I'm waiting at a bus stop. The bus is headed for L.A. and I need to get there to find Sarah. The problem is, being a rock, I can't get on the bus by myself. Luckily, there is a little boy standing next to me. Now, the rules say that I can't engage in a conversation with a human unless said human starts the conversation first. But it also says that I can start the conversation if necessary. I'm going to stretch the circumstances a bit and say that, in this case, I feel that finding my girl is important enough.
"Hey, kid," I say from the ground.
The boy looks around, but doesn't see me. Not that I blame him.
"Hey, kid," I try again.
This time he looks directly at me. Man, I love kids. Two tries. It would have taken at least fifty had it been an adult and then the adult would have probably screamed and run to his/her shrink. Not kids. Nope. They're awesome.
"Hi, look, I know this is weird," I begin, "but since I'm not big enough to get on the bus myself and I also don't have money to pay the fare, do you think that maybe you can stick me in your pocket?"
The boy, seven-year old, looks confused. Again, I don't blame him. But he just figured something out, although I have no idea what, and now he's picking me up and putting me in his pocket. And right on time to. The bus has just arrived.
His pocket is a little stuffy, but beggars can't be choosers. And, besides, there's candy in here. Hmm, rock candy. Now, rocks actually don't like rock candy. People that offer us candy, very few admittedly but some do, think that we like rock candy. Rocks actually like Skittles. I prefer the sour ones over the plain ones, but again, beggars can't be choosers and this kid has a few plain Skittles in his pocket. Considering there are only three and each of them is covered in lint, I'm going to take the liberty of deciding that the boy won't eat them. That way I can eat them myself.
Hmm, yum, ah, good. Yes, yummmm, Skittles!!!!
Uh, sorry, but I had to eat. Lint gives the candy a different taste. Very good. Anyhoo, back to the story.
Right, so the bus has come to a stop in L.A. Because I was eating, and three Skittles is a lot to a rock, I missed the chance to describe the other stops. But the reason I'm here is to find Sarah, so it doesn't matter.
Timmy, that's the boy, I learned his name from his mother who told him to do something. I forgot what it was. Rocks also have a kind of short-term memory loss, but since Timmy's mom wasn't talking to me, no skin off my back. Right, so Timmy and his mom get off the bus. Timmy, because I used my telepathic powers, knows to drop me on the sidewalk. Actually, I wanted him to place me, but that might have caused suspicion, so Timmy was right in dropping me. Smart kid. I just wish it hurt less.
Okay, so now I'm in L.A. and I have to find Sarah. Luckily, with help from the Internet, I know where Chuck lives. Yes, I said "Chuck" not "Sarah", but they aren't going to give the address to the living place of a top government spy. Just not happening. Chuck was my best bet, so now I'm heading for his place. And in interest for his, Sarah's, and his family's protection, I will not tell you where that is. So ha!
Now, I won't bore you with all of the details of my trip around L.A. That would be rude of me. And my parents didn't raise me to be rude. So instead, I'm going to tell you a little bit more of Sarah and travel L.A. at the same time.
As seen on the show, Sarah is very handy with knives. Great aim. During the year that we were together, she would throw me at various targets and she would always hit her mark. Sometimes it would hurt, but she would always take good care of me.
Hmm, well, now that I've been thinking about it, I'm not too sure that Sarah would want me to give any more information about her. So I'm not. Now I will tell you about rocks. Very interesting topic, but I'll only cover a few things.
One, rocks have rules. They vary, but they're still rules. I've given some examples in previous text and will not name any others at the moment.
Two, rocks are highly intelligent beings. Yes, it's true. And we take offense to the phrase "dumb as a sack of rocks".
Three, rocks have powers. Telepathy being one. There are others, about six, but like the rules, I will not name any more yet.
Four, rocks have no "religion". We have beliefs, but I don't want to start a fight.
Five, rocks speak eleven different languages including "Doowrednueirrac" which is our native language.
Well, that's enough for now because I'm here. Outside of Chuck's apartment. And, look, here he and Sarah come now. Hmm, Sarah walks right past me. But I won't let that hurt my feelings. I'm a strong rock. And here comes Chuck close behind and I swerve just a little bit, and BAM! he falls. Okay, it seems mean, but I had to.
Chuck takes it like a man and gets right back up to follow Sarah inside, but he picks me up first. And again, stretching the rules to fit my needs, I have decided to talk to him.
"Hey, Chuck," I start, "how have you been treating my girl?"
He looks at me, then he looks around, now it seems like he's figured something out. Hey, maybe it will be like Timmy.
"Haha," he laughs. "Very funny, Casey. Talking rock. Make me feel like I'm losing my mind."
Ugh, typical adult. I decide to try again.
"No, Chuck," I say, "I am really a talking rock. I know, it seems unbelievable, but it's real. Just like bedbugs. You wouldn't think they'd exist, that they just come from stories and whatnot, but they're real."
"Uh-huh," Chuck says, obviously not believing me.
I'm just going to keep talking to him because he isn't going to be saying anything soon.
"Look, my name is Bill," I say. "I was Sarah's pet rock when she was little. Things happened and I—"
"Ran away," he finishes.
"Well, no," I begin, "that's not exactly what happened, but how did you know?"
"Sarah told me about you...kind of," Chuck says.
"Ah, cool," I say. "She still remembers me. But, buddy, as much as I would love to stay here and chat with you, do you think that you could bring me to her?"
"What...Sarah?" Chuck asks. "Uh, yeah, sure."
And he mumbles something about "She's never going to believe this.", but I'm on my way to see my girl. I don't care what he's saying.
We enter the living room and there she is. As beautiful as ever. I can't believe it.
"What took you so long?" she asks Chuck, but for a minute I think she is talking to me.
"I found this, him, this," Chuck says, more or less. I, personally, think he stuttered it.
Then he shows me to Sarah. And she looks at me for a minute and then back to Chuck and then back to me. Then recognition hits and...
"Bill?" she asks, and there was something in her voice but I can't name it.
"Yep," I say, "that's me. How have you been, baby girl?"
"Fine," she says. "Wow, I thought you were gone forever. How did you get here? How did you find me?"
"It's a long story," I say.
"Well, okay," she says. "How have you been?"
"Good," I say, and because I can't help myself, "better now that I'm here with you."
"Awww," Chuck says, and I'm sure there is some sarcasm in his tone.
"Oh, Chuck, sorry," Sarah says, looking from me up to him. Because he was still holding me. "It's just that I haven't seen Bill for like twenty years."
"I know," he says, "and I'm glad that you guys have been reuntited, but he just peed on me."
True, I did. But I'm excited. Again, not my fault. Small bladder.
"He does have a habit of doing that," Sarah says, taking me from Chuck and placing me on the television so that I can have a view of the whole room. "Go wash your hands."
Chuck obeys. While he's in the bathroom, Sarah and I catch up on the past twenty years, more or less. But as he returns, she just lights up. He was only gone for like five minutes, but seeing her it seemed like he was gone for, well, twenty years. And something amazing and unexpected, okay to me it was amazing and unexpected, happens. Chuck comes up to her and they kiss. Very awesome. The government won't let us see that on the show. Blah.
I turn around to give the kids some privacy. Yes, kids. I'm well over five hundred years old, but still young and yet way older than Chuck and Sarah. Haha, there I go getting side-tracked. I'm just so happy now, with everything that has happened, I could just cry tears of joy. But, come on, rocks can't cry.
The End