A/N: Sorry fer the long wait! I couldn't get a hold of my friend who told me to write this, and she never really told me how chapter two went, so fer about a week I couldn't do anything. By the time that I did get a hold of her, I was busy right after I left her house. Sooo, I just now got around to finally typing this up, and this is the result of her and I creating a second chapter together... xD (Oh, I also forgot to mention that this apparently takes place at the very, very beginning of Naruto - before Shippuden)
"Sasuke!" Sakura calls.
Sasuke looks at Naruto and winces.
"Sasuke!" she yells again and runs up to them. "Where have you been?! Do you have any idea how late it is?!"
Sasuke sighs and says, "Yes, Sakura, I'm well aware. What do you want?" He glares at her.
"I-I was just worried..."
"Don't be. You're not my mother."
Sakura looks at him as he shoves past her, a form of sadness in her eyes. Naruto looks from Sakura to Sasuke, and then decides to go to the Ichiraku Ramen shop to cheer himself up.
*One Week Later*
Chip walks through the woods until he reaches the familiar group of trees that are around his house. He looks down for a second and then finally sighs, bends down, grabs the handle, and lifts up. As soon as the opening is large enough for him to step through, he lets go and lets the handle fall back to the ground. Chip turns around and grabs both handles and ties them together in a double-knot - this is the only way for him to "lock" his house.
Sighing again, Chip walks to his dining room and drops his bag of groceries on it. Then he loosens his tie. Today was tiring. Very tiring, he thinks to himself. He looks to his right, where the pantry door is. Through the doorway he can see part of his large pile of Pop tarts, and it makes him grin. I'm hungry. I think I'll eat some Pop tarts, he thinks to himself, his mood brightening drastically.
Chip walks into his pantry and grabs an unopened box of Strawberry Pop tarts. He tears it open and takes out two of the foil packets. He re-closes the box and sets it back down on the floor. Then he takes the foil packets with him back into his living room and he sits down on his couch. As he tears open the first packet containing two Pop tarts he looks around his living room. Perhaps I should get an actual house, he thinks as he eats his first Pop tart and examines the plastic bags that make up just about everything in his house - as well as the house itself.
Once Chip finishes his Pop tarts he still feels a little hungry, so he goes and gets another packet of Pop tarts, eats it on his couch, and then feels satisfied... almost.
He looks down at his pants, feeling as though he has neglected himself by not masturbating in a few weeks. Work's been super busy lately! he thinks defensively, trying to create some sort of reason for not keeping up with his usual routine. Well, it wasn't too busy today, and I haven't done this in a while, soooo, I s'pose I could manage taking on a fantasy or two...
*Two Hours Later*
As Chip nods off to sleep while sitting on the left side of the couch, he is unaware of the strange phenomenon that is about to occur. While he sleeps, the sperm that he has just recently ejaculated seeps down between the tiny spaces between the plastic bags that make up the couch. The sperm from Naruto's and Sasuke's last week visit has already seeped between many bags and has collected into one tiny bag that is in the middle of the right side of the couch. Since Chip had pleased himself while sitting on that side, his semen also slides down and around other bags until it is completely collected in that tiny bag.
Within this tiny plastic bag all of the sperm in it mixes together, and eventually some human organs begin to grow. It grows eyes just above the space between the handles, and right below the eyes on the inside of the plastic bag it forms a brain. It grows a pair of lungs, a heart, a diaphragm, intestines, and a series of veins below the brain as well. This process of growing human organs and such takes about a good five hours. The plastic bag-mutant-thing produces a muffled cry from the opening of the bag, which is also its mouth, as it feels as though it might suffocate because of the plastic bags all around it. With no other way to move, it uses its handles to move the plastic bags above it so that it can try to squeeze through and make it out of the plastic bag couch.
The process of exiting the couch takes a good twenty to thirty minutes, and by the time that the plastic bag-mutant-thing has made it out, the right side of the couch is in ruins. It looks around the room and when it sees Chip it immediately recognizes him as its father. Since it doesn't have any legs, it has to roll around. So it rolls across the remaining bit of the couch and stops right by Chip's leg. It reaches out one of its handles and touches Chip's leg.
