Chapter 2
Kakashi stood in the Hokage's office, leaning against the window frame and gazing outside at the gray, drizzling sky. As Iruka read over his team's report, the Copy Ninja listened with half an ear. Whenever the Hokage's assistant asked a question, the silver-haired ninja's ears perked up because Genma was the one answering. Genma could be describing in detail a gruesome torture session, explaining tactical maneuvers for a three-man ambush, or just reading off instructions for baking a cake, and Kakashi's stomach would tighten into gentle knots of arousal. The tokujō's smooth baritone was one of his best features; it slid over Kakashi's skin, and immediately down his pants. The man probably had the most fantastical bedroom voice in the entire universe…
Haha… fantastical… was that even a word?
The Copy Ninja sighed softly, and milked his reputation for not taking the follow-through for missions seriously. That rumor was mostly true, but it actually had nothing to do with Kakashi's complete lack of focus at that moment. Not even cute Iruka, ex-sensei, lover of all things leather, and father- er… brother… or something to his adopted son's boyfriend could get him out of his funk.
Kakashi quickly pictured Iruka in a thong…
Nope, nothing.
A maid's outfit…
Nothing again.
Genma and Iruka together in maid's outfits…
Okay, that did a little something, but it still wasn't enough to pull himself up from the deep emotional cesspool he had fallen into. He had tried his best to keep his mind off the fight he'd had with Ibiki the day before they had left, concentrate on the mission like a good little ninja, and be as badass as he could be. But the fear of what he was going to find when he returned, sat in his gut like a huge, greasy cheeseburger with extra bacon and mayonnaise…
Mmmm, mayonnaise…
"This is just what we needed," Iruka was saying. "I can relay this information to team three. They were sent to Hidden Rain where this ring's headquarters is supposedly located."
"Are you going to send some backup?" Genma asked. "I mean, I'm not implying that Tenzō and all them aren't capable or anything, I'm just saying…"
Kakashi saw the eyebrow lift without even looking.
"Are you gunning to get back out there, Genma?"
"No," the tokujō muttered, "I was just… wondering."
Kakashi tore his eyes away from the window to look over at his friend. Genma had done a superb job of not hiding that there was something the matter. He was obviously trying so hard to forget it, that the trying to forget was stressing him out even more. It was so very like Genma. The guy always tackled his problems on his own, never made a big fuss about anything, and kept his personal shit to himself. He confided in his friends, yes, but usually it was after Genma had already solved ninety percent of the problem. The Copy Ninja liked this about his friend, but at the same time, it pissed him off. On one hand, he had a friend that never bitched to him about anything, but on the other, he always had trouble figuring out what Genma was thinking.
Kakashi really hated not knowing what people were thinking.
"Hey, Ruka," Aoba piped up. "Where the hell is the Hokage?"
Iruka rolled his eyes and jerked a thumb at the double doors along the side wall.
"He skipped out on a council meeting to go get ramen with Kiba-kun. I locked him in there and told him he can't come out until he files the entire stack of last week's injury reports."
Aoba and Genma made identical pained sounds as Kakashi chuckled under his breath.
"Hokage of Fire Country reduced to office clerk."
"Damn straight," Iruka growled. "That boy still acts like he's twelve sometimes. He's long past due on the whole growing up and maturing thing. He's almost twenty for crying out loud!"
Genma laughed and stood slowly, rolling his shoulders and stretching out his back. Kakashi imagined lean muscles flexing and pulling underneath that bloody uniform and quickly looked away, back outside at the rain. Rain was good.
"You got everything you need, Iruka?" Genma groaned. "I could really use a shower and some sleep."
Iruka waved them off. "Yeah, get out of here. You smell like crap."
Kakashi was about to pull his hands from his pockets and make the seals for teleportation, when Iruka stopped him.
"Stay for a minute, Kakashi."
He had never been able to refuse anything Iruka had asked him, so Kakashi stood there like a good puppy as Aoba and Genma left the office. Genma stopped in the doorway and waved to him before he left, but in seconds the large room was silent except for the quiet 'tick tick' of the clock over the entryway.
