"I - I don't-"

"You don't even know?" Nurse Joy was shaking with anger, choking out her words through gritted teeth. Arms akimbo, she glared at me unblinkingly, eyes iced over with fury. I felt cornered in the office chair, but resisted the urge to flee, aware that there was hardly any place for me to run. I tried to speak, to say something in my defense, but my voice was frozen in fear.

"I cannot believe what I am hearing," she went on, waving her arms about her head and stalking from side to side. "Y'know, I really thought you were better than that, you seemed so pleasant, so terrified, so innocent. But no! You're just a self-centered brat who can't be concerned with what's happened to her pokemon. Who knows what's happened to them? I certainly don't know, but you never even asked about them, and I refuse to stand for it!"

Suddenly, her hands shot out, grabbing me by the shoulders. Her nails dug into my upper arms, and her face was mere inches from my own. "What. Happened. To. Them?" she asked, enunciating clearly, voice soft and dangerous.

I gulped, trying to melt the ice that had my voice locked away. "I-I d-don't h-h-have an-n-n-y..." I mumbled through shaking lips.

She stared at me. "You can't be serious. You're in your mid-teens, you have pokemon, so don't even bother with that weak little lie. Now, you tell me what you've done with them, right now. Were they stolen? Or did you just lose them? You can't just leave them out in the wild! Especially if they're in their balls, how would you feel if you were trapped in them for who knows how long, until someone happens to find you, hmm? How would that make you feel?"

I felt tears running down my face. "But, I really d-don't have any!" I was sobbing, aware that we both seemed to be losing it. The sweet and gentle nurse had been transformed into something out of my nightmares, and I was literally in her clutches. Still, I had to try to explain. "I n-never d-d-did, and I-I d-don't now, and I d-d-don't have any pokemon! P-p-please, you have to b-believe me!"

Her eyes flickered over my face, trying to find some hint of lies. But I could already see the frost melting away. Her hands loosened from my arms, and she stepped away, staring at the floor and fingering her pink ringlets in apparent embarrassment.

After a few moments, in which I wiped away my tears, she looked up, face flushed. "I... I made a mistake. I just..." She shook her head, as if she was trying to clear her head. "I can't stand the idea of trainers who put themselves before their pokemon. It's awful, y'know, and you see it so often with the newer trainers, where it's all about them. Brock tells me so many stories about kids who'll just shout at their pokemon if they lose, it's just..." She trailed off, and mutely held out a hand to me, an apparent gesture of apology. I accepted the hand and stood, tipping the sheet and the extra hair to the floor.

"Oops, um, let me help you with tha-" I began, already scanning the room for a broom, but Nurse Joy cut me off.

"No, no, you sit back down, you're still recovering. I'll go get a dustpan." She guided me back to the cot, then left the room. Taking advantage of her absence, I looked down at myself, rubbing my arms and trying to assess my situation. She hadn't punctured my skin, but Nurse Joy's nails had left angry red crescent-shaped marks on my upper arms. I sighed. That whole situation could have gone much better, but I didn't blame her for what she had done. Besides, the marks were already fading, so I turned my attention to my general state.

I still was wearing the cargo pants and tank top I had left home in, and I had seen my boots near the foot of my bed, but all my other possessions were elsewhere. I rolled on my side, checking to see whether they had been left on the right side of my bed, or at the foot of the one next to me. They hadn't. I bit my lip. Had they been lost? I patted my pockets, and to my relief found my wallet. I flipped through it, some of the tension easing as I found my ID, map, and money were all still in place. I could still manage with only that. I could still go home, stock up on supplies, and set out again, although that prospect was less than thrilling.

Just then, Nurse Joy returned, carrying a broom and dustpan. Behind her, a chansey waddled in, hefting my backpack. To my relief, I saw that my jacket was tucked between the top of the pack and the pokemon's small chin. The chansey chirped what sounded like a question to Nurse Joy, who smiled. "You can leave that near this young lady, if you would be so kind."

The chansey glanced around the room, saw me, then blinked in confusion. It turned its head away from me, so I couldn't see the look on its face. Nurse Joy bit her lip, and nodded. The chansey stiffened and spun about to face me. Though I wasn't quite sure, I thought I saw a look of embarrassment cross the pokemon's face as it dropped my pack next to my bed, then waddled out quickly.

I frowned, puzzled, running over that silent conversation between the two, and then it clicked. The poor thing must have initially thought I was a boy. I sighed, realizing that this was likely to be a common reaction. At least, I reasoned, it had been an extremely polite pokemon who first thought I was a boy. I would be ready now for humans to make that mistake, and would hopefully remember not be too bothered by it, and definitely not to act offended. That would be silly, since it was basically my own fault that I looked this way now.