Chip feels something touching his leg and stirs slightly. He doesn't open his eyes, and when he shifts slightly he no longer felt anything there. Must be my imagination... he thinks, and begins to doze off again. When he feels something touch his leg again, his eyes fly open and he looks down at his leg. Because the plastic bag-mutant-thing is so small, Chip immediately sees all of it and begins screaming. He jumps up onto the couch and falls over the back of it. He hits the plastic bag floor hard and gets the wind knocked out of him; as Chip is choking, the tiny mutant bag rolls off of the couch and around it to go over to Chip.
Chip's instincts kick in and he jumps up and makes a run for his dining room. Shit, shit, shit! I don't have a kitchen, so I can't go there for sharp objects! Maybe I have a knife on... Chip's thoughts stop mid-sentence as he gets to his dining room table. There isn't anything on it at all. Fuck! Okay, pantry! Chip runs into his pantry and looks around frantically. He sees nothing he can use. Then his eyes see his large stack of Pop tarts. I got it! he thinks victoriously as he starts tearing through his large pile of Pop tarts. The ones at the very top begin to sway, and then they all come crashing down on him. He curses and continues - more easily now - to go past all of the Pop tarts in the front of the bottom of his large pile. When he finally gets to the Pop tart container in the corner, he grabs it. He quickly searches for the Best By: date. Holy shit! This expired fifty years ago?! Well, I s'pose these Pop tarts will be useful, then... But how the hell did I buy a box of Pop tarts that expired almost thirty years before I was born?
Chip, ignoring this strange thought, removes a foil packet from the container and runs back to his dining room. He opens the packet and removes one of the Pop tarts; he slams half of it against the table to break it. Wow, it worked! he thinks as he quickly examines the sharp edge made when he broke the Pop tart. He swivels around and sees the plastic bag-mutant-thing rolling towards him.
Chip jumps over it and runs back to his living room. The tiny mutant bag rolls after him. Chip runs to a corner of his living room and sits down. When the tiny mutant bag rolls up to him, he jabs the sharp edge of the Pop tart at it and yells, "Stay away from me! You stay away from me! I'll cut you!"
The plastic bag-mutant-thing opens it's mouth and begins to speak. "Da-" is all it can manage before it's lungs and heart falls out of its mouth. Using the handles on the sides of its mouth, it scoops up the organs and places them back in itself through its mouth; then it tries again. "Daddy!" it exclaims, a happy tone to its voice. Chip looks at it with a horrified curiosity. Its voice is very deep and gutteral for something so small.
Paying attention to what the plastic bag-mutant-thing had said, Chip says, "No, I am not your father." The tiny mutant bag still stays where it is, just out of reach of the sharp tip of the Pop tart, and continues to stare at Chip with a happy fondness in its eyes. Chip stares back at the tiny mutant bag with a curious look and total disgust, and he thinks, What the fuck is this... This is soooo not right...
*Twenty-two Hours Later*
Kakashi walks up to Naruto and cuts him loose from the trap that had him dangling upside down from a tree branch by a rope tied around his ankles. Naruto hits the ground hard and starts coughing. He looks up to see Sasuke walking towards him, snickering, and Sakura just full-out laughing at him.
"You'll never learn, will you, Naruto?" she scoffs. Naruto just glares at her, and he notices Sasuke giving her a look, too.
"C'mon, Naruto. Let's go." Sasuke says when he's standing right next to him. Naruto gets up and nods.
"Where to?" he asks.
Sasuke looks behind them at Sakura, who's watching them, and at Kakashi, leaning against one of the three wooden posts, reading. Then he looks back at Naruto and says, "Where we went last time. Do you remember?"
Naruto thinks back to when they had stumbled upon the strange plastic bag in the woods, and he remembers what happened there right before they left. He blushes a deep shade of red and nods. He looks up to see Sasuke grinning deviously at him. "Alright; then let's go," Sasuke says, and he begins walking.
Naruto follows after him, and it doesn't take long for them to find the strange plastic bag in the forest surrounding Konoha.
