Author's Note: I apologize for the wait time on this chapter. I was hoping to get a beta read on it before I posted it, but I figure I should just go ahead and get it up. I've read over this a kajillion times. I hope that there are no errors; my beta is AWOL at the moment. I hope everything is okay with her, but in the mean time I am actively searching for a replacement. If anyone is interested, please send me a PM.
Garrus hated the med bay. Well, hate is a strong word, especially when used to describe a place that is meant to save lives. But dislike. That was a better word for it, he guessed. And maybe it wasn't even the med bay. Maybe it was because he was sitting here half naked, his armor having been shed to allow for a complete view of his upper half. Of course, he was still wearing a protective undershirt, but regardless, he would have still felt just as naked had his plating been completely exposed. He drummed the blunted talons of his good hand nervously on the metal surface that served as his seat. The tinny drumming filled the otherwise quiet room. The other occupant was currently peering at him over her omni tool.
"I don't bite, Garrus. No need to be skittish. We've been over this," Dr. Chakwas said with a smile, knowing that it only embarrassed her patient even more. She was currently looking over his scans to see how his injuries were healing. Her omni tool chirped as it concluded its' examination. "You're coming along nicely. The salve that Dr. Solus pulled together for you is working out quite well," she paused briefly, pulling another tiny tube of the salve from a nearby drawer and handing it over to him, "This should be the last that you'll need."
"What about medigel? Wouldn't it work faster?" Garrus shifted uncomfortably on the metal table. He knew damn well that the medigel would work faster and why she would instruct him to use the salve anyway, but he'd been sitting here swinging his legs impatiently like a child for the past five minutes; conversation had all but eluded him. He was grasping for anything that would reassure Dr. Chakwas that he wasn't a complete idiot. He was pretty sure he failed anyhow.
"Well, yes, I suppose so," she crossed her arms, the fabric of her outfit scrunching at the crooks of her elbows, "but medigel is for quick fixes, not long term healing. And medigel is beneficial for the entire team; this salve can only be used on you." She motioned toward the tube, "I doubt that it would hurt other species, but it won't help either. For us it's little more than smelly lotion." She continued with a smile, "Besides, is one more day really all that bad?"
"No, no. I was just curious," Garrus nodded, "Thank you, doctor."
"Just make sure you don't do too much with that arm. Also, see me tomorrow so I can make sure you're fit for battle again," Dr. Chakwas stood by the door as Garrus collected his armor by the collar with his good hand, the arms of the suit falling limply at the sides. He padded past her with a curt nod and out into the mess. Several crew members watched quietly from their seats, but Garrus brushed by, his injured arm cradled in a sling at his side. The unappetizing smell of food was thick in the room. For once he was glad that his only food consisted of the dextro-paste in his quarters.
He glanced down at his injured limb as he made his way through the small crowd that had formed at the first signs of dinner. The injury really could have been much worse, he imagined. He had really done a great job of twisting it though; his plates ached where they'd been wrenched past their normal, unforgiving area of movement. Turians were not known for flexibility, that was for sure. Still, he couldn't wait to get back out into the action. He hadn't even been ground side since Tuchanka several days ago. He had completely missed the fight with Jacob's father, much to his dismay. He had felt utterly useless as he watched Shepard, Zaeed, and Jacob exit the ship, his arm tied to his side and throbbing.
Obviously he'd be useless in a gun fight at the moment, but he had only even seen Shepard once since their argument. There was still the nagging idea that Shepard was benching and would continue to bench him for reasons beyond the obvious. Garrus loved the thrill of battle, and up until Tuchanka Shepard had been more than willing to have him at her side not only as a squad member, but as an ear outside of the fights. She'd visit his quarters in the battery room to ask his opinions on a situation or brew up solutions to a particularly difficult problem. She had barely said more than three words to him since the mission, and he would be lying if he said that he'd wished she'd said more. He still wasn't convinced that his words were out of line.
Shepard had been distant from the crew since Horizon and everyone could feel the tension. Was it fair that Kaidan had been an ass? Not at all, but hell, life's not fair, and that didn't mean that she had to completely collapse on herself. She still had friends, very close friends that would take bullets for her. The fact that she didn't acknowledge that was upsetting and Garrus would be the first to let Shepard know just how irritating it was.
