Please note: Most of you read chapter 1 in the FoxyFics compilation (thank you for donating to such a worthy cause!). If you didn't, make sure you go back and read chapter 1 before reading this chapter, otherwise you'll be a little lost.

Thank you to our beta LZTZ, and prereader tanglingshadows, for all of their help and support.

Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight, but it owns us.

Chapter 2 - Jar of Hearts

Edward

It was amazing how a person's priorities can change within the span of a few days. The week before my mind was consumed by medical school, filled with the anticipation of a Saturday night out with guys and trying to keep Jessica off my back about making our relationship more formal but that morning the only thought which occupied my mind was Bella.

My phone call with Jake had not gone as I had expected. He was not calling to threaten to kick my ass for sleeping with his wife or even to let me know that he knew about what had happened between us. He called to tell me that Charlie had been shot and wasn't doing so well. Jake needed me to pick Bella up and drive her to Forks as fast as I could, and that he knew I was the person Bella would want to comfort her. Not only was I sickened about Charlie's condition, but I was shocked that it had seemed Jake actually realized the comfort Bella and I gave each other, versus the comfort he knew Alice couldn't give her.

I did not have time to say much to him while we were on the phone. I felt uneasy from what lingered over our heads and he didn't even have a clue about it. I just promised to get to her there quickly and did just that.

Bella was completely hysterical when I walked into their house. She was not dressed when I had arrived, still in her shirt and panties from the night before. I packed a bag for both her and Jake, and then helped her get dressed. It felt like such an intimate moment between us, I could feel how much she needed me. My touch alone was enough to calm her.

It confirmed for me that last night really did have more meaning for us than just sex. Of course I would have still done these things even if we were just friends, but it truly felt different for me. The love that floated between us was palpable. I could feel the energy in the air around us which pulsated and gave off a calming effect that we would have to rely upon during the upcoming weeks.

The drive to Forks was spent with Bella crying and falling in and out of sleep. I held her hand and whispered as many words of comfort and reassurance as I could. I kept reminding her how strong Charlie was and there was no way he would leave our world so easily. I prayed that I would be right.

When we finally pulled into her parent's driveway, Jake raced out of the door to meet us. I should have expected him to be there, but I didn't. As much as I wanted to be the one she turned to during her time of need, I knew I had to place her hand in his and allow him to take over. It went against every instinct I had, because she was mine and I was hers. Well, only until reality crept in again.

I stood there and watched him pull her into his awaiting arms, then took on the duty of whispering the comforting words that I had been in charge of during our drive.

It made me nauseous and I felt my heart crumble as it broke.

That should be me holding her, not Jake.

Over the next couple days everything became worse. The feelings I had were all over the place. Confusion. Loss. Guilt. Anticipation. Love. Jealousy. And more guilt. I could hardly contain myself around Bella and her family. I knew it wasn't the right time to even bring up our plans to be together, but I felt insecure every time I witnessed Jake give Bella any type of affection. Hell, the woman I loved was sitting in a chair next to her father's dying body and all I thought about was grabbing her hand and running away with her. How fucked up is that?

I kept trying to tell myself that she was playing her part; almost as if she were an actress pretending to be in love with her husband. She couldn't very well say, "I want a divorce because Edward and I plan to be together" while her dad was slowly losing his battle to live. I almost felt like I deserved some type reassurance from her; she should have been able to see I needed some comfort as well. God, I hated myself for having that mix of emotions. I was a terrible, selfish person.

Her reassurances never happened and my fears only became worse when we got the phone call in the middle of the night that, after three days of fighting for his life, Charlie had taken his last breath. Bella was heartbroken because he passed away without her being there with him. Renee had sent her home to get some sleep and she didn't make it back in time to say a final goodbye.

I was at a loss for words and lost inside my own head. I never expected to not have Charlie Swan in my life. He had been one of my biggest supporters since I was a sixteen year old punk who dated his daughter, he was a second dad to me. Charlie even understood when I broke Bella's heart in high school. When we had become friends again, he even thanked me for giving Bella a chance to enjoy her senior year and not waste it traveling back and forth to visit me. He agreed that I did the right thing for both us to succeed in our careers. Charlie once confessed to me, after he promised to lock me in jail if I ever told a living soul, that he always thought I would still end up his son-in-law one day. That was after Bella had already agreed to become Jake's wife.

I was counting on him to be on my side when the shit hit the fan over what Bella and I had done and what our plans for the future entailed.

We would no longer have him in our lives as a friend, father or husband and for lack of a better word, that just really fucking sucked. Sure, they caught the fucker that shot Charlie and he would go to jail for murder, but none of that mattered. Our lives had changed, and Charlie's presence was lost forever.

