It's been quite a while since I've even picked up this journal. Work has kept me thankfully busy. I didn't realize how incredibly torn up I was. I suppose I still feel lonely, but I feel like I'm more myself now. Recovering bits and pieces of life before the revolution against Snow, and later against Coin, has been really therapeutic. Paylor seems to be really happy with the work that I am doing, and I love the history we had and bringing it both back to those who miss it like I do, and to those who have never seen it. It isn't always happy, but it brings me back home. I can be somewhere that doesn't exist anymore. There's something else that brings me comfort though, all though it's still unsure...it feels a little unsecured. Still, Archtur really gives me a reason to smile, he reminds me a little of Gale. Archtur actually notices me though; I doubt that Gale ever would have. I wonder from time to time why he spends his life going from girl to girl. I suppose that they do throw themselves at him though, and everyone has their own way of healing.

The Right Feelings

Someday I might kiss your lips,

I might feel that just right feeling,

For now I've come to grips,

In this moment I'm just dealing.

I haven't quit believing

I know I never will,

My feelings are deceiving,

But I'm waiting still.

Come and take my breath away,

Light my life on fire,

Leave no words to say,

Redefine the word desire.

If you think it should be calm

Then you really have no clue,

But I haven't a single qualm

Coming out and telling you.

This time I'll have it right,

Or have it not at all,

I'd really like to fight,

To be the force against the fall.

If you think you have me,

Then you surely don't

If you just let it be,

Then you surely won't.

I won't take maybe, might,

Or someday I think I should,

I'll be out of sight,

While you decide you would.

I've seen a lot,

And have more to do,

If you're seeking what I've sought

Then maybe you'll come too.

But I have no patient heart,

If you are to tag along,

You better be there at the start,

And you have to hold on strong.

So now you know,

What there is to me,

If there's more to show,

You will simply have to see.