The nurse, meanwhile, had finished sweeping up the hairs from the tiled floor. Tipping them into a waste basket, she turned to me, smiling shyly, apparently still abashed. "I just want to say again how so-"

I held up a hand, cutting her off. "It's fine, really. It was a reasonable assumption, and you had every right to be angry. You're a pokemon nurse, after all; if you weren't concerned about their welfare, I'd be the one concerned about your attitude towards them."

A look of relief flashed across Nurse Joy's face; it was apparent that she had been ready for me to be furious. "Alright then, so, ah, oh, I know, how about I tell you how you got here?"

I nodded, eager to change the subject and more than a little curious. "Sounds like a plan; you did say this was a good story, right?"

She chuckled. "Oh, yes, it's quite amusing. Well, you know, it was a quiet day, not many trainers needed assistance. Now, who should come staggering in, but you. You'd got twigs and leaves sticking out of your braid like they were coat hangers, and you were shaking a bit, staggering here and there, y'know, and immediately I wondered, what happened, what's wrong with this girl, and if she's like that, what condition are her pokemon in?"

She paused here, shaking her head. "But see, you made it up to the counter, blinked a little bit, and then, just stared at me and said, 'Do you have any scissors?' Perfectly calm, cool, and collected, y'know? I told you I did and handed you a decent pair, figuring there was something caught on you that you had to fix, and then..." She looked at me, still shaking her head a bit.

"Well, y'know, it was just very sudden. You started shouting and screaming about how there was an ekans and it had got you by the head, so you grabbed your braid and started hacking it off! Well, I knew at once that you must be hallucinating, and I didn't want you to injure yourself, plus, if it was poison, which it turned out to be, getting your blood pumping is not what you would want to have happen, y'know? But, see, you were really going at it with some sharp scissors, sort of a danger to yourself and others, y'know. Luckily, Brock ran in at that point, and together, we managed to get the scissors out of your hands. Unfortunately, you'd already gotten your braid cut off by then. You had it in your hand, and stared at it, and said, 'It's not an ekans... Oh.' And that's about where you fainted, and we got you settled in here and gave you a shot of antidote. And here you are."

I stared. "That's... That's pretty insane. I don't remember any of that!"

She nodded. "That can happen sometimes, with these poisons. They cause different reactions in humans than in pokemon, and usually they aren't lethal, but they'll still drain you and can cause some damage. You might remember it later on, but don't count on it necessarily."

"Why was Brock there? Isn't he the gym leader here at Pewter?"

"Oh, yes, well, he said that he was out on a walk, and found you lying stunned on the grass just outside the city limits on the Viridian Forest side of town. He and his geodude were carrying you here and had nearly gotten you to the doors when you apparently came to, panicked, struggled out of their carrying, and ran in. He was watching to see if you needed help, but apparently you were very panicky."

"Aha, okay. Hm..." I was trying to think back, to trace how I got from Viridian to Pewter. Before I could figure that one out, another important question flickered in my mind. "How long have I been out?"

The nurse checked her watch. "You were only unconscious for about forty minutes, give or take. Like I said, these poisons generally aren't fatal, but they can really agitate your system, y'know?" She paused for a moment, then asked, "How did you get poisoned, by the way?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. I remember getting kicked out of the Viridian Center in the evening -" Here, I glanced at the nurse, who smiled, amused. "- and then... I set out for Viridian Forest, yeah, and I wanted to get to some point where I could stay the night, camp or something, and I guess maybe I thought that I could sleep under a tree?"

I bit my lip, wondering why I had been so exceptionally stupid. "I really don't know where my head was there, I must have still been upset with the Viridian nurse, but, yeah, I was doing dumb stuff, I guess. I remember going into the forest, but not much of anything between there and now. There were a lot of trees, I guess." I chuckled a bit self-consciously, but I honestly could not remember what had happened. A new question occurred to me. "Is it still Tuesday?"

"No, it's Wednesday, late morning, actually."

I frowned. "And Brock, he only found me a couple hours ago?"

"Yes, during his morning walk."

"Hmm..." I wondered what had happened that night. Perhaps I had made camp in the forest, and then run into trouble in the morning? I might never know, so I pushed it to the back of my mind. After all, I had made it here mostly intact.

"So, I suppose I should ask..." Nurse Joy trailed off, looking unsure.

"You want to know what I'm doing out here without any pokemon?" Seeing from her face that I was correct, I reached down to open a compartment on my backpack, pulling my jacket onto my lap as I did so. I pulled out a folded photograph and handed it to the nurse. "That's my family, in front of our house in Viridian. In back are my parents, and then on either side of me are my brothers. The one on the left is Mike, he's about twelve now, and then on the right, the redhead, that's Chris. He's just starting his..."

