined her plan of not telling Sam actually. "Dude, she carried you from the car to the room on her back." Sam's eyes widened. "And you let her? She exhausted herself to the point of dying and you did nothing?!" Sam raised his voice, looking utterly betrayed. "She didn't want to hear it, man, saying that my shoulder disagrees on moving." That's when Sam finally looked at his brother. Really looked, taking in the way his shoulder moved, painting a grimace on Dean's face. Dislocated and sprained, their freaking luck indeed. And he let him do the compressions. He felt like a jerk, like a stupid little brother unable to see one inch ahead of him.
"You need a sling. That must hurt a lot.." his voice softened in apology. "It's alright, Sammy. I'll survive." Dean placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, nodding. It was their code for I-forgive-you-brother-we-are-good. "I better get back to the kitchenette or we'll starve. It's 4 PM." The older brother disappear around the corner. "Dean.. wait. Let me help." Dean rose his eyebrows and faced his brother.
"If you really want to help, Sammy, I need a hand with the table. Let's move it to the bed okay?" Sam looked visibly torn between staying and helping his brother. "But, Dean.." You care for her, I get it Sam. "She'll be alright. Ten seconds, we'll be quick." They were like lighting. Sam almost whiplashed; Dean being Dean, overworked his shoulder. A normal day for the Winchesters, always being like this. They made their way towards their patient.
"Bed service, milady. Where do you wish to start?" Dean talking in a funny accent was a nice way to come back. She smiled tiredly, wondering which slice of pizza looked best. Her eyes were barely open, from tiredness, hunger, slight dehydration, running on empty.. for three days now.
The table was full of everything. Pizza, pie, salad, beer, smoothie, water, all that waiting to be consumed. "Pizza would be a great start, dear gentlemen." She addressed both of them. Soon enough, her mouth was watering, because of the glorious smell the deliciousness in front of her. Especially her favourite type of pizza. "Mmm. This tastes amazing!" Sam looked pleased at her sounds.
After a slice and a half, she grabbed some pie. A tiny slice that made Dean chuckle to himself. "Is it good?" he asked instead. "Very good, almost too sweet. And the pies were on discount, two for the price of one." Her eyes twinkled at the memory.
"Jane, you are awesome! You should be my sister. Sam here buys me a cake, saying that there's no difference.." She grinned, while Sam defended himself. "Hey! They ran out of pies, I never said it's the same.." Dean stuffed his cheeks with pizza. "You did, Sammy." Ugh, Dean talked with his mouth full again. "Fine, maybe I did." Dean shrugged at his confession. Sam was never able to lie for long. At least to him.
"Can I steal some salad from you?" Jane made her version of puppy eyes. "Go ahead." Not really stealing, you asked me. Were Sam's thoughts.
Two gulps of fruit smoothie later, she spilled some water on a napkin and covered her eyes with it. "You alright?" The worry got the better out of Sam. "Yup, peachy. Sam, please, get some ice for your stubborn brother. His shoulder is almost half size now. That swelling needs to move house." Sam dragged his hand down his face. "Coming right up!" He jogged to the freezer.
"Look who's talking, Herkules." Dean shook his head, teasing. "Dude, I'm Athena.." Sam came back with the promised item and put it on his brother swelling shoulder adding "An Athena with a lame choice of actions.."
"Sam, that's not fair, you are reading my mind!" laughed Jane. "Oh, would look at that. You two were made for each other!" Dean grinned when they both exclaimed in unison "Shut up, Dean!"
They watched some tv until 11 PM, each one of them even more tired than they first thought. Sleep was always the best escape from reality. Minus the nightmares of course..
Sam's heart on two legs felt a fraction better. She could stand and walk from the bed to the bathroom and then to the couch. "I'm good on the couch, really. I insist. Don't worry Sam, I feel better." He put her water closer to couch. Admiring her eyes, he noticed that they weren't half lidded anymore, but closer to fully opened now. "Let's turn the couch this way, okay? I need to see you." Sam waited for her approval, then moved the furniture, humming with satisfaction.
"Good night, guys." She felt safer with them,since the day they met. "Night, Jane." Dean turned off the last lamp alight. "Night, J." replied Sam, his voice sounding normal. Do the Winchesters have normal nights full of sleep? Knowing their luck and state..
Hopelessness, desperation, love and loss. All of that in one dream, tearing Sam's mind and heart up all over again. "No, no, no! J! Please!" Sam almost shouted. Dean stopped counting the nightmares his brother had since her death. Upon her return, the nightmares came back. The older Winchester saw Jane's tears that night, the way she woke his brother, turned on the light, calmed him with her voice and closeness, until he relaxed and eventually fell asleep on her shoulder. With the light now off, she didn't let him go. Singlehandedly she lifted the covers and stayed with him. No matter how long he needed, she'd be there. Maybe she'll finally enjoy her return unashamed and most importantly, unashamed of being alive.
A/N: I did some research on overexertion and I swear I couldn't stop writing this chapter. I'm so sorry for the length. It's far too much for one chapter..
I hope the boys are staying in character (keeping in mind what happened to them..). Well, just great.. I think I triggered myself on my own chapter..
Reviews are like balsam for my soul :)