"Sasuke, look! There it is!" Naruto exclaims, and he runs up to it. He tries to open it, but discovers that the opening is stuck and that the handles are no longer on the outside. Someone must've tied it together from the inside, he thinks in dismay. "Sasuke, we're locked out."
"What?" Sasuke says, walking up slowly to where Naruto is. "How can it be locked? It's a plastic bag."
"I know, but someone must've tied it up from the inside. The handles are gone, see?"
"Well that's dumb. But you're dumber than that, if you can't even think of cutting it just to open it," Sasuke says, and grabs one of his kunai. He twirls it around in his hand for a couple seconds, and then uses the proper grip as he slashes across the bag. The piece he cut away flies off with the wind, and the bag immediately opens up enough for them both to walk in.
Naruto steps into the plastic bag first and stops abruptly, almost causing Sasuke to walk into him. "W-what the hell is that?!" Naruto exclaims.
"What the hell are you doing? I almost ran into you!" Sasuke says, glaring at Naruto. Then he looks across the living room, and his jaw drops. "What the fuck is that thing?!"
Naruto and Sasuke both see the man in the corner, and they both give each other a questioning look as if to say Is that the person who lives here?
"U-uhm, excuse us," Naruto says to the man sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth, biting his thumb nail and holding something sharp out in front of him, pointing it at the strange creature in front of him. The man has purple beginning to show under his eyes and his eyes are red, both clearly from lack of sleep.
The man looks up at Sasuke and Naruto, fear in his eyes. He doesn't get a chance to say anything to them before the strange creature in front of him turns around and looks at Sasuke and Naruto. It's mouth begins to contort into a look of rage, and it begins a deep, guttural growl, but then it stops just after it starts. It begins to grin, and it starts to drool. Sasuke looks at it with revulsion, trying to figure out what exactly it is - he can tell that it's obviously a plastic bag, but it has human organs inside, completely visible though the plastic bag exterior. What the hell is this thing?! he thinks with disgust.
"Oh my God! Sasuke, look!" Naruto says, pointing at the tiny mutant bag. Sasuke looks from the plastic bag-mutant-thing to Naruto, and then back at the plastic bag-mutant-thing.
"What about it?" Sasuke says slowly.
"Isn't it cute? Oh my God, can we keep it? It's so adorable! It's our kid, Sasuke! We gotta keep it!" Naruto blurts, joy and excitement in his voice.
"What?! Are you crazy?! What the hell is wrong with you? That isn't our kid! It's some mutant-bag-thing, and it definitely didn't come from us! We're not keeping it, and that's final." Sasuke says, staring at Naruto as if the child had lost his mind.
The man in the corner speaks up and says to them, "Take it! Take the damn thing! I don't want it - I dunno what it is, but I do know that I don't want it here!"
Sasuke glares at the man. "You're not helping my case, here."
"Well, you're helping mine," the man replies. He watches the plastic bag-mutant-thing roll over to where Naruto and Sasuke are standing, and he stands up and relaxes his arm holding the sharp object. "Take that damn creature with you, and never return with it. It's yours. Do whatever you want with it. It isn't mine."
Naruto looks at Sasuke with pleading eyes, silently asking permission to keep the tiny mutant-bag-thing. He clasps his hands together and jumps up and down on his toes, pleading, "Pleeeeaasseee, Sasuke. Please, please, please! I'll take good care of it, I swear!"
Sasuke makes a face of despair and groans. "Oh, what the hell. Fuck it. Take the Goddamn thing with you. I don't want it."
Naruto grins with delight and he turns back to the tiny mutant-bag-thing. "Ohhh, aren't you so cute?" Sasuke makes a face like he's about to get sick, and he looks back at the man standing in the corner of the living room so that he doesn't actually puke.
"So who the hell are you?" Sasuke questions, ignoring Naruto talking baby-talk to the strange, small creature.
The man looks at them, annoyed. "Chip. Everyone here knows me as Chip. And this is my house - which you're both trespassing on, by the way, and have been since you first got here." Chip steps away from the corner and closer to the doorway leading into his dining room. "So I think that your question should've been mine - who the hell are you two?"