I froze, horrified. "Chris, I forgot about Chris! He's just starting his journey. If he sees me here, he's going to be so angry, saying that I'm stealing his glory, aw dangit, no..."

I trailed off and stared at my hands folded in my lap, trying to figure out a sequence of events. "Okay, so if he left yesterday morning from Viridian, he would have gone into the forest. If he hasn't made it here -" I glanced up at Nurse Joy, who shook her head. "- okay, so then he probably did training work on the outskirts, then stayed at the Viridian Center last night, so that would mean that he would go all the way through the forest today..."

I looked up at Nurse Joy, feeling helpless. "Is there any way I could just stay here until he's past? I don't want to impose, and I know that I'm not a trainer, and that's what upset your cousin in Viridian, but if Chris sees me he'll just get angry and frustrated, and I don't really want to steal his thunder or anything, and, and-"

Nurse Joy held up a hand to stop me. "It's perfectly understandable. I rather wanted you to stay here until I can ascertain that you're entirely better in any case, so that should be fine, yes."

I sighed with relief. "Thank you so, so much, ma'am-"

"Ma'am?" Nurse Joy sounded aghast. "I'll have you know I am still quite young, thank you, missy! And, y'know, you haven't even told me your name yet!"

I started; I had completely forgotten to introduce myself. "I'm sorry, Nurse Joy -"

"And none of this 'Nurse' business all the time, y'know? It just gets kind of grating, so, please, feel free to call me Joy. Just Joy."

"Okay, um, Joy, I do apologize, I was just trying to be polite, I suppose, and, um, I was always taught that you need to be respectful of, um, of nurses..." As I spoke, I fished around in my pocket, pulling out my wallet and slipping my ID card out of its plastic sheath. "So, yeah, anyway, my name is Anna. Anna Rogers." I held the card out to her, in case she needed proof.

Joy waved my ID away. "That's all fine and good, but are you going to tell me why you aren't a trainer, Anna? I mean..." She trailed off for a moment, biting her lip as she thought. "It's not as if it being a trainer is right for everyone, but, well, I guess you have to admit that it's very unusual to see someone who never even gave it a shot."

I shrugged, mentally preparing what I had told so many other people before. "Working with pokemon doesn't appeal to me," I began, staring at my hands as I spoke. "I mean, my parents are researchers, they work in the lab in Pallet, and I know a lot of kids think it's the greatest thing to roam around the country fighting and training and things, but, well, I guess I was a bit of a... I think they call it being a homebody? Well, anyways, I really just stuck around the house at age ten, and, well, it's a lot of responsibility, taking care of pokemon, you know? And I know that other kids do it all the time, but I just didn't really want to be in charge of a team and, more than that, being out on my own, with only me to keep me in line?"

I laughed, hearing an unwelcome hint of self-consciousness in my voice. "I guess none of these arguments make a lot of sense to you, but I'm just not really interested in working with pokemon. Nothing against those that do, but it wasn't my calling, and I don't think that's changed in the past five-odd years."

The nurse nodded, an understanding smile on her face. "I won't lie, it is quite strange, and your arguments aren't perfectly sensible, but it's important that you had enough sense of self to acknowledge that you didn't have the maturity to handle pokemon."

I saw that she was trying to compliment me, so I bit back the angry response that no, that wasn't really it at all. Instead, I nodded and said, "Well, and my brothers were still kind of little, so really, it just helped that I was at home to take care of them. That way, my mother could still work and things."

In the privacy of my mind, I sighed sadly. Joy didn't understand. No one really did, not even me. I just had never had a burning desire to follow the general flow of things and get a team together just because everyone else did. I didn't like to use that argument, though, because I felt like it made me into an arrogant brat who just wanted to rebel... even if that was perhaps the case.

The nurse cleared her throat, startling me out of my thoughts. "So, why are you out traveling now?" she inquired, a hesitant lilt to her voice. "You didn't... run away, by any chance?"

I shook my head vehemently. "No, see, I got this package from my grandfather." The memory lit up behind my eyes: my mother plopping a large cardboard package down on my bed along with my basket of unfolded laundry. "He lives in Lavender Town, cliffy area, you know. When we were little, our parents would take us there during the summer, and he would take us hiking. He always said that if we wanted to go on adventures, we should have survival skills ready to go."

Realizing that I was drifting on a tangent, I hastily continued. "So, anyways, he sent me this leather jacket for my birthday." I chuckled. "Sorry, just that he always sends our presents two months late. He says it keeps the magic alive or something. I always thought it was kind of neat."