"What's up with you, Kakashi?" Iruka asked when they were alone. "Are you okay?"
Kakashi turned one of his brilliant but fake smiles on the ex-teacher and shrugged his shoulders in the way he knew Iruka liked.
"I'm tired, and like you said, I smell like crap. Especially my pants."
"Those are my pants, by the way."
Kakashi looked down, surprised.
"No shit? How can you tell?"
Iruka pointed. "Because I stitched my name into the pocket on the left side, I can see it from here. I mean really, what kind of elite ninja are you?"
Kakashi pulled at the pocket and, sure enough, 'Umino I.' was stitched in dark blue thread on the inside. The Copy Ninja rubbed the back of his head embarrassed, and smiled sheepishly through his mask at his friend.
"I was wondering why they felt a little loose in the ass."
Iruka's eye twitched. "Oh, wow you're funny."
The Copy Ninja shrugged and shoved his hands back in his pockets. "Sorry, I didn't notice. I'm a little off my A-game."
"Yeah?" Iruka muttered. "I couldn't tell with all your broody, pouty, Uchiha vibes.
"Don't you mean broody, pouty, Uchihasexy vibes?"
Iruka shook his head. "Nope. Everything Uchiha stopped being sexy about a year ago. I walked in on him and Naruto in the bath. They weren't doing anything particularly intimate but seriously, Naruto is like my little brother."
Ah, brother. That was much better and a lot less weird than Iruka being daddy. He was, after all, only about seven years older than Naruto. Well, not much weirder than Kakashi being Sasuke's daddy. But then again Kakashi was about sixteen years older, so it was at least plausible that-
"Kakashi!" Iruka barked.
Kakashi blinked and brought himself back into the conversation. He raised a hand to rub the back of his head sheepishly.
"Sorry, Ruka-chaaan. I get stupid around you 'cause you're cute."
"Flattery will get you nowhere," Iruka muttered. "Please get some rest. I don't care how elite you are, you still need down time. Go home and ask Ibiki for a massage or something."
Pain bloomed from Kakashi's gut like he had just been punched, but he reinforced his fake smile and managed to nod.
"I'll do that," he choked out. "I'll see you later, Iruka."
He could tell Iruka wasn't buying it, but he made the seals for teleportation and popped out before his scarred friend could say anything.
Outside, as Kakashi made his way slowly through the streets of Konoha, the grey skies gave away to small slivers of sunshine. Now it was doing that sunny but still raining thing that Kakashi hated. Pick one: Sun or Rain. It was bad enough that the Copy Ninja himself was a giant abyss of clashing and confusing emotions, the weather didn't need to be indecisive on top of it.
He passed by a vendor selling fruit underneath a colorful overhang. The jounin scanned the piles of apples and pears, but decided he wasn't hungry despite having not eaten since the night before. His head and his heart were just too full of trepidation that he really didn't have much room for anything else.
Nodding to the vendor, Kakashi continued down the street, his pack getting heavier by the minute and his uniform slowly soaking through to his skin. He knew that if he didn't get home soon, he'd be in a world of hurt- or at least a world of itchy skin.
But should he go home? What was there at home? All his stuff was at Ibiki's. Was it in bad taste to go to Ibiki's since they'd fought before he left? Or was that even more reason to go see him first thing?
Now, Kakashi might lie to his friends and colleagues on a daily basis, but he never lied to himself. He knew he wanted to see Ibiki, and he wanted to see him now. He wanted to talk about why his lover had reacted the way he had, and what they needed to do to get things back to the way they were-if they could. He also was tired from the mission, and wanted a healthy dose of stress relief. Even if the mission had been easier than most, and it had been fun because the company had been awesome, there was no way to come out totally fine after an interrogation session—even a short one.
What he really wanted was a good hard fuck; the kind where your ass was so sore you could barely sit down the next day, but all the rest of your body was nice and loose. Kakashi's best get-out-of-mission-blues-remedy was to sandwich himself between Ibiki and a wall, and then have a good long soak in the hot tub.