Many of her crew had given up a lot to join her on such a dangerous mission, himself included. He hadn't had much to lose back on Omega. In fact, he was pretty sure that he probably would have died holed up in that loft had Shepard not come along when she did. However, he was still rather certain he'd have had more of a chance of survival there than on this mission. A suicide mission. Into the Omega 4 Relay. From which no ship had returned. Ever. He had joined knowing the severity of her mission anyway. He puffed out a clipped sigh. He'd joined Shepard for what she had been: a symbol, a beacon, true goodness and justice embodied in a single, wholly-imperfectbeing. She made him feel as if, even with his many, many flaws, he could still do a lot of good in this galaxy. That's why he'd gone to Omega in the first place. His quest for justice was fueled by Shepard's death; he wanted nothing more than to add some hope for the downtrodden because he himself was among them. Perhaps if he helped enough he'd find his own solace from the loss of a person so just and good.
This Shepard was a different beast though. She was worried and unsure, made foolish decisions which not only affected herself but her team as well. Yes, Shepard made mistakes on their first round through the galaxy, but now it seemed as if her head was fogged by personal matters. Garrus was angry because she was thinking with her heart instead of her head, blindly tossing herself out in dangerous situations, and testing her luck against slim chances with fatal consequences. He didn't believe that it was only because of the incident with Kaidan. Shepard wasn't as weak as to completely crumple over the loss of a lover, especially when the loss was so bitter and the relationship so short. Sure, Garrus didn't know exactly what their time together had been like (they had been very private after all), but he doubted any sort of lasting relationship could be formed in only several frantic months. Shepard didn't seem like the kind to build relationships that quickly.
He lifted his hand, still holding his armor, to wave at Gardner who waved back with a crooked grin on his face. The pot in front of the man boiled with ferocity and splashed a few bits of food onto the range around it. The pieces were picked off as quickly as they landed and then tossed into the trash can. At least one of the crew didn't look at him like his plates was radioactive. He had to remind himself that a Turian without armor was a rare occurrence for many of these people. It was something that he'd just have to shrug off.
Finally weaving out of the last of the crewmembers, he padded down the hall through the sleeper pods and to the room which housed the main battery and what personal items he'd brought with him. Regardless of how much he tried to think of anything else, his thoughts kept drifting back to Tuchanka. The whole situation with Shepard would have been different had he not felt as though she could make a fatal mistake. At this rate, if she didn't get herself injured or killed by her uncharacteristically unstable judgment, her crew would definitely be the ones to pay. He could tell how much she still blamed herself for Ashley's death on Virmire; would she be able to stand herself knowing that a foolhardy decision caused the death of her entire squad? He knew that feeling all too well and it ate him up inside...
Joker glanced at his wristwatch. It was late again. Really late. As if on cue, he heard light and quiet footsteps on the cool metal floor behind his chair. For some reason he could feel his heart speed up, thrumming against his ribs. He mentally rolled his eyes at his body's response at something so completely harmless.
"Hey Commander," he said casually, not bothering to turn around.
"You have good hearing," she said, almost sullenly. She padded to his left still just out of peripheral vision. He glanced at her quickly out of the corner of his eye.
"Face it. Subtlety has never really been your thing. What makes you think you could start now? It's always 'Hey, I wonder what'll happen if we blow that up! Lemme throw half a squad of guys out of a window with my biotics! Let's wear bells, set off firecrackers, and play with noisemakers right outside of the bad guy's hideout!'" Joker's fingers skimmed over a few buttons, putting EDI in charge momentarily as he turned his chair to face Shepard. "So, what'd you bring me?"
"Cream and two sugars," she said triumphantly as she placed a coffee cup in his hand.
"You'll get it right one day," Joker commented, accepting he mug and sipping the semi-dark liquid.
She sighed. "You know, it'd be easier if you just tell me what you take in your coffee. It's not a 'surprise me' kind of beverage," Shepard replied, leaning against an unused control panel and nursing her own cup. The steam clung to her cheeks, making them glossy.
"It's more fun this way," he covertly skimmed his eyes down her body, stopping briefly at her chest which was obviously unconstrained under her shirt. His mind hated what his body was thinking and with an effort, he clamped down his wandering thoughts.
Shepard scoffed, taking a quick sip, "How's life in the cockpit?"