The funeral was fast approaching and I did my best to stay back from Bella, but remained present in case I was needed. It was so goddamn hard to watch Jake nurture her. I couldn't tell you how many times I wanted to tell him the truth. To pull Bella to me and go lay down with her while I held her for hours to give her some comfort. That couldn't happen though so I kept my distance.

The morning of the funeral everyone was waiting for the limos to pick us up at Renee and Charlie's house. Charlie would have hated that, by the way, but due to his status in this town the limo company insisted on taking the family to the grave site. I planned on taking my own car until Renee insisted I ride with them. She said I had always been Charlie's other son and that she would not take no for an answer. I didn't even want to question her on who Charlie thought of as his first son, as I knew it was Jake.

I heard Bella talking to Jake outside on the porch and I could not stop myself. I went into the living room and stood by the side window. The curtain was closed so they had no idea I was ease dropping. I stood as still as possible to try to prevent additional noise and cause them to realize they weren't alone. From where I was I stood I couldn't hear everything they were saying, but I had heard enough.

"I'm so stupid Jake. I made a mistake that I will never be able to fix. It's too late and I will never be able to live with myself knowing what I've done." She choked up at the end and started to sob into her hands.

When had she told him and why didn't she let me know? She thought it was a mistake? My heart started thumping in my chest, it felt like it was being ripped out and my eyes filled up with tears that spilled over and fell down my cheeks. How could she feel that way?

Jake took her into his arms and they started to sway with each other in a perfectly coordinated and practiced movement. He cleared his throat, obviously upset as well.

"We will get through this, Bella. I know these past few months have been tough for us, but we are husband and wife and that is what we do, we face things together and We. Will. Get. Through. This." he repeated.

Bella started to sob harder.

My heart broke completely in that moment, and he knew and still didn't care. Jake wanted to work through this with Bella and she didn't want their divorce after all.

I was devastated and needed to get out of there as quickly as I could. I made it through the kitchen and out the back door before anyone could see me. I picked up my pace as I ran into the woods and followed the path that Bella and I made during high school. It was a path that we created to sneak out to our meadow whenever we needed to be alone.

When I found my way into the center of the meadow, amongst the flowers that had already died for the season and the trees that had lived for a hundred years, I lost it. I cried, screamed, and begged God to take her free will away and when he didn't answer, I even kicked a couple trees.

How could she change her mind?

Could she not feel how right we were together?

I lost all sense of time and I could have been out there for minutes, hours or days for all I cared. At some point I finally realized I needed to get back to my car and get the hell out of here before everyone returned the funeral. There was no way I could face Bella and Jake again.

Like I had told her a week ago, I would always do what she wanted and needed when it came to our relationship, no matter how much it killed me. I planned to remain a man of my word and stick to that. I would walk away and allow her to fix her marriage with Jake like he clearly wanted to do.

I loved her enough to let her go.

I would continue to love her for the rest of my life and for that reason, I would not be the source of any kind of pain for her. I would have to tuck these feelings back away in my heart and pray that I could learn to deal with not being whole once again. I just hoped Jake could step up become the man she needs after all and that they could work things out, since that was what she wanted.

After I started my car I drove straight out of Forks, speeding through Port Angeles and then headed back into Seattle. I couldn't go home, though, because someone would find me and at that moment I didn't want to exist.

I ended up checking into the first hotel I came to that wasn't on the main highway so no one could find me. After I made it into my room, I took a shower hoping it would wash away my sorrows. It didn't work, of course, so I just got into the bed and closed my eyes. Bella consumed every space of my mind and it was too painful, but I could not push my thoughts away. I cried for hours and finally gave in and let sleep take me away.

I awoke to the sound of my phone beeping. I looked at it and saw that I had fifteen missed calls and several voicemails. They were mostly from my parents, but I had a few from Jessica and Jake but the one that stood out the most was from Bella.

I would not allow myself to get lost in her voice one last time as she said she was sorry and explained how she wanted to go back on our decision.

I needed to make a clean break from her.

Without realizing what I did, I started to call the number I had dialed by heart for years and put the phone to my ear. There was only one person that could help me.

"Son? Where the hell are you? Are you ok? We've been looking for you all night long." He rushed to say without taking a breath. I could hear mumbling in the background and I assumed he was with my mom. I could not talk to anyone else, I knew he was the one person who would listen but wouldn't push me to explain my disappearance.

"Dad, I'm ok. I'm sorry you all have been worried about me, that wasn't my intention. I, um, I… I just needed some time to myself," I managed to get out without tearing up again. "I need your help, Dad."

