Chapter Two: Swans

Addison sat staring at the computer screen, she had been set on keeping herself busy for the whole morning but with only one patient scheduled for 3pm she had spent the morning unsuccessfully trying to distract herself with paperwork and emails. It was times like this she missed Seattle Grace; there was always something happening there, there was always an emergency, a surgery, a crisis - one could spend days procrastinating and avoiding life within its walls.

When did her life become so messy? She was a happily married woman once, when she married Derek she believed it was real, she did love him and she did think they'd be together forever. She yearned now for the simplicity of that life – the start of that life anyway.

She looked at the clock, 11:00am, Pete was due to meet Violet at 12:00pm. She knew they were going to talk about the future, about Lucas, about her. She hated feeling so out of control, she was Addison Forbes Montgomery, word-renowned double board certified neonatal surgeon and OBGYN – she was used to being in control.

Her office door opened, letting the outside world into her caccoon of avoidance and denial. It was Pete and Lucas.

"You've been in here all morning." Pete smiled as he entered the room and sat on the sofa.

"I've been busy" Addison lied.

Pete looked at her with a knowing smile.

"Ok, I've been hiding" she admitted with a smile as she walked over to the sofa and took Lucas from Pete and placed a kiss on his forehead before holding him against her.

Pete leaned into Addison and they both kissed and cuddled Lucas as he bounced and gurgled on Addison's lap.

"Will you look after him at lunchtime?" Pete asked.

"At lunch time?" Addison asked a bit confused "erm, yes of course but I thought you were having lunch with Violet."

"I am," answered Pete as if the baby's absence from the lunch date was self explanatory "but we need to talk, we need to make arrangements about Lucas and I think it would be better if Lucas wasn't there, it will help us both to talk with clear minds and without distractions."

"Pete, she wants to see Lucas" Addison reminded him, she wasn't so sure that Pete's motives were as straight forward as he made out.

"I know and she will," replied Pete plainly – he had thought this through "but she can't just turn up and demand to see him and expect me to hand him over, he's my son too Addison, she left him, she didn't want to know him, she can't just expect to come waltzing into his life like nothing's happened."

Addison could hear the determination in Pete's voice and she knew it came from his love of Lucas; he just wanted to protect his son.

"She has been through a lot Pete" Addison said simply, she was scared of how Violet was about to change her life but as a women she felt protective of Violet's rights and feelings too.

"We all have." said Pete simply.

Addison had just settled Lucas into his car seat and covered the sleeping baby with a blanket when Sam came into her office. He had been meaning to come and see her all morning but he had been rushed off his feet, he wanted to see how she was after last night. He really wanted to try and be a good friend to Addison, before their feelings for each other had got in the way they were becoming good friends and he wanted that to continue, he had to have her in his life in some way. Besides, he felt guilty and responsible for the best friend she had lost, he knew he was no Naomi but he would try to be his own version of her best friend. He saw Lucas sound asleep and tip toed over to the sofa and quietly took a seat. Addison smiled at him, crossed the room and planted herself on the armchair next to Sam.

"I just wanted to check you are ok," whispered Sam "seems you have your hands full."

Addison smiled and looked over at the sleeping Lucas, "I'm just looking after him while Pete has lunch with Violet"

"Oh right," Sam answered he wasn't sure if this was a good or a bad thing "without Lucas?"

"Yeah, I thought it was a bit weird too," admitted Addison "but Pete just wants to get things straight with Violet, he wants to do the right thing and he feels they need time alone to decide what that is."

Sam looked at Addison as she spoke and he could see that she was worried, she tried to be confident, to talk as if the whole situation was uncomplicated and under control but he could see from looking at her that she was panicking and that she felt that everything was out of her control and he knew Addison well enough to know that she was the archetypal swan; calm, collected and graceful on the surface but paddling for dear life underneath.

All Sam knew was that he wanted to be with her, she was all he could think about and he knew that the feelings he had for her weren't going to go away. He sighed, how had this happened? He hadn't always been in love with her, he'd been in love with Naomi, he had built a life with Naomi and he didn't regret a single moment of that life, they had loved each other and they had created a beautiful daughter together. They were so young when they got married and they had grown so much during their marriage, become different people, better people and they had grown apart. It wasn't that he was a serial monogamist and it wasn't that he took marriage lightly but they had grown and they changed and they had fallen apart.

He was older now, wiser and more confident and he wanted Addison in his life, in every part of his life, he wanted to share her confidence, her triumphs, her friendship and he wanted to share her troubles, her vulnerability and her pain.

"Sam?" Addison was looking at Sam expecting an answer.

"What? Uh…sorry…I….what did you say" his thoughts had swamped his head and he'd missed what she was saying.

"I was just asking if you'd heard from Naomi, Pete said she's gone to Switzerland with William."

"No, I haven't heard from Naomi," he replied "I don't think I am likely to anytime soon either."

Addison sighed "Me neither."