Sensation

Disclaimer: Characters and setting are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, I'm just borrowing them for a little non-profit fun.

Been swimming in endless blackness, forever it seems like. Lost in nothing. Then slowly the nothing starts to break.

The first thing I'm aware of is the smell: chemical, fake. It tries to cover the other smell. I don't recognize the other smell, but I don't like it at all. The clean, familiar smell of campfire smoke and forests is almost lost, buried beneath the other smells, but it's source is close and that reassures me.

I've lived outdoors or in rough shelters for most of my life. Even after seven months at the Tendos' I'm still living out of my pack and the smoke and forest smells still cling to it. That pack, those smells, they mean home to me.

The chemical smells bug me. Kodachi smells like chemicals. All the roses and crap cover it, but it's still there. The smell of her potions and poisons, it's always there; a reminder that she's dangerous under the crazy.

The school smells like chemicals too: harsh, ammonia. I've gone to dozens of schools over the years. Sometimes for just a day or two, sometimes for a few weeks, even a couple of months but never much longer than that, never more than a term. I hate school. I'm always coming into the middle, trying to play catch up. No one ever bothers to explain anything from the beginning to me or even give me a hint. No one but Akane is surprised when she tries to start cooking with some big recipe and it turns out toxic but they think I'm the stupid one when I have trouble doing school like that.

Before the curse I'd do my best to fit in even when I didn't. I'd find a way to get a uniform even if it was only for a week. Now I don't see the point. The way water seeks me out there's no hiding that I'm a freak. Not that I ever could hide it. They always knew I didn't belong.

The smell the chemicals cover is worse than the chemicals. A lot of the scratches from the Nekoken training got infected; it smells like that, only a whole bunch stronger.

The first time I came back after the Nekoken training I was sicker than I've ever been before or since. Burning up from the inside out, too weak to move and all confused. Pop was gone and some old lady who called me by the wrong name was looking after me. She thought I was her grandson and sometimes I thought she was right. Other times I'd be back in the pit. Everything was real disjointed.

From what Pop says I was slipping in and out of the Nekoken all the time too, that's why he left me for so long. I figure the old lady found c-cat-me after I'd gotten so sick that I couldn't attack her. She didn't hurt me. Instead she took care of me. So I must have started trusting her even when I was in the Nekoken state, started acting like her pet. When I got better and stopped having blackouts Pop came and took me away from her.

She was the last person I remember holding me or touching me without wanting to hurt me or wanting something from me.

The guys at school always wanna know how far I've gone with my fiancées. I gotta wonder if they're all blind. Akane and Ucchan don't like touchy stuff. Shampoo and Kuno don't give a damn about what I like. Least when Kuno grabs me everyone's too busy laughing to hit me and he don't turn into a c-cat. The both of them are only a little bit better than Happosai. Only everyone, even Akane, thinks I'm supposed to like it when Shampoo grabs me.

Pop used to hold me, when I was little. He'd wrap his arm around me when it was cold and carry me when I got too tired to walk. He stopped doing that after the Nekoken training. I tore him up pretty bad when I went crazy. After that he kept me far enough away so that he'd have the chance to defend himself if I went nuts again.

Sometimes Akane or Ucchan will touch me without being mad. Sometimes Ryoga'll really spar with me, without either of us being out for blood. Sometimes I'll just end up sitting with one of the three of them, not touching but close enough to feel their body heat and their aura brushing against my skin. Those times are rarer than Akane's smiles but they're worth waiting for.

I ain't really into that into touching or being touched myself but when it's one of those three doing it I don't mind; wouldn't mind if they did it more. I tru… well I know it ain't a trap when they do stuff like holding my hand or touching my arm. None of us are comfortable enough with touching to do it less it's real.

When I saw how the cut was bleeding, where it was I knew nothing would help. I sort of thought Ryoga would run off or something, leave me behind, but he just kept carrying me. It was nice, falling asleep in someone's arms, feeling protected… I just didn't expect to wake up again.

The one thing I gotta give Pop is that when it comes to teaching the Art he's thorough. I know a lot about what'll kill, I just choose not to use those sorts of strikes. From the location of the wound I knew I was gonna bleed out pretty quick and there was nothing Ryoga or I could do to stop it. Can't figure why I'm waking up but I think that's what's happening.

I can feel something velvety brushing against my arm. There's something warm over my hand. Don't have a clue as to what I'm feeling. Feels nicer than the other arm; that one has something poking into it. I don't know what that is either. Guess I'm gonna have to open my eyes to figure it out. Seems like an awful lot of work.

White ceiling, white walls, red ribbon… No blood, running into my arm. Black and yellow? Never knew Ryoga's hair was so soft. What's he doing anyway?

K'so, I'm in girl-form. Turning into a girl is bad enough by itself, why do I gotta be such a tiny girl on top of that? Everyone's bigger than I am, my hand totally vanishes under Ryoga's.

"Zzzzzz…."

Heh, Ryoga's asleep. Gee, he actually got me to a hospital and he still stayed. I know we're friends and all but it's not like I expect that to get in the way of him leaving me to die so he could have Akane. I mean look at Pop. He's my pop and he does care about me but cause of that Seppuku pledge he signed me being the best martial artist is more important to him than me having friends, or being sane or even being alive. "A Martial Artist ought be willing to give up his life for the Art." I know he don't apply that rule to himself. Pop's a good liar; I figure if I'd died training he could come up with some story that'd satisfy Mom. It's my job, not his, to make sure I don't get hurt when he goes after something he wants.

I try not to hold grudges. 'Course the whole turning into a girl thing is a bit much for my no grudges' policy, specially now that I know about Mom. Dying in a fight with Ryoga is a lot easier to forgive than everything Pop's done to make me miserable over the years.

I was totally sure I was done for. That meant no rematches, no humiliating hanging around being a loser, no reason to try to make him feel bad about winning. It's not like I gained anything from him being guilty. Sides I thought if I said something bout us being friends maybe he'd acknowledged it, just once. He did so much more than I expected though. All I was hoping for was for him to say that he liked me, even if it weren't as much as he liked Akane. Instead he figured out how to do the impossible and kept me alive. I guess me being around was more important to him than I thought. Imagine that, I'm not even a prize for a contest he's trying to win or nothing and he's still acting like I'm worth something to him.

I don't understand. Why would he care that much? Why would he bother to stay?

A beeping in the background noise starts speeding up and Ryoga groans softly. His clothes rustle as he stirs and his hand tightens on mine.

"Ranma, you're awake." I've never seen him smile like that before.

He leans forward and… His lips taste like salt. He was crying for me? His mouth is soft, it ain't demanding, not anything at all like Mikado. He's a much better kisser…

Gah!!! I'm kissing a boy! Again!!!