Sasuke snorts, then says, "I'm Sasuke Uchiha, and this is Naruto Uzumaki. What's your last name?"
Chip grunts a one-syllable laugh and says, "Such knowledge is unneeded. All that you need to know that involves me is that you owe me a new house- just like this one." He walks to the doorway and looks back at Naruto and Sasuke.
The tiny mutant-bag-thing holds its handles up to Naruto and begins to speak. "Da-" it begins, and a few of its organs fall out of its mouth. It scoops the organs back into its body with its handles and then tries again. "Daddy!" it bursts with glee, looking at Naruto and holding its handles up to him.
"Ohhh, Sasuke, look at 'im!" Naruto says in his baby-talk voice. "Isn't he just adowable!" Sasuke looks at Naruto with disgust this time, and shakes his head.
"I'm going home," Sasuke says, and he turns around to walk away.
"Sasuke, wait! You can't leave us here!" Naruto pouts, and he picks up the plastic bag-mutant-thing.
"That's right; you people should leave so that I can finally sleep, and you can't leave that thing here - make sure to take it with you." Chip says. He grabs his left shoulder with his right hand and bends his arm at the elbow, moving it in slow circles as he massages the top of his trapezius and cracks his neck both ways. Then he walks into his dining room and lifts his hand in a half-assed wave goodbye to them, and then Chip disappears from their range of sight in his dining room as he walks into his pantry.
Naruto looks at Sasuke and shrugs, then hoists the tiny mutant-bag-thing slightly higher up in his arms and begins his walk home, talking baby-talk to the small creature. Sasuke makes a low groan in the back of his throat and starts his long walk home, wishing that he could be anywhere but here listening to Naruto sounding more stupid than usual, carrying some creepy plastic bag-mutant-thing that claims Naruto is it's father.
The walk seems to take longer than usual, and by the time that Sasuke and Naruto return to the village it's nearly dark out. As they walk through the streets, Sasuke gets so sick of listening to them that he stops Naruto.
"Naruto, give me that thing."
"What? Why?" Naruto says, holding the creature in his arms away from Sasuke, just out of his reach.
"Just give it here."
"What are you going to do with it?" Naruto asks in an accusing voice, refusing to hand it over.
Sasuke sighs deeply and pinches the bridge of his nose between his index finger and his thumb. "Naruto, give me that Goddamn thing before I knock you out and forcibly take it from you."
"How could you take it from me forcibly if I'm knocked out? I won't be able to fight back, so that's kind of a stupid threat to make."
"Naruto, I swear to... Just hand it over to me." Naruto looks down at the small strange creature that he's holding tightly in his arms with a disappointed, sad look, and finally hands it out in front of him towards Sasuke.
"Fine. Here," Naruto mumbles.
"Thank you." Sasuke says, taking the thing from Naruto by touching it as little as possible, as if he could catch a deadly disease from it.
"Wait!" Naruto says.
"What?!"
"What're you going to do with it?!" Naruto questions.
"Nothing. Just stay here."
"No, what're you going to do with it?" Naruto insists.
"Naruto. Stay here. Just trust me." And before Naruto can say another word, Sasuke turns and disappears to the rooftops of the buildings of Konoha.
Sasuke makes his way to his destination quickly, smirking in his mind at the thought that he still remembers where she lives. He stops at the proper building, and he stands right in front of a window. A bedroom window, to be exact.
He reaches out and knocks on the window, knowing that she'll be awake. As expected, it doesn't take longer than a few seconds before she opens her window.
"Sasuke! Oh my God, what're you doing here?! How do you know where I live?! How do you-" He stops Sakura mid-sentence and throws the strange, small creature at her face. Then he turns and runs across the building roofs as fast as he can, not looking back. He hears Sakura give a small cry of shock and horror, and he grins with pleasure.
Sakura hits the floor hard after she falls over backwards from Sasuke throwing something at her face. "Ow, ow, ow!" she complains, rubbing her butt as soon as she stands up. What the hell? she thinks as she shuts her bedroom window. I wonder what he threw at me...