But more than that, Kakashi wanted to be with Ibiki because he wanted reassurance that he wasn't losing him. It wasn't as if they were the most stable of lovers—Ibiki had made that obvious the last time Kakashi had seen him—but Ibiki's presence had been a constant for Kakashi for the last few years. They were good friends besides everything else, and the Copy Ninja wasn't ready to let that go.
Slowly making a one-eighty, Kakashi headed for the inquisitor's home. His heart pounded against his ribs as he made his way back through the streets. He had a feeling that he was not going to like how this all turned out, but he chose to be optimistic for once. Things went right for him once in a while, he did have Sasuke after all, and none of his close friends had died in what, three? Four years? Not since Akatsuki had attacked the village.
But as Kakashi rounded a corner, and turned onto the residential street where Ibiki lived, he realized that this was not one of those times when things were going to go right for him.
Ibiki's apartment was on the ground floor of a narrow building that faced the Hokage monument. A wooden porch with a wide overhang sat out front. Usually, the porch was empty, save a folding chair or two, but today instead of the chairs, there was a small stack of cardboard boxes.
Kakashi approached slowly, and the cold ball of anxiety that had started growing in his gut began to crawl up into his chest. He felt like he couldn't breathe. His lungs constricted so painfully, he couldn't stop himself from hunching even further than his usual lazy slouch.
As he neared the boxes, he reached out to one pulled the cardboard flaps apart. Inside, there were uniform pants and several volumes of Icha Icha.
It was his stuff.
Ibiki had set his stuff out on the porch. They weren't even going to talk about it. Kakashi was just going to have to deal with being kicked out and suffer the humiliation of retrieving his stuff out here in the open for everyone to see.
Kakashi knew that if he searched out with his chakra, he would find no trace of Ibiki inside his apartment. If the inquisitor wasn't home, then he was no doubt deep underground doing his job and couldn't be disturbed. Not that the Copy Ninja would have bothered to try and talk to him if he had been home? What the hell could he have possibly said? Where would he have started?
Not bothering to take his stuff, Kakashi turned and headed back into town, slightly dazed. Although his head was a jumble of thoughts and worries only minutes ago, it was now relatively blank. He felt a strange kind of numbness from his stomach all the way to his fingertips. Kakashi hoped that this state of shock was short-lived because he really didn't want to stagger around like a zombie for too long; his 'hip and cool' image was on the line after all.
Stopping abruptly, Kakashi let out a frustrated sigh and rolled his shoulders.
"Damn, this sucks…"
Kakashi never did well when he was given time alone for introspection. He needed someone or something to distract him, and a mission was out of the question. It hadn't even been two hours since he had arrived back in the village, so Iruka would never approve it.
So instead, the jounin pulled a small scroll from his vest and bit into his thumb. He went through the seals for summoning, and lowered himself to a squat. A pop and a poof of smoke later and in front of him sat his largest ninken, Bull.
The hound licked his lips and cocked his head to the side as if to say 'what's up' as he studied his master with big, brown eyes.
"I don't know what to do," Kakashi said quietly. "If I go back and talk to Iruka, he's gonna make cute eyes at me and I'll be forced to tell him everything. I already told him I was fine and I don't want to look anything less than totally awesome."
Bull seemed to think over what Kakashi had told him for a moment before he moved up close to the jounin's face and made scary eyes.
Kakashi chuckled softly, "Tenzo? He's still out on the mission. Besides, Tenzo would probably get more upset about it than me."
Bull sighed and lifted his leg to scratch behind his ear. Kakashi was about to sit back on his heels to wait out the long itching session when his nin dog abruptly stopped. The dark hound slowly moved closer to Kakashi and sniffed at his uniform.
"What?" Kakashi asked, confused.
Bull didn't answer, and instead just turned around and made his way slowly down the street. Kakashi knew that the nin dog wanted him to follow, so he stood and dragged his feet behind his summon.
"Where are we going?" the jounin asked.
