The Dead Man's What?

Author's Note: Being sick has only one plus, a lot of extra time to devote to my story! Woot!

Reviews:

emerald lady: Thanks!

Lady Lea: Thanks so much!

Readerfreak10: No problemo! He may be cute, but he's such a worry wart! Thanks as always!

Chapter Two: The Mooring Line!

"Captain! What happened? Where is Legolas?" Edward grabbed my hands to keep them from finding their way around Bart's scrawny neck. I smiled at Edward , stowed my hands behind my back and turned to Bart.

'We were captured, and Legolas is in jail. Savvy?"

"Why didn't you spring him from the cell?"

"Because then I would have had to do the same for Elizabeth, it that would have complicated things."

"Oh not this again!" Will snarled stepping in front of me. "She is not a nuisance."

"I agree with Esme." Edward added over my shoulder, I smiled at Will.

"What do you know? You're supposed to agree with her, she's your captain!" Will snarled at Edward who looked abashed.

'I do not have to agree with her! We hardly ever agree on anything. Ever." I nodded. Will just stared and stalked over to the corner to mope and glare at us all, I rolled my eyes and turned to Edward.

"Tortuga is about an days sail from here, correct? Well, let's get moving. Full curtain!" He nodded and started to belt orders at the crew who jumped like they had been whipped. Yeah, they listen real well.

'He'll get out, I know it, don't worry about it." I smiled at Charlotte, she could always tell what I was thinking, whether that was a good thing or not I don't know.

'It's not him I'm worried about."

'What is it then?"

"The thing Beckett's after, I can only hope that we get to it first, I can't stand to think of it in his hand's." She raised her eyebrow and nodded toward Will, I almost started to crack up. "He wouldn't know anything about it if you hit him in the face with it."

'Pitiful, and his father was Bootstrap?" I nodded and widened my eyes. "Pity such talent was wasted on some one as unintelligent as him."

'Who?'

"ERU Will! Don't come out of no where like that!" I had to grab the railing to help keep my feet steady. I hate getting scared like that.

"Whose unintelligent?"

"You are, now go away you nosy bird." I whirled around, hitting him with my skirts I'm glad to say, and sashayed into my quarters. I turned back to see him glaring at me, I smiled and slammed the door. I heard a snore, and whirled around to find Bart laying on my bed passed out, so that's why the door was usually locked when everyone was up and out on deck. I walked over to the chest of drawers and picked up the water bowl and walked over to the bed, nothing wrong with giving him a bath as well.

'EIEEEE!!!" Bart rolled right off the side of the bed and landed at my feet.

"Good morning sailor. Fancy another nap?" Bart gasped and wiped the cold water out of his face before standing, saluting me and running out, almost hitting Edward on his way.

'What was that about?"

"Sleeping on the job." Edward nodded and left, I threw on a black dress,quickly braided my hair, and threw my boots back on. It felt so much better to be out of those leggings I had been wearing for a week now. I hate that.

"Captain." I jumped and turned to find Rian blushing.

"Yes?"

'We have caught sight of dinghy coming our way, and we didn't know how to deal with it." I patted the poor thing on the head and smiled at him.

"I'm coming, show me the man." Once on deck I pulled out my spyglass, and see none other than my stupid brother waving at me from the dinghy. 'Let down a rope for the idiot."

"Thank Eru I came across you, I was running out of run and I didn't know how far from land I was." Morgan tried to hug me but I could smell his B.O. from where I was standing.

"Don't touch me. Go grab some of Legolas' left over clothes then come see me." I was choking just standing near him. I plugged my nose and waited for him to go, he just pouted. 'YOU SMELL DISGUSTING! GO!" He shot off in a hurry, I was still plugging my nose.

"Real nice way to treat your brother." I turned to see Will raising his eyebrow at me.

'Was there supposed to be an underlying insult amongst those words? If so I didn't catch it." He glared at me, I just smiled and turned back around, only to smack into Morgan. I shoved him back and tried to regain the breathe I'd lost form having to smell him." What have I told you about doing that?"

"I just came from Tortuga. It's a mess there." he smiled and winked at Will who looked at him funny, I grabbed Morgan's sleeve right as he was about to go over to him.

