AN: I'm very glad to know you guys like this story and it was too much but have in mind this is a story of intense nature so there will be plenty of drama and angst but that also means there will be an incredible amount of passion. This story unlike any other I've ever written (and actually really rare in the skins fanfic world) will stay in Emily's point of view ONLY so we will really get into her mind and we won't know what anyone else thinking only Emily's perceptions of them, just like real life. I hope I do her justice

Scars

College

"Emily, you don't have to go," Katie said sitting across from me. "You caught up and finished high school through home-schooling, maybe you can do the same with A-levels."

It had been a year since the whole Foster incident and Katie was still as overprotective as always. Cook practically lived here with how often he came over, though I still wasn't sure if it was because of guilt or if he genuinely enjoyed my company.

Freddie and Effy visited often too. When I was kidnapped Freddie was dating Katie and Cook was having some crazy affair with Effy. They were too wrapped up in their relationships to notice me drunkenly step outside for a fag and when he covered my mouth with his hand and stuck that needle in my arm, no one heard me screaming.

Things seemed to switch now. Effy was having a serious relationship with Freddie that was as cliche as it gets. With how much Effy hated being classified as cliche or corny she must really love him.

Katie was single, which was something I'd never seen before but she constantly flirted with Cook. And Cook, well he was Cook always trying to find a way into girl's knickers. There were new people in the group too, which was a bit weird. They were friendly and everything, but they didn't know what had happened to me, so I didn't feel as...comfortable, I guess.

Pandora is a bit peculiar and innocent at heart. She is very sweet to me and often makes me laugh when I'm shifting into one of my depressy-moods. (Yes that term was coined by Katie.) Panda was introduced by Effy who had befriended her in high school after the kidnapping.

J.J was Freddie's neighbor who had become a third musketeer to Freddie and Cook who treated him like a little brother. He was slightly autistic and didn't speak much unless he went on one of his rants, called 'locked on.' I think people thought it was safe to talk freely around him because he wouldn't understand, but I found that J.J was way more perceptive than anyone gave him credit for. He knew something had happened in my past, something bad, but he knew not to ask. I saw the way he looked at me with this sweet look that said, 'I wish I could help you."

It was hard to adjust to all the changes at first, especially with all the therapy and catching up on schoolwork to even be able to go to college. I didn't want to leave my room where my Dad could protect me. Heck I even felt safer around James. But eventually I had changed my wardrobe to clothes that covered my scars and got out there in the world again. I hung out with the gang-Katie and Cook on either side of me the entire time-and even made a few acquaintances of my own.

I was looking forward to starting college actually. I saw it as an opportunity to finally move on from my past.

I loved Katie and Cook and Freddie and Effy and all my friends but they didn't understand me. They were kind and caring and always willing to listen, but they couldn't understand.

John Foster had broken me. He took that shy innocent Emily in her early high school years trying to assert herself and break off from her twin and destroyed her until she didn't even remember who she was.

What purpose does my life have now? I had dreams once, and goals...but I don't remember them now. It's like one of those dreams that feel realistic and cause an actual emotional reaction within you, but when you wake up in the morning you can't remember a thing.

"Emsy are you going to depressy-mood again?"

I looked up at Katie whom I had forgotten I was even speaking to.

She sighed and said, "you know maybe it wasn't a good idea to stop the antidepressants."

I shook my head and gave her a sad smile. "No Katie, they numb me. I don't want to be numb. If you're numb all the time you'll never move past it."

"I know, but you've been going off to depressy-land more often now, and I'm scared one day you won't come back."

"I'll always come back Kay," I said softly. "Who's gonna beat the shit out of James when he pervs on you?"

Katie chuckled and sat beside me on the bed. She put her hand on my knee and said, "so college?"

"I want to go Katie," I said softly.

"We may not be in all the same classes Ems, you may be in a class with no one from the gang at all."

Gotta admit, that prospect was scary. I've only ever hung out with the gang. Even when I met new people I always had other people with me, mostly Effy who constantly encouraged me to meet new people.

I took a deep breath and said, "I have to learn to be independent sometime yeah?"

Katie looked worried for a moment then gave me a smile, "okay then."

...

I was really not surprised when Cook destroyed the college meeting in the gym. I did not expect him to flash his tattooed penis to our entire class, but hey Cook is not Cook if he's predictable. The gym was pretty packed. There were loads of people, enough to get lost in. I stood the whole time beside the bleachers in the back where I could see my friends sitting together on the corner but no one else beyond that, and I could see the faculty in the front. Harriet and Doug were running the whole meeting, and a teacher, Keiran was introduced as the school counselor though he didn't seem too enthused about the idea.

After the meeting we all went to the tables set up behind Harriet and Doug to pick up our class schedules. Katie and Effy walked on either side of me through the crowd as if they were my bodyguards.

It was slightly embarrassing, but it was better than trying to go through the crowd on my own. I knew even before I got my schedule that I had one class none of the gang were in, photography. I had chosen it as my elective because I took a liking to it after I was released from the hospital.

My scars were still fresh and my mum had to put ointment on them and change the bandages every four hours. It was painful and horrifying every single time, so my mum suggested a distraction like reading or drawing. Katie brought me an interesting-looking book from the library at her school, but I had helped Dad clean the attic that morning and found myself intrigued with this professional camera my dad had in uni. He was majoring in athletics and wanted to make a portfolio to get into the professional sports world as a personal trainer, so he bought the camera to take pictures of the people he trained at the local gym as well as himself. At the end he decided to open his own gym, so he put the camera away.

I took pictures of everything and anything I could, then I would download them onto my computer and edit them experimentally. Sometimes I made collages, or changed the color of things, or blurred and melded things to make it look abstract. I printed all of them and kept them in a little folder.

In the photography class offered here, they would teach me the old-fashioned techniques like using a film camera and developing in red rooms. It excited me to no end, I almost didn't feel scared to go into that class, completely and utterly alone.

Almost.