Chapter 2: An Exercise in Pain
Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight.
Edward flung me on his back and took off heading to the battle scene. As we got closer, I could hear a howling splintering the air, a howling so filled with pain and anguish that it pierced me to the bone. Suddenly, the howling morphed into a series of human screams, interspersed with a string of expletives. I would know that voice anywhere ... Jacob!
When we arrived at the clearing, Jacob was gone. His pack brothers had taken him home at the insistence of Carlisle. I was beside myself with a gnawing fear in the pit of my stomach; I had to go to him. I knew Edward could sense that because he said, "Jacob's going to be okay Bella, but let's get you home first, then you can go to see him." He said this with such finality. There was only resignation registered on his face. He knew—I had a change of heart—and he knew.
I still loved Edward but I was unable to surrender my humanity for him. How pathetic I was.
Edward was there protecting me—watching over me—and this is how I repaid him. I was worse than a hideous monster; a heartless shrew who didn't deserve either one of these men. I was leaving Romeo behind, and taking up a new life with Paris. Would Paris even want me?
Edward embraced me once again, but this time he kissed me with such passion that it left me breathless. This was a farewell kiss; I could feel it. He stared into my eyes and choked out, "I guess this is goodbye Bella. Know that I love you." He nodded then at Alice and said, "Alice will drive you home." He turned and ran into the tree line, but before he disappeared, I swear I heard tortured cries rising from the forest. Then a crashing and a grating sound arose as if trees were being uprooted and flung together.
Alice was quiet on the ride over to my home.
"Alice, you don't hate me now, do you?" I sobbed.
Alice responded very slowly, "Of course I'm disappointed ... I love you Bella. You're my best friend. I could never hate you. I was looking forward to becoming your sister-in-law someday; buying you new clothes, and planning your wedding ... Can't I do anything to change your mind?"
"Oh Alice," I started to blubber, but the lump in my throat stopped the words cold. I couldn't answer her. No words would suffice.
She didn't pursue the issue. She didn't have to. Alice knew how I felt about her, the Cullen family and especially her brother Edward.
She stopped the car in my driveway, but before she let me out, she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "I'll miss you Bella, but I wish you happiness all the same." And she drove away without looking back.
I raced up the walk and flew thru the front door. Charlie stopped me, looking grave.
"Bella," he started, "now try not to get too upset. Jacob's been in a motorcycle accident. He's in a bad way, but Dr. Carlisle is with him. Billy says he's going to be okay."
With tears brimming over for the second time today, I ran up the stairs and grabbed the keys to my truck.
On the way out, I stopped to give Charlie a hug. Instead of releasing me, he held onto me rubbing my back in a circular motion, and murmured, "I know honey, I know."
This was the one time I wished to be driving Alice's yellow turbo Porsche. My old Chevy just wheezed along at a snail's pace. It seemed like a century before I reached my destination.
I practically jumped from the truck before it stopped moving, in my hurry to see Jacob, needing to see for myself that he was all right.
The shattered silence assaulted my ears as I scrambled toward the house. Heart wrenching screams and profanities laced the air. I heard Jacob cry out again and again, "Oh God, please stop! No ... ."
"Doc, please, no more. Dammit, will somebody please freakin' kill me!"
"Please," he cried, "kill meeee!"
Billy was outside the house clenching Sue Clearwater's hand in a vise-like grip, a look of complete helplessness on his worn face.
Billy gazed in my direction but didn't speak. Sue filled me in. With a catch in her voice, she explained saying, "Carlisle is re-breaking his bones so they'll set right. I guess they were knitting too quickly in his wolf form. He says because of his body temperature, the morphine is burning off too rapidly and he has no more with him."
The screams finally faded away, replaced by sobbing and moans.
Carlisle stepped out of the house and reassured everyone that Jacob would heal properly. But even with his prompt healing ability, it was going to be a while before he was up and around. All the bones on his right side had been crushed by a newborn.
I cringed as I internalized this information. My heart felt like it was falling to pieces.
Billy nodded at me and I stepped forward and entered the small home. I could hear Jacob whimpering my name, "Bella ... Bella ... Bella ... ."
I went straight to his bedroom and peeked in. The sight that met my eyes was truly horrific.
Jacob was lying there on his bed, looking gaunt and still. His dark hair was hanging down on his forehead. His face was covered in beads of sweat, and several tracts of tears coursed over his cheekbones. His eyes were still wet with the tears.
His right arm was restrained in a splint and a sling. His right leg was in an immobilizer and most of his chest was held together with an elastic binder. I took a deep breath and timidly knocked on his door.
Jacob's voice croaked, "Go away, Dad, I told you I don't want anyone to see me like this."
"It's just me, Jake," I squeaked, as I entered the room.
"Oh great—now Bella's here," he muttered. He turned his face away from me trying to hide his tear streaked face.
"This is the perfect ending to a perfect day. Let's get all the re-breaking done at the same time. Go ahead and say what you have to say. Rub it in—crush what's left of me. My heart's still in one piece so—just rip it from my chest and stomp on it—grind it into the dust. I don't even need it anymore ... never worked right anyway. It pained me all the time. Anyhow, it always belonged to you. Got your name inscribed on it. But you never wanted it—so take it and chuck it in the trash on your way out."
After a sigh, he continued, "Go home, Bella, don't you think I've been tortured enough for one day? Marry your precious paleface. And don't come back to see me anymore. Do you hear me? I can't stand it! Just leave me alone. Seeing you again is worse than the doc re-breaking my bones—at least I know they'll heal.
"Please, Bella—go home. Please, before I start begging you to stay," he choked.
I lowered my head, looking down at the floorboards. "That's just it, Jake—I can't stay away from you, even if I wanted to. And I don't want to, not ever."