"Has a fiancée." he literally deflated. "And since when is Tortuga not a mess?"

"True." he smiled and grabbed an apple out of Edward's hand. Edward glared at him and turned back to the galley grumbling about stupid brothers being to lazy yo walk places. I stole from Morgan right as he was about to eat, and took a bite out of it. "But I love apples!" He whined.

'I love them more than you do. When we hit land, other than Tortuga, I plan to eat a whole bushel full. Anyway, we're almost to Tortuga, so make ready to disembark. At least you'll fit in with the smell." I shuttered and walked around him, throwing the apple back at him when he least expected it. Target, right in the head.

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"Now, Will, don't say anything to anybody, who looks sketchy, please?" I asked placing my hands together. He nodded and turned to two women who he saw. "What did I just say!"

'Have you seen Jack Sparrow?" the two women looked at each other and then back at Will.

"Jack Sparrow?" The women I recognized as Jack's little, 'friends', so maybe William was smarter than I gave him credit for.

"I haven't seen him in a month." the blond one replied smiling at Will.

"When you find him, you give 'im a message." Edward and I smirked, we already knew what was coming. She slapped him right across the face, his head reeled back towards us, I smiled and waved at him. 'Aren't you one of his other's as well?" The girl stepped towards me glaring like she wanted to strangle me.

"Definitely not."

'I think she is, she's been with him every time we've seen him last." I opened my mouth in shock, I had not been with him!

"I haven't been here in months!'

'Neither has he!" They both took another step forward, I stepped back smiling.

'Well, as pleasant as this has been, got to go!" I shot off back towards the pier not even waiting to see if the other were following me. When they did reach me they were all laughing.

'You? One of Jack's women? That's rich!" Edward was leaning against Charlotte who was leaning on the side of a light post. I glared at them all until they looked at me.

'That. Does not leave this island, understood?" They nodded still wiping tears of mirth from their faces.

"Jack Sparrow, I'm assuming your talking about?" I almost fell off the side of the pier when I heard the random voice. We all turned to see a shrimper fixing his net.

"Aye,have you seen him, or the Pearl?" I asked blatantly ignoring Will and Edward reenacting the meeting behind me.

"Can't say about Jack Sparrow, but this island just south of the straits where I trade spice for... delicious, long pork. Cannot say about Jack. But you'll find that ship there. A ship with black sails."

'That will work! Can you take us then?" I smiled my best smile, he shrugged.

'Only two can fit aboard me ship." I nodded and turned back to the three behind me.

"I'll take, Edward. Sounds good."

"No! I'm going! I need to compass just as much as you!" Will snarled stepping in front of Edward.

'Fine, you can come then! Who really wants to go! I know what island he's talking about, and I really don't want to go, but you can come with me if you really want." Will nodded and set his face into a hard glare. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the shrimper, 'We're going." He nodded and pointed us to his ship.

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'We're devils and black sheep, and we're really bad eggs!!!! And from the top once more!""' I held my hands ready to conduct the men of the ship in another round until Will slapped his hand over my mouth.

'Not another verse. Not one." He had a very angry looking tick in his forehead, really doesn't look healthy.

"You might want to get that twitch checked out mate, doesn't look very good." HE let out a ferule snarl, I sprinted to hide behind the shrimper we'd met at the dock. "Help, mad man on the loose!"

'My brother will take you ashore." He pointed to another man behind him, I hadn't noticed that one, maybe it's just because they all look the same, anyway.

"Excellent." I pushed Wills head down and ran past him before he could bite me or something. I jumped into the dinghy and sat the far side. "You can't rock this boat, or we'll fall out!" I smiled as he continued to glare, the shrimper's brother was still humming the song, Will's tick was getting worse, and I couldn't help but laugh.

'I hope you die a truly painful death." I gasped and acted hurt.

'But Will, I thought what we had was special, how could you?" I faked crying and the shrimper's brother smacked Will and the back of the head and started yelling at him in French, I winked at Will before giving him a cheeky smile and turning back to look at the island. The Pearl was pulled into the shallows, it's sails sticking up feet into the air, really do not know how to be inconspicuous do they?

"What's wrong, the beach is right there?" Will was glaring at the brother, I hadn't even noticed we'd stopped rowing.