Somehow I made it through our conversation without breaking down or even really telling my dad the truth. I would have loved to have had his words of wisdom in that situation, but I was too heartbroken and ashamed of what I had done; what we had done. I just needed to get away from everyone and everything and reprioritize my life. I needed to clear my head and lick my wounds. I had loved her for so long, and it finally felt like a relationship was within reach for us again. But then fate stepped in and tore her away before I had ever really had the chance to truly make her mine.

I explained to my dad that I needed his help transferring my residency to other hospital, far away from Seattle. Clearly he was shocked and wanted answers that I did not want to provide. I continued to be adamant that I felt like it was best for my career to move away as quick as possible. He made it clear that he didn't believe me nor support my hasty decision, but he told me he would call in some favors and see what he could arrange.

Once again my dad did not let me down, as he pulled some strings and found me a place to go.

I ended up speaking to my mom later that night and gave her some lame ass excuse on why I felt I had to leave. She seemed to except what I had said but gave me the third degree about not being at Charlie's funeral. I lied and gave the reason that I was too distraught from his death to be there. I felt disgusted with myself when she showed me some sympathy that I did not deserve or want.

Jessica took my news better than anyone. She said she wanted to leave with me, even though I didn't ask her to. She stated she was excited for a new adventure and she had a feeling that was just what our relationship needed. I was too lost in my own mind to care about anything and wasn't thinking clearly when I agreed to have her come along.

I just needed to be as far away from Seattle, and Bella, as a quickly as possible. I could deal with the repercussions later, but if I stayed in Seattle I was afraid I would lose myself.

Another week had passed when I walked through the airport on my way to Chicago. I felt my heart break with every step I took, but I made my mind go numb to the pain.

Put one foot in front of the other.

My mind had an internal battle raging; one side said to board that plane and never ever look back. Bella chose Jake. One night in paradise was all we would ever have and I would have to accept that. The other side said that I was a fucking idiot. I promised Bella I would be ok with whatever decision she made and clearly I was not. I had to leave, I would suffer without seeing her but I would die if I did.

Next to my departure gate was a sign that stated, "Thank You for visiting Seattle. Come back again." The word visiting stood out to me. That's all I would be doing from now on, Seattle will no longer be my home.

I walked onto the plane with a heavy heart, but my head held high and hoped that I was listening to the right side of my brain.

~~ E & B ~~

Bella

One year later

My conversation with Jake last night went a hell of a lot better than I thought it would. He had said that he'd suspected something was going on with me and knew that we needed to make a decision about how to proceed.

I had never deserved him.

We talked about making peace with our past, so it wouldn't mess up the present. Both of us had been a contributing part of our problems.

Sure, we did not have a perfect marriage, but through our good and bad times, Jake had always been one of my best friends. We would stay that way regardless of who had made which mistake during our marriage. It didn't matter now who was guilty of adultery, who worked too many hours at the shop to avoid coming home, and who rolled over in bed to pretend they were sleeping to avoid sex. None of that mattered anymore.

I decided I needed to get my ass up out of bed and start my day. I had called Alice the night before and asked her to meet me at Starbucks. As scared as I was to tell Jake the truth, I was even more scared of her.

Alice was a frightening little monster when she wanted to be and the conversation I was going to have with her was better to have in a crowded coffee shop than in the privacy of my home. I had counted on her support almost more than anyone throughout my lifetime. That conversation would be no different.

In elementary school, the third grade to be exact, Mary Alice Brandon had been my first loyal friend. When the other kids tried to bully me, Alice was the one who got sent home from school for pushing them down in the classroom. In middle school, during our Student Council dance, Alice took off her shoe and threw it at Lauren for telling me that my dress had looked like it came from Goodwill. In high school, Alice even threatened to cut off Edward's dick if he was the reason I shed any tears after our breakup.

I laughed at those memories. Mary Alice Brandon wasn't half as loyal as the current Allie Whitlock was. Her loyalty grew deeper as she aged.

She had been the best friend that I could have ever had. I knew our conversation was going to be hard, but I also had faith in her. She would be there every step of the way with me, of that, I was sure.

The water in the shower became cold so I turned it off and stepped out to begin to dry off my body. It felt good to wash away the tears from the night before. I couldn't believe how well Jake had taken my news. I knew he hadn't been feeling well lately and worried about his reaction, but I should have more faith in him.

Once dressed for the day, I got into my car for the twenty minute drive to the coffee shop.

I ordered my chai tea and looked around. There was a table along the back wall open and I knew there was no way I wanted that one; I needed witnesses to keep Alice in line. I glanced over and found two red colored wing chairs open near the front door. Exactly where I wanted to be when I needed to distract Alice as she tried to murder me.

