Author's Note:

Wolf: Hey it's me again. Expect some Palpy torture in this chapter.

Palpy: Don't call me Palpy! Why is it always me?

Wolf: Because I don't like you! Anyways I don't own Star Wars. Count Chocula, or the Cubs. I also don't own Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, for which this is loosely based upon.

Chapter 2: Introductions

Wolf clapped her hands together. "Okay, I think introductions are in order! For starters, I'm Wolf, the authoress…" she announced, as her eyes filled with fake tears. Her voice became sad, "and I'm an alcoholic!" She laughed. "No, just kidding." Wolf yawned. "Sorry if I fall asleep on my feet. My parents banned me from all sugar and caffeine after an incident involving cabbage, duct tape, and a rabid raccoon. You're probably wondering why you're all here. This place," Wolf gestured all around her, "is called Wolf's Home for Fictional Characters. Sadly, none of you are real."

Cries of shock and outrage rang throughout the room, but Wolf silenced them all immediately. "That's why I built this place! You now can all be considered real, and since I'm a huge Star Wars fan, which is what you're from, I brought you all here before the others! There are a few from other fictional universes, but just my favorites.

"Anyways, who wants to introduce themselves first?" No one volunteered, and instead stared blankly at Wolf for five minutes. Frustrated, Wolf gestured to her left. "Okay, Luke we'll start with you and go clockwise."

Warily, Luke stood up for his chair he had found. Why did things like this always have to happen to him? And why did his father always have to be there when they did? He cleared his throat. " Umm, hi, I'm Luke Skywalker. Jedi Knight, rebel, and destroyer of the Death Star." He sat back down again.

Luke, that danged voice murmured to him.

Get out of my head, Father!

So, Vader sounded triumphant, you have accepted the truth!

I have accepted the truth that you were once Anakin Skywalker.

Across the room, Vader hissed. Screw you, Son! That name means nothing to me!

Whatever…Anakin! Anakin! Anakin!

While father and son continued their mental duel, Leia began her intro. "Hello, I am Leia Organa, former Senator and Princess of Alderaan." At this, she glared menacingly at Vader. Still in his argument with Luke, Vader didn't notice.

You know, Luke, you really should consider the Dark Side.

Why? Luke countered. So I can go around and strangle every Imperial officer who gives me bad news? 'Lord Vader, the Millenium Falcon has escaped.' Bang! He's dead! 'Lord Vader, the Death Star has been destroyed.' Bang! He's dead! 'Lord Vader, I'm afraid those pictures of you dressed like a hooker are on the Holonet.' Bang! He's dead!

I have never dressed like a hooker!

Han, gun still pointed at Fett, began to speak. "Han Solo, Captain of the Millenium Falcon and the only actor whose career wasn't destroyed by the original trilogy."[1]

Reluctantly, the Fett-man muttered a few words. "Boba Fett, bounty hunter." Stang, he hated speaking! After all, it wasn't what you said, but how freaking awesome you look not saying anything at all.

A shriveled green dwarf hobbled forward to speak. "Yoda, I am. Unusual, our situation is. Hungry, I am. Have candy, do you?"

Wolf sighed. "Please don't taunt me like that."

"EEK!" Lando screamed, "It's a troll!"

"Troll, I am not!" He ran at Lando and hit him in the ankles with his gimer stick.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Yoda rolled his eyes. "Pathetic, you are! How has one become so wussy?"

"I'm not a wuss! Lando Calrissian is not a wuss!"

Everyone rolled their eyes, for it was obvious that Lando was indeed a wuss. Meanwhile, Luke and Vader were still going at it.

Son, join the Dark Side! It's really cool! Vader commanded.

You haven't given me a good reason!

You get to wear black! And you get a cape! We have cookies!

Ooh, you're very original!

How about brownies?

Not good enough!

A pony?

Do I really look like a five-year-old girl to you?

Do you want an honest answer?

SON OF A-

I wouldn't call me that, Son. You'll be insulting both your father AND your grandmother.

It was now 3PO's turn. " I am C-3PO, human cyborg-" A series of beeps cut him off.

Yeah, yeah. We get it. Shut your trap.

"How rude! This is R2-D2. He can be quite insufferable sometimes."