"Ne bougeais pas, c'set beaucoup trop dangereaux." The man gestured widly at the island and shook his head, I could feel my head cock to the side.

"What? Do you know what he said?" Will looked frantically at me and then back at the man, who was still shaking his head at the island; I shook my head.

'The only world I know is Wee-wee mate." The man shook his head at me before pointing at the island again, making a death symbol on his neck and pointing to water. Great, I didn't know it would get me killed to say that.

"Je ne pois, c'est trop dangereaux, j'avais le dit." Oh wait, I get it! I stood smiled at the man and turned to the water." Bon voyage mademoiselle and monsieur!" I saluted the man before diving off the side and hearing Will follow me.

"Ready?" he glared at me and just started swimming. "Well, you too then!" It took us a good minute to finally reach the shore, the ship was too quite for me. 'HELLO! JACKIIIIEEE!! Are you there?" No answer, Will looked at me funny, I just made a face back at him.

"Marty! Cotton! Anybody? " Will walked to the helm, I just slapped my hands on my hips, so there was no problem when he yelled? Oh, dumb boy, don't go in there, who willingly goes into the jungle? Who tell me who? Apparently Will Turner has a death wish, I jumped on the spot trying to decide what to do before I finally sighed and chased after the simpleton. The things I do for friends.

"Ah, a familiar face. " I ran into Will who had stopped to stare at a parrot. How does he know he knows this parrot?

"Awk, don't eat me!!" the parrot looked at me and Will, I just shared a look with him.

'I wouldn't eat you?" Will just looked confused. I have to object.

'Actually, if you were hungry enough, you might. I bet it tastes like chicken." Will glared at me, the parrots croaked one more and flew off, Will glared at me, I just shrugged. 'It poultry, I bet it does." He rolled his eyes and kept walking.

"Gibbs." Will was looking at a plant and calling it Gibbs, he really has lost what little marbles he had.

"If you say so mate, it's a little skinny to be him." Will glared at me before thrusting Gibbs old canteen in my face." Oh, that's what you meant.' Will nodded and looked at me like I was dumb, to bad I was focusing on what was behind him. I walked forward with my hand out and my finger itching to poke it. "What is that, it looks like a HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!" Right as I had reached the tree a man that was painted to match the tree popped out and I started to yell for Will to run.

"It's a little late for that Esme." I turned to find Will caught by his foot and hanging in the air swinging his sword around like a fool, I just pointed and laughed at him before I noticed we were surrounded.

"Unguard!" I whipped my sword out and accidentally let it go, it hit one of the other tribal men in the neck, h fell over dead I suppose. I smiled at the now angry people. Just what I needed." That was all on accident, I swear." I felt something in my neck and that's where I lost it.

"I can't believe you killed one." I turned to glare at Will, which was rather hard seeing as we were tied to a piece of wood like stuck pigs.

"O yes, I really meant to throw my sword at him, you caught me in my plan." He glared at me, and then looked up.

"Jack? Jack Sparrow? I can honestly say I'm glad to see you." Will smiled a true smile at Jack who was looking at him like he didn't know who he was, I just rolled my eyes. Stupid man. "Jack, it's me, Will Turner!" Jack was sitting on some type of throne with paint all over his face. Looked like he had about ten eyes.

"Jackie, you're ships gonna get stole, or broken if you don't let us down to save it. Shame really, it would make some good timber wood for something." Jack;s eyes got large and Will just glared at me.

"Pah se ko?" Jack turned to look at the tribe man who nodded.

"Teen dada, eeseetis. Eeseetis!" The man nodded, I just shared a look with Will.

"When did you learn about to speak caveman Jack? Or was that the first you learned?" He glared at me before addressing the caveman again.

"Tell them to let me down." Will urged, notice he said nothing about me, if I could I would kick him.

"Kele lam. Nom piki piki, nom minsi winsi." He walked to Will's backside and made a strange gesture toward Will, this could get interesting. "Lam seisei, eunichi. Snip snip. " Jack even mimed the scissors. I can feel Will's glare boring into my head, but I just can't help it, eunuch? That's priceless, I'm crying right now.

"Ahhhh, Eunichi."

