A/N: As is my usual now, I'm ignoring all of season 3 and parts of season 2.
"This is stupid, Payson," Lauren whined. "It's our only day off and we're wasting it. We should just go without him."
"We're not going without him, Lo. Aside from the fact that he's the only one of us who knows the way around the city, it's rude to leave him behind. He's part of our team, so if we're going sight-seeing as a team then Sasha should come with us. Just because you woke up early to have breakfast with Jake does not mean that everybody else should wake up early, too. Like you said, it's our only day off."
They had been having the discussion for the past half hour. They were supposed to explore London together, but Lauren woke ridiculously early to meet Jake and wanted everybody else to work on her schedule. She woke up all of the girls, but Sasha was still asleep and it was driving Lauren nuts.
Kaylie, as usual, caved to Lauren and said, "Maybe she's right, Payson. We could go now and let Sasha meet up with us whenever he gets up."
"Oh for crying out loud," Payson said, throwing her hands up in the air, "If you guys are so anxious to leave then I'll go wake him up."
She stormed out of their apartment, leaving her teammates staring after her in shock. She knew exactly what they were thinking—that they couldn't believe she was actually going to go into his bedroom. It wasn't like it was a big deal. He was just like any other man, and none of them would have a problem walking into Max or Jake or Austin's rooms.
The door to the coaches' apartment was unlocked, just like every other door in the Village. Locked doors in the Village generally meant that someone was having sex; otherwise nobody bothered. She thought that his room was the first one on the left, but she wasn't 100% sure, so she eased open the door and peeked inside. It was Sasha's room, and Marty was thankfully gone, so she opened the door further and stepped inside.
She started to say his name, but stopped when he said hers first. She thought he must have woken and seen her, but he didn't really sound surprised like she expected. It wasn't even him saying her name so much as him moaning her name. A second glance showed that he was still asleep.
"Sasha!" she cried out without even meaning to. The word slipped out in shocked disbelief, and Sasha shot awake.
"Payson!" he said, sounding exactly as she just had. "What are you doing in here?"
She ignored the question and stated, "You said my name."
"What?"
"Just now, while you were asleep, you said my name. Were you dreaming about me?" She was surprised by the accusation she heard in her voice. Was she accusing him of something?
"Payson," he started, but she knew exactly what was coming. He was going to deny it, make her feel like she was crazy and she had imagined it… just like he had last time. She realized suddenly that she hadn't misinterpreted the situation back when she kissed him. She had interpreted everything exactly right and he had lied about it.
"Don't, Sasha. Don't try to pretend like that didn't just happen. Just tell me the truth. This wasn't the first time, was it?"
"No," he admitted, guilt written across his face. "It wasn't the first time."
She stepped closer to him and asked, "So how long has this been happening?"
He looked into her eyes and she saw his defeat. He was going to tell her everything. Nearly a year after she kissed him, he was finally going to tell her the truth. "Since the day we met. I've dreamed about you every night since the first time I stepped into the Rock."
"Then why did you lie?"
"You know why, Payson. You were sixteen."
She moved closer again and said, "I was sixteen when we met, but I wasn't when I kissed you and I'm not now. I turned eighteen three weeks ago, but you were still about to lie to me, so I don't buy the excuse."
"I'm still your coach." He stood and she was suddenly overwhelmed by his presence. He towered over her and his broad, bare chest blocked everything from her view. He filled her sight and smell and sound and thoughts, her entire existence. It was too much and she couldn't handle it, so she backed away and looked for a way to escape the situation.
"You—you're right," she stuttered. "You're still our coach." She emphasized the word our. The conversation was way too personal and she needed to stop it until she figured out her own feelings. "And I came here for a reason. The girls want to leave. We were waiting on you."
He was clearly confused by her abrupt change in attitude, but he wanted out just as much as she did, so took the escape. He visibly pulled himself under control and said, "Oh, of course. Tell them I'll be ready in just a few minutes."
She left with the discomfort heavy on both sides. Her entire world just changed and she needed to figure out what that meant, but she would be back. This was not the end.
o-O-o
The day had been awkward, to say the least. Spending the whole day with Sasha after the disaster of the morning was bad enough, but she had to pretend to be normal so that Kaylie, Lauren, Emily, and Kelly didn't notice anything was wrong. She was so glad that Marty was spending the day with the men's team rather than women's, because she didn't think she could work out her feelings for one coach with the other hovering around.
The day only got worse when they met up with the men at lunch, because she had to break up with Max. Even if absolutely nothing came of this whole mess with Sasha, Payson couldn't be with Max anymore. Her feelings for him didn't begin to compare to her feelings for Sasha, even as confused as those feelings were. Still, it was awful to end a nine-month long relationship, and she hated to do that to Max two days before the pommel finals. She tried to comfort herself with the fact that Max wasn't expected to medal in the event anyway, so it wasn't like she was costing him a medal, but the comfort was minimal. She still felt like a horrible person. She didn't blame him when he asked her not to tell anyone about the breakup yet. She wouldn't want to deal with the sad pity faces that recently-dumped people always got, either. It could wait until the Olympics were over.
Sasha's day must have been just as confusing and uncomfortable as hers, because he bummed off chaperoning them at the party they were going to that evening. Payson didn't want to go, either, but she had to at least make a showing before she made an excuse to leave. She'd never had such a bad time at a party, including the horrible pre-Nationals gathering at the Cruz house before Boston.