As I sat there clicking the top of the plastic lid with my fingernail, I tried to organize my thoughts, and more importantly at that point, just breathe. I started to regret not letting Jake come along to support me as he said he would. I told him I could handle her and that he couldn't be my crutch. I had to own up to my mistakes. Well, mistake wasn't the best word to use but I had already run out of words in my head.

The bell on the door rang and I saw Alice bounce into the shop and look around while she tried to find me. Her eyes first looked toward the back of the coffee shop where I would've sat if I was not a chicken shit. She smiled when she finally spotted me and I tried to return her smile, but somehow I could not manage it. Alice noticed my grimace and paused, she slowly took in my appearance as her eyes traveled from my face down to my tennis shoes and up again and paused at my waist. She knew. Somehow, little Allie Whitlock, who designed shoes for a living, but missed her calling as a psychic, already figured it out. Damn her.

Alice walked over and what she did next surprised me. She engulfed me in a hug and told me she would always be there for me.

"I know," I whispered.

Alice kissed me cheek. "I'll be right back. If I don't get a White Chocolate Mocha into my body before we talk, then your effort to sit us next to the front door may not be enough to control me." She rolled her eyes and went to stand in line, chatting with the person in front of her.

Looking out the window while I waited for Alice to return, I watched kids with their moms, couples holding hands and just people going along with their day, some appeared happy and they probably were. Other's carried their bags and purses or wore their suits and ties and I assumed they were headed to work. One thing that I noticed was that life goes on. The sun comes up in the morning whether you want it to or not, the moon can't be stopped either. With that knowledge, I realized I couldn't make the wrong decisions I'd made recently into right ones no matter how hard I'd wished I could. The good and the bad choices made us who we were, whether we liked it or not.

"You okay, Bella?" Alice asked, pulling her chair out from under the table to sit down.

I looked up at her with tears forming in my eyes. "No," I replied, as a tear fell down onto my cheek. "No, I'm not."

"Take a deep breath and hold it. You look like you might pass out on me at any minute." Alice tried to joke and lighten the mood. "I'm a shoe designer, Bella, not a life saver."

"Okay." I did as she said.

After a minute or two of just breathing, I decided to start talking.

"Allie, I've made so many mistakes these past few years. Some mistakes seemed wrong at the time, but turned out to be good, ya know? I hope that this will be one of those." I knew that she would support me. The shock that I anticipated wouldn't last for long.

"How did this happen? I thought you were adamant not to have a physical relationship again until you guys were in a better place?" She quietly asked.

"I went to talk to him and things just happened. Sex. Sex happened," I said, embarrassed to admit that I messed up again, but could not bring myself to regret it.

Alice chuckled and said, "I get that, what I mean is, how did it get to that point? No, don't answer that." She laughed at her own perverted thought. "What I really meant was, when did this happen?"

"Well, you see, the thing is, we… um… we talked for a few hours, and it felt so good to be with him again, without the pressures of the past year, and I felt loved. It really feels like we've made progress and I guess I let the moment break me down. It's not like it's the first time we've had sex, you know?" I rambled, feeling defensive.

Alice rolled her eyes and laughed. "Yes, I know. You two used to go at it all the time and I get that. But, Bella, how'd did you let this happen? Didn't Jake use protection?"

"Yeah, we used a condom, but I guess it didn't work. Well, that's obvious, huh? I'm pregnant and I'm trying to be happy about it. Well, I am happy about my baby. I've always dreamed of becoming a mom, you know that. But I'm trying to be happy about having a baby with my husband and I feel so fucking guilty about that." I began to cry. "I just can't stop feeling guilty about wishing that it was with someone else." I sobbed into my hands.

I heard her chair push away from the table and she began to rub circles on my back. "Edward." Alice didn't ask, she knew. She always knew.

"Yes, Edward." I whispered my guilty confession and cried until I had trouble breathing. Even after a year, I still missed him desperately.

Edward left the day of my father's funeral. He abandoned me when I had needed him the most, as my father had been shot the night that Edward and I confessed our true feelings to each other. We made promises then and I was going to continue on with my side of the bargain until he left me without a word. No goodbyes, no explanations, no nothing.

I had tried to call him repeatedly in the weeks that followed and he never answered my calls. Jake thought I was in mourning over the sudden loss of losing my father, and I was. I missed my dad with every ounce of my being. What he didn't know was that I had also mourned the loss of my dream of finally being with Edward again. I was consumed with grief over the loss of the two men in my life that I never wanted to be without. I may have been surrounded by blankets, pillows, flowers and cards filled with messages of love and hope, but most of all, I was covered in guilt.