"The usual: fly around at your whim, watch the ship's vitals, fly some more, sneak a nap," he glanced out of the window. Shepard had been visiting him every night for the past week. She'd bring coffee, they'd talk about nothing in particular, and soon he'd start to feel awkward somewhere along the way and make a not-so-hasty retreat to the showers. That kind of thing wouldn't happen if he wasn't so completely out of his depth around women. He wasn't sure when Shepard had become another 'woman' in his mind, but he wished like hell that she could go back to being 'Commander'. He assumed it was probably about the time that his arm grazed her hip when she was sitting on his armrest. Yep, that was probably it. He'd replayed that recent memory in his head more times than he'd ever admit. He knew that it was utterly pathetic, but that was the most intimate place that he'd ever touched a woman. Sure, he'd seen everything that the fairer sex had to offer via vids, but to actually touch a woman? His past hadn't really allowed it. He may have actually had a chance during the two years that Shepard was on a table, but he found that he'd filled most of his time with fighting the Alliance to fly again and finally joining Cerberus to accomplish that. When they told him that not only would be able to fly, but he'd also be serving under Shepard, he was hooked. At that point he had spent much of his time flying small jobs for Cerberus, rarely seeing many female crew members and of the small amount of females onboard, he never got to spend any extended amount of time with any of them. As soon as the flight was complete, the crew dispersed, leaving him alone for the next round. Her words brought him back to the present, realizing that he was still staring out of the window.
"Sounds fun," Shepard said a quirk of her lips.
"Oh, I'm sure it isn't as exciting as blowing up bad guys and sniping their leaders, but without me your ass would be grounded," Joker replied teasingly.
"You know I don't 'snipe' anything. That's Garrus' job," Jane paused momentarily before taking another sip.
"How's he healing? He should almost be ready for action again, right?" A light beeping caused Joker to turn his head enough to read the offending screen before flipping a switch and silencing the noise. He faced her again, placing the half empty coffee cup on his armrest.
"Chakwas says he's coming along fine. That paste Mordin made cut a few days off of his recovery time," Shepard shifted against the panel, her shorts shifting upward to expose more of her thighs.
Joker's eyes flitted down just briefly to her legs, "You haven't even talked to him, have you?" Joker gauged her almost sheepish response, her eyes in her coffee cup and her fingers drumming against the rim. "Oh, come on, Commander. Give the guy a break. He did save you from an untimely death via Thresher Maw."
"That thing wouldn't have killed me," Shepard replied defiantly, one hand coming off of her cup to rest on her hip.
"Just like that leak in your suit didn't?" Joker's eyebrow quirked upward. He was always was one for honesty. It was usually a leading factor in why he tended to muck up any potential relationships. He hoped it wasn't the case this time. 'Wait, what?'
Shepard seemed taken aback by the comment. Well, as taken aback as Shepard couldseem. She didn't seem to notice the utterly confused expression on her companion's face. Her brow furrowed as she searched for the right retort. She blinked as she realized that there was none. "You're… right," she nodded, "You're right. I'm acting like a child. I'll be sure to talk with him."
"Hey, don't have to get all serious now," Joker righted himself and scoffed, picking up his coffee cup and draining the last bit of the liquid.
Shepard smiled and patted him on the shoulder as she started to walk out of the cockpit. "Thanks for the talk. I'm going to get some sleep. You should, too."
Joker's eyes watched her hips as she walked toward the CIC. She was never one to walk in a very feminine fashion, so to say that her hips 'swayed' wasn't an entirely accurate statement, but it was enough to catch his eye. 'Yep. Time for a shower.'
Garrus flipped up a small panel on the main battery terminal. He sorted through his mail; nothing too particularly interesting. Mostly spam. Nothing on Sidonis yet. He'd recruited an old friend to pull some strings and find out whatever he could on the man's whereabouts. It seemed as if he was turning out to be rather useless. He let out an exasperated sigh before slamming the panel back into place. The fact that he'd been cooped up in this hole for a little over a week didn't help his mood in the least.
A small beep drew his sharp eyes to the door. "Come in," he said quickly. He immediately regretted his words as the doors opened, revealing Shepard.
"We need to talk," she spoke bluntly, her hands held stiffly behind her back in a professional manner. She looked up at him, her large violet eyes connecting with his small, raptor-like ones. With her confident air, it was easy to forget how short she was in comparison. She walked forward, letting the door slide shut behind her.