Again, Bull didn't reply as he turned a corner and headed down a street lined with a large, new apartment complex. Kakashi admired the building as they made their way through a group of young, academy ninja, and thought to himself that maybe it was time for a change of scenery. He liked how the place kept the old fashioned design, but used more contemporary and practical materials.
Shaking his head, Kakashi thought to himself, Why am I thinking about architecture? That's gotta be a bad sign when kawara and woven bamboo are suddenly interesting… Maybe I should just go home and rent some porn. 'Deep Impact' is probably still available and I've only seen that one like, four or five times—
"Kakashi, what the hell are you doing?"
Startled, Kakashi looked up to see Genma leaning on a railing of the new building's second floor in his uniform pants and a white wife beater. The tokujō had a bottle of sake on one hand and a smoldering cigarette in the other. He had his hair pulled back with a rubber band, and his long bangs hung down in his bloodshot eyes. Dark circles hung beneath, making his honey-colored skin seem ashen.
"Genma?" Kakashi asked, confused, but smiled and scratched the back of his head. "Oh um… my dog wanted to join the circus, but we didn't know where it was so… we were just looking. You seen any tall, colorful tents around?"
Genma took a long drag from his smoke and raised an eyebrow. "You got a couple cards missing in your deck, you know that, right?"
"I do," Kakashi answered with a soft chuckle. "What are you doing in the pretty new building?"
"I moved last month, remember?" Genma crushed his butt in the metal ash tray sitting beside him on the railing.
"Here?" Kakashi's eyes widened. "This is your new place? That's pretty awesome. It's all… fancy shmancy."
"And it's cheap." Genma pulled another cigarette from the pack in his pocket, and Kakashi started to wonder how the special jounin was holding up. It was rare to see Genma smoking at all, and now he was sucking them back like oxygen.
"So, I ask again." Genma flicked his lighter and pulled smoke into his lungs. "What are you doing?"
Kakashi shrugged his shoulders. "I told my dog I needed something to do, so I was following him. I don't know where he's gone though." As Kakashi looked around for Bull, he suddenly had a suspicion that this was exactly where his ninken had meant for him to end up. His summons would never pop away before getting him to his planned destination.
If that was true… Bull had wanted to bring him to Genma? Had the ninken smelled Genma on him from the mission?
"Why do you need something to do?" Genma asked. "We're supposed to be resting."
Kakashi looked at the ground for a moment before he answered. "I uh... I just don't wanna go home… and I can't go to Ibiki's…"
Genma was silent for a long moment, and when Kakashi looked back up as his friend, the tokujō was looking down at him with sad eyes.
"You wanna come up?" Genma asked.
Kakashi didn't even hesitate before he nodded. He teleported to the balcony and nimbly took the cigarette from Genma's fingers. The special jounin growled without any real menace, and turned away to head back in the apartment while Kakashi lowered his mask and took a drag.
"Aren't you worried someone's gonna see you out there, Kakashi?" Genma asked from the kitchen.
Kakashi exhaled and crushed the stick in the ashtray before he moved to the doorway. "I was facing the window. Besides, it's almost dark out, and it's raining, and I'm up on the second floor, and my face is so pale anyway that they probably wouldn't see anything but a white blur, so-"
"Okay, okay," Genma came back into the living room carrying three more bottles of sake and a towel. He plopped down on the floor, slipping his legs underneath the blanket of the kotatsu, and rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. Kakashi noted that there were three more empty bottles sitting on the kotatsu top and six strewn around on the floor. Genma was a little notorious for having one of the highest alcohol tolerances in Konoha, but the Copy Nin thought that even he might be getting close to a little bit drunk. This was definitely not good; Genma rarely drank when he wasn't with friends. Whatever had been wrong the morning of the mission, was still wrong, and the wrongness was probably… really wrong.
"You doing all right, Gen?" Kakashi asked carefully, his friend's welfare immediately topping any of his own grievances.
"Yeah," Genma sighed. "Except that I've taken a shower and washed my hands seven billion times and I still can't get the blood out from around my nails." The special jounin set the full bottles on the kotatsu and studied the tips of his fingers. "Royal pain in the ass."
