Why me? Why the hell did this happen to me? Oh right. Because I have a serious problem with authority and was terribly unhappy living in the real world. Or maybe I am in the real world. Scratch that. I hate my life. Jay sighed and leaned back against his mattress. He was never leaving this room again no matter what Zed said. How could he even hope to coexist with Kay and the others if he couldn't get it together? If you were to ask him why or how did it happen he honestly couldn't tell you. Even he knew that he was being childish but he couldn't help it. Every time he saw Kay his heart hurt. It wasn't like he wanted to feel this way about him and he even tried pretending that Kay was an old guy.

Okay. So it wasn't exactly hard to picture Kay as old. Or rather it shouldn't have been so hard to do it but his brain wouldn't allow it. Each image of Kay was more perfect than the last and he hated it. Kay. Kevin. Or whatever his name was. The grumpiest guy in the galaxy and the only thing on Jay's mind was burying himself deep within him and making him scream his name in ecstasy. Right. Pretty gross thought to most people and a few years ago it even would have made him hurl but not today. The Jay of today was madly in love with Kay…who was a man…an old, grumpy man who hated everything and anything that moved on two or more feet.

Jay laughed. Kay's looks could scare everyone in the office. He could intimidate anyone with his dry humor and "respect" for authority but for some reason he only amused Jay. Even when they first met Jay found Kay to be a little more than amusing. Okay. So maybe Kay did intimidate him a little but only up until the point where he was offering him a job.

He could remember the two of them having lunch as they walked through the park. It was a beautiful day and even now as he recalled it, he could remember how comfortable he felt with him even though Kay was a complete stranger. He could remember laughing as Kay talked of galaxies and preempted invasions put to rest. All of it was foreign to him and he should have been freaking the hell out. Aliens. Aliens in Manhattan. Ha Ha. Yeah so the guy he chased off of that building really did blink two sets of eyelids but it was okay. Everything was just fine and completely normal because Kay said so.

And that might be why Jay decided to give MIB a chance. He showed up to headquarters the next day and was completely overwhelmed…so much so that he contemplated getting therapy but Kay so cool, calm, and collected didn't at all seem affected by Jay's sudden cowardly and non-believing attitude. In fact he completely ignored it because somehow Kay just knew he would come around. And Jay did. He went home that night and decided that his current life was a bore. Yeah. Lets save the world from aliens because that's much more exciting than working with pudgy bastards at NYPD. Jay was pretty sure his reasoning was along those lines.

So he started his new job and realized Zed was really annoying. Just an annoying, fat person of authority who needed to get laid or something. Wait. Ewe gross. Maybe he shouldn't get laid. Scratch that. Jay just thought he was sickly annoying. And then there was the rest of the crew. All of them like programmed drones whose only purpose in life was to do Zed's bidding…except for Kay…and maybe the worms but mostly Kay. Perfect, sexy, unbelievably attractive Kay who's only job in life should be screaming Jay's name in… Never mind.

Kay took him for a ride in his Ford which he hated with a passion until he realized how fast it could go. It was pretty fast for something so tragic looking so he supposed he just had to get over it's looks but then Jay could make anything look good – at least that's what he thought at the time but now… Just thinking about the way Kay got out of the car, his wavy hair whipping in the wind…

Jay was not, is not gay. He was never ever attracted to men which is why everything is so wrong. He was comfortable with the pattern set by Kay. Jay was the hot stud of a partner traveling around with the grumpy guy making feeble attempts to make him smile. Smile. That was probably the first sign that something was wrong. Jay spent an awful lot of time trying to make Kay smile and when he finally made him laugh on the third day, it did something to him that he couldn't quite explain. But it was long forgotten as they got themselves cleaned up and made ready to go celebrate.

"So where to next partner?"

"The stars…they really are quite lovely this time of year."

Stars? Lovely? Just what the hell was the grumpy, insensitive Kay going on about now Jay thought?

"You're scaring your partner."

"I haven't been training a partner kid. I've been training a replacement."

A replacement? Jay was sure his face broke shattering into millions of tiny pieces. But aside from Kay breaking his face he managed to break his heart as well. Jay could remember looking back into Kay's eyes watching as the grumpy guy allowed himself to be vulnerable for the first time in three days. He had tears in his eyes which meant Jay had to accept his words as the truth.

"I…Kay I can't do this job by myself."

Voice cracked. Jay felt his voice crack and that weak ass excuse was the best he could do on such short notice. At the time his macho side just knew he could do MIB work with his eyes closed but as soon as Kay dropped the bomb, Jay reverted back to being a tiny child lost without his parents. Or in this case Kay. His Kay.

"You'll be fine. I believe in you."

And that's when he pulled it out; that mind boggling-thing-a-ma-bob-flashy-memory-messer-upper. Also known as the Standard Issued Neuralizer. He stared at it for several seconds while Kay explained it to him.

"Weeks…months…days…always face it forward."

Jay felt the tiny object being forced into his hand and he takes it feeling…well, he wasn't quite sure. Kay smiles at him again. Another genuine smile and for a second Jay has the urge to just grab Kay and hold him. Maybe even kiss him before forcing him to stay but then he hears a voice. Her voice and he's reminded that he has a job to do. He quickly pulls out his sunglasses just as his eyes fill up. He holds the tiny object up staring into eyes that are suddenly beautiful to him. More beautiful than the stars above.

