Warning : Swan Queen
Chapter 1: Dulling the pain.
Regina opened her shutters and looked around the semi-busy streets of Storybrooke. It wasn't the same, not without Henry, not without Emma. It was empty, void of the obnoxious jokes Ms. Swan would make and incomplete without Henry's bright smile. It was harsh, to think about them, it was like some sort of never ending torture she was forced to endure. She hated the looks she received from other Storybrooke citizens, they thought she was responsible for this mess! They believed without a doubt that she was enjoying this! How wrong they were! She was in absolute misery! She longed for Henry's laughs and could swear upon her life she could see her son walk around the corner of her house then disappear, as if he was a phantom. She would see visions of him or Ms. Swan when she was exceptionally tired or (as of late) Exceptionally drunk. She hadn't drank her sorrows away like this since the night Henry ran away to find Ms. Swan. She rubbed the spot in between her breasts, it somewhat ached.
She closed the window and laid on top of Henry's bed and touch one of his pillows, it still smelled of him: fresh downy feathers and cinnamon apple pie. She smiled fondly at the memories. She walked down to the table to prepare dinner, lasagna, Ms. Swans favorite. She grimaced, losing her son was enough, losing the woman she loved was worse. The pain in her chest worsened.
She are the meal in silence, it was deafening really. She walked up to her room, it was barely past nine but she didn't care, she felt like she had been awake forever. She hugged one of the pillows up on her bed and wailed. She cried, terribly, Regina, unlike most was an almost perfect specimen, according to Ms. Swan at least. She didn't get a runny nose when she cried she got sniffles maybe, but never full on blowing your nose to kingdom come. She changed into her thin strapped silver silky nightgown, the one that would drive Ms. Swan wild she smirked but only for a moment Regina wailed again, just thinking about her lost family was enough to put her into agony. She released another cry, it was an unimaginable noise, and those who could hear it ( which was many people) felt sorry for her, but didn't show it. They didn't dare show their pitying looks to the fallen queen. Her chest felt tight, it pained her and cried again.
She cried out in heartbreaking sobs, she couldn't bare it anymore, she grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked to try to calm herself down, it always worked when Emma did it, it snapped Regina out of her anger, Emma would bring her face close to Regina and whisper nice words, comforting words. Emma would always help her. Emma would never abandon her. She sobbed as the her chest began to throb, she poured herself some of her famous alcoholic apple cider (which now rested by her bedside invade she needed to dull the ever agonizing pain). As she gulped down the cider between shuddering breaths and sobs the pain in her chest simply began to burn. Emma, she missed her so much.
Emma. The name struck a cord in Regina it made her feel... Full. Only for a moment of course. She could swear, she felt someone stroke her cheek, the loving way Emma would before she kissed her goodnight, the way she would after Regina would bawl her eyes out on Daniel's "death day". She cried louder now, for this was worse , much worse than Daniel. Because now, now she knew, she knew, she was the one to send them away, to make them leave. And there was a chance, a chance to see them again, they were in the same realm now! The aching hope in her heart made it feel... Less dark. But her hope was shattered when she remembered, they wouldn't recognize her, not at all. The pain became agonizing now, near to being unbearable.
Then there was the pain all over again, only ten fold. It was like missing a limb, or having someone rip out your heart ( she would know). It was like there was an empty hole where affection used to lie, where there was once warmth there was only bitterness. Only harshness, only... Cold. The pain began to grow, to stretch to the rest of her body. Grabbed her shoulders in a vain effort to make it stop. She now slumped on the ground in nothing but her silver night gown. She dropped her head into her hands and sobbed agin and again and again. She eyes were red and she had a disheveled look to her she could hear whispers, they weren't real but she didn't care. She snarled as misery turned into fury and lashed at with her magic. The pain in her chest reached its climax, it was horrible her arm dropped mid-lash and she crumpled into the fetal position and screeched as loud as her lungs would allow.
It hit her like a ton of bricks, she was returning to her old ways, and that's not what they would have wanted. That's not what they deserved from her, they deserved so much more for their loyalty and love. They didn't deserved some self pitying crying mess. Not at all. She looked to the closed window and stifled a sob. She looked around carefully with an ever so slightly fearful expression and tentatively walked towards the window. She unlatched the small hook and opened the shutters to look at the streets of Storybrooke. It was dark, but the moon was bright and she looked blankly outside. She could have sworn on her life she heard a small voice, one of a child and a woman:
"You're gonna be okay Regina"..
She was proud of who she was and she smiled the pain had stopped.