Jenny POV

Dresses that were black, suits that had no colourful ties like they usually did and white tissues in hand, we all walked into the Church were we are holding Nick's funeral. I felt like the dark colours on the outside reflected the colour of how I felt on the inside, lost, lonely and guilty.

Everyone walked passed me and put their hand on my shoulder, as one by one they filled in to say their last goodbyes. Sarah and Becker stood with me by the door, as people who knew the man I had and still loved tried their best to look positive and put a smile on their face.

But the truth was Nick was gone and I no longer felt like I had something to smile about. As one by one the line got shorter, it finally came around to Becker's turn. I grabbed him by the hand and just about to leave my side. I stepped up onto me tippy toes and whispered into his ear 'Don't tell him your sorry, because it wasn't your fault, tell him that you will miss him and you hope he will one day forgive Helen for what she did to him and to us. Say anything just don't apologise.'

He looked into my eyes and stared right back into his. He leaned in and kissed my salty cheek 'Thanks Jen, I don't know where I would be without you.'

Then he walked into the room, and closed the door, ready to confront what he felt was his first failure. I admired him because I knew that I was going to have trouble but I had some unfinished business and I needed to talk to him.

Sarah and I stood there in silence for a few minutes and then she turned to speak to me. 'Jenny,' was all she said, it was like she was waiting for me to say something to her, like she was opening up my heart just enough for my feelings to spill out if I let them.

I looked at her and I honestly tried to maintain composure but it only took seconds for me to fall apart. My breathing became harsh and interrupted and my sight grew fuzzy, my nose was wet and so were my cheeks, I felt shivers down my spine.

Both of Sarah's hand flew to mine and rested my head on her shoulder and I cried, for a while until I felt a hand rub my back, but Sarah's hands were in mine, and no-one was around. It was someone else, but no one was there. I knew I needed to tell someone or it was going to drive me insane.

'Sarah, this is hard for me to say, but you know I loved Nick, goodness everyone did, it was so obvious. Well, I can't get him out of my systems. Every time I close my eyes, I see him there, I feel like he is walking beside me, I see his face everywhere I look, everything reminds me of him, I hear his voice in my head telling me to do things and I feel like I can't get away.' I said, rather quickly.

But Sarah, being the great friend that she was understood everything that I said to her. By now Becker had come out and it was Sarah's turn to go in. She left me with Becker and went in to bid farewell to Becker.

'It will go away Jenny, you know that.' Becker said, he was putting up a brave face but I knew he was finding this harder, than most of us. But we were both here for each other, both feeling that there was something that we had done wrong in terms of Nick.

I never told him how he felt, I never told him, I never asked him if he felt the same and now I feel plagued by guilt.

Becker feels like he let him down, although Nick would never show it, and he pretended like he did not get along with Becker I knew he did, and I knew he liked Becker. I knew Nick would not want Becker beating himself up like this.

'Becker will it ever go away? I feel like I can't escape.'

He looked at me and smiled, something had not seen in a few days now. 'Remember what you said to me before I went in?' Well in there I talked to Cutter about it, as stupid as that sounds. But it was good to get things off my chest. I'm not saying that it will be easy, just like re-entering the ARC. It will take some time, just like any other wound. But we are all here for, I am here for you. We can get through this.' Becker said, and I could hear the sincerity in his voice.

A voice from behind me said 'So will I.' I turned to see Sarah standing in the doorway behind me and I looked at her, and knew it was my turn.

As I walked towards the door I heard one final voice, but this one was inside my head. It was only a quiet voice, but had a noticeable Scottish accent, 'Jenny Lewis, come, I will be there for you too, no matter what separates us.'

I walked into the room, and almost broke down as I saw Nick lying in the coffin, properly dressed so that the bullet wound was no longer visible in his chest.

'Nick, what can I say to you? I made a mistake not trying with you. Remember when we tried to get a drink? Then when we tried to get dinner. Remember the happy times we had together, and the sad ones. Well, there was one time that should have been happy that never happened. But I want to tell you what it was? Are you listening? Well, of course you are. Well, this is a story about the time when I told you that I loved you, when I told you that no-one could ever replace you in my heart. When you left me so did a little piece of my heart, and you have it enclosed in your hand. Look after it for me Nick, because I love you and one day I am going to come and reclaim what is mine. Goodbye Nick, safe journey.' When I finished, I realised that I had made it through my little speech without crying. I slipped my hand into my pocket and pulled out a red heart made of cardboard. It was nothing special but I picked up Nick's hand and placed the heart inside.

I smiled at him one last time and walked out the door. The voice that spoke to me before spoke again saying 'I do too.' I smiled, Becker was right it was not going to be easy, he might still be in my life, and I might find it difficult, but the memories that I have of Nick make it all worth it.

General

Jenny walked into the funeral with an open mind, after her talk with Professor Nick Cutter but she had no idea of the pain and grief that she would feel on the inside.

Had to switch just for the last line, I was not sure how to write that in first person so I changed it…if anyone wants to change that into first person in Jenny's POV then I will subs it in, but otherwise it will be like that forever more…

Speaking of more, more asap…thanks to the reviewers :D