Disclaimer: No, I don't own Final Fantasy VII. If I did, I would have been the most ingenious kid ever born. I was 5 when it came out!
Warnings: Cursing, mentions of prostitution and very unpleasant way of dying.
U as in Undercover
"There's no way in hell I will do that!"
Tseng had to be insane, downright raving mad. And Rude wasn't helping at all either. He was just standing there silently, trying oh-so-valiantly to keep his poker face on.
"Reno, you are the only one available for the job. If I could, I would wait for Cissnei and Elena's return but the target must be eliminated immediately," Tseng sighed. He had been trying to get Reno accept the mission for over five minutes with next to no avail.
"What's so important about this old geezer anyways? Midgar is full of rich bastards like that who would like to see Shinra blow up in itty bitty pieces, yo," Reno grumbled knowing he was fighting a losing battle. What he wouldn't give to be able to simply walk out of the door or even hide in a closet until one of the female Turks returned...
"You know very well Don Bono has to be taken out of the picture before his plans advance any further," Tseng stated. "Besides, Rude will be sent with you. It would be folly to send a lone Turk right into his hands."
"Gee, thanks, that made me feel so much better. Seriously Tseng, that's not the point here! I'll gladly go out and shoot the bastard and all his lackeys full of holes but that, that is the problem," Reno fumed pointing at innocent pile of clothing. "I'm so not going to dress up as some street whore! I don't care if all the girls are on missions. I refuse it!"
"Oh dear Leviathan, how did this happen?" Reno moaned trying not to fidget. He was standing next to Rude on a street just outside of the guards' sight. In other circumstances, he would have found Rude's outfit hilarious. After all, how often did you catch him without his sunglasses wearing horribly tacky red and green striped suit and acting as a sleazy smiling pimp? But as the things were, Reno's own outfit took the prize for everyone who actually knew him. Instead of a disheveled redhead, there stood an immaculate dark haired girl dressed in a blue kimono. At least, that is what Reno seemed to be at the moment for his embarrassment.
"I hate this damned thing. How am I supposed to fight like this, yo?" Reno whined while planning various, painful and gory deaths for Tseng. "I can't even fricking walk!"
"You aren't supposed to fight. The purpose of your disguise is to get close to the target and eliminate him in private," Rude stated checking time from his watch. "Let's go. And don't talk."
Reno swallowed rest of his complaints and clasped his hands daintily in front of him. Rude placed hand on Reno's shoulder helping him keep his balance and to guide him towards the manor. As predicted, they were let inside without any problems. It was a well-known fact that Don Bono liked to order pretty girls to his house and with right kind of documents the guards would let almost anyone in after a throughout frisk.
The room they were led was rather spacious but decorated with horrible taste. The floor was covered with a thick pink colored carpet and all the furniture was light wood with flower patterned fabric. But it was the statues that made Reno feel sick. In every corner and horizontal surface, there stood Cupid statues in various sizes. The man sitting on a one of the chairs didn't alleviate his nausea in the least. With a morbid fascination, Reno noted that Don Bono actually looked better in the small and ugly picture attached to the mission file. It had made him look leaner and hidden the fact that his skin was sickly grayish hue.
"And who might this silent beauty be?" Reno was jerked from his stupor when Don Bono spoke. "I take she is a new one since I haven't seen her before."
"Yes sir that she is. Reika here is one of our newest girls. While she doesn't speak I can assure you that she is otherwise very talented," Rude said sounding like an overeager car seller. Reno would have gladly kicked his partner if not for the restricting clothing and situation they were in. Instead, he simply bowed his head giving off air of shyness while he simply decided to minimize the time he had to look at the fat man.
"I do hope so. It would be a shame if she didn't reach my expectations," Don Bono said walking towards Reno. "For the payment I will give the standard. If she is as good as you imply I may add some extra afterwards." Reno had to keep himself from killing the man right on the spot when an arm snaked to hold him from the waist. After few more pleasantries, Reno found himself being led to another, more private, room.
Just as the door clicked shut, Don Bono took hold of Reno's both arms and kissed him hungrily leading them to the bed. Noting other's nonexistent responses he let go of Reno's left arm in favor of feeling him up in hopes of eliciting response. With his now freed left arm, Reno slid one of the long and thin decorative hairpins from his topknot. Breaking the kiss Reno smirked at Don Bono's confused expression.
"Ya making out with a man, yo," Reno whispered menacingly before stabbing the man's eye with the hairpin.
Letting the body slump on the bed Reno took cursory scan around the room. Finding nothing worth noting, not even a second door, he looked back to the body. "Ya know, that was the first time for a long time since killing was actually satisfying." Reno muttered tugging the sheets. After a while, he had arranged them in a fashion that made Don Bono appear to be sleeping. With nothing else to do, he sat on the bed and started to count minutes until it would seem normal to exit.
Rude's cheeks hurt. Smiling and small talk had never been his forte, but here he was sitting and pretending to be laughing on some stupid joke one of the guards had told. Checking his watch, he hoped Reno would exit soon. He was seriously running out of things to say and his smiles would soon turn into grimaces if he wasn't allowed to relax his face.
"How much would you ask for a night of fun with your dolly?" one of the guards asked eyeing the bedroom door. "She must be good enough for boss to spend this long with her."
"More than you could afford," Rude didn't have to fake his amusement while other guards started to chuckle. Whatever the embarrassed guard was going to retort was cut off as the door opened. Reno, looking slightly more disheveled and with his hair open, stepped out of the room heading towards Rude.
"Hey babe, wanna have some fun?"
Rude had to congratulate Reno for his self-control. The redhead was probably seething under his calm façade and usually angry Reno equaled loud cursing and destructive force worth reckoning. Deciding to cut off any other comments that might finally crack his partner's quickly diminishing patience Rude rose up from his chair. " Excuse us but unfortunately we have other clients and appointments for the night."
To say the pair was glad to reach their car left in a back alley would have been an understatement. Reno flopped heavily on the gun seat ripping his dark wig off cursing viciously while Rude took his place on the driver's seat at slightly more sedated pace. "Why the hell all missions going as planned end up being the ones I hate the most?" Reno grumbled angrily. "Yeah, probably 'cause I don't get any good action on those, yo..." he continued taking Rude's noncommittal grunt as a some kind of a affirmative. "But seriously, Tseng better pay extra for all this shit or he will end up having an appointment with my EMR."
A/N: Uhm... Sorry it took so long to update. I will try to be faster with the next chapter, which is called R as Reckless, but I can't make any promises.
I know this sounds little pathetic but this is the longest thing I have ever written... And I have no idea if it's pure crap or not... So please tell me your opinnion and feel free to point out things I should change/make work better. I have a feeling that the next one will also be rather long one. And filled with action. Oh, and if you happen to have idea which words I should use for chapters K and S, please share your idea. I haven't yet decided those.
And THANK YOU for all who have reviewed and/or added this to their alerts and/or favorites!