I turned the jacket over in my lap, eyes on the material. There were light grass stains on the front and back, but that didn't worry me too much. After all, Granddad always said that clothes hadn't lived until they'd been dirty. That little proverb used to frustrate my mother to no end, since it just encouraged my brothers and me to get positively filthy. I slipped a hand into one of the pockets. Granddad's letter was still there.

"He wrote me a letter, too, instead of a card this time," I continued, pulling the envelope out and showing it to Joy. "It basically just says that he misses seeing me and that, since I don't have much to do now that Chris is off on his journey, maybe I should come and visit him?" In my mind's eye, I saw his firm, blocky handwriting, scratched across the page with one of his old-fashioned pens. "Mom and Dad weren't too sure at first, they'd got me an internship at the labs lined up, but, see, I kind of wanted to go, just for a change. So they gave it the greenlight, so long as I didn't talk to Chris about it."

I sighed. "He's the baby of the family, but he just hates it. He's always going on about how he never gets to do anything by himself, how there's always someone there insisting that he hold their hand. That's why this trainer journey thing is really important to him, because he's been looking forward to being out on his own for once for so long."

Joy nodded. "It's a common sentiment among youngest trainers. We see a good deal of the fresh ones out this way, and they usually talk while we take charge of their pokemon. Some worry that they can't live up to expectations, others think their accomplishments won't matter, since their older brothers and sisters already went through the circuit." She frowned. "Is your brother like that? It helps to be ready for what they might say, so that you can react properly sympathetically."

I shook my head, grinning. "You actually do that?"

"Well, of course!" Joy looked slightly surprised. "They're new trainers, they're only now realizing that it's not always going to be an easy win. That's hard for many of them, especially if they have a type advantage one place but not elsewhere. Especially the kids with fire-types who come up through Viridian Forest." She sighed. "They're all horrified that Brock's Onix crushed their charmander, even though they defeated forty-seven weedle on the way."

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my sudden discomfort. "Didn't they pay attention to those trainer tips they send out through the mail? Even I know that rock beats fire!" I knew Chris had paid attention, quoted various bits of advice for the past month, but would he get overconfident in the forest with his charmander?

It took me a moment to realize Nurse Joy was staring expectantly at me. I flushed, realizing she must have asked me a question. "Oh, um, sorry, what did you say?"

"What is your younger brother going to be like?"

I considered it. "Well... He's a reasonably well-behaved kid, usually, and I guess he might talk about Mike? He pretty much idolizes Mike, wants to be just like him, probably caught a caterpie for his second pokemon just like Mike did."

"Oh, is that all? Well, this should be a good visit for him, then." The nurse checked her watch, and her eyes widened. "Oh my goodness, I just realized!"

"What, what's wrong?"

"You haven't eaten anything since you got here, and who knows when you last ate! I'll bring you some soup, back in a moment!" With that, she scuttled out of the room, pulling the door closed behind her.

I sighed, feeling strangely grateful. Joy was sweet, but telling her my story had felt faintly taxing... Though perhaps that was just the poison talking. Poison. Maybe my parents were right. Maybe I should have left back when I was ten. Joy had a point; most kids did at least give training a shot. In fact, I couldn't think of anyone who hadn't had a journey of some sort while growing up.

At least my parents supported me taking the trip to see Granddad. That was something, at least. I hadn't seen my grandfather in years; the distance was becoming too great for him to manage, and Mom and Dad had been too wrapped up in perfecting the starter program to spare time for vacations. Besides, once Mike was out of the house, there was an unspoken understanding that we kids would naturally visit him ourselves when we reached Lavender Town.

Or, at least, they would, I reminded myself. I had to be a rebel. Or is it really a rebellion? Why is it so unacceptable to not want to train a team? The poison thing was... Whatever the inverse of a fluke is. An anti-fluke, I guess. Point is, it was something dumb that happened because I was being irrational after that whole incident in Viridian. I just needed to be more careful, both on the road and with my emotions. Yeah, things would be just fine.

I lay my head back on my pillow, wishing it was a little bit less flat, hugging my leather jacket to my chest like a teddy bear. Joy returned with a bowl of soup, and we discovered that I was not nearly as recovered as I initially looked.

"Well, at least we got the can over in time," Joy murmured conversationally, measuring another dose of antidote. "We don't want to overload your system with this, though, or else you could potentially be in worse shape than if we left you poisoned."

I just groaned. Only day two of my travels, and I was already bedridden, swimming in nausea. What a start.

Reviews of all kinds are appreciated. What do you think?

Carp