"Jack, the compass, it's all I need. Elizabeth is in danger. We were arrested for trying to help you. She faces the gallows!" Will bellowed causing the men carrying him to stop in their tracks, I still hadn't been moved.

"Seiserom shup shup sha smame mame shuku, savvy? Maliki liki." Jack walked turned and walked back by Will.

"Maliki liki! Maliki liki!" The whole tribe started shouting something terrible.

'Save me." Jack smiled at me before walking back to his throne.

'Um, am I just gonna sit here for the rest of my life, or are you going to do something to me?" I smiled at Jack who stood and looked at the tribes.

'Same."

"MALIKI LIKI!"

"OK I HEARD THE FIRST TIME!!" I screamed, they all stopped shouting and just walked after Will's transporters. Thank Eru, don't know if my ears could have taken anymore.

"Jack, what did you tell them? No! What about Elizabeth? Jaaack!"Will sounded like a dying animal, I had the urge to put him out of misery, but I don't think he would take to kindly to that.

'OH shut up Will, no one cares." I could feel him glaring, even if I didn't see it, I'll ignore it.

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"Ah, if it isn't Gibbs." I glared at the portly man and leaned back against the cage, until I remembered it was made of bones. I'm about to gag.

"Why would he do this to us? If Jack is the chief - " Will just chose to ignore me, and so did Gibbs. Wish I could say as much for the rest of the grew, I was getting cat calls from every which way. I really wanted to kill something.

"HELLO! I don't respond to that, so SHUT. UP!" They stopped, for about two seconds.

"Aye. The Pelegostos have made Jack their chief. But he only remains chief as long as he acts like a chief.' Gibbs laughed in my direction, I threw a bone at him, and missed, effectively knocking out another crew member, at least one was gone.

"Do I look like a dog to you? I don't come when you whistle!"

"So he had no choice. He's a captive there as much as the rest of us. " Will nodded understanding, I walked to stand in front of him, he just raised his eyebrow.

'Now they have to look at you to look at me, problem solved." he just shook his head and turned back to Gibbs.

"Worse, as it turns out. You see, the Pelegostos believe that Jack is a god in human form. And they intend to do 'im the honor of releasing him from his fleshy prison." At that time one of the other crew members grabbed his hand and bit his finger. Now it all fits.

'SO that would explain the parrot then."

'The parrot?" Gibbs looked at me like I was an idiot.

'Yes. It was begging us not t eat him, although I don't know if that counts as cannibalism, seeing as he's not human."

"Esme...shut up, you're rambling." Will rolled his eyes and turned back to Gibbs who was nodding at me, well at least some one understood me.

"Where's the rest of the crew? " Will looked around at the two cages and started to count.

'Gee, I don't know, what are these cages made of?"

"These cages we're in weren't built 'till after we got here," Will snatched his hand away from the cage and looked disgusted, I just laughed at him. "The feast is about to begin. Jack's life will end... when the drums stop."

"Actually, I think we, ok I'll stop." They had all turned to glare at me, I held my hands up in surrender and waited for Will's intelligent plan. Notice I use that word lightly.

"Swing."

'Are you daft?" I looked at him like he was an idiot, he ignored me, as usual.

'S-a-wh-in-gaaaa. Swing.' Ok, that was taking it too far.

"Oh no boy, you better calm that down." he just rolled his eyes and started rocking the cage, I just grabbed onto his shoulders, how would you like to hit a side of a cage made of bones? Didn't think so. It took us about ten times to finally get to the wall, we, when I say we I mean they, grabbed vines and began to climb.

"Put your legs through! Start the climb! " Gibbs shouted pulling up front with Will, I just sat and the back and cleaned my nails, not problem in healthy hygiene.

"Come on men, it'll take all of us to crew the Black Pearl!"

"Poor stupid Will, it doesn't take that many, Captains just like having that many to make themselves feel special." Will turned to give me heated glare, the air around him even got darker, I smiled and waved.

'She is right, only about six are needed." They all stopped and stared at each other, I rolled my eyes. Here we go, another contest to see which side has more testosterone. "Oh dear."

"Hurry" Will started pulling a lot harder and the race was one. I have a bet on my group, after all, we have Will. Actually, that might lower our chances. 'Thanks for your support Esme, seeing as your in our cage as well." Shit,said that out loud.