Kakashi kicked off his sandals and set his pack on the balcony. He opened his flack vest and slipped it off his shoulders before dropping it beside his other things. Stepping into the apartment, the Copy Nin surveyed the interior and hummed approvingly at Genma's taste in furniture and colors. Everything was wood, and all the cushions, curtains and rugs were either grey, blue, or both with a small accent of red.
Uh oh, I'm going off on a Home and Garden tangent again… Kakashi moved to sit across from his friend and took the offered towel to dry his hair. The heat from underneath the blanket warmed his legs and lower torso.
"Didn't know you had so much liquor stashed at your place," Kakashi grinned as he removed his forehead protector, set it on the kotatsu top, and rubbed at his damp locks. "I would have come over more often."
Genma swallowed and shook his head.
"I don't. I bought this all on the way home from the mission review."
Kakashi's eyebrow rose, "Really?"
Genma nodded and knocked back another long swallow and Kakashi figured he was either going for instant liver failure, or maybe choking himself to death. The special jounin wiped at his mouth and rolled the half empty bottle between his palms.
"So what happened with Ibiki?" he asked.
Kakashi cringed. "Man, you get right to the point."
Genma shrugged. "Why dance around it? It's like a big fucking rhino sitting in the middle of the room and we try not to talk about it."
"I thought it was supposed to be an elephant." Kakashi frowned.
"Just freaking spill it, dude."
Kakashi sighed and pulled off his soaking, uniform top. He still had on his sleeveless under armor, but he shivered all the same. He pulled the blanket higher and pouted at his friend over the dark fabric.
"I'm not really sure I want to talk about it. I mean, I came over here because of that, yeah… but it was more to mope and do some smooth, mysterious, brooding than to hash it out."
Genma made a face. "I thought we were going to talk about all this shit over drinks." He held up the bottle of sake. "Here's the drinks, so out with the shit."
"Can we just leave it at we're not together anymore?"
Genma sat forward and glared across the kotatsu. "Tell me what happened, and I'll tell you what happened to me."
"Ibiki dumped me by packing all my shit up in boxes and leaving them out on the porch for me to find. No message, no note, just—here's your stuff, leave," Kakashi said, all in quick burst of breath. It was painful to say it aloud, but the faster he got it out, the faster he could stop talking about him find out what was killing Genma.
But Genma was not going to let him off that easy. The special jounin set the sake bottle down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Wow…" The tokujō frowned at the floor, "that… really sucks."
Kakashi sighed. "Yes, it does. Can we talk about something else now?"
"That doesn't sound like Ibiki at all," Genma continued, ignoring Kakashi's plea to change the subject. "Why would he do something so… I don't know, spineless?"
Kakashi brushed his hair from his eyes and took a long swallow from the sake bottle. Okay fine, if Genma wanted to talk about it, he would just talk about it.
"Ibiki understands how people work better than anyone I know," the jounin started. "He understands how people think, and why people think and do what they do—he's an interrogator, he has to. You understand; you've been though the same training."
Genma nodded.
"Well, there's an upside and a downside to all that," Kakashi continued. "Ibiki gets to crack open people's skulls, figuratively speaking of course… sometimes…" The Copy Nin shook his head to clear that mental image. "He gets to look inside other people's heads; take them apart, but since that's all he ever does, he's never had to give anything back. Ninety-nine point nine nine nine percent of the people Ibiki comes in contact with, never even know his name."
"I can see how that would be fucked up," Genma said softly.
"He can't really talk to anyone without psychoanalyzing them. I didn't mind it, because everyone I know does it to me."
"I don't."
"You do, you just don't know you're doing it."
Genma's eye twitched, but Kakashi continued, "Anyway, long story short: I was okay with him being emotionally stunted, but he wasn't. And when I suggested we move forward with our relationship, he freaked out. Now, my stuff his piled on his porch, and I feel like an idiot."
Genma looked sadly at him through his thick eyelashes.
"Do you love him?"
Kakashi sighed again and looked at the ceiling. "I don't know, yeah. Maybe… I don't know."