Palpatine's hideous, wrinkly, disgusting face scanned the room. The Wolf girl was so strong with the Force! " Come to the Dark Side, Wolf!" he demanded.

Wolf glared at him. "Screw off, you perverted old freak!"

" How DARE you!" he shrieked. He shot a burst of well-aimed Force lightning at Wolf.

Something very odd happened. Just as the lightning hit Wolf, Palpatine vanished into a huge pool of water that Wolf had made appear. In it were what seemed to be sharks…with laser beams attached to their heads.

Everyone pulled up chairs to watch Palpy suffer…except for Luke and Vader, of course.

Father, why don't you just turn back to the Light Side?

Yeah right, Son! That'll happen as soon as the Cubs win the World Series!

What are the Cubs?

I believe they are a sports team of some sort.

Several minutes later, Wolf removed Palpatine from the pool and revived him. The pool immediately disappeared. Mace Windu was giving Wolf an admiring look. She's so lucky, he thought, I've always wanted to do that! All of a sudden he realized it was his turn to speak. " Master Mace Windu."

"Oh wow," Solo retorted, "someone's full of themselves." Mace turned on Solo.

"Excuse me?" There was a threatening tone in his already intimidating voice.

Solo laughed. "Come on! 'Master?" Master of what? And your outfit! Are you a monk, or is that just a bath robe? I-" Wolf brandished her wand, and Solo shut up.

Obi-wan was happier than he had ever been. He was no longer dead, and he was young, too! Now, if only Anakin would magically reappear from Vader, and Padme was still alive, then everything would be perfect…

Yeah right. "Obi-wan Kenobi, Jedi Master." Darth Maul was giving him a malevolent glare. Vader was gazing at Luke, completely unaware of Obi-wan.

Luke, this conversation isn't going anywhere.

No dip, Sherlock!

Don't use the tone with me! And who is Sherlock?

And so, their sparring began once again.

"I," began a man with long, grayish-brown hair and a beard, "am Qui-gon Jinn, the rebellious Jedi Master."

"Wait a minute," interjected Leia, "aren't most of you dead?"

"I brought them back to life," Wolf answered. She gazed sadly at Anakin/Vader. "Unfortunately, I can't bring back Force-sensitives. That includes Padme. You understand, right, Anakin?" Anakin/Vader didn't respond. "Anakin…ANAKIN!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," he murmured absently, completely unaware of what Wolf had just said. Immediately he went back into his private conversation, while a shocked crowd of people, aliens, and droids looked at him.

"Hold the comlink!" an astonished young Togruta said. "THAT'S Anakin Skywalker?! I'm Ahsoka Tano, by the way."

"Uhh…yeah," Wolf replied, "isn't it sad? He used to be amazingly hot, too!"

"OMF, that means he's Luke's father!" said Leia.

"And," Wolf added cheerfully, "Luke's your brother!"

"……NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I made out with my brother!" Leia fainted from the horror, right into an unsuspecting Count Dooku's arms. Enraged by this, Chewbacca attacked Dooku, growling about sexual assault (though only Han, Threepio, Artoo, and Wolf caught that part.) Chewie brutally ripped Dooku's arms out of their sockets.

"The Wookie is Chewbacca," Han explained.

"And-I'm-Count-Dooku," Tyranus/ Dooku/ Count Chocula spoke up in a rather pained voice. Now the only person left was Darth Maul. True to his silent nature, he only said, "Maul." Qui-gon glowered at him.

"YOU! YOU KILLED ME!" Without another word, the pair engaged in a vicious duel to the death.

Author's Note:

Wolf: That was a lot longer than the first chapter. Five pages!

Jayfeather: When do I finally appear?

Wolf: Chapter four.

Jayfeather: YAY!

Ashfur: Do I ever make an appearance?

Hollyleaf: (attacks Ashfur from behind.)

Ashfur's Ghost: Aww, dang.

Luke: What's up with all of these cats?

Wolf: Uhh, please review, or else…uhh, something bad will happen. Don't ask me what, I need some time to come up with an idea.

[1] Anyone who guesses where most of this is from gets a virtual plushie collection of Vader, Anain, Luke, Jayfeather, and Optimus Prime! Why Optimus Prime? I don't know. Just because he's cool, I guess.