'I love you Will."

"Heave! Is that all you've got?" I practically jumped out of the cage, I didn't know there was a midget with us.

"You're a midget!" Said midget glared at me. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude." I smiled innocently he just rolled his eyes at me.

'My name is Marty."

'Well, nice to meet you Marty, my name is Esme."

'Glad to know you don't mind having a very irrelevant conversation back there Esme." Will snarled still keeping even with the other cage.

"I know, you should be proud." He turned to glare I just stuck my tongue out at him, he was way too serious.

"Wait, stop stop stop. On the bridge." Sure enough some young boy was walking across the bridge, stupid thing still hadn't noticed what was wrong with the big picture.

"Shhhhh." I turn to catch the other pirate in the cage motioning for them to start climbing, they all started making rude faces as they passed, I gave them a few rude gestures, it made them stop.

"Stop!" Will whispered, they just ignored him. I would have too actually.

"Snake! Aaaaaa!" The pirates all let go screaming, I'm sorry but that's kinda funny.

"Karma sure is a betch." I snickered, Will urgently told them to hurry up, the kid was running back int eh opposite direction, guess he saw we were trying to escape.

"Pull it loose, find a rock!" We had finally reached the top and were just sitting there still attached to the rope, good job Will.

"Roll!" I turned to see the cannibals surrounding us so I smiled and prodded Will in the back. "Can we go now!"

"ROLLLLL!!" We started rolling and hit a hill and started careening down to a tree that was stuck in the middle, I was too busy trying to keep my dress from flying up to really care. "Lift the cage!"

"Lift it high like a lady's skirt."Gibbs shouted, all the crew turned to me.

"Not exactly your best motivation speech Gibbs." I snarled latching my hands on my skirt. "Just lift the cage, not me you dipshits! Don't make me hit you, you may be trying to save me Will, but I will hit you." He snickered and lifted the cage, I hit him anyway.

'Hole up ahead!" I shouted standing in the cage looking ahead for any problems, see I could be a help, regardless of what Will said. "ARE YOU LISTENI- Too late." I turned and saluted the cannibals before we fell into the water at the bottom of the crag. Funny how people don't listen.

"This way lads!" Gibbs shouted pointing off to the side, too bad I was busy trying not to get hit by arrows to really care what he said.

'A hell of a lot of trouble you've gotten us into Will. We wouldn't have to have done all this if you had let me kill him." He just glared at me and I glared back. "You and your stupid fiancée!"

'SHE IS NOT WEAK!" I could still feel the spit even though I was already wet.

"Oh no, not at all." I shouted back, before Gibbs slapped his hand over my mouth, yeah not gonna lick that hand, as soon as he let go I started to scrub it with the water, he just rolled his eyes at me.

"Let's go!" When the cannibals had finally run off, we found a way to climb out of the crag and began to sprint for the ship. I was the first one to reach it and saw my favorite people ever. Ravioli and Pinto...or what ever their names are.

"PULL THE MOORING LINE!: Ravioli was shouting, Pinto was running in circles around the ship chasing after something.

"It's got me eye again!" Pinto shouted, they still hadn't heard me approach.

"Well, how'd you get it back last time? " I just rolled my eyes and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Boo." He nearly shit himself, I just started to laugh.

"Excellent! Our work's half done! " Gibbs thumped him on the back, Ravioli continued to breathe hard. Will glared like he knew it had something to do with me.

'What? Why is it all my fault?" Will rolled his eyes and followed Gibbs up the ship. Will really was an old fart stuck in a young man's body, I swear.

'Make ready to sail, boys! " Gibbs was already shouting orders and he was the closest one to the ship.

"What about Jack?" Will asked looking frantically behind him at the jungle. I saw something running around the corner of the island, and he had a very distinct run. Almost like he was drunk.

"Oi!" Yup, it was Jack.

'He;s over there." Will followed my finger and his eyes nearly popped out of his socket. The whole tribe of cannibals were chasing Jack towards our ship.

"Time to go. " Will looked like he was about to die, I couldn't help but laugh, Gibbs glared at me, I just stuck my tongue out. If only they had my brain, actually never mind. That would be really strange.

