A/N: OH MY GOSH RACINGWOLF INVENTED THE DUMBEST CHARACTER EVER! There was this stupid idiot named Alyssa in this chapter of her story, and she was…CONCERNED…for SNAP! Who would be concerned about Snap? His suffering is GOOD because he's a JERK! I hate him! But, luckily I'm smarter than Racingwolf so I'm making Alyssa into a MUCH BETTER character!
Cryptic Infiltration
The BETTER VERSION
By Rudy Clone
Chapter Two – Trail of Signs
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rudy yelled.
"OH NO!" Penny yelled!
"BICLOOP IS IN TROUBLE!" Rudy yelled. He yelled it because that is what Snap told him after he went back to them with his evil plan. Snap laughed behind the others' backs because he knew it was all fake. But Rudy didn't know and he was worried for Bicloop because Bicloop was so wise that he probably could tell Rudy how to confess his love…but he couldn't do that if he was dead! "Bicloop better be alive!" Rudy said.
"I bet he's not!" Snap said just to worry them.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" said Rudy and Penny.
They ran and ran into the Chalk Mine. As they burst through the entrance (staining the floor with that gray substance known as rock pieces) they saw Bicloop sitting in the center of the mine nibbling on the ceiling. "WHAT?" Rudy yelled, and they heard the distant sound of car alarms. "Snap told me you were dying!"
"Huh?" said Bicloop. "Oh, he lied. Because he's a jerk."
Penny slapped Snap.
"SNAP!" Rudy yelled, so enraged that he shuddered as if someone had ripped off his towel. "GO. TO. YOUR. ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" He screamed the last word and pointed out of the chalk mine. "Go to your room right now, young man!" he scolded.
"HOW? I DON'T HAVE A HOUSE ANYMORE!" Snap yelled arrogantly.
"THAT'S NOT MY FAULT!" yelled Rudy.
"You're just too incompetent to go to your room, Snap," said Penny.
"My non-existent room?" Snap sneered rudely.
"If you just TRIED harder, you could go to your room," said Penny, "but you won't because your lazy!"
"I am not!" Snap yelled.
He and Penny started to argue. They were always at each other's throats. They were about to officially declare war on each other when Rudy yelled, "ALL RIGHT SNAP I'VE HAD ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!"
"Want me to break his other arm?" Penny yelled to Rudy as she cracked her knuckles.
"YE-" Rudy started.
"HEY GUYS WANNA SEE SOMETHING COOL?" Bicloop asked, looming over them like a wailord coming out of the sea.
"Uh…sure?" said the three kids.
"Come this way!" Bicloop said cheerfully. They followed, but Snap's injured leg made him slow so he couldn't keep up and Rudy and Penny were relieved they wouldn't have to deal with him for a while. They followed Biclops and he led them to a messy room. "This…" said Bicloop, "is my room!" He smiled.
"Wow," said Penny, "your room is messy! It reminds me of the house of my old friend I knew for one day…" She trailed off, sadness oppressing her face at the memory. "I had a real, NORMAL friend, who was a girl, and…who never thought mayonnaise was funny, but…I guess I lost that." She lowered her head glumly.
"That's nice," said Bicloop, and he patted her head, but he accidentally shoved her into the ground so far that just her head was sticking out.
"PENNY!" Rudy yelled in alarm. His heart beat frantically…he was terrified that she had been hurt because…he…he loved her. Because of that, he was concerned about her well being.
"It's ok, Rudy. I'm fine!" said Penny.
"Ok!" said Rudy.
Then Snap caught up…finally! (Geez, he's SOOOOOO incompetent in Racingwolf's story (and in general). Can't even walk normally with an injured leg. WOW. I mean, it's not like he has a STICK WOUND or anything. He should stop complaining. Some people have REAL PROBLEMS!) "Oh great!" Rudy and Penny groaned.
"I WANT ICE CREAM!" Snap yelled rudely.
"NO WE ARE NOT ON GOOD TERMS!" Rudy yelled not-rudely.
"I have ice cream!" Bicloop stated.
"You do?" asked Snap.