She turns around and looks at her floor, grateful that she hadn't turned off her lamp yet. She immediately regrets this idea as she finds the creepy, strange tiny-plastic-bag-with-human-organs-in-it. Sakura covers her mouth with both of her hands and squeezes hard, trying her best to prevent her scream of fear from being too loud. "What the hell are you?!" she cries with instant abhorrence for this creature. "You are not staying in my room, or anywhere near me!"
Flinging her bedroom window back open, Sakura grabs the hissing tiny mutant-bag-thing that's continuously trying to bite her even though it doesn't have any teeth. She throws the thing out of her bedroom window with all of her manly might and shuts her window as fast as possible, breathing heavily with angst. Oh God, I hope that thing doesn't come back here!
As the plastic bag-mutant-thing flies through the air after being thrown, it lets out a loud screech of fear and joy as it sails from Sakura's bedroom window to wherever her throw sent it. The screech stops abruptly as it hits the side of a building two blocks away, and falls to the ground with a loud thump!
In a lot of pain from the sudden hard impact with a building, the tiny mutant-bag-thing rolls slowly from the alley that it dropped onto and into the street. Halfway across the street it stops, looking around and wondering where it was and how it could possibly get back to its parents.
"Hmm..." it hears, and it hastily turns to look up at a tall man standing right in front of it, casting a shadow over it. "Well aren't you a cute little thing," the man says, and he picks up the tiny mutant-bag-thing and places it on his shoulder. "I was planning on getting some Ichiraku Ramen, but I guess I'll just take you home with me now and skip getting dinner."
The man begins walking, but the bag doesn't bother to hiss at him or try to get down. It doesn't feel safe, but it can sense the danger of this man and that's reason enough for this small creature to let the situation be.
As the man leaves Konoha and walks through the woods, he sets the tiny mutant-bag-thing down and says, "Now, don't move." He stands still for a second, and in that time a poof sounds and he all of a sudden looks completely different. "There, that's better," he says, and he picks up the small creature and puts it back on his shoulder.
A while later the man decides to make a one-sided conversation with this strange tiny plastic bag-thing. "My name's Zabuza, by the way. I had to look like someone that's not me so that I wouldn't get attacked." He chuckles to himself, and then continues, "They'd never know it was me, because why would I want to go to Konoha if I weren't on a massacre-rampage? To be honest, I just really like the ramen at that Ichiraku Ramen shop. It's pretty good, compared to the ramen shops near where I live." The tiny mutant-bag-thing just looks at Zabuza with curiosity, wondering what this man wants with it. If it had shoulders it would shrug, but it doesn't, so it sticks with just looking back in front of where Zabuza was walking and releasing the tiniest sigh, so small that Zabuza couldn't even hear it. Zabuza chuckles again, "They're so stupid. They wouldn't even know that that was me until I'd already killed over half the town, if I really chose to let them know that it was me. It's highly entertaining, in my mind."
A few hours later, Zabuza is now running and has not been talking for a long while. "Oh, I forgot to mention Haku to you." Zabuza keeps running, and his pace increases slightly. "Haku'll love you, I'm sure." Zabuza continues his one-sided conversation from earlier, and the tiny mutant-bag-thing just listens quietly to Zabuza's voice.
*200 Eaten Men Later*
Naruto holds the white rabbit close and apologizes to it profusely for almost killing it with his kunai.
While Naruto is busy distracting Sasuke, Sakura, and the Bridge Builder, Kakashi is busy analyzing the white rabbit and putting the pieces of this dangerous puzzle together. Looking behind him, he barely catches sight of a man camouflaged by the many leaves of a tall tree. Kakashi narrows his eyes as he recognizes what's going on and the intensity of the actual situation that they are in.
"Look out!" Kakashi calls out, and promptly flattens out on the ground. Everybody else follows his lead, and a long sword goes swooshing past them, spinning rapidly until it hits the trunk of a tree at a high height with a thunk!
A man suddenly appears, standing on the hilt of the sword with his back facing them. He looks over his shoulder at them, the cloth over the bottom half of his face hiding his smirk. He exchanges a few words with Kakashi, with Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke adding a few comments here and there.
