The Shire
"Kili, just give me the map! You always get us lost!" I exclaim as I take the map from him.
I am currently walking through The Shire with Fili and Kili, my two younger cousins, who are more like brothers to me. After meeting my old friend, Gandalf the Grey, out in the woods, I had met up with the two brothers and the three of us travelled together the rest of the way. We arrived in the Shire without any trouble, but then Kili decided to take control of the map and proceeded to get us lost.
"I do not!" Kili retorts back.
"I beg to differ, little brother. Remember the camping trip the three of us took when we were younger? You led us five miles away from where we were supposed to have made camp and we were almost eaten by wolves." Fili points out.
"Yes. You are just like father. Always getting lost."
Kili laughs. "Better not let uncle hear you say that."
I scoff. "He knows it's true." I turn the map around and find the path we were supposed to have taken. "Ah. Here we go."
We turn back around and take the right path. Walking around, we finally find where the Hobbit lives. On front of the green door is a blue rune, glowing in the night. The three of us go up to the door and Fili rings the bell. After a few moments, a Hobbit with light brown curly hair, brown eyes and wearing a white shirt and brown pants answers.
"Fili."
"Kili."
"And Faron."
"At your service." The three of us say at the same time while we bow after giving our names.
"You must be Mr Boggins." Kili says with a big grin on his face.
I just roll my eyes. "Baggins Kili."
"Nope, you can't come in, you've come to the wrong house." The Hobbit tries closing the door, but Kili stops it with his foot.
"What? Has it been cancelled?" Kili asks, sounding worried.
"No one told us." Fili says.
The Hobbit looks confused. "Can-? No-nothing's been cancelled."
"Well, that's a relief."
Kili pushes his way past, Fili following close behind. I roll my eyes and shake my head as I walk in and wiping my feet on the mat before shutting the door behind me.
"Careful with these, I just had 'em sharpened." Fili says as he unloads his weapons in the Hobbits arms.
Kili walks past after looking around. "It's nice, this place. D'you do it yourself?"
Kili scrapes the mud off his boots on the edge of a chest standing nearby.
"Ah, no, it's been in the family for years. That's my mother's glory box, can you please not do that?!"
I look up and smile as Dwalin wanders in.
"Fili, Kili, Faron come on, give us a hand." He puts his hand on Kili's shoulder and walks off with him.
"Mister Dwalin." Kili greets.
The dwarves laugh as Fili joins him.
I turn to the Hobbit. "I apologise about my kin, Master Hobbit. They can be a bit overbearing if you're not used to them."
He looks to me. "Kin? But, you're not a dwarf."
I smile. "No, I am not. I'm an elf, but I was raised by dwarves since I was a baby. So I consider them my kin."
He nods as I take Fili's weapons from him and place them down before helping the others with moving furniture.
"Let's shove this in the hallway, otherwise we'll never get everyone in." Balin says as I walk over.
We prepare to shift Bilbo's furniture around to create a meeting/feasting place.
Bilbo looks to us. "Ev-everyone? How many more are there?"
"Where do you want this?" Kili asks.
Just then, the doorbell rings. I stand back and watch as Bilbo, in anger, walks quickly toward the door.
"Oh no. No, no! There's nobody home. Go away, and bother somebody else. There's far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If- if- If this is some clotterd's idea of a joke, ha ha, I can only say, it is in very poor taste."
Bilbo opens the door, and an entire heap of dwarves, eight to be exact, fall in. Struggling to get up, they grumble and yell at each other, saying "Get off!". Gandalf is standing behind them.
"Gandalf."
After reuniting with the rest of my friends and kin, the dwarves begin raiding Bilbo's pantry and taking out all his food. Once he returns from getting dressed, he comes out to see the dwarves taking food out of his pantry.
"Excuse me, that's my chicken. Um. . .if-if you don't. . .That's my wine. Excuse me!"
He attempts to stop Bifur who turns to him and talks in Kuzdul, which, thanks to the axe lodged in his head, is the only language he can speak.
"He's got an injury." Oin says to Bilbo.
"You mean the axe in his head?" Bilbo asks in a half sarcastic manner.
Oin places his trumpet in his ear. I should also mention, Oin is almost deaf. "Dead? No only between his ears. His legs work fine." he then walks away to help the others set the table.
I love my cousin dearly, but sometimes even I have to wonder what goes on in his mind.
I shake my head as I stand by and watch the others ransack poor Bilbo's home.