"Yep!" he said, and left for a while. Then he returned with a jar of pickles.
"That's not ice cream!" Snap stated obnoxiously.
"SNAP DON'T BE RUDE!" Rudy scolded, and from where she was in the ground, Penny lectured him on etiquette. "We'd love some of your ice cream Bicloop!" said Rudy.
So Bicloop gave them the "ice cream" which was really pickles. Rudy ate it and didn't complain even though it tasted like chalk. But Snap just whined that it wasn't ice cream. Penny couldn't eat because she was in the ground so Bicloop had to feed the pickles to her through a funnel.
"Also, look at this!" said Bicloop cheerfully, and he showed Rudy…a piece of Hate Chalk Armageddon Form! It was disguised as love chalk so it looked like a pink heart.
"BICLOOP!" Rudy yelled, jumping up on a chair in fright (he had to jump really high because it was Bicloop's chair). "That's the Armageddon Form of hate chalk! Me and Penny saw it when we were in the chalk mine stopping Vinnie and Terry and that dumb iiiiiddddddiiiiooooooottttt named Bob!"
"Oh, right," said Bicloop, and he ate it.
Rudy looked at Penny and sighed dreamily. His heart fluttered when he saw her. She was beautiful even when she was stuck in the ground with a funnel in her mouth. He sighed wistfully, imagining the day when they could be together…in love… Then he remembered that Penny might not love him back, and he broke out into sobs, collapsing to the floor and rolling over and over as he soaked it with his tears.
Snap just looked at him and scoffed. "How pathetic," he sneered at Rudy's expense.
"Snap, that is very rude of you!" said Bicloop. "Of course I expected no less. I don't even know why I let you in the Chalk Mine!" He shoved Snap in the ground, but all the way, so not even his head was sticking out.
"Bicloop," said Penny after she spat out the funnel. "What's wrong with Rudy?"
"Alas, I cannot tell you," said Bicloop, and tears formed in his eyes. "Only Rudy can. But it is a very deep secret." He looked to Rudy. "Maybe King Mumbo Jumbo can help you. I don't know how, but maybe he can." He sat down and began eating his furniture.
"Bicloop, do you really think that'll work?" Rudy asked with sadness.
"Yep," said Bicloop, and he swallowed his table.
"Ok…" said Rudy. He was trying to be brave. For PENNY. Speaking of Penny, he realized she was still in the ground so he pulled her out.
"Thanks, Rudy!" said Penny, and Rudy blushed so hardly as she said his name. Then he un-blushed because she might have seen it.
He resisted the urge to hold her hand as they walked toward the chalk mine entrance. Rudy desperately wanted to confess, but he knew he was not ready yet. Snap had kept telling him to JUST TELL HER ALREADY, but Snap's advice couldn't be good. This was SNAP we were talking about.
Suddenly Snap burrowed underneath him and poked his head out of the ground a few feet from where they were. But it was actually a badger doing the burrowing because Snap was too incompetent to do it himself. The badger pushed Snap out of the ground and shouted at him for being rude. Rudy and Penny scolded Snap for being rude to the badger.
"Rudy, I'm tired," said Penny. Rudy looked at her and gasped! She looked ready to pass out!
"Penny, what's wrong?" he asked worriedly.
"I just don't think I can walk anymore," she said. "It's just too difficult for me."
"Don't worry Penny!" Rudy yelled, and he carried her back to the portal. Their adventure would have to wait until tomorrow. Penny couldn't do it when she was so weak!
Snap just complained about the delay. He and Rudy were not on good terms after that.
fff
The next day they were riding on a jeep through the jungle. They had to duck low to avoid being stick wounded by the branches as they followed a trail. Rudy's eyes narrowed in determination. He WOULD find someone to help him confess his love to Penny, or die trying! They almost did die trying. While trying to find King Mumbo Jumbo, Rudy almost drove over a cliff three times! But it was Snap's fault because he distracted him.
Suddenly they were driving and they nearly hit a dog! Rudy blinked and realized that it was the three headed sparkledog that ate Dooth and THAT FRENCH BOB LOVED HEHE HAHA! But it didn't have anything to do with Penny so Rudy wasn't interested. He drove past the dog and nearly hit a cop!