The man standing on the sword turns to face them all, and he grins. "So, I'll have to eliminate you first, eh, Kakashi?"
Zabuza removes his sword from the trunk of the tree and blurs out of sight with it, only to appear farther away in front of them, balancing on the water. Before anyone can say anything, a huge plastic bag-man-thing appears right next to Zabuza on the water, a nasty smile turning it's mouth up at the edges. This huge plastic bag-man-thing looks like an overly-muscular full-grown man, almost seven feet tall.
Sasuke's jaw drops as he recognizes this thing, and he looks over at Naruto and Sakura to see if they do, too. He notices Naruto's facial expression change to one of surprise and awe, but Sakura's expression is still one of utter fear. What the hell happened to that tiny little bag? It's fucking HUGE now!
Sasuke looks back at Zabuza and the large plastic bag-man-thing standing next to him.
"Baggie, what're you doing?!" Naruto calls out. Baggie? Sasuke questions, trying to remember Naruto calling it that on the walk home from Chip's house. "Baggie, why are you helping him?! He's a bad guy!"
Sasuke watches Baggie's expression change to one of confusion, hurt, and then anger. Zabuza looks over at Baggie as if to say Don't you fucking dare ruin this for us. Baggie looks from Zabuza back to Naruto, and then Naruto says, "Baggie, he's hurt me! He's hurt us! You can't let him hurt us anymore! Please!"
Baggie's face contorts into a strange expression of rage, and it throws back its head and lets out a deep, guttural roar. Before Zabuza can even do anything at all, Baggie turns to him and punches him in the face, sending him flying towards the trees. As he sails through the air, he has no time to react to save himself before he hits a tree head-first, and his head explodes. As if to prove that it really did just happen, Kakashi claps very slowly for five claps.
Baggie steps back onto land and begins to run at Naruto, when all of a sudden six senbon fly through the air towards Baggie. It leaps back and all senbon miss it, barely. Baggie looks up into the trees with a sad look.
"How dare you!" a voice shouts, and then a boy jumps out of the trees, another six senbon in his hands and at the ready. "How could you?!" he accuses.
Baggie begins to apologize, which possibly would have led to an explanation, but the boy stops it before it can barely start and lunges at Baggie. Baggie dodges, and its sadness is replaced by anger. As the boy slashes at Baggie and he throws another set of senbon at it, Baggie tries to dodge it all but gets caught. The boy takes one of his kunai and slashes it across Baggie's throat, severing its head from its shoulders. The overly-muscular, too-tall-bag-man-mutant-thing hits the ground in two pieces, its insides flowing out of its headless body and covering the ground around it.
"Nnoooooo!" Naruto screams, and he tries to pounce at the boy but Sasuke holds him back.
"Look!" Sasuke whispers harshly into Naruto's ear. "Just watch. The crea- Baggie's got it covered."
Naruto silences and watches, just like he was told, and he notices that what Sasuke said was correct. Baggie may be in pieces at the moment, but it isn't dead yet. As the boy - now introduced as Haku - talks, Baggie's organs and inner liquids move towards him silently. Haku, completely unaware of Baggie's revenge-in-progress, yelps when Baggie's innards grab him and drag him down to the ground, only to then envelope him completely along with the liquids. Haku's cries are quickly silenced, and Baggie's entrails shuffle across the ground back to its body. After the guts return to their proper place inside the large plastic bag-man-body, the body's hand grabs the head and sets it back onto its shoulders as it stands.
"Da-" it begins, and it has to catch the organs that fall out of its mouth before they hit the ground. As soon as it places the organs back inside itself, it says again, "Daddy! I missed you! I'm so sorry!"
"Baggie!" Naruto yells with elation, running towards Baggie with his arms wide for a hug.
"Daddy!" Baggie says again, with just as much elation in its voice as it runs at Naruto with its arms wide for a hug.
As they collide, Baggie's weight is too much for Naruto to handle and Naruto falls over backwards with Baggie laying on top of him.
"Daddy!" Baggie mushes, hugging Naruto tightly.