She waited until everyone else was distracted before she headed back toward the U.S. apartments, but she didn't go to her place. She went to Sasha's.
She knocked on his bedroom door, a little timid given what she was about to do, but nobody answered. Rather than running away like part of her wanted to, she steeled her resolve and turned the door handle. Sasha was lying on his bed with headphones in his ears and one arm draped across his eyes to block out the light. She could hear the music coming from his iPod all the way across the room.
"Sasha," she called, loud enough for him to hear over his music, and he practically jumped out of bed in response. Apparently her trick of the day was startling him while he was in bed.
He fumbled with his iPod and pulled the buds from his ears. "Payson, what the bloody hell are you doing here?"
"We need to talk," she said. She reached behind her and locked the door. The connotation was clear; doors were only locked in the Village for one reason.
He sat back on the bed and dropped his head into his hands. "Payson, I'm so sorry," he mumbled. "I never meant for you to find out."
"Yeah, I know, and that's kind of why I'm pissed at you." It took her a while to work out the emotion behind her accusatory tone that morning, and she finally realized that it wasn't because she was angry that he was dreaming about her, but because she was angry that he hid it from her. "Sasha, you let me believe that it was all in my head. Do you have any idea how humiliating that was for me?"
"What… What are you talking about?" he asked. Her first thought was that he must be putting on an act, because nobody could be that dense, but the look in his eyes said that, yes, he really could be that dense. He didn't understand.
"Sasha, why do you think I kissed you?"
"We've talked about this before, Payson. You just misinterpreted the connection we have as a coach and athlete as romantic feelings. You were young and just didn't have enough experience to recognize the difference."
"Wow," she said. "Sasha, you are a complete and total idiot. I didn't misinterpret anything; I had real feelings for you, and I had them for a long time before that kiss happened. I didn't kiss you because I had feelings for you. I kissed you because I thought that you had feelings for me, too. The way you looked at me, the way you acted with me… I thought that you felt the same way I did. And I wasn't wrong, was I?"
Sasha refused to meet her eyes. "I didn't think it showed. I would never have put you in that position on purpose."
"You have completely missed the point, Sasha. I am tired of you lying and hiding and keeping secrets from me. Just tell me the truth. How do you feel about me?"
"Payson…" He trailed off, ready to stall or avoid the question, which was at least better than the flat out lies he had told her in the past, but she was in a state of mind that would probably lead to her slapping him if his answer was the least bit evasive, so she solved the problem her own way. She kissed him before he could say anything.
She lunged toward him and caught his lips with hers, planting her knees on the bed on either side of his hips and settling down into his lap. It was the hottest kiss of her life, hotter even than sex with Max had ever been. Apparently she found the chink in Sasha's armor. He could deny his feelings, but he couldn't resist being with her like this. She ached to keep going with the kiss, to fall into bed with him and accept everything that his body was telling her, but she wanted more. She broke the kiss and whispered against his lips, "That is how I feel about you, Sasha. That and so much more. So how do you feel about me?"
"I love you," he confessed. It was so much more than she had ever hoped for. She knew that he cared for her, but love was beyond her greatest expectations. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, too, but she was bound to end up crying if she did that, so she tried to pour all of her love into a kiss. There was plenty of time to say the words later.
She got caught up in being with him, but when he rolled her down onto the bed she had to stop. Her behavior so far—locking the door, kissing him—definitely suggested that this was what she wanted, but it was too fast. She put gentle pressure against his chest, enough to let him know that she wanted to stop but not enough to push him away. She didn't want him to take this as a rejection.
"Sasha, I want so badly to keep going with this, but after everything that's happened between us, I don't think it's a good idea for us to just jump into bed together."
"You're right. I'm sorry." He rolled off of her, but since they were lying on a tiny twin sized bed, they were still touching from head to toe. Payson didn't want to lose that contact. "It's far too easy for me to get lost in you. Payson, this is exactly why I didn't want you to know. I was barely able to control myself around you before. Now that I know you want this too I'll probably… ravish you in the middle of the O2 arena or something."
"Not if I ravish you first," she joked. She shifted onto her side so that she could see him better. "This is not a problem, Sasha. We only have four more days that we have to be normal and then we can go somewhere and not get out of bed for a week if we want to. I just think that for right now we need to slow things down a little bit. Can't we just talk for a little while?"
"Of course." He kissed her again, but it was chaste this time. It was rare since the kiss that Sasha let his guard down for them to really talk, but on the occasions that he did open up to her, it had always been so easy for them to be together. Nothing had changed, and they laid together talking for hours. At some point Marty came back from the party and rattled the door handle, but when he found it locked he made the obvious assumption and left.
It was late into the night, or possibly early into the morning, when they finally made love. It was the most glorious experience of Payson's life. She whispered 'I love you' to him while he was collapsed on top of her; she did cry, just like she thought she would, but somehow with Sasha that felt right.
She left before the sun rose. As much as she wanted to stay, she couldn't be caught in his room the next morning. They would come clean as soon as the event finals were over, but until then they would have to manage with stolen kisses and secret rendezvous. It was messy and complicated, but she had never been so happy to keep a secret.
A/N: This is labeled as complete, but I may add another chapter or 2 in time. Not sure yet.