"Cast off those lines!"

"Make ready to cast off!"Ravioli was shouting orders and I just sat and watched Jack's drunken run. It was actually quite a funny site to see.

"Oi! Good boy!' Jack ran by some random dog that was busy barking at the cannibals as they chased Jack. What I want to know, is how they hell the dog got here? Jack barely reached the Pearl in time and started climbing up the rope ladder, stopping half way, I know what's coming. I stood and turned to the crew who were already staring in my direction, I cleared my throat and began to mock Jack as he spoke his infamous lines, as always.

"Alas, my children, this is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost-" I heard the splash of a wave, guessing he got hit, the egotistical prat. "Captain Jack Sparrow." The cannibals just stopped and watched us sale away, until they hear he dog barking. Dumb animal really, I would have just run off without making myself know, he had other plans, now he has to run like hell because the whole tribe is chasing after him. Not that smart really.

"Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea. " Gibbs said saluting Jack as he walked aboard, I just stood and watched, no reason to attack him, yet anyways.

"Yes to the first, yes to the second, but only as so far as we keep to the shallows as much as possible. " Ravioli and Pinto draped his cloak on his shoulders and saluted when eh stopped to stare at them, he ignored them and smile and walked towards me.

"Now, that seems a bit contradictory, Captain." Gibbs stopped him from taking another step, I glared at him. I really needed to talk to that idiot pirate.

"I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Master Gibbs. Now, where is that monkey? I want to shoot something." Right after he said that the monkey dropped Pinto's eye to the ground, Jack followed the monkey's trail for a minute before turning back to me.

"Jack." Will cut him off this time, I sighed as loud as I could, Will spared me a glare before turning back to Jack.

"Ah."

"Elizabeth is in danger." Jack just shook him off and tried to walk around him, still following the monkey's path, and occasionally smiling at me,

"Have you considered keeping a more watchful eye on her. Maybe just lock her up somewhere? "

'She is actually, which is why we're here." I said Jack smiled and pointed to me before trying to walk around Will.

"She's not the only reason, Legolas is locked up as well, Esme."

'Yes but we know he wouldn't be if weren't for Elizabeth actually."

"Oh don't start this again Esme, it's a bunch of bullshit and you know it."

'Not really, you"re the one who started it anyway." I smirked at him, and turned back to Jack, but Will cut me off again. If he's not careful I'm going to throw him over board.

"She is locked up in a prison, bound to hang for helping you. "

"There comes a time when one must take responsibility for one's mistakes. " That is a true pirate comeback. Will grabbed a sword and stuck it against Jack's neck.

'HEY! That was my job! You son of a bad word! I was gonna do that! I snarled and ran over to Will and grabbed the sword.

'I need that compass of yours, Jack. I must trade it for her freedom." Will just choose to ignore me, not a smart thing to do. I breathed in very deeply before stomping as hard as I could on his toe, he let out a howl to wake the dead and jumped away from Jack, who smiled at me.

'Mr. Gibbs? We have a need to travel upriver. "

"By need, do you, mean a trifling need, fleeting, as in, say, a passing fancy? " Gibbs gulped and looked at me.

"No, a resolute and unyielding need."

"What we need to do is make sail for Port Royal with all haste. " I scoffed and hit Will int eh back of the head.

"You are such a twat, is she all you think about?" he snarled at me, and I stepped back. Don;t want rabies or nothing.

"William... I shall trade you the compass, if you will help me... " He pulled out a drawing of a key, I just rolled my eyes, I know where this is going.

"You want me to find this." Will indicated the drawing, I had to resist the urge to hit him again.

"My, let's think about how impossible that would be. Did you? Good, now let's rethink that question." HE just turned to glare I smiled back at him.

"No. You want you to find this. Because the finding of this, finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle ol' what's her face. Savvy? " I glared at Jack who just winked, if Will fell for this he was a sap.

"This is going to save Elizabeth. " I smacked my hand to my head.

"How much do you know about Davy Jones?"

'Not much."

'Yeah, it's going to save Elizabeth."

"Dear Eru Will, you have got to be the biggest sap, I've ever met." Jack slapped his hand over my mouth and smiled.