Sasuke walks over towards them at a leisurely pace, ignoring Sakura's frantic words and Kakashi's replies that are his attempts to calm her down. Sasuke realizes that something isn't right... Why can't I hear Naruto's voice? Why isn't there any movement beneath Baggie?
And then he gets it. Sasuke shouts at Baggie to get off of Naruto, and he runs over to them. Baggie stands up immediately, looking blue because it got scolded by its other father. It watches as Sasuke kneels down beside Naruto's limp body. It watches as Sasuke desperately calls out Naruto's name while checking for a pulse, a heartbeat, anything that would prove that Naruto was still alive. When Sasuke finds nothing he just sits there and stares at Naruto's face, refusing to let any tears show at all. Sakura, Kakashi and the Bridge Builder just stand where they are, unmoving, with sadness showing on their faces and in their eyes.
Unexpectedly, to Baggie, Sasuke gets up and starts screaming at it about how it killed Naruto by suffocating him under its weight and plastic bags. It gets scared when Sasuke grabs a kunai and runs at it.
Just as Zabuza had taught it, it replaces its fear with a bad temper as a person tries to attack it. Baggie lets out a low roar as it runs at Sasuke, and just before it's able to swallow him whole Sakura jumps in front of Sasuke while calling out his name. Instead of Sasuke getting swallowed whole and killed immediately after, it is Sakura that gets eaten by Baggie.
Baggie stands there, confused, and wonders if it wants to regurgitate the girl, or just keep her where she is. Now that it has shoulders it can shrug, and so it does, and it leaves Sakura where she is inside it.
Sasuke stares at Baggie with a look of utter surprise. He cannot believe what just happened. Sasuke looks back at Kakashi, and sees that he looks nothing more than bored. He watches Kakashi as he says something to the Bridge Builder and then walks over to the nearest tree to lean against it as he pulls out his book and starts reading it.
Sasuke looks back at Baggie, exuberance the only feeling that he can handle at the moment. "Oh my God!" he exclaims. Happiness is swimming in Sasuke's eyes as he grasps Baggie's arms and begins speaking at a super-fast pace. "Oh my God, you're so fucking amazing! You just killed Sakura! You've made my life a thousand times better now!" Sasuke stops and thinks for no longer than a few seconds before he says, "You have to do one last thing for me! You have to go kill my brother! His name is Itachi Uchiha, and he lives with the rest of the Akatsuki in their hideout! I know exactly where it is, and all that you have to do is kill Itachi! You don't have to kill everyone else in the Akatsuki, but if you want to, go for it," Sasuke finishes, and he shrugs.
Baggie just looks at Sasuke with curiosity. "Uhm... Okay."
"Great! The sooner you go and kill him, and possibly the rest of the Akatsuki, the better! Now go, go and kill Itachi for me!" Sasuke says, pushing Baggie in the right direction. Baggie sighs, not really wanting to; but it wants to please its father, and so it goes in the direction of the Akatsuki hideout.
*Two Weeks Later*
Baggie looks at the door of the Akatsuki hideout and waits for a few minutes before it decides to go up to the door and knock on it.
A blue man nearly 6'4" answers the door. He looks Baggie up and down with a What the fuck? expression on his face. When he looks back up at Baggie's face, he notices that this plastic bag says "Ichiraku Ramen" on it.
"Hey, did anybody order any Ichiraku Ramen?" the man calls out behind him. Another man, this one looking very girly-ish with long blonde hair mostly tied back, walks by and looks over at the blue man and Baggie.
"No, un. I don't think so." And with that, he keeps on walking until he's out of sight.
"What the hell..." the blue man says. Baggie, not liking anything about this man, makes a fist and smashes the man's head into the side of the doorframe before the man could even look back at Baggie.
With his head now caved in slightly, the blue man - now dead - crumples to the ground. Baggie gets down and begins to eat him, figuring that it shouldn't waste any food that it can get.
As Baggie is beginning to work on gnawing the flesh and muscle away from the bone of the blue man's upper arm on his left side, another man starts to walk by. A few steps after entering Baggie's range of view and the man stops, staring at Baggie and the dead somewhat-eaten blue man.