"Have you seen this guy?" said the cop and he showed Rudy a picture of a dumb robot.
"How is that important to the plot?" Rudy scoffed, pushing the paper away. "I've got better things to do!" he thought of Penny and blushed.
"And your drawing is horrible!" Snap said, pointing at the robot picture. The cop cried.
"SNAP STOP BEING RUDE!" Rudy yelled, and he drove off into the jungle because he was so mad. But he couldn't get away from Snap because Snap was still in the car.
Suddenly they burst into a clearing filled with a bunch of stuff. In the middle of it was King Mumbo Jumbo. He was playing tic tac toe on his shell, then he looked up and saw Rudy. "Rudy!" he cried happily, but then he frowned because Rudy hadn't stopped the car and it ran him over.
"Oops! Sorry!" said Rudy.
"Haha it's ok!" said Mumbo Jumbo. He burrowed out from underneath the car and then smiled at Rudy. "Rudy, I need your help," he said seriously.
"What?" Rudy cried, and his car's alarm went off. "But…I need your help! And my problem is more important!"
"I know," said King Mumbo Jumbo, knowing that Rudy's confession to Penny was the most important thing in the universe. It was, in fact, what the universe revolved around. "But I'm a little selfish. So, I wanted to ask you if you could possibly…help me confess my love to my soul mate? She's-"
"NO!" Rudy yelled, and he turned the car away from there and drove off in the jungle. He couldn't believe how selfish that dumb turtle was. It reminded him of Snap, but not that bad. When he was far enough away Rudy stopped the car and cried. He cried so much that it dissolved the car. Snap just COMPLAINED about it. "I'll never accomplish what I want!" Rudy yelled to the skies.
"Don't be sad, Rudy," said Penny. Then she wanted to cheer him up. "Let's go to the parp!"
Rudy suddenly smiled because Penny had said it. But he was still crying because he didn't know how to confess his love. "O….k….ok," he said between his tears.
They went to the park.
It was a park where you go hiking and stuff. Because there were a bunch of mountains. Anyway, Rudy and Penny walked up to it followed by Snap because he was too selfish to leave the future lovebirds alone. They walked up to a booth where a toucan was. His eyes widened as he saw them.
"You're…Rudy!" he said, then lowered his voice and whispered, "you and Penny were meant for each other! I wish you good luck on your quest!" Every Zoner who heard the whisper nodded, hoping that Rudy would be able to confess his love. Luckily, Penny didn't hear.
They went in the park and Rudy asked some park worker guys about how to confess his love. They didn't know so they were horrible people.
Then Penny said that she wanted to read, so they should go look at a book stand. Rudy was worried that she might have heard his secret, but she didn't because she had been too busy thinking of math tests. He looked at her forlornly as she walked to the book stand and cried a little slightly. He just hated having to keep this secret, but he couldn't bear to tell her yet!
He walked up to the book stand. The person at the stand (whose name was Alyssa) looked at him and gasped. "Oh you poor thing!" she cried. "I know just what it's like to not be able to confess my love!" Luckily Penny didn't hear because she was reading a book. Alyssa sighed. "I know my circumstance is not as horrible as yours of course…" Her eyes brimmed with tears for Rudy's great suffering, and she was so woed that she needed a moment before carrying on. "But…I too have a secret crush." She wiped away a tear and took out a picture of King Mumbo Jumbo. "One day…one day I will confess." Then she realized she was focusing too much on her own trivial problems when Rudy was in far greater need. "Oh, I wish I could help you!" she shouted, and then looked at Rudy with pity. Rudy looked at himself with pity too.
Then Snap came up. Alyssa's gaze hardened as she saw him. She bared her teeth menacingly but it wasn't very menacing because they weren't sharp (she wasn't a vampire like Jacko).
Snap looked up at her. He expected pity. Because Snap, for some dumb reason, thinks his stupid problems like broken bones are important, even though Rudy has a MUCH WORSE problem. (Gosh, Snap, get some perspective on life! And Snap is also a jerk, and I hate him so he doesn't deserve anything.) Alyssa stood up and walked over to Snap, who expected to be given ice cream or something stupid like that.