"Then you're not an idiot." Genma took another long drink and set the empty bottle on the kotatsu top.
"I'm an idiot…"
Kakashi looked down and cocked his head to the side, his interest at its peak. Finally they were moving on to Genma and his dilemma. All the talk about Ibiki had been giving Kakashi some serious indigestion.
"How so?" he asked.
Genma stared at the sake bottle and spoke slowly, as if reading from a script, or quoting words he had memorized beforehand. "You um… remember the night before we got called to the mission? I left early?"
Kakashi nodded. "Iruka was pissed."
Genma nodded. "I had…" the special jounin cleared his throat and rubbed at the back of his neck, "oh, wow, no matter how I try and say this, I'm gonna look like a monster…"
Kakashi frowned and scooted around the table to be closer to his friend. He spoke softly, as if someone might overhear them.
"It's okay, Genma," he said, leaning in, "you can tell me."
Genma's didn't meet his eyes. The older man stayed staring at a spot on the floor like it held answers to the universe.
"I've been in love with Raidou since we were genin."
Kakashi blinked and thought that he could safely say he hadn't expected that.
"Uh… really?"
Genma nodded. "Yes, but that's not… let's move on."
"Okay," Kakashi agreed.
"He doesn't feel the same, obviously. To him, I've always been just a good friend—well, his best friend."
Kakashi nodded.
"I've always… always harbored this hope that we could... that he…" Genma cleared his throat again and shifted himself where he sat. "I just always thought in the back of my mind that we could be something more than friends. Wishful thinking, I know, but I couldn't help it."
"I understand," Kakashi said quietly, "I've had a thing for a straight guy too."
"Yeah…" Genma ran a hand over his face. "Anyway, you know that guy Kyuya, from biological-chemical?"
Kakashi frowned, a little confused, but he nodded. "Yeah, he works with torture and interrogation."
"We've been talking for the last couple months. He's cool, and he's gay so… you know how that is." Genma placed his arms carefully on the table and laced his fingers together. "He's pretty easy to talk to, even though most of what he wants to talk about is work. He's been telling me about all these new drugs they've come up with for extra… stubborn prisoners. They've got these new truth serums and pain enhancers—some really weird shit. I only gave him half an ear until he talked about this new stuff that targets the inhibitions part of your brain."
Kakashi folded his arms and leaned on the kotatsu top. "Yeah, I remember Ibiki taking about something like that."
Genma grimaced and glanced at Kakashi remorsefully. "Sorry to bring him up again."
Kakashi shrugged, "It's okay."
"So, we got to talking about this drug and how it just takes away all your fear and trepidation, making you go with whatever your wants are deep down. It like, brings out your true self or whatever. I got this stupid idea to slip it to Raidou sometime and tell him how I really felt about him while he was under the influence. I thought I'd… I don't know, that whole wishful thinking got the better of me, I guess."
Kakashi's eyes widened. "Did you actually do it?"
Genma let his head fall between his arms. "I wasn't going to. I had asked Kyuya for a small dose of it, but then I sort of chickened out at the last minute. But then the guy was there that night at the bar, and Raidou was right there, and I've wanted to know for so long, that I just caved. I did it, and then things just got… completely out of hand."
Intrigued, Kakashi leaned farther forward and licked his lips from beneath his mask.
"That's why you two left early that night…"
Genma nodded. "I started talking to him—at first about nothing, but then I started teasing him about buying me drinks and trying to get me wasted so he could take me home. I never, ever in a thousand years thought he would actually say yes."
Kakashi's jaw dropped. "Wait… what? He took you home? Like, took you home took you home?"
Genma looked at him and nodded.
"Well then..." Kakashi waved his hands. "What's wrong? Yeah, you're kind of an asshole to do that to him, but if you guys worked it out, isn't it okay now? Don't beat yourself up over the principals of it. We're shinobi, man, not a lot of what we do is totally ethical."
Genma held up his hands, shaking his head vigorously. "No, no. Kakashi, I'm not done. Let me finish."