"Hmmm..." says the half-black-half-white man with two large venus fly-trap looking things protruding from his cloak and extending to above his head, and he walks over to Baggie and the dead blue man. This man sits down and grabs the dead blue man's right arm and promptly begins to eat the blue man just like Baggie has been. Baggie, not knowing or caring who this other man is, continues with his meal in peace with this strange half-black-half-white man.
In less than ten minutes later, another man - this one nearly 5'8" - with long black hair tied back walks by. As soon as this man looks over and sees what's going on he stops abruptly and turns to face Baggie, the half-black-half-white man, and the dead blue man completely.
An enraged look crosses his face and he screams, "What the fuck?! Zetsu, what the hell are you doing?! Why are you eating Kisame?! Which one of you two fuckers killed him?!"
The half-black-half-white man doesn't reply, he just simply stands up.
"Zetsu, answer me!" the man with black hair yells.
Zetsu? What a strange name... Well, I guess a strange name does fit a strange-looking ninja-man, Baggie thinks to himself, and slowly continues to chew the dead blue man's shoulder. So if that half-black-half-white man is Zetsu, then this blue guy that I killed and am currently eating must be Kisame. Huh, Baggie concludes, quietly tearing the muscle from the bone of Kisame's shoulder with its mouth.
"Stop eating him!" the man with black hair screams at Baggie, and the black part of his irises swirl and change their design. "I'll fucking kill you," he grits through his teeth.
Baggie finishes its mouthful of Kisame's shoulder and stands up. While the man stands there and glares at Baggie, apparently trying to do something with his strange eyes, Baggie walks up to the man slowly. When the man realizes that nothing's happening to Baggie, his face changes from rage to frustration and confusion, with a little hint of fear at the corners of his mouth. "What the fuck. Why isn't this working...?" the man says, taking a step back.
"You might want to run, Itachi," Baggie hears the half-black-half-white man standing right next to Kisame's dead body say.
So this is Itachi, Baggie thinks with joy. Well, this is going a lot better than planned.
Before the black haired man - Itachi - can run, Baggie grabs a fistful of his hair on the side of his head and slams him against the wall. Itachi's head makes a sickening crunch as it makes contact with the stone wall, and his head slumps forwards. Baggie looks at Itachi's chest and sees that it's still rising and falling. Knowing that this means that he's still alive, Baggie tightens its grip on Itachi and throws him as hard as it can against the other wall. Baggie notices right away the way that Itachi's head his the wall and the snapping sound that it hears means that he's dead, with a snapped neck. Good, Baggie thinks. Job done.
And with that, Baggie makes a weird stance and begins to shout, "I'm th-" Catching the organs that fall out of its mouth with its hand, it puts the organs back into its mouth and shouts again, "I'm the King of this world, Bitchez!"
Baggie looks to its left, in the opposite direction of the door and Zetsu and a dead Kisame, and sees another man - this time with short, spikey orange hair - standing there, facing Baggie. This man pulls out a gun and pulls the trigger, and then returns the gun to the inside of his cloak. He watches as Baggie hits the ground, dead, its brain shot right through with the bullet.
"King of this world, my ass." the man says, and then he turns and continues walking.
Zetsu, not really caring about what else he could possibly do with these three dead bodies, grabs all three of them and begins the long drag back to his bedroom so that he can finish eating them all in peace.
Chapter 2 of 2, complete! xD
I only created a few parts of this - my favorite parts that I created are Zabuza's death, and Baggie's death. xD
Sorry that there's no smut in this chapter - Chip is the name that I gave to my friend who "lives in a plastic bag" fer this Fanfiction, so I couldn't bring myself to write smut about Chip because the whole time that I wrote about Chip I could just picture my friend doing what Chip does in the Fanfiction, so I didn't do any smut. xD
Random Story: My dad accidentally killed a small frog while trimming the grass of his front lawn with his weed-whacker. He decapitated it, and felt really bad about it... I laughed hysterically when he told me the story just now. xD
Hope you enjoyed everything! :D