Instead, she punched him. "How DARE you!?" she yelled, and everyone in the park heard and glared at Snap too. "How DARE you not approve of Rudy's beautiful crush on Penny!"
Rudy blushed as she said this, and looked at Penny, who was too busy reading the book to hear. He then looked at Snap and glared.
"They are SOUL MATES!" Alyssa yelled, her eyes widening as she started to foam at the mouth in anger. "And you're just a…a friend!" She spat the word in disgust. "I bet you're so selfish and greedy you actually think Rudy should still consider you important after he starts having feelings for Penny? Do you not realize he has a love interest?" She shook with rage. "You sicken me!" she yelled.
Snap just yawned and asked for ice cream because he was too stupid to get it. Everyone threw him looks of disgust and then looked at Rudy sympathetically. "Rudy, draw me some ice cream!" he demanded. (AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Guys, I'm writing this story and there's a dumb CAT bothering me! Go away you stupid cat! See, this cat started following me and I called him SNAP because he was so annoying and now he's interrupting my story like a JERK! Ugh, the cat just rubbed his head on my leg and purred. Stupid selfish cat! I don't care about you because you're not Penny! Now it jumped on my lap! GO AWAY SNAP I'M TRYING TO TIMES WITH PENNY IN MY WRITING! … Ok, I made stupid Snap go away. Man, I HATE that cat! Not as much as I hate the real Snap, but still!)
Anyway, Snap was asking for ice cream. Rudy's scowl hardened and Alyssa got so angry that she beat Snap up. Then she comforted Rudy and told him she believed in him. Rudy cried a few tears of joy. He was glad that there were still good people in the world.
Alyssa looked at Rudy again. "I know!" she said, "I'll help you! I'll drive to my house and get you all sorts of cards and chocolates and love poems! Just wait here, I'll go get them for you!" She ran to get her car keys.
"Wait!" yelled Rudy. "That won't work! It'll be made of CHALK!"
"But I HAVE to help you!" Alyssa wailed. She couldn't bear the thought of not assisting Rudy in confessing his love. It was as if her entire life boiled down to this. This…this was the most important thing she would ever do. She knew it, everyone around her knew it, and Rudy knew it. Plus she would never live with herself if she wasn't able to help him. This was the only way she could add some meaning to her dull, meaningless life. This actually mattered! And besides, how could she live not knowing if he and Penny got together? She had to know what would happen! It was of great importance.
Then Alyssa got a lightbulb (that's my metaphor for idea, see I'm smart hehe!). "I know!" she said. "I'll come with you on your quest! I will stand by your side faithfully until you are able to confess your love." She looked at him with seriousness. I think…very serious. "From now on I am your humble servant. I will do whatever it takes to help you overcome this tremendous task."
Rudy thought about it.
"Nah," he said, "you're not important enough to the plot to take focus away from me and Penny. Besides, you're made of CHALK."
Alyssa was so woed that she faded out of the story for a while.
Rudy was so woed about the thought of having to confess to Penny and how terrifying that was, that he spent the next hour or so sobbing on the ground. His tears dissolved the CHALK ground into a crater. At one point he saw a random Zoner crying because he dropped his ice cream and but luckily the other Zoners scolded that guy and told him he couldn't be sad because Rudy's problem was worse.
Penny finished her book, noticing Rudy in the crater. "Oh no Rudy, what is it?" She yelled in a woed voice. But he refused to tell her, and she was so woed that she couldn't help him that she cried her own crater.
Then Snap mentioned he had to go to the bathroom. As much as Penny HATED Snap, she was also a good person, unlike him, and she knew the dangers of going to the bathroom alone. Collapsed lungs were a common side effect. She shuddered as if someone had ripped off her towel. "Well don't go alone you idiot…" she muttered outside of her mind and started to lead Snap in a random direction, hoping to find a bathroom.