"Oh," Kakashi put his hands in his lap, "Sorry."
Genma turned away and stared back at that spot on the floor. He ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath. Kakashi was stunned at the defeated look on his friend's face. The special jounin looked so sad at that moment that Kakashi wanted to scoop him up and cuddle him.
"I couldn't believe it was happening," Genma said, his voice barely above a whisper. "It was like he was inside my head. I didn't even have to say something before he was already doing it. Everything I had ever wanted from Raidou, he... It was just one of those… It was so…"
"He fucked you real good." Kakashi offered.
Genma blushed scarlet, and Kakashi was charmed. "Uh, yeah, you could say that. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to walk the next day, but I didn't care. It was Raidou! I thought that this was it for the rest of my life, and I'd never been happier." The special jounin ran a hand over his face and sighed heavily. "Then we fell asleep together, and that was the most fantastic feeling of them all. Just being with him, being beside him as he fell asleep…"
Kakashi held his breath.
"I don't understand what happened next. I woke up to Raidou getting out of the bed, and I could tell right away something was wrong. He wouldn't look at me, and he told me that I should leave. But of course, I couldn't just go, not after what had happened." The special jounin paused to swallow hard before he continued. "It was just a quiet thing in the beginning, but then I realized that Raidou was panicking, and that made me start to panic, and then everything turned to shit. We started shouting and he called me all kinds of shitty things, and then he uh…" Genma's eyes were shining, but he did his best to blink back the tears that threatened to fall.
"Then he said he never wanted to see me again, and if I ever touched him again, h-he was gonna kill me."
Genma stopped there, his jaw clenching so hard, the veins in his neck started to bulge. Kakashi sat in silence, not sure what to say, as a simple 'I'm sorry' would sound profoundly lame. The Copy Nin did reach out a hand though, and placed his palm over Genma's clenched fist. The special jounin was shaking, and Kakashi felt helpless.
"I don't understand what happened," Genma repeated. He reached up and pulled the band from his hair, running his fingers over his scalp in slow circles. "I don't get why everything was so good, and then just a couple hours later, he's…"
Kakashi squeezed his hand. "You guys were talking outside the mission room though, I saw you. What was he saying?"
Genma sniffed. "He asked if I was okay, and then he asked if we could talk after the mission."
"Well, that's good, right?" Kakashi asked. "That's not 'I never want to see you again' or 'don't ever touch me again or I'll kill you'."
"But what am I supposed to say!" Genma brought his hands to his head and pressed hard on his temples. "Tell him that I drugged him so I could ask him some stupid shit that doesn't matter? That's not what friends do to each other! 'Oh sorry, Rai, I slipped something in your drink because I'm too much of a coward to tell you I love you. And I know we had sex and you're totally straight, but we're still cool, right?'"
Kakashi felt something cold and heavy drop into his gut. Genma's words had awakened a very basic instinct, and adrenaline now coursed through the Copy Nin's veins. Something wasn't right, and Kakashi hated to be the one to tell Genma he might have done something worse than he thought.
"Uh… Gen, did you say you slipped the drug in his drink?" Kakashi asked carefully.
Genma looked at him and nodded. "Yes, it was a pill. I crushed it and poured it in his drink."
Kakashi let out a slow breath and calmed his racing heart with a slow and steady flow of chakra.
Genma leaned forward, eyes wide and foreboding. "What? Kakashi… what?"
Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck. "The drug used to lift inhibitions is called rohazine. I only know this because Ibiki was talking about it a couple weeks before the mission. It's really potent, which is nice, because it doesn't take much to really fuck someone over. You dose someone with just the tiniest bit of that shit, and they're telling you everything you want to know, and laughing the whole time."
Kakashi looked at Genma hard with his one eye and swallowed hard.
"Trouble is, rohazine is injected. It can't be converted into a powder because the chemical compound changes, making the affects different."
Genma's eyes looked like they were going to fall out of their sockets. His fingers gripped the edge of the kotatsu so hard, from the knuckles, all the way to the tips of his fingers were white.