"See you around Jay." He says.

"No, you won't." And then the flash. Jay watches as Kay blinks in confusion and then stares at him with a bewildered look on his face. A tear falls. Jay lets a tear roll down his cheek as a bewildered and disoriented Kay – no. Not Kay but Kevin – stares back at him with a face that showed no kind of warmth towards him. Right. He doesn't know a Jay anymore.

"Who are you?" he asks.

"Kevin…go home to your wife. She's…waiting for you. Sara," he manages.

"Oh…right." He smiles, gets into a taxi and then he's gone forever. Gone forever…or so Jay thought.

A month passes and Jay turns into a grumpy guy. According to Zed, Jay managed to surpass Kay in terms of grumpiness which is quite the accomplishment now that Jay thought about it. So Jay's grumpiness helped the good doctor in her decision to leave MIB forever, but not before screaming at him about Kay.

"You don't like me do you?" she asks.

Jay blinks. "What are you going on about now?"

Apparently it was the wrong thing to say. "Good bye Jay. I don't know why you didn't tell him how you felt that day. In fact, it would have saved you and me both the trouble."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

Jay could remember how she marched up to him and slapped him across the face. It really hurt too. "You loved him. You were in love with him. It was written all over your face the night you neuralized him but you were too macho to tell him. So now you've wasted my time and yours with this sad attempt at building a relationship – if you'd even call this a relationship. I'm through. Good bye Jay and no I won't be seeing you around."

That was the last day he ever saw the good doctor and the funny thing about it was that he really didn't care. And…she was right. But of course it took going through ten more partners including Frank before he was finally ready to admit that something was wrong and Kay was the source of it.

Oh but what joy! Oh but what fate! Fate had a long, sad history of being a terrible thing. If he in fact had really been in love with Laura then fate would get another nasty comment to add to the history books, but as fate would have it, Jay was not in love with Laura. Fate gets ten points because fate was good to him…sort of. You see apparently Kay got his groove on with some female years ago and pissed off a really ugly alien named Serleena. But the thing Serleena needed was known only to Kay and as fate would have it, Kay was long gone…at least until Jay learned of the deneuralizer to which he immediately hated Zed for not telling him about it at first. Later on though he concluded that it was probably best he didn't know about it. Whose to say he wouldn't have kidnapped Kay for selfish reasons?

So it was time to go get Kay and he knew that was probably easier said than done. He could remember showing up at that post office (he took Frank just for the hell of it) and smiling as soon as he laid eyes on "Kay" or "Kevin" rather. He seemed – to Jay – so comfortable in his role as just a normal postal worker. But Jay knew better. Kay was not just some postal worker. He was very much more than that which is why he had to explain to Kay of the aliens that were protecting him. He was skeptical at first but he never once actually denied being something more than just "Kevin". After an ultimatum from Frank, Kay finally decided to leave with them and it was all Jay could do not to throw his arms around the man who didn't know him…yet.

But then his life is almost ruined when they find that the deneuralizer didn't work and so they had to look for another one. The only other one was owned by an old friend of Kay's and even that was almost ruined when some aliens decided to crash the party. Oh but when he finally woke up there was no question that Kay was back. Jay thought he'd be macho again but then came the names. "Sport". "Kid". "Ace". And his personal favorite, "Slick". Only Kay could call him that and get away with it. The names rolling off of Kay's tongue made him weak in the knees.

Jay was too distracted with Laura to dwell on his feelings for Kay. It all seemed so normal and perfect anyway so by the time Laura was sent back to her planet, Jay was already used to Kay again. But then a day passed and Jay suddenly realized that he needed and wanted Kay all to himself. It started with a wet dream the night after. It was some dream too. It started off with Kay stepping out of the pool in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Jay was watching him head for the showers but Kay's body led him to follow after him. He spun Kay around, pressing his body against the tile and just tore into him like a steak dinner. His hands snatched the towel away, grabbed his erection all the while shoving his tongue down his throat. Oh Kay… He made such wonderful sounds. Jay Jay Jay… He'd moaned as his body writhed in pleasure against him…

Oh but Jay's not gay. He moaned as he rolled over on his stomach mad at himself. How could he, Jay, want Kay and he's not even gay? He still found things about a woman very attractive like breasts…but then Kay had nipples too…but then he didn't have "it" or rather he did have "it" just not…

"Ahhh I need to get out of here," he groaned. Jay finally rolled out of bed. He needed to go to Kay and talk to him. No, he wasn't going to tell him how he really felt but…oh damn. Jay plopped back down on the bed after his legs suddenly gave out on him. Oh shit… He couldn't go to Kay right now. Hell he highly doubted he could ever face Kay again. He just remembered the whole reason for his reminiscing. He had kissed Kay. Jay kissed Kay. Jay stuck his tongue in Kay's mouth a while ago and loved every millisecond of it. But he was worried. He didn't mean to do it and he knew Kay had nothing to really do with it. After all he didn't recall Kay kissing him back. If anything he ran like a bat out of hell to get out of the room. Oh boy… Was he ever in some kind of trouble.

"I hate my life. I'm never leaving this room again."