They ended up going to the edge of the park. By the time they got there, Penny and Snap were ready to declare WAR! And without Rudy there to monitor them, they were just about to do it, when…
They saw an electric fence. It sparkled with oodles of light and Penny was entranced. She forgot about everything and just basked in its beauty. She loved oodles of light.
Then some big stupid robot cat thing came up.
"Hi!" it said. But it said it rudely.
"Go away," said Penny, still staring at the oodles of light with a vacant look.
"STEP AWAY FROM THE OODLES OF LIGHT!" the robot shouted, waving his arms. "IT IS ONLY MINE TO BEHOLD!"
Penny's eyes widened, and she realized that this robot was a reverse ksuyan. It LOVED light! But Penny was nice so she closed her eyes.
Snap, however, glanced at it.
"OH THAT IS IT!" the reverse ksuyan cried, and he grabbed both of them and shoved them in the ground and then fed them French toast through a funnel. Penny cried because it tasted like chalk.
fff
Serilda picked up her phone. This time, it was a text message with a picture. The text said
;)
and the picture was of the rude guy who called her earlier giving her a Jacko wink. Serilda flew into a rage! It was like flying into a wall except not like that.
Serilda called that dude and yelled, "OH MY GOSH STOP SENDING ME MESSAGES YOU FRENCH BOB STALKER!" Then she hung up before he could reply because she didn't want to hear his stupid!
Then somebody knocked on her door. It was a squirrel. "Oh hi Funky!" she said.
"Serilda…I have important news," said Funky.
"What?" said Serilda.
"Rudy…might be getting the courage to confess his love to Penny!" Funky blurted out.
"WHAT?" Serilda began, and almost set off a car alarm but didn't because that was Rudy's thing. "We can't let this happen! We have to do something evil!"
"I know!" said Funky. "I can lead them somewhere bad! Then something bad will happen to Penny and it will ruin Rudy's life!"
"Brilliant!" Serilda yelled, and the two of them had a giggle fit.
Then Funky had to go to Specs Funky Specs because he had paying customers.
fff
Meanwhile, Penny and Snap finally dug their way out of the ground and found a bathroom. Penny was so annoyed she had to prevent Snap from getting a collapsed lung, because he deserved one, but she reminded herself that he was a good person and wouldn't sink to his level. She remembered when she had gotten a collapsed lung from going to the bathroom alone. Snap hadn't even tried to help her. He was such a jerk. She wondered for the millionth time why Rudy had even drawn him. It would be much better without him around. (Ugh, I know right?)
Anyway, they walked and walked until they found Rudy. They found him because Rudy was still in the crater he had cried earlier, and it was easy to see because it was a big hole in the ground and it was out in the open. Penny and Snap saw it because it was easily visible. They walked over to it because they saw it. They found Rudy. Ok, situation explained.
"Rudy, let's go!" cried Snap. "I'm hungry!"
"OH MY GOSH SNAP SHUT UP!" Penny yelled, and Toof Penny'd him into unconsciousness.
"Thank you, Penny," said Rudy, and he cheered up slightly.
"Hi," said Funky.
"Oh hi," said Rudy. "What do you want?"
"I'm here to do something evil-I…I mean…show you something cool," said Funky.
"Ok," said Rudy and Penny.
Funky looked at the unconscious Snap. "Wow, that guy is such a jerk," he said. Even Snap's unconsciousness was rude. Rudy and Penny nodded in agreement. "Anyway," said the squirrel, "Let's go!"
"Ok!" said Rudy and Penny. Rudy hoped that whatever it was would help him confess his love.
As Funky walked away with them (Snap woke up, ok? Unfortunately…), he saw that Alyssa had glitched back into the story. His eyes glazed over. Someday, he would confess his love to her…
But that wasn't important as Rudy and Penny's love of course, and Rudy knew that he would have to be brave. Confessing his love…would be the hardest thing he would ever do…
A/N: I hope you liked it guys! Sorry for all the parts with SNAP! I know he's awful but I tried to include a lot of RudyxPenny in this story hehe! So I hope it was worth all that dumb SNAP stuff you had to read! I'll write the next one soon so byyeeee!