"So… what the hell did I give him?" Genma breathed.
Kakashi shook his head. "I don't know. What did the pill look like?"
"Small, blue… I don't know, maybe-"
"Shape of an octagon?" Kakashi asked.
"Yeah, I think so." Genma nodded. "Octagon, and had a three digit number stamped on it."
Kakashi moved a hand to his face and rubbed at his eyes hard. "Oh, wow…" he moaned, "That dude fucked you over."
"What?" The special jounin lurched forward and fisted Kakashi's top. "What was it?"
Kakashi looked up and wished to every god he could think of that he didn't have to tell Genma what he had to tell him.
"What you gave him was fentrazhol, Gen. The Slave Drug."
Genma released Kakashi and sat back, his face ashen. He looked as if he was about to pass out as he slowly shook his head.
"What?" the special jounin rasped softly. "I've never heard of that. What the fuck is it?"
"Ibiki told me about it last year," Kakashi explained, shaking his head as he realized everything made sense now. "Fentrazhol is a chemical that was discovered recently by Suna's science division. The drug takes away all emotion except a severe need to please. The unlucky soul to be under the influence of this powerful drug—and I'm talking fucking powerful—is at the mercy of whoever he or she is with. All that exists in that person's mind is, 'how do I please them?' or 'what do I have to do to make them happy?' Raidou was working off your chakra; instinctually doing what you wanted. It didn't matter what he thought about it. That night he was completely submerged in trying to please you… he was helpless."
Genma's face went through a series of emotions very fast. Surprise turned to horror, horror turned to disbelief, disbelief turned to anguish. The special jounin closed his eyes and shook his head furiously.
"No… no, no, no… no. I don't… this isn't happening."
Kakashi's hand moved up Genma's arm and he took a strong hold of his friend's shoulder. He couldn't say anything. He could only watch and wait as everything fell into place and the tokujō started to accept what had happened.
"I uh…" Genma choked on his words. He paused to swallow hard and tried again. "So, I raped my best friend…"
"Uh…" Kakashi didn't know how to answer that. "I wouldn't… not exactly."
"I did," Genma moaned. "Oh my god, I did… fuck… fuck…"
Kakashi moved to steady Genma as the special jounin started to sway. The older man leaned against the table and whimpered softly.
"Ah… I'm gonna be sick…"
Kakashi was on his feet, and pulling Genma into the kitchen before he himself knew what was happening. He guided the tokujō to the sink, and pulled back his friend's long hair as the older man wretched violently. The smell of half digested alcohol assaulted Kakashi's nostrils, even through the mask. He grimaced at the stench, but he held on to his friend nevertheless.
When Genma coughed hard, and slowly lowered himself to a squatting position, Kakashi turned on the faucet and rinsed out the sink. Genma's hands and forehead rested against the wood of the lower cabinets, and his breathing was labored, but steady. The silver-haired nin filled a glass with water and slid to the floor beside his friend. Genma turned around and sat, leaning partially against the cabinet, and partially on Kakashi's arm.
"Sorry…" Genma apologized softly, his voice hoarse.
"Don't be," Kakashi waved his hand. "Here, drink this."
Genma took the glass and nodded in thanks before he lifted it to his lips. Kakashi couldn't help but watch the muscles in his friend's throat as Genma downed the water in a few long swallows. His cheeks were flushed from strain, and the tanned skin of his temples glistened.
This was not good. Here Kakashi was, sitting with one of his oldest friends, having mildly dirty thoughts, while said friend had a complete breakdown. Genma was seriously in the middle of a crisis, and all Kakashi could think about was how awesome it would be to get in his pants… he was definitely the lowest of the low. Kakashi couldn't help wondering just when he had become such a bastard.
But damnit, Genma was so hot… and Kakashi knew there was really no way of actually getting into Genma's pants, but he was pretty happy to be the one that got to sit with this amazing special jounin and offer what comfort he could.
Genma sat for a few minutes in silence, brooding in his superiorly awesome way, before he sniffed and ran a palm over his eyes.
"What should I do?" he murmured.
TBC