"Put that back. Put that back! Not the jam. Excuse me, excuse me." he stops as Bombur walks out of the pantry with three entire wheels of cheese. "A tad excessive, isn't it? Have you got a cheese knife?"
"Cheese knife? He eats it by the block." Bofur says as he walks out.
Oin and Gloin walk through the hall carrying chairs from one of Bilbo's rooms.
"No, no, that's Grandpa Mungo's chair! No, I'm sorry, you'll have to take it back please. Take it back...It's antique, not for sitting on! Thank you! That's a book, not a coaster. Put that map down, thank you."
"Oi, Faron, stop standing around and give us a hand here." I hear Kili's voice.
Turning, I see him and Fili struggling with a barrel. I immediately go over and help them bring it into the dining area, going past Gandalf as he begins counting everyone on his fingers.
"Fili, Kili, Faron, Oin, Gloin, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori. . .Ori."
I glance over to see Bilbo wrestling a bowl of tomatoes away from little Ori. Chuckling, I continue to help out setting the table.
Once everything is ready, the dwarves and I are sat in Bilbo's dining room eating. The dwarves are quite rude and messy as they eat, while I try to eat as politely as I can in front of our host.
"Bombur, catch!" Bofur calls out as he throws an egg to his brother, who catches it in his mouth and everyone cheers, including me.
Fili walks on top of the table, carrying several mugs of ale and knocking aside the food in his way.
"Who wants an ale? There you go, Faron."
I smile as I take the mug from him and look across the table in time to see Dwalin pouring a mug of ale into Oin's trumpet, which he held against his ear.
"Let him have another drink! Here you go."
We all laugh as Oin splutters in anger. Putting his hearing trumpet to his mouth, Oin blows the ale out of it, making it squeal.
One of the dwarves yells, "On the count of three!" and the dwarves pound their tankards together. Someone counts, "One!...Two!" Then all the dwarves go quiet and begin drinking their ale together.
The dwarves are incredibly messy, as ale falls all over their faces and runs down their beards. When finished drinking, they begin burping; the youngest, Ori, lets out the biggest burp. The dwarves laugh.
When the meal finishes, we all disperse from the table and I walk around the smial. I find my way into what appears to be Bilbo's study and smile as I see maps on the table and decide to look over them.
"There you are."
Looking up, I see Kili walking up to me.
I smile at him. "Here I am."
He looks down to the map I am looking at. "Faron, where have you been these past few months?"
"I travelled South and went back to Gondor for a while."
"Back?"
"Mhm. Father and I stayed in Gondor for sometime after Erebor's fall. I decided to go there for a few months. I was actually on my way back to the Blue Mountains when Gandalf found me and told me to come here."
He smiles. "Amad knew that we would end up finding you on our way."
I chuckle. "Aunt Dis is good like that."
He puts his arms around me and I embrace him back.
"I'm glad you're here, Faron. I missed you."
I smile. "I missed you too, Kee. I missed you all."
We soon pull away and affectionately touch foreheads for a moment and leave the room. We walk into the hall in time for Ori to ask Bilbo what he should do with his plate.
Fili walks up to him. "Here you go, Ori, give it to me."
Fili takes the plate from him then throws it to Kili, who throws it behind his back to Bifur, who is standing at the sink in the kitchen. Bifur catches it behind his back, without even looking at it. I catch another plate and tosses it to Bifur, who again catches it without looking. Kili, Fili, the other dwarves and I begin throwing the plates, bowls, and utensils to each other, eventually throwing them to the sink to be washed. As dishware flies through the air, Gandalf has to duck to avoid getting hit.
"Excuse me, that's my mother's West Farthing crockery, it's over a hundred years old!" Bilbo exclaims.
The dwarves at the table begin rhythmically drumming on the tablet with utensils and their fists.
"And can-can you not do that? You'll blunt them!"
"Ooh, d'hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives." Bofur laughs.
"Blunt the knives, bend the forks!" Kili and I begin singing.
"Smash the bottles and burn the corks!" Fili sings, then the other dwarves join in with us.
"Chip the glasses and crack the plates
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Cut the cloth and tread on the fat
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat
Pour the milk on the pantry floor
Splash the wine on every door
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl
Pound them up with a thumping pole
When you've finished, if any are whole
Send them down the hall to roll.
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"
Bilbo pushes past the dwarves to the table, only to find all the dishes stacked neatly and cleanly. The dwarves, Gandalf and I laugh. Suddenly, there are three loud knocks on the door, and everyone falls silent. I smile as I know this will be my father.
"He is here."