Here I was being comforted by my husband who I had just cheated on, the one person I didn't deserve sympathy from. A few weeks earlier, I planned on telling him that I had sex with his best friend, my ex-boyfriend and that I was choosing Edward over him. I was the worst kind of human being imaginable.

Jake held me for hours, made me eat and drink even when I just wanted to shrivel up and die. He told me stories about my father and held me while I cried, gasping for breath. He never left or abandoned me. Jake said he would be there with me as long as I wanted him to be.

I started going to a therapist to help me with all of my issues. She listened as I whined about myself, my husband, my bad choices, and my infidelity with Edward. There was my guilt of not being able to say goodbye to Charlie and hold his hand before he died... everything. She simply listened and gave advice when she felt compelled. The best thing she told me was that no matter how good or bad a situation was, it would always change. Be happy for the good times and learn from the bad.

I did learn.

I learned that Jake had just as many doubts about our marriage as I had, but also that, just like me, he wanted to try to fix what we could between us. We would give it our best effort and we might not be together two months, or two years, but we would try.

It had been a long road but we were doing better. I never found the right time to tell Jake about what I had done with Edward. My therapist asked me during every appointment if I'd found a way to tell him, but my answer was always the same. "No."

"You need to."

"I know." I had said that so much over the past year that I thought I would bust. I did know. Hell, every second of every fucking day the guilt ate away at me.

Jake deserved the world, a wife that did not cheat on him and that loved him with every cell which made up her body. He was more than I could have ever needed, but he wasn't what, or I should say, who I wanted. I promised to tell my husband the truth when I found the right words. It was just that the words I prayed for never came to me when it counted. Then when I thought I could tell him, Jake would be sick again and my determination would slip away.

"Bella?" Alice asked, causing me to leave my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"How did Jake take the news?" She asked, not referring to my night with Edward but to my pregnancy. Yes, I had told her about what had happened with Edward last year. She could read me like a book and knew that I had tears for more than just my dad.

I laughed, "Jake is excited. He knows the timing may not be right for us, but he has always wanted a family and couldn't be happier." I smiled at the memory. Jake had picked me up and spun me around in the air laughing the entire time. He kept thanking me and thanking God and said we'd be okay, we would get through that together. Jake deserved to be a dad and the news was the best medicine he could've received.

Over the past months, Jake had recurring pain in his back that we thought was the result was working on cars in his shop. His doctor was being overly cautious, they ordered some tests and we were waiting for the results.

"That sounds like him," she said. "When are you due and why am I just now hearing about this? You know I would've been there when you took the test." Alice tried to look mad but the twinkle in her eyes deceived her. I knew she wasn't upset with me. I had always been stubborn and tried to handle things on my own.

"I know, but I didn't want to bother you-"

"If you finish that sentence, Bella Black, you might not live long enough for me to plan your baby shower. You and I have been together through all the good and bad things that have come our way and have I ever given you the impression that I wouldn't be there for you when you had to pee on a damn plastic stick?" She got louder towards the end of her rant and my effort to sit us in an open area had come back to bite me in the ass. All eyes were on us as I felt my blush take over my face in embarrassment.

"Allie, no, you've never made me feel that way. It's just something I had to do on my own and I'm sorry for leaving you out. If you want, we'll stop and buy another test and I'll even let you hold it while I pee on it." I laughed at my joke while I tried to distract her.

"I would like that very much," she said, calling my bluff.

I sighed. "Fine, we'll do it again together, but you're not holding it for me, got it?"

"Let's go."

An hour later we sat on my bathroom counter waiting for the test to say positive, again, since Alice decided to buy two tests just for the hell of it. She had said she just wanted to be sure, but I knew she just couldn't decide if she'd rather see the word pregnant or the happy face when it would confirm my pregnancy, so she chose both. Typical Alice.

We waited for the happy face to appear.

"Do you have any regrets?" She asked, as she picked up the test again and huffed as she noticed the window was still empty.

"Yes and no. But I don't regret my baby." I answered, then even more quietly I continued, "I don't regret my night with Edward either."

A/N: No way! We thought Edward was the father of Bella's baby. WTF? *evil grin* Don't you just love Allie? We do!

Thanks for reading. If you have the time, please review and we'll send you a teaser of the next chapter. If not, we'll see you on Saturday. Chapter 3 will be posted on April 9th.

Check out LZTZ's story "The Hot Corner" and tanglingshadows story "A Race Against Time" which will be completed this coming Friday! You'll thank us later!