"I don't really feel like talking right now," he replied just as bluntly, turning his back to her and pretending to work on the ship's weaponry. The only difference in the two was that Shepard could actually pull her rank in the situation, even though she really didn't have a rank anymore. Old habits die hard.
"I don't really care what you feel like doing, Garrus. We need to talk. Now," she paced between the bench and the control panel, the first crack in her professionalism. She spoke before he could interject, "I understand that things on Tuchanka were less than ideal, but I need my team. And I need their approval."
Garrus' eyes narrowed as he turned to face her, but he said nothing. He placed his fist on his hip and let her continue.
"I can't have a divided house. It will get us all killed," she turned her back to him, opting to look at the battery as she spoke. "I have an entire team of very skilled people, but of all of those people, I place a rather large amount of trust in you. You've been with me the longest. You've been the most loyal team member I could ask for. But that doesn't mean you can question my decisions. A team full of Commanders is as good as dead." Just as Garrus was about to lay into her self-righteous speech, she motioned for his silence with one hand, "But I also understand that my choices on Tuchanka were not... the best I've made. I offer no excuses for my actions and I won't let it happen again."
She turned to him, her eyes connecting squarely with his, "I assume that's why I've been avoiding this conversation. I knew you'd tell me something that I just didn't want to hear at the time: the truth. My decisions were reckless. I almost got both of us killed and I did get you injured. I won't put you in a situation where you have to pull my ass out of the fire again."
He scoffed and shook his head. Her eyes narrowed at his outburst, urging him to speak what he'd been thinking. "Shepard, I understand. I really do. I can't say that I know exactly what you're... going through... but I will say that I'm not upset because of the decision you made. I'm upset because of whyyou made that decision." He came up beside her, placing his good hand on the railing next to her and leaning into it. Looking forward, he continued, "This is probably out of line, but, in short, he's not worth getting yourself killed over."
She looked down at her fingers which were gripping the railing, "I don't think I'd word it that way, but it isn't completely out of line. Speaking frankly, I'm not truly upset about Kaidan. I'm a little pissed, but not… sad or anything. It was short and secretive, not the best environment to nurture a relationship. Add that to the fact that we were on a mission that would determine the fate of the galaxy and the shakiness of the entire thing is pretty evident." She suddenly seemed more embarrassed, turning her face from Garrus, "I guess I just miss being able to talk with someone and… relieve a little stress. I'm not going to get weepy because I don't have a guy handy to boff… And I have you to talk to."
Garrus drew her shoulders under his arm, "You know where I am. My door is open."
"Thanks, Garrus," Shepard gave the smallest hint of a smile. "On a side note, the day that I try to kill myself over a man is the day that I will pole dance at Afterlife," she paused at Garrus' one tweaked mandible, the Turian version of a raised eyebrow, "Okay, not the best example. But really? A thresher maw? I'm sure I could think of far more pleasant ways to off myself."
Garrus chuckled, "I wasn't implying that you were actually trying." One reason why he enjoyed talks with Shepard was because she actually was pretty funny. It was a trait that very few people got to see in her. "I missed these conversations," he wasn't only talking about the last week; they both knew that.
Shepard smiled and looked back toward the battery.
"Wait, you would pole dance at Afterlife?" his mandibles twitched, holding back another bout of laughter. He loved making her embarrassed, and he could see the pink tinge grow in her cheeks.
"Why? Do you want a show?" she gave a wolfish grin, her cheeks still blazing. His mandibles flared out even more. She always was very good at turning the tables on him.
He removed his arm from her shoulder and turned to her, "Actually, yes. I'm sure there's a sturdy pole somewhere around here."
"Oh, is there now?" she gave a hearty laugh at his completely embarrassed expression.
"I just shouldn't talk. Ever," he covered his eyes with his talons and sighed out a short laugh.
"Oh, I don't know. It's kind of endearing. Who would have thought that Archangel, sniper extraordinaire, was all thumbs around ladies?" she chuckled in return and punched him lightly on the chest.
"Wait, there's a lady here?" Garrus bit back with a grin.
Shepard feigned a shocked gasp and placed her hand on her chest, "I'm hurt! Don't make me prove it to you, you dog! I don't think you realize how much modesty is completely stripped from you when you share a shower with twenty other people."
"Maybe you should prove it. I've never seen a naked alien before," Garrus motioned toward her clothing, "Off with it."
"All right. You called my bluff," She grinned in embarrassment and pushed her hair out of her eyes.
"Wait, that was a bluff?" Garrus urged onward. It was rare that he had an opportunity to prod at Shepard, there was no way he'd let her slide this easily.
Shepard's cheeks were on fire. She knew he was just trying to get a rise out of her, and he was accomplishing that beautifully. She made one last desperate attempt to take reins of the conversation again, "Tell you what. I'll show you everything and how it works before we hit the Collectors. Deal?" She wanted to laugh as Garrus' mandibles drooped in shock. She could almost see his Turian brain whirring in his head as he tried desperately to find a solution.
Never one to back down from a challenge, he coughed out his response, "Deal."
Her words finally sank in and the high from winning their playful fracas vanished, 'Oh god, did I really just propose having sex with Garrus? Best friend Garrus? Turian Garrus?'Shepard nearly paled at the thought, but quickly righted herself when she noticed his small, but wide eyes on her. "How is your arm?" she managed, barely stuttering.
"Much better, thank you," he replied, swallowing a lump in his throat.
"I should…go," she moved quickly to the door. "Lots of stuff to do."
"Yea," he glanced over his shoulder at the door, but she was already halfway toward the elevator.
She knew from the second that Thane walked into the CIC room that something was on his mind. His lips pursed together in a nervous fashion, an expression she never saw the assassin wear. Fear, perhaps? She couldn't tell with his giant, dark eyes.
"Everything okay, Krios?" Shepard asked, taking the proactive approach. She swore that some of her teammates would circle her like sharks, waiting for the most inopportune time to strike with a request.
"I'm afraid not, Shepard," he paused, holding his hands behind his back in a stance with which she'd become all too familiar. "I have received troubling news about my son," his head cocked upward to hers and his dark eyes watched her.
This wasn't the place to speak about a private matter; she glanced around at all of the eyes on the man. "Let's go into the briefing room," Shepard motioned toward the door on her left. "I doubt you want to talk about it here."
"I don't want to bother you if you're busy, Commander," he lied, motioning toward the galaxy map behind her that was zoomed in on the planet they were closest to.
"Oh, please do. If I launch one more probe I'm going to dig my eyes out with my bare fingers," she rolled her eyes and smiled lightly. Gathering minerals had to be one of her least favorite things to do, and while Thane's problem may be more taxing, odds were that it'd also be more interesting. Thane only nodded at her joke, his mind obviously clouded with worry. "Come on," she stood, walking toward the lab doors. She walked briskly, the doors barely having time to open before she stepped inside.
"Hello, Shepard! Would like to talk when you have time," Mordin said in his typical fast-paced manner, his large eyes blinking several times in his friendly greeting.
"I'll come by later, Mordin," she replied with a smile, not breaking her swift pace.
"Of course, Shepard. When you have time," Mordin waved after the two.
Once both Thane and herself were in the briefing room, she turned to him. "Okay, what can we do to help?"
Thane blinked at her swift offer of assistance, "My son, Kolyat... I've received troubling information. It seems as if he's turned to assassination as a career." Thane shifted his weight between his feet, "I would prefer for him not to make the same mistakes that I have."
Shepard remembered their conversations clearly. Thane was trying desperately to atone for the very thing his son was seeking to do. Kolyat hadn't been chosen and raised by the Hanar to become an assassin like his father had. It appeared as if he was making this decision of his own free will. She assumed that to choose such a path would be like killing those people himself, not only as the tool, but as the mind behind the tool. If that was the case, she could understand why Thane would want to stop him. "I see."
"I understand if we do not have time to-" Thane was quick to amend his last sentence, but Shepard was quicker in laying his doubts to rest.
"Everyone has things they want to fix before the relay. If I had time to help Zaeed blow up an old friend then we have time for this. Talk to me. What does your intel say about his whereabouts and the target?" Shepard leaned against the table behind her, her palms pressing flat against the surface. Problem-solving was something that Shepard always felt she was good at. It's one reason why she was sure many saw her as a good leader. Listening to her crew had always been very important to her.
Thane nodded gratefully, "He is on the Citadel. As for the target, I have no information. I was hoping to scope out the area. Find the person who would hire him."
"Alright. We'll see what we can do then," Shepard nodded and patted him on the shoulder. "We'll find your son, Thane. Don't worry."
"Thank you. I won't take any more of your time," his large eyes blinked twice and he turned to leave the room.
Ending